• Member Since 11th May, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 28th, 2015

Spazzy Jamz


I'm a 22 year old musician from Jackson, Ohio. I like to read, write, and play video games in my spare time. I'm happily taken. Short and sweet.

T
Source

This story is a sequel to My Little House Guests


After the events in "My Little House Guests", Tristan Shay wakes up in Equestria, where he is overjoyed to be reunited with the one he loves and the friends that changed his life. Now his life really changes when he immediately makes the discovery that he no longer has opposable thumbs. Or clothes, for that matter. And there's some weird thing in the middle of his head. A horn? Seriously?

Tristan has a lot of figuring out to do now that he's become a pony, like how to deal with not having fingers. And how to walk on all fours and use that nifty little thing on his head. And whose idea was it to all of the sudden rip Tristan out of his world and throw him into theirs?

At least he's still got that flowing head of hair going for him.

Major thanks to Nerom_Fencer for the cover pic!

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 261 )

YAAAAAY! Hi Tristan, welcome to Equestria, we're all mad here :pinkiecrazy:

1510098
He'll find that out real quick :trollestia:

Also, FIRST COMMENT EVARS! Congrats! xD

And so we excitedly begin the next installment of House Guest!

You're in charge, do us proud.

If his special talent is galaxy hopping, does that mean he will (with practice) be able to travel between dimensions at will?

Also, will we see Trixie again?

1510302
Both very interesting questions.

:trixieshiftright: : Yes. When will I, the Great and Powerful Trixie, get my reprise?

......

I have no words...

Now after a few months of living in Equestria, drops down and gives Twilight the ultimate question :twilightsmile:

1510726
And I guess that since I am replying to this. I must believe. Now, for the random quote of the day: Where words fail, actions speak. Where actions fail, eyes speak. Where eyes fail, tears speak. Where tears fail. silence speaks.

There's two things nagging me in this chapter.
Firstly, Twilight is almost nonexistant in this scene - she has one line of dialogue and that's the 'hey, you're in Equestria now' one and then she holds the bucket Tristan throws up in. That's it. She's supposed to be the most important supporting character by far, but here she really comes off as quite insignificant. This needs to be fixed.

The second thing, and a minor one compared to the first, is the way you introduce Tristan's pony name, Star Skipper. I don't think just having Celestia predetermine what he should be called and not having anyone even try to argue about it is ideal. It makes it seem artificial when Celestia just goes 'Hey, by the way, I just gave you a new name! Reason? Nah, I just did 'cause I can.' Instead, what you could do would be to have someone (This could be Celestia, but I don't see why it wouldn't be Twilight, she's the control freak after all) suggest that he takes a new, more pony-esque name, and then have them discuss for a bit about it. Alternatively, you can keep the way he's given his name the same, but make it Twilight's idea, not Celestia. Twilight knows him much better than Celestia does after all, and it is much more believable that his girlfriend takes the time to find a name for him than the empress of all ponydom, however kind and motherly she may be.

Also there's a couple of spelling/grammar mistakes in the first couple paragraphs that you could easily fix.

This is already a fairly decent introduction, but if you fix these relatively small things it could become pretty great.


/HadronPony :moustache:

You realize I have to say it, don't you?

What could possibly go wrong with Pinkie Pie's party?

Just another day in the life of the Great and Magnificent TinyHadronCollider, Overlord of All. :moustache:

Delusions of grandeur? What, no, I don't have any delusions of grandeur. I'm just that awesome.

Saw the new fic did not read just faved thumbed up and commented And I'm really happy that you liked and used my art :trollestia: Now to read this

Edit: Loved it. :heart:

Idea: Trixie gets admitted to the hospital from magical exhaustion

hmmm who did rd have a crush on im still stumped on that since the first one

1514555
I'm getting to that, lol. A later chapter, perhaps :raritywink:

1512621
I'm really happy how you described the cutiemark, it was an honor to finalize your idea of it :pinkiehappy:

>>Spazzy Jamz :pinkiecrazy:SHENNANIGANS…SHENNANIGANS EVERYWHERE MHUAHAHAHAHA:pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

>>Spazzy Jamz (insert bitch please meme here) there's no such thing as a shennanigan overdose

Ya New chapter will read later because First!

Now that I have read it there is jut one thing...

The pegasus had a light gray goat

I would love to hear more about Derpy's goat.:trollestia::derpytongue2::twilightblush:

"Of course!" Derpy replied, as if the answer was obvious. "She knows everyone!


is not everypony? :twilightsmile: still a nice chapter

Once again: Loved It! :moustache:

Heh heh, I foresee that they will wake up in an awkward position in the morning. :twilightblush:

Personally, I prefer reading 4k+ words chapters, so It's no problem for me if you take your time.

Still, do you mind telling me why are you stubbornly using full stops where commas should be used? Like here:

"This feels so wrong." Twilight whispered.

I have read multiple guides where what you do is considered an error (although very simple to correct). Perhaps it's the common practice where you are from? Although, if I tried to write in style that is considered proper in my country, my story would probably land in 'train wreck explorers' here. This gets a little annoying after a while and could be distracting to some people - every time I see it I involuntarily draw a comma in the air with my hand...
So, here's a fragment of a guide that I've read:

Punctuation – “Said Tags”
The second most important rule of dialogue is actually a whole lot of rules: the nuances of
dialogue punctuation. New writers are always getting this wrong in some way or another, because
it’s kind of complicated and finicky. While dialogue punctuation does have a lot of rules, ninety-nine
percent of the time, you'll only need to keep two or three in mind.
Here are the three most important rules of dialogue punctuation:
1. Dialogue which precedes a said tag (some variation of “said Character”) can end in a comma,
or an exclamation point, or a question mark, or an ellipsis, but never a full stop (period).
RIGHT:
• “I hope I get around to doing some reading today,” said Twilight Sparkle.
• “I really want to do some reading today!” shouted Twilight Sparkle.
• “Will I get any reading done today?” asked Twilight Sparkle.
WRONG:
• “I hope I get around to doing some reading today.” said Twilight Sparkle.
2. Said tags are never capitalised. They are not complete sentences, and they should not ever
follow full stops (as stated above). Think of them as the subject and verb of a sentence that
has the dialogue you’re applying them to as its object. You don’t write “The boy kicked. The
ball.” so you shouldn’t write “‘Hello.’ He said.” either.
RIGHT:
• “I hope I get around to doing some reading today,” said Twilight Sparkle.
• “I really want to do some reading today!” shouted Twilight Sparkle.
• “Will I get any reading done today?” asked Twilight Sparkle.
WRONG:
• “I hope I get around to doing some reading today.” Said Twilight Sparkle.
• “I hope I get around to doing some reading today,” Said Twilight Sparkle.

I hope this helps. :pinkiehappy:

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