It is the duty of every sheriff, deputy, and officer of the Equestrian Police Force to succinctly and accurately log every incident and case that crosses their desk.
Sometimes these logs tell a story that only becomes apparent when viewed as a whole.
An entry for the A Thousand Words IV contest, in the Experimental category.
Special thanks to Pleasant Aura for prereading, feedback, and really helping polish this story up!
Important note: This story makes heavy use of custom formatting and is optimized for desktop view. While the story will still make sense on mobile, your experience will be hampered by a lot of irregular line breaks.
Some formatting will still break on desktop if you have your browser zoomed out by more than 90%.
Chapters (4)
Well this was silly. I liked it.
see she screwed up, she should have run for sheriff and then used her office
This was amazing.
This is still fantastic and hilarious. Love the way it turned out and glad I got to be a part of editing!
12223839
Couldn't have done it without you!
I think that the formatting of this story is a bit of an issue, especially because E readers will not read the text. And E readers are important for blind or visually impaired people, or even people like me who can read but need the E reader to understand the story better.
My point is this type of formatting is not good for E readers.
12223865
I'm not familiar with how e-readers parse text, but i don't think there's much here that would interfere with them. (Unless they read out every single underscore like: "Crime colon underscore underscore underscore underscore unlawful ownership.").
Maybe the invisitext might cause issue, but that's primarily more of the same.
12223893
Oh.
Okay, I was sold on the premise initially...and then, after reading the story, I read the short description. Beautiful.
(I'll have to re-read it again on desktop but I just felt the need to point out how much that SD made my afternoon.
)
Later...
> Upon her arrest Subject LULAMOON began crying and saying "I was murdered."
Great story (I love police blotters and have ever since I was a kid!)
12223865
Sometimes the nature of art makes it less accessible. That does not invalidate the art itself, nor the artistic intent. Art inherently cannot be 100% accessible, because art is always dependent on human perception, understanding, and worldview.
I am also disabled, to be clear. But the fact that experimenting with formatting makes something less accessible doesn't mean that no one should ever write a story that's experimental.
Besides, what would be needed in order to make a story accessible to various needs is going to vary pretty strongly from person to person and story to story. I don't think text to speech or changing font style is ever going to be a cure-all. Maybe the solution would be for someone to do a reading, but that requires someone to create that which can be a lot of work and isn't necessarily within the ability of the original creator. Maybe the solution would be a version with just text, no underlines/colors/etc, but that requires going back through and editing to make a version that has less of the original authorial intent.
That's the unfortunate nature of art. I try to make my stuff as accessible as possible, but I have to make peace with the fact that sometimes it won't be accessible to someone for one reason or another. I think it's a noble goal and I strive for an accessible world (I literally wrote a novella about that recently) but I also think Drider's use of creative formatting here is a very valid artistic use, and the work would suffer from its removal.
12223918
I am not saying the work should be removed. I’m simply saying that I think stories should be accessible to everyone not just to able-bodied people. And I also try to make my work as accessible as possible.
12223925
And I think I addressed that pretty directly.
Making art inherently makes it not accessible. Art is inaccessible. It is an attempt to express oneself through a medium that has to suffer from (or revel in) the translation from artist's mind to medium to audience's mind.
In this case, unfortunately, the art itself would be worse for being made more accessible. It would have to compromise a part of itself that is inextricably tied to its intent and creative vision.
It would have to fundamentally become a different piece of art in order to satisfy that accessibility need.
As someone who is disabled and basically can't live a normal life, for whom a lot of art is inaccessible, I don't think that is a fair request.
I'm not impaired but I use TTS a ton. I didn't with this, but in my experience most should be able to read it just fine.
This was good. It does make Picollo out to be kinda dumb, but he is a cop...
Okay, I've never really paid too much attention to the joke of Berry Punch being a drunk, but her being effectively Ponyville's Otis Campbell makes me chuckle here. Good one.
12224071
Tell me you're my age without telling you're my age...well played!
This was a fun, HILARIOUS read...and these officers are as thick as mud.
and here i thought heap was the cool cop, property damage is not cool
haha course it was trixy
I think he hit her in the back of the head with the sign. That must be what the improvised tactic was.
12223865
This comment shows thoughtfulness and it gets downvoted to hell.
Artist is not even acting out for Celestia's sake!
Anyway, possible e-reader issues aside, this story is presented in a unique way that I find interesting.
12224851
I have no idea why it is the way it is. Can you please unblock me?
Man, that's just perfect 🤣
You had me going there until the reveal. I was shaking my head at the blatant imbicility of the Equestrian Police and Guard and then the bit with the Changeling "hmm...maybe?" and then lol jk it was G&P Trixie shenanigans. I blow a respectful raspberry in your direction
I love the little gems in this story (intentional or not), such as:
E-UP
Thankfully they didn't catch Owliscious 🦉
Dare I ask what is a "balmy (warm/humid) piccolo (wind instrument)"?
Probably trying to sneak a free refill on that Celestia Cola
I had to re-read the story after the final chapter reveal, and it all started to make sense.
Also, in reference to your short description:
*THUNK THUNK*
12225173
A very strained attempt at a pun/reference name.
Well, not quite a pun. Half slant-homophone, half synonym really.
12224851
In my understanding a down vote can sometimes simply mean "I believe this post to be factually incorrect, other readers take it with a grain of salt." rather than "Shut up hater!"?
Are Twilight and Rarity lying to cover for Spike stealing the dresses during his greed rampage?
Is there some other incident I am forgetting about?
Is it just a reference to the gala dresses appearing in Twilight as house before they were ever made since the animators we cramped for time to make assets the first season? (I THINK that happened, but I can't remember.)
I short: What is going on with this incident?
It was only at the start of this chapter I realized the name "Balmy Piccolo" is a Ponified version of "Barney Fife".
Nice reference to where Starlight Glimmer found out about the material to make the cutie-mark vault out of.
So who is Officer Heap supposed to... Wait, Gomer Pile? I thought their were only two police officer on "The Andy Griffith Show"? Then again, it WAS at least a bit before my time, and I never watched it.
Researches
Ah! Was on the show but was only occasionally deputized.
Well, The Apples WERE the first settlers in the area. Nice touch!
Also, I now think I see why the stolen dresses were in the library...
12225173
I would assume Owliscious is a native and non-magical species. Given pets can look after themselves much more than IRL, that may be sufficient to not qualify as "exotic"?
A Toucan and a Giant Monarch Butterfly might push the envelop, but those were never actually associated with any pony other than the eminently qualified Fluttershy. If RD had wanted to adopt one of them there might have been s certification involved, although, in such a case, Fluttershy might have issued it with a certain degree of bias towards Rainbow Dash being involved?
12225368
Thanks! I'm glad someone caught the reference! And yes, while Gomer technically wasn't a part of the force, he did have a whole spinoff show where he goes and joins the "Royal Guard" so it felt close enough to work.
Glad you enjoyed it!
12225361
One or a few downvotes can seem like that, true enough.
But when downvotes get beyond the double-digits for a harmless comment, they tend to come off as folks hating for the sake of hating without saying a word.
Wait....so all these dumb incidents were because of Trixie?
\
Additional notes:
Suspect was reported having returned to town armed with artifact known as Alicorn Amulet. Witnesses claim that Suspect used item to oust Ms. Sparkle from town before sealing off boarders and taking command of town. After Suspect was eventually neutralized by Ms. Sparkle, Suspect fled before any arrest could be made. Suspect is now charged with purchasing on the blackmarket, possession of a dangerous magical item, forcible exile, mass imprisonment, and treason against the Crown.
Suspect known as Trixie was eventually cornered after magic act. Upon being vouched for by parolee Starlight Glimmer, all charges, including firing a cannon without a permit and violating animal labor laws by employing an unpaid manticore, have been dismissed pending hearing.
Additional Notes: Suspect known as Trixie Lulumoon has been formerly cleared of all charges and is now on parole with Starlight Glimmer under Princess Twilight Sparkle.
Further notes: Princess Twilight Sparkle has been fined twenty bits for assaulting an officer and has agreed to pay for Officer Griffin's hospital room.
12225652
Generally: Great idea!
The formatting could use some work, for one thing it should probably be split into a second report for the Manticore Mouth-dive (whatever the full name of that was), since that not only happen on a non-trivially later date, but was additionally crimes. Full matching the formatting of the story is more work than you could reasonably be expected to put in!
Is the idea with the last part that Twilight got violent when informed that Trixie would be sticking around as a parolee of Starlight's?
12225736
Read again. Twilight was acting as Starlight's parole officer, and now she has to handle Trixie's.
12225758
Okay, yeah, that part I misread.
A lot of much needed laughs, thanks. (although my dumb internal narrator mangles the ponyfied Fife joke by imaging his reporter's in Dan Aykroyd's voice from that Dragnet send up he was in)