• Member Since 19th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Darkswirl


Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm good at writing.

Comments ( 31 )

Haha! Found it! But wait.. not even 300 words..?
www10.pic-upload.de/21.10.12/5b7hd1hdmm.jpg

1478422 Hey, it's not done yet.

1479248
That's just it. When you said that you finished another clop-fic that certainly is not this one, I thought you were joking. But obviously you weren't.
And that means, that your clop-counter is raising to 3.
You are turning into a male-version of Twilightclopple, dude!

1479534 Twilightclopple?

And Winged Horns is password protected, so nyeh! :trollestia:

1479577
Oh, so boring Celestia. :trollestia:
Well, Twilightclopple is one of the most famous clop-writers of FiMFiction, and oddly enough she is a.. she, who even got her little sister into writing clop.

1479620 Great. Now I add another writer to the list of Jealous Envy.

Perhaps I should post that list on my profile...

1478422 Hey Chaodiurn.

Have fun reading this reply when the story is password protected :trollestia:

Comment posted by epicdonus1123 BOT deleted Dec 12th, 2012

Oh, so thta's what that blog was about?

Dear lord... THIS IS AWSOME!

wow. words are not enough to express the sheer hilarity of this. take a stash :moustache:

Nathan.... What the fuck?! I liked it?!

:raritydespair: WHAAAAA???

Also LOVED the Pirates reference. :scootangel:

1785014 Dude! I thought you left the site or something!

1785348 Nope. Still here. :) I took a break or a little while... Getting up my grades.

"No!"
"Yes!"
"Nine!"
you cannot even begin to fathom how hard i laughed

*Sigh* I don't even know how to respond so ALL THE FEELS! :ajsmug::derpyderp1::derpyderp2::derpytongue2::rainbowwild::rainbowlaugh::twilightblush::moustache:

An interesting story that has sparked my interest to give it a formal review.

Hope you don't mind me giving it a blast.

Plot
This was actually an interesting take on a tired concept. I don't think I have ever seen another story in which Lyra tries to give another pony hands, so props for originallty there.
Bon-Bon's reaction to getting hands seemed a bit odd however, she was acting like she had no idea what was happening to her despite at the start of the story, she clearly knew what it was that Lyra was asking for.

Lyra's parting comments about Bon-Bon having to keep her hands was well done, a excellent example of Lyra's hand obsession and her lack of empathy (if that is the right word) regarding Bon-Bon's feelings.

One thing that could have used a little bit of work are the general descriptions, especially of Bon-Bon's hands, given that they are a major point within the story. The reader didn't really get much of a sense of what the bedroom looked like. A line or two commenting that they had a wardrobe that was a bit rickety, or leaning heavily on itself would marry up well with the later sections of the story.


Good use of referencing other fandoms through out, notably Star Wars and some relatively recent internet memes.

"Good, good...Let the magic flow through you..." Lyra said slowly, rubbing her hooves together in a sinister manner as she peered out from under her-

Wait a second, where the hay did that dark robe come from?!

A good reference that is not to blatant, but rewards those who know the movies well.

Humour for readers that were willing to think about it for a moment was very good.

"No"
"Yes"
"Nine"
"Ja-"

Brilliant if you have even a basic understanding of German

Characters
Lyra was perfect. Manic, obsessive and totally blind to how her kinks are upsetting Bon-Bon. If she wasn't so adorable, I'd have to hate her, but since it's Lyra, all is forgiven.

Bon-Bon was almost exaclty how I have always pictured her, willing to put up with Lyra's oddities even if she dosn't like them herself.

Their developement sees to be reasonble given the confines of the story, though Lyra could have given herself hands as well at some point, especially if they are getting married. It would have been nice if Lyra actually used hands to put the ring on Bon-Bon's

Grammar
Overall, very well done on the grammar front, use of punctuation was correct as far as I could see. Paragraphing was done well to allow a reader to follow their place in the story.

My complaint would be that you a bit inconsistent when using italics, bold and underlined, switching between them often and with no disernable order as to their use.


Final verdict: Quite good. Plot was quirky while not being disturbing. Some very funny moments.
Recomendation: Leave it as is. Carry on Sir

~Fimbulvinter, Section Trainee for the Impartial Investigation Ensemble

1488819
Finally I gotta see what you wrote! :rainbowwild:
So cruel..

Aaaand edit:

I don't even try to get fancy interpretation or a detailed character-analysis in here. Actually, I don't try this at all.
Your opinion that this shall be your last comedic clopfic is an opinion which I can support without any doubts. It was entertaining, sure, but I enjoy your dark clops way better. And the non-clops even more.
Grammar is rather good, plot..well.. still better love-story than Twilight..

Okay, now. How about making a dark sequel of this? We all know that true ..habits often only come to the surface with marriage. Let them bleeeed. :scootangel:

Too funny.

1786890 Oh gods...The IIE has found me...

I'M INNOCENT, I SWEAR

:rainbowlaugh:

1789429 I never accused you of anything. Me thinks thou doth protest too much

Relax though. We are not the TWE. Insulting the author is strictly forbidden, even if the author flames the review.

we even have a guy who does his reviews in rhyme

1789477 Now that I'd like to hear. I appreciate the effort, although I regret to inform you that I've pretty much abandoned this fic into the dark corner. It's, hands down, the worst fic I've written.

1789492 My little reflection
Our resident Zecora

It's no matter if you don't have any plans to revisit this story again, the review was more for my own practice than critisisms of your work


Let me know if you have any fics you do want to have reviewed.

1789558 Oh, um...All of them?

1789564 Any one in particular? You have plenty of them.

1789578 The Element of Loyalty?

I like to think of that one as my pride and joy.

That was rather amusing.

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