Just a writer trying to do good works. Please feel free to constructively criticize my work.
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So, I'm just a regular guy, right? I mean, I'm nothing special. I'm a college guy, just starting out, and all of a sudden while writing a paper, PRINCESS LUNA falls into my bedroom! Next thing I know, I'm being pulled into Equestria, Celestia doesnt like me, and i need to help fight Nightmare moon! My first fic, so constructive criticism is appreciated.
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Looking at the description... I only have one question. Why the hell do you randomly capitalize and capitalize the work "I?"
You should also you italics for emphasis, not caps lock.
i see potential in this, will track oh and like just to even out the like/dislikes
Hm....Reactions are a little...dulled, so to speak..By that, i mean that i would think Luna's reactions would be a bit more...extreme and panic-y. Or threatening, or something, i dunno, ITS YOUR LUNA. Other than that, this isn't too bad..
its fine, if a bit rushed
I'll track this one.
It has some potential, in my opinion. I like it so far
I can't wait for next chapter.
cool.
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Wat
Dude u are rushing it u need to slow down
1484789 It goes a little slower after this, I'm just not sure how to slow it down at this point without sounding like I'm padding or just rambling
Well i was about to go to bed after i got done reading a story then i came across this at 3 in the morning....
And after this i saw another story i want to read, so thanks to you i will be pulling an all nighter, not that thats a bad thing
couple of apple fritterz and some coffee and i will be good, bye the way i love this story keep it coming
1485004 haha congrats! You are the first all nighter I've helped cause! Glad you like it!
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I enjoy this, I request more my fine sir
I wish i could pay you to write more faster but since I have no money, i shall pay you in moustached spikes
: that shall suffice
I wonder how the ending whill bee.... whil he be a pony... or stay a human... oh GOD THE TENCION IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1485813 wow, those are some awfully nice mustaches.... I'll try to post the next (and longest) chapters tonight! Maybe this afternoon depending on how my classes work today. It's written and ready though!
proceed.....also sense of humor...about killing him....lol
great story so far keep it up
yes! you sir have made my evening I shall pay you in derpies
1488413 YES! I was hoping someone would notice that reference! Btw, credit to Jausdable for BEN. Thanks for reminding me!
Omg!! Must hurry with new chapter!
1489303This was the last chapter I had done ahead of time, but the next one is almost done. Don't worry!
Good story so far but I am suprised the windows didn't bust considering how small a dorm is anyways you may proceed to write .
)with the write e ness. I approve of this message!
Sorry about last comment I derped up a tad bit
I can see lots of potential here I hope you keep writing as a famous franchise once said I'm lovin it
Bro you be rushing slow your ponies man jayzuz! Ok chapter but rushed man I wanna cuss so bad but I need my review etiquette goin on also please explain more of his backstory as well he's kinda like an empty paper right now Anyway PEACE DAWG
Badass Tia ftw
liking it so far excuse my english if I messed up before anyway good chapter I demand more ya oaf
For one FIRST also bravo so far with the story really interesting and later in the story can you give him like a hand and a half sword or falchion for fanciness or even a broadsword axe SOMETHIN except magic for him pretty please and I will pay you the currency of this story aka mustaches
these are the only ones I have left take them and give him training please!!!!
Ok considering this was posted before my last comment I am pleas
ed continue my good sir please hurry as well
1490716 *spoiler alert* he doesn't get any sort of formal training, but he uses the knife that Death gave him. During the last battle, he doesn't get to use his magic very much at all. Don't worry, he ends it off on hand to hand combat, just with the knife. Kind of. That's all I'm giving you! Bottom line: I know it's a little rushed, sorry about that, he doesn't get to totally milk the magic and wings, and the knife is a major player. */spoiler alert*
Is it just me, or does he seem like a bit of a Gary Stu right now?
1492064 The reference is lost on me
1491369 well knife's shouldn't be underestimated such as a dirk or the like have yet to read the next chapter as well i'm hopin for some more epicness
Moar
detail is freakin awsome
Moar of Moar of Moar more
calling Luna hot
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damn did not work sorry for the blank
Moar nao damnit!
Hi, scary skeleton arm! How you doin? Consumed any souls lately?
YaaaaAAaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~
1502266 yeah, that's probably the part I'm happiest with! Except maybe the Crossroads. That may be an area I carry into future stories, with Death slightly altered for whether or not I have humans in the story.
lol graceful as ever
*reads last line of chapter* oh shi-
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Why an alicorn? Pretty much turned into another OC Gary Stu alicorn in Equestria. At least he wasn't black and red.
1503571 I still don't know who Gary stu is. Which story is that?