Flowers for Algamenon

by TrollestiaSubject

Derpy's diary: Firsts days

DAY 1:
okei loki zo todai iz da 1zt dai n teewiilite azkeded me to writte somedin abot my, and I sayed = no tiwilithe-I dont like to grite cuz i'm not a unicorn and I cannot c mi leterz gwen im writteing bot she sayz thatz oki juz put sumting there u Have an our n it finishined nu and I writed diz

DAY 2:
jezterdei tiwlite made me da ting

but I dun wana write

da our finisheded

DAY 3:
tiwiilihte sais that im gona be smarter but I dun wana be smarter than zhe is
it sims boring

DAY 4:
tiwiligthe waz like wirte plzplzplz, n I waz like nononono
& nu I m tired writeing diz so I stop

muffins.

DAY 5:
yezterdai twilighte saided = im gona give yuo mufinns ij yu writtte
so I waz lik writteining dat - but todai waz beter

DAY 6:
writeing all dis semz nize im goting how to grab it wiht the mouf & zhes givein ing me muffins
she kips makin me glow whit her horn and it tikles
its funi

DAY 7:
tiwlate sais im doining beter now - a week now but I duno wy beter now - algamenon sems to beate me in da ligthes game still & tiwiligth gives him muffins and then she lookz at me n gives a muffin too me too cuz I was 2dn plaze

DAY 8:
algamenon beats me in da gamez but we 2 have a muffin in da end and im happy so I dun really care.

DAY 9:
algamenon is a rat lab & he wins allways but I dun c wy coz we have da same price in da end & I have a ohur to finishen my muffin

DAY 10:
i dun wana write now cuz algamenon wined another thime and he was like = chipchip and he waz jumpin ober hiz muffin
& I cant

DAY 11:
todey I telled algamenon -i gona win u a muffin one day ahd he was like runeing inside his caje in some runing circle he have tehre

DAY 12
algamenon likes his runeing tihng inside his caje cuz he uses it alot, maybe cuz her running away the hole muffin he eated, algamenon caje as an algamenon leter on it, but tiwielight sayed that thas the mark of the cage and the rat didnt haved a name, so I puted him name and I was like - I conot velibe it
algamenon owhs me a muffin for a name

DAY 13
yay, todai I wined algamenon in te lights tingh as I telled him and im hapie I telled hem taht I was going to win the muffin today

DAY14
i wined agein I was eatingin my muffin and algamenon was sad so I give him a bit, like the bit a muffin is for me and we eated mufins togeter, and den tiwilighte teached us a new game wiht a maze, and algamenon wined me da phirst time but I dared him again, and we had half muffin when I winned but algamenon don't eats all his muffin so I ate a lot of muffins today ^_^

DAY15:
tiwilihgte sayed that im samarter, and I was like = no way tiwi ure smarterst than me
& she asked me wyh I write so bad & I saied that I dun like to write.

DAY16:
tiwilithe gave me foal books and I was like = no I don wanna read but she told me to just luk da way dat words are & I say okey and wordz in the rite were fine and the ones in the left were fine too.

DAY17:
my boss saied that im doin beter in my job and I sai = of course I m.
but he was hapie and I was happi with that, and I wined algamenon again, and these silie pegasueeseses pegasy of wheater are leaving thehir clouds more above so im happy with them too, and the quill is falling less and and happie too with that, and I winned algamenon again, I had said that?.

DAY18:
Tiwilight teached me how to write her name but I wirted it with a quill too & didnt get what she was saying cuz I write it just da same that her but with my mout. and she saied that im better listeneining than reading and I had said taht all along.

DAY19
Tiwilighte said something, dun remember what, but she was happy, and a lot of ponys are happier around, or geting smart is making me notice how smat and hapy other ponyes R

DAY20:
Tiwilighte saies that
i need to write more in the hour she gavedes me
= and I was nooo
but now an hour seems to be a lot less
my boss still happy, and I guess I have more clients now cuz I see more ponies every day now, becaus before I c'd somethimes yes, and sometimes no, but nowialways i do,
and thei are hapie when thy c me to me

DAY21:
Tiwilight sais someting about a new game with algamenon, it was something about open a dor, and exit various rooms and I didnt get it too well, and she entered for me and taked me out, & I was sad cuz you dont win muffins if she rescues you with algamenon in her shoulder, I didnt get the game so I just got 1 muffin and the part that algamenon doesnt eat

DAY22:
today I readed a book about a filly that goes to the stars and shes shes stuck in the moon, and I readed it when I was a filly but I didnt remembered the ending, but I remember now and in the end she returns home with her family an friends and I didnt remembered the end, but I remembered my famili and I dont have family now, but I have the end and im feeling sad cuz I dont remember what happened to my famili but now I know what happened to the fillie in the book and I wasnt her

DAY23:
algamenon doesnt have a cutie mark, and Tiwilight asked me how I got mine and I said I was bubbling bubbles one day and she was like = hooo and I told her we could bubble blubbles togeter but she was like = lets play the maze doors again and algamenon woned me again and I was sad again and his cutie mark should be a door or a maze, or me sad with half of muffin or something like that.

DAY24:
today someponie asked me a direction and I was going to tell him pinkie pie cuz she know everypony but I knew what was that direction, and I sayd, one blok there, and then other, and other, and other, 4 in total, and then to the righft one, and two and I think he pictured out cuz he was happy and
or ponies are really happy
or I did a good job cuz I knowed the place

it's a purple house with a yellow fence, but I didnt tell him cuz he lefted, im thingking that just rite nuw
but it was like play tiwilights game doors

DAY25:
I WONED THE DOORS GAME MAZE

i was like =1 to left > 1 to right = and im where I was

it was amazing
by the way that doors box seemed smaller in the outside
algamenon has a littler maze, I saw him running today cuz I won
u-hu!
yes
i won, I won, I have a wole hour here already but I dont care cuz I won

DAY26:
Twilight toughtched me how to write today, she said I was looking in another direction before but I was like = of course, I have two eyes, but she sais both doing the same is beter so I was like = oki loki and I dunno wy but reading is slower now, and I dont really like to read so im feling disapointed ed-ing disapointied.

DAY27:
yesterday I was with my friend raimbown Dash, and the sun was shiny and stuff, and we where in a cloud, and she was like 'wow derpy, you look great'
and I was 'wow you too but you dont wanna win with a pair less of wings' and she was like 'what the hay'
but anyways, and we rested in a cloud, and I dunno why other ponies dont rest more often in clouds, but anyways

anyway, I guess thats all

i writetoofaster now
i played with algamenon to the dors again, its easy if you go slow and think where you are inside your mind, cuz if you run away you get lost and algamenon wins and then he enters with thiwilite Twilight, and rescues you, and thats embarasing.
my boss was happy again, he gave me something important to do, and I was like 'ok' but then he was like 'don't mess around' and I didn't cuz he was happy when I came back, last time something important showed up a lot of stuff falled over twilights head and I said today earlies that I was sorry, and she said 'its ok' and we played the doors game and I won
half an hour, ill take the rest to eat my muffins I guess, cuz I won a lot now

DAT28:
Twilight told me that I was smarter, that the thing has taken efect slowler of what she tought, her blue thing, and I was a little scared cuz I dont want to be smarter that her, cuz if something comes to the town I guess the smart ponies taste better and
i dunno, maybe the smart ponies have to take care and I dont wanna be in chanrge
i dunno, yesterday I was watching what I had writen and I saw a lot of things from before and im writeing better now

Letters dont move anymore, before they told me two thing diferent and I didnt know what was right so I keeped writeing but its like the doors maze, if you dont forget where you are, you are ok and not lost, so yeah, im writting better, bad thing I dont like to write,

Twilight sais that I can write too whenever I want and not everyday, but im kinda used cuz I have muffins when writting and I like muffins, I always have had, mommy baked muffins when I was young and I like the smell of them
i wonder where is my mommy by the way, she was baking before, but that was alot before than before, so I dont really remember, I tinked that I was going to know if I read the filli in the stars story again but I didnt, and twilight dun know, and algamenon maybe knowns but he doesnt known how to talk, I dunno how hes so smart, twilight told me she did before what shes doing with me, but algamenon cant write either, so I dunno what she means

Day 31:
Let me think, well, me and algamenon have been playing a new game for 2 days, its about select a light, and then select the other light, and you win with that until one of the other loses

it's easy really, but algamenon won the first day, and then I won, and today he won again, but im catching a tryk, depending in wich light he preses one of mine is gona lite up, but always the same, I just have to learn the pattern I guess, I hope twilight doesn't chanche it.

im not writing everyday, which makes ME happy, let me think, boss is happy, twilight is happy, rainbow dash is ok, spike is happy too, algamenon seems to be happy just with some piece of muffin and his corcleding circling thing to run.
the silly rat.
and I happy
i had writed that

deliver stuff is fun, ponies are happy when you deliver something, I can't usually take something as reward, but I can take their muffins if they are even holding one and can't recieve their shipping.

a brown stalion was like that the other time, and I was thingking brown is a nice collor, and yeah, I have seen him before and I dont know his name, but I like his mane, like mine but all the way around diferent, and brown, he has an hourglass cutie mark, I could ask his name the next time I see him around
or I could read his envelopes, that could be a good solution.
i dunt remember if I ate his muffin

Twilight is making me most smart whit With her magik, she told me, I dunno how she can sai im smarter, but I hope she stops before get too smart cuz then im gonna be the one sending letters to the princess and shes going to deliver stuff to ponies, that actually could be fun, I whish I had my own spike, or be a spike all by myself, and deliver stuff with fire, but then I couldnt fly and thats sounds boring, so I better dont.

Rainbow Dash isnt very happy now, she was like "cheer me up, im the best" and I was like "no way" so she flied around, and I said I could do the same, and she said "go on!" and I did, and she was like "you know = facehoof

and she said that wasn't faster, and I said im not faster, I just did the same, and she doblefacehoofed herself, and I dont know whats the point, I was like "Rainbow, please" I hope twilight dont get the same with this smartness thing cuz I can do everiething she does, except the unicorn stuff, so I dont really get the point of all of this.

but I like to play with algamenon.
and the muffins.

Comments

[Goldy]

>Flowers for Algernon crossover

I have some high expectations for my favorite novel's crossover.

This'd better be good.

COMMENCE READ!

Edit: Oh my dear god...

Let me sign in. I'm GoldenEagle159, the crappiest and girliest review for the Train Wreck Explorers, a group designed to help bad stories get better, as long as the author is willing to work for it. Now, I shall review this. If you don't want to improve, go ahead and ignore this. If not, READ THIS!

Now, let's start this review, though I cannot make a full one.

Why?

This is unreadable. In the novel, at least every single word wasn't unreadable. This is just... Ugh.

No one in their right mind could read this, or even WANT to try to read it for that point. You could at least have a "translation" for this imbecility. I can't read it. No one can. It's impossible. In the novel, you could understand what's happening; Charlie was mentally handicapped, but at least he was able to use so capitalization, have some grammar, and spell most words right even before the surgery.

Once you make this have the same point the novel did while still making this readable, hit me up. I really want to read a crossover of Flowers for Algernon, since I absolutely adored that novel.

I also cannot give you a full review for this, since I cannot read this. It's too many mistakes to correct, and the entire thing just makes my head hurt and makes me sad, since I actually had some expectations.

Sigh...

I really wanted a good crossover for the novel to read. This might be able to be good, but I just can't read it.

Well, I'm signing off.

Use this information to your advantage, and hopefully you can form a readable sentence next time!

>GoldenEagle159, TWE's local meme enthusiast and 4chan psycho.

[Airstream]

Oh god, no. NO! I read Algernon in seventh grade and was depressed and edgy for a week. I'm not reading this, no!

Fine.

[_No_One_Remains_]

This is different. A Flowers for Algernon crossover. I loved the book. I may love this. I will read later.

Quick note though: Most of the synopsis seems to contain run-on sentences and a flood of commas. That alone bothers me, and poses as a bad omen for the actual story.

EDIT: Yep. I am very disappointed. This was completely horrible. I get it. It's Derpy, and it's a sort-of allusion to the original novel... But still..... I can't.

[Alphaetus_Prime]

Oh my god this is horrible. I get that it's supposed to be written by Derpy and all, but it's basically unreadable. Fix ALL the errors, then add in some sensible ones that don't detract from readability.
I have a sneaking suspicion that this is just to troll people, but I'm going to hope that that's not true.

[BookWyrm]

Heil mien fuer!

Sorry acknowledgment of grammar nazis...

Anyway... I like it, it's uplifting...

I had little trouble reading the text...A I'm dislexic, B I help grade papers by third graders, C I get it...

The idea is cool, I may have gone with a different direction, but it got my attention, and was nostalgia galore.

You only get one... But you earned it... Keep writing, but don't parody the classics, people get pissed... Trust me.

[Scarlett Haze]

*Crosses his arms and closes his eyes*

I get the reasoning behind the bad writing at first, you're emulating the actual story this is based off of and I actually understand it.

I don't think this should get shoved away as some grammar or misspelling issue, that can't be it. That's how the story was written at its start. This isn't a trollfic, and trust me, I at least understand the why behind this.

*Looks up to the comment reader*

Hey! Look up 'Flowers for Algernon' for me. Compare that to this and understand this concept that is being made. To you, the author, while I appreciate a good idea being ponified, I can't bring myself to like or favorite this only because I fear that it only encourages others to use other stories and movies and essentially just switch out characters and concepts (Example: I did see at one time a 'Blazing Saddles' ripoff that was nothing more than pony town name changes and basically a word-for-word rewrite of the movie.)

I can see what you've done author, and while I won't show support, I will respect the road you've laid for yourself and I hope that you go forth and continue on.

[Tavi5]

1471278 This deal is not having fair execution. If you want make a review, you need to ensure completion the full way

[skiddmark]

I loved that book, so in a way...I love you author. Now someone give me a hug!

[LittleBoyBlue]

Don't wanna read.
Read the book and saw the movie.
Scared of manly tears.
......
Aw, what the heck, Read Later.
Derpy=Charlie Gordon
wikizaki.wikispaces.com/file/view/Flowers_for_algernon_quote.png/158908181/208x217/Flowers_for_algernon_quote.png
Look out My Little Dashie, here comes the next best thing in sad fiction!

[The Fiery Joker]

Hmmm...

I'd recommend making the bad grammar a little more readable, and possibly put something like a doctor's note at the beginning, showing that the bad writing is intentional.

[folded_napkin]

Oh god i read an exert from FfA last year, I will read this just because of that. but i can't now so well.

*Added to Read Later list*

[xDan]

1471315
Have you read the original Flowers for Algernon?

TA: Before I read this, is this based upon the novel, short story, or movie? Huge differences between the three.

[Sneaky]

I dont think I'll read. I know the original story, and will probably get depressed in the end of this.

[StupidWizard]

*Trying to calm down* There is just as good writing. RIGHT?

[dragovin08]

Oh no not a cross over of one of my favorite books. I just hope no one does a crossover of "The Green Mile" cause I'll be very pissed off if they do.

[Princess Cadenza]

Yay! Flowers for Algernon crossover! I always knew it would be Derpy Hooves as the Charlie.

[Art Inspired]

1472033 Hello again!

Also, grammar is so horrible... I can't even function.

[Bad Touch]

Did you even read the original book?

I...I mean...
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/216/907/wtf-is-this-shit.jpg

[Bbot]

static1.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/this+would+make+a+funny-ass+nope.gif+_7ab4ad58a820f206747f6de7b4f0a98f.gif

[Horsemumbler]

1471449

static1.fjcdn.com/comments/4115803+_ac024b306fef0d3348b7e98be79d4825.jpg

She's a Train Wreck Explorer, she does what she wants.

[Ezn]

You overdid the bad writing. Charlie Gordon's writing was childlike, but you at least got the sense that he was trying his damnedest. I'm not getting that here. For reference, here's the text of the short story.

Dr. Strauss says I shud rite down what I think and evrey thing that happins to me from now on, I dont know why but he says its importint so they will see if they will use me. I hope they use me. Miss Kinnian says maybe they can make me smart. I want to be smart. My name is Charlie Gordon. I am 37 years old. I have nuthing more to rite now so I will close for today.

Compared to:

oquey loqui zo todei iz da 1zh dei n teewiilite azkeded me to writte somedin abooth my, and i sayed -no tiwilithe -i dont like to grite cuz i'm no unicorn and i cannot c mi leterz gwen im writteing bot che sayed thatz oki yuz put sumting there u jave an our n it finishined nu and i wirted diz

It actually seems like Derpy is somehow making typos in physical writing. I suppose you could justify some of it with how she's not a unicorn so she has to write with her mouth, and I'm sure she's had less practice writing than Charlie by virtue of being a pony, but that brings into question why Twilight would have her write in the first place. Surely it would make more sense to interview her every day and transcribe the results herself?

Still, even if you can justify Derpy's writing in-story, it's still a pain to read and pretty much impossible to understand in most places. This just isn't a feasible way to tell a story. It's practically impossible to get a sense of what's happening here.

When I saw that this was Flowers for Algernon with Derpy, the first fic that came to mind was Bubbles, a six-star fandom classic that remains one of my absolute favourite sadfics (which I recommend to anyone who hasn't read it yet). That's your competition and honestly, this doesn't measure up to it.

Look, it's not easy to write well, and it's harder still to write badly well. I get the sense that English isn't your first language, 'cause you keep using -s for dialogue, which is common practice in some languages, but in English we use "s. Props for trying, but you're not quite there.

I can see you've put some thought into really adapting the work for ponies rather than just copying the book verbatim and substituting names, and that's better than what a lot of crossover writers would do, but the delivery just doesn't work.

Still, I respect what you were trying to do here, so good luck with your work and keep writing.

[SwiperTheFox]

1473020
I agree with what he said.

If I was writing this, I might have started with something like:
Day Two

Well it looks like here were are, going. Hoping. Twilight said for me to right down every thing, dont know why, but I do care-- I care a lot, Twilight always talking again and now again, talking right now. She is keeping saying how important it is to make downe right down all of my feeling, moment by moment she says, she brushing her mane on my cheeks now-- helping to hold the. the. the writing thing. it is all glowly and is shiny and is black and is hard like every thing else is in this health office,

Twilight smiles. I like her smiling. she can make me smart, of yes, yes, why would I ever-- I not able to even dream of her being wrong, she says already having effects now with largey blobs on screen line ing up to some thing. she is smiling. I love her smiling.

Derpy

You see the contrast?

Hmmm... now I almost want to write this myself.

[WanderingHero]

This could be an intresting story, but the first chapther needs to be rewritten. Strike a balance between readability and Derpy's.... derpyness

[Peppermint]

images.4chan.org/b/src/1350722468148.gif

Fk this shit

[Shadowed Rainbow]

1473068 I say DO IT! I already love your writing of even that little excerpt!

[XiF]

1472557 *she

[Ezn]

1473068
Okay, that is pretty awesome. I won't pressure you or anything, but I feel like that's something I'd read.

[Gene_Roddenberry]

What the actual hell? I'm pretty sure the author just smashed his face into the keyboard multiple times when writing this.

[Brony of the Revolution]

Having read flowers for algernon, I already know whats going to happen.

Reply to this if you want spoilers!

[Alphaetus_Prime]

1472033 Of course. Why else would I have clicked on this in the first place?
1473068 Totally agreed, and please do it. I was really disappointed by this one being so bad.

[The Crimson Brony]

Arrgh! This not be Flowers for Algernon, it be the remains of what the Kraken had for dinner.

I hates how the author makes Derpy stupid. Derpy is best pony and while she be clumsy and simple she be not retarded.

Neigh, this story be a mistake.

[Gene_Roddenberry]

1474140 Yes, brother. Together, you and I shall smite our enemies into dust, and found a new republic. The Republic of Derpy Hooves!

[MisterGTFO]

farm6.static.flickr.com/5184/5562026112_992f1b1cd7_o.jpg

[SwiperTheFox]

1473406
1473486
1473896

I'd be interested in writing a version of this myself, as per what I posted in 1473068 ... but this was TrollestiaSubject's idea. I'd like to have permission before I take a serious stab at it.

And I've been really depressed over the past several weeks... not to mention that I'm someone who has dealt with / is dealing with mental illness myself in real-life (depression, high functioning autism, and some schizophrenia-ish like symptoms) ... so writing a sad Derpy fic might prove too emotionally troubling for me (or it might take a long, long time).

[Claudia Books]

I dont understand what all the bad comments are about..... I thought it was really good...
Keep up the good work

[CanterlotGuardian]

You fail at life.

[Fluttrick]

appleshort

[Tiaa OwO]

Derpy's not stupid. . . . . .

[YellowHornBrony]

I had just actually read flowers for algernon

[YellowHornBrony]

I won't name you guys but you guys are total dicks and need to shut up, this is a good story!