• Published 23rd Oct 2012
  • 21,820 Views, 796 Comments

Just Joking - RainbowBob



The Clown Prince of Crime is in Equestria, with the job of creating chaos and fun for all.

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Chapter 8: A Party Would Be Delightful: Part 2

Well, ain't that dandy! A two parter party just for me!

Yeah, I hope you'll enjoy it, Joker. Also, I moved it to a three parter.

You bet I'll enjoy a triple chapter about me! I'm already getting my suit ready and my bag of tricks full of fun!

You're not going to kill everyone.

Aw, come on! What's the point of bringing this camera and axe then?

I'm afraid to ask why.

Other than being a ruthless criminal mastermind, I enjoy photographing the depictions of death of my victims. Usually I just chop of their heads and mess with their faces. Here I have a man looking moderately surprised. And here is a woman who looks constipated.

It scares me that I'm no longer shocked at how depraved you can be.

That means we're bonding! Ohh, you can help me stuff flowers in their eyeballs for my spring time photo event!

I think I'm good.

You're no fun! It's always "No Joker, I will not help you hide that, body" or "No Joker, I will not burn this bag of evidence for you." And you call yourself a friend.

I enjoy not being in jail more than being your friend.

That hurts. It hurts me that you would rather hold on to something as petty as personal freedom than help out your good buddy. And you call yourself a brony.

You don't even know what that means!

Hey, I have urban dictionary too you know! Now, if you don't mind, I have to sharpen my axe! Good day, sir!

Why the hell do you keep an axe in your pocket?

I said good day!


Present

"Rarity! Wake up already!" Twilight shouted, pounding furiously on the dressmaker's door. The door slammed open and a pissed off looking Rarity. The fact she was garbed in her bathrobe and her face was covered in a weird creme offset any intimidation she might have been going for, however.

"Twilight, what is the meaning of all this ruckus at this hour? Some of us are trying to get our beauty sleep."

"Then ya'll might want a beauty coma instead," said a smug Applejack from behind Twilight's back. Joining her was a very tired Fluttershy and an energetic as always Pinkie Pie.

Arching an eyebrow, Rarity asked, "Is there any particular reason we're all awake right now? Slumber party, zombie invasion, somepony needs to go to the bathroom?"

"Much worse than that! Much, much worse!" Twilight yelled, while continuously scratching her mane and coat.

Leaning over to Applejack, Rarity whispers, "Did Twilight lose her mind again? Like that one time with the doll and stuff?"

Rolling her eyes, Applejack replies, "Nah, it's just that the Joker escaped from the dungeon. That's all she told us so far."

Rarity's eyes bulged out and she gasped dramatically. "If he's escaped, then why hasn't anypony done anything to capture him?"

"Ah, quiet your worryin', Rare. I'm sure ol' Twilight has a plan. Plus, the guards are sure to catch him."

"Um, girls, there's a certain problem I forgot to mention." An especially loud explosion followed after her statement, along with substantial shaking of the palace. "He did more than escaping."

Twilight spent the next minute quickly explaining to her friends on how the Joker set fire to a fireworks factory and is now heading to Ponyville for who knows what. When she was finished, the remaining Elements of Harmony stood in moot silence. Until Fluttershy shrieked and started running around in circles.

"Oh no, oh no, oh no! My poor animals are stuck there, and now he's going to hurt them!"

"Fluttershy, simmer down! You ain't doin' no pony any good by freakin' out like that!" Applejack explained to the fretted pegasus. Fluttershy plopped on her rump in a very adorable manner and returned to her silent whimpering. "Now I know we're all worried. Apple Bloom is in trouble, along with Big Mac and everypony else in Ponyville. Which is why we got to be level headed and go there right now to buck that clown for tryin' to mess with our home!"

All the ponies included cheered, except for Fluttershy who managed to murmur a barely audible yay. "You're right, Applejack," Twilight said to her friend, while the orange pony blushed at being the center of attention. "And with all the Elements of Harmony at our side, there's no way we can lose!"

"Actually, Twilight, we're only five-sixths the Elements of Harmony right now," Pinkie Pie interrupted, bouncing up and down in overeager enthusiasm.

Twilight hurriedly did a head count in her mind and discovered that they were missing a certain multicolored pegasus in their party. "And pray tell, Pinkie, why is Rainbow Dash missing? I thought I told you to get everypony together while I got Rarity."

"But I did, Twi! Dashie is still knocked out from that bump on the head she got from Mr. J!"

"Ugh, fine," she said under her breath, rubbing her temples with her hooves in frustration, "we'll have to go on without her. Hopefully the Joker is still walking to town right now. There's now way he could be there in only a couple of hours."

Don't you just love how others are wrong?


Two Hours and Thirty Minutes Earlier

"Blast this country bumpkin town! It doesn't even have a decent road to walk on!" the Joker complained, massaging his worn out feet from the long trek to Ponyville. His extremely expensive loafers were not made for walking, especially on a dirt road with more bumps that an acne riddled teenager's face. Fitting his foot back into his shoe, he examined his surroundings.

"And not a soul in sight. It's like a ghost town or something. Even the shitiest watering hole in Gotham has more night life than this place." It was true that although Ponyville has changed since its humble beginnings, it still followed the code of hitting the hay by midnight.

With dawn just around the corner, the Joker needed to implement a plan to wake up the townsfolk. Noticing the hammer in his hand, he decided to go with the easiest route available.

"Wake up you slops! Come on, it's time for a party!" the Joker bellowed at the top of his lungs, while repeatedly smashing a statue of Celestia with his hammer, which produced an unsettling noisy crack with each swing.

Ponies began to exit their homes, still in their pajamas (why they wear jamies at night while being nude most of the day, I'll never know), while many others hid behind locked doors and stared at the strange creature through windows. The first pony to approach the human was a blonde maned, grey pegasus with the most severe case of lazy eye the Joker has ever laid eyes upon.

"Hey mister, are you a clown or something?" the pegasus asked, flapping haphazardly in the air.

Taking the tiny pony under his arm, the Joker said, "Why yes I am, my extra special friend! I am the Joker, the Clown Prince of Cri- I mean Fun! And I'm here to throw the most spectacular party you've ever seen, heard, felt, tasted, smelt, or slept with!"

The next pony to speak out was a plain brown stallion with a spiky mohawk. "Would you mind telling us why you're having a party at this hour?"

Dropping the gray pegasus, the Joker turned his attention to the stallion. "Why, there's no better time than the present. Plus, I'm still riled up from that great shebang at the Gala!"

Multiple ponies gawked at the mention of the Gala, most having wanted to attend that legendary get together with some of the richest and famous ponies in Equestria. Taking note of their admiration for him at the moment, he decided to milk it for all its worth. "And not only did I attend the Gala, I helped set it up! I even put on a grand showstopper at the end!"

Ponies started ogling the mysterious stranger, who helped throw one of the biggest gatherings of the year. Not one of them considered he was lying in the least, or that the showstopper he mention was actually robbing all the party guests and poisoning their beloved Princess. Luckily for him, ponies don't have internet.

"But for this party, I plan on making it a hundred times more funtastic (yes, that is a word I just made up) than that silly old Gala! Now, who wants to par-ta!?"

All the ponies whooped and hollered in approval, completely won over by the Joker's infectious charm. Those poor fools.


Present

"Come on, hurry up! We don't have much time left!" Twilight yelled at the sweat drenched pegasi guards flying the chariot. The two guards wanted very, very, very much to tell Twilight to go buck herself, but the fear of what their captain would do to them and their utter professionalism held their tongues.

The group were soaring high in the sky, fast approaching that little dot in the landscape known as Ponyville. The sun has finally broken from its nighttime prison and illuminated the lands of Equestria, a normally breathtaking, beautiful sight. But Twilight paid now mind to the rising sun or the view. Her constant fidgeting and scratching at her mane were only small attempts to cope with the situation on hand- I mean hoof.

The hush in the air was so great that not even Pinkie could figure out a way to cheer her friends up. Truth be told, the pink party pony was also wracked with concern for the Cakes and their children, while Rarity and Applejack were anxious at the fate of their families, and of course Fluttershy couldn't stop thinking about the terror her animals might be put through right now.

It was a long flight to the village, often times requiring more than two hours to get there by chariot alone. With the guards' hustle they seem to be cutting that time in half, but they still had a while to go.

Maybe adding too much weight to the chariot by tagging all the Elements along wasn't the best idea, but Twilight would have to contend with that. Her magic still wasn't working properly; levitation was all she could manage, and even then it was weak and exhausted her.

Thankfully the fire in Canterlot died down, with a large amount of damage wreaked across the city, but no deaths. Ponyville, however, could be an entirely different story. Twilight could only hope they get there in time, and that her brother's reinforcements he promise can join them in all due haste.


Thirty Minutes Earlier

The party was all set, and in record time too. Snack stands lined around the gathering place near town hall, with games and booths already opening up. Ponies laughed, drank coffee to wake up, and generally enjoyed their first ever bright and early party extravaganza.

Balloons, streamers, and all manner of decoration was set up by the Joker himself, who also helped the Cakes bake their wonderful goodies and sweets. He mingled with the party goers, shook his groove thang, and soon became the life of the party. The mares swooned just by glancing at him, the stallions were envious beyond compare just to be as cool as him, and the little ones could barely hold their excitement at playing with a clown. Yes siree, nothing at all could go wrong now!

The only one not having fun was a lone purple dragon, who searched in vain to find a particular pony. Joker noticed the young dragon's discomfort, so he snuck up behind the little bugger and asked, "Hey, why so down in the dirt little fella?"

The dragon jumped in surprise and turned around to face the Joker. "Holly molly, you scared me there!" The Joker only continued to smile creepily, which the dragon failed to catch. Fidgeting under his gaze, the dragon finally blurted out, "I'm looking for my friend. She went to the Gala last night without me and I was expecting her to arrive back at Ponyville by now."

"Ah, I think I know who you're talking about," the Joker said while snapping his finger. "Purple unicorn, goes by the name of Twinkle or something like that?"

"You must mean Twilight! Have you seen her? Do you know when she's going to be back?"

"Don't worry my scaled friend. She'll be here any minute now. And by the way, you wouldn't happen to be Spike, would you?" the Joker asked.

"Why yes I am. How'd you know?" Spike asked suspiciously.

The Joker crouched down and innocently patted Spike on his head. "Why, Twinkle would always talk about you. I hear you're her number one assistant."

"You got that right!" Spike replied joyfully.

"Well then number one assistant, you wouldn't mind helping me for a moment, would you?"

"Not at all mister," Spike said, glad to be of service. "What do you need done?"

"Oh, nothing much," the Joker said, guiding the tiny dragon down a path exiting the party area. "I just need some assistance setting up some... fireworks. Muhahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Spike, who was a little creeped out by the evil laughter, decided to join in for the sake of not being awkward. Dragon and human in tow laughed menacingly as the second phase of Joker's plan went into action.


Present

"Okay girls, we're here!" Twilight yelled, as the chariot made contact with the ground. The pegasi guards sighed in relief, thankful they don't have to lug around a bunch of slightly overweight mares who did nothing but complain about going faster (lucky for them none of the girls could read minds). The five of them quickly raced to the center of town, where a commotion could be seen even from high up in the air.

The early morning streets were deserted, homes empty and shops not even opened. Nearby the town hall things quickly changed, with the entire town population frozen in place in what seemed to have been a rather rambunctious party. No pony moved, except for the occasional tremble of fear, terror played out on their collective faces. It was like a giant game of freeze tag just took place with a bunch of ghosts.

"Oh no, the Joker must've poisoned them," Twilight whispered to herself.

"Now really Sprinkles, you'd think I'd stoop that low?" said a familiar voice behind them. The girls turned and saw the Joker seated several yards away on top a slightly broken stone statue of Celestia. "I may be a mass murderer, but I like to keep things fresh too. No sense in killing a bunch of people if you've already done it the same way one times too many. So I went with the explosion option instead!"

The Elements returned their attention to the mass of ponies, and came to a shocking realization. "There are bombs everywhere," Fluttershy said, her mouth agape. It was indeed true, with large bundles of dynamite piled all along the outside of the party area, along with several thrown in random spots in the middle of the group of ponies. All had a blinking red device attached to them, which could mean only one thing.

"That's right tattoo asses, I rigged this place to blow, with everyone in it. Anyone tries to make a break for it, and Kabloom, no more ponies! Hahahahaha!"

"You won't get away with this, Joker!" Twilight yelled at the manically laughing clown.

Wiping a stray tear from his eye, the Joker said, "Oh, that's just so cute. You thinking you can stop me. Hilarious. Anyway, I think you have bigger things to worry about." The Joker pulled a small bundle from inside his jacket and tossed it a good distance away from the bomb field and Twilight. Falling on his back with a groan, the tied up Spike could only shake his head uselessly. His gag prevented him from talking to his friends, but the bump on his head was probably the cause of his limited speaking. The ropes binding him were also fixed with a small dynamite bundle, the red light blinking on and off.

Twilight remained in her spot, still, complete and utter dread quenching her entire being at the sight of Spike. A clank nearby the purple pony brought her notice to a small device near her, with only two bright red buttons side by side on it.

"Now here's how we'll play this game, Twinkle ass. The left button kills all the ponies in that crowd over there. The right button kills your little lizard friend. And this here override switch," the Joker said, retrieving a small cylinder tube with a similar red button placed atop it, "will kill everyone if you choose neither. Now, let the game begin!"