Chapter 3: Party Favors
Fantastic! I just love the story so far! The writing prose and amazing description has just taken my breathe away! Stephen King would cry tears of joy if he was to read only one sentence of this story!
Really? You actually mean that?
Do you not understand the definition of sarcasm?
It's pretty hard to tell if you're sarcastic with just text.
Damn! There goes half me act!
So, am I at least improving?
Huh- yeah, sure, whatever kid.
What do you like so far?
Dear God your questions are annoying. That prank with the electric buzzer wasn't half bad, although it would've have been funnier if it fried the Princess to a crispy corpse...
You would've gotten killed on the spot.
Good point there! Have to wait for my chance to strike, then KABLAMO! Joker's on top yet again!
I don't think killing the leader of the country in an entirely different dimension is a good idea for world domination.
Did I ask for your opinion? Well, at least I can still be rhetorical.
Are you actually considering to takeover Equestria? That's crazy!
Who do you think you're talking to? If I can run Gotham City into the ground without even trying, then this will be easy enough. I even put the entire Untied States in a state of terror for a good while.
That was on Earth. Here you have no allies, and very little assets at your disposal.
Then I do what I do best! Improvise!
This isn't going to end well.
Come on kid, you have to have more faith in me then that. I can build anything with only half the parts, which is a very useful skill for putting together IKEA furniture. Have I ever told you about that time I escaped Arkham with only a pinch of salt and a nail clipper?
Yeah, and you gave a very gory description of how you disemboweled that one guard and forced him to eat his own intestines.
With a pinch of salt!
I'm going to get back to writing now.
Fine then! But when you need to cut your toenails and don't have a bloodied nail clipper ready, don't come crying to me!
"Are we all here?"
"Ah think so Twilight."
"Okay then. Let's begin this meeting," Twilight said to the gathered group of ponies surrounding the circular table. The other edges of the table were hidden in shadows, with only a single hanging lightbulb illuminating the table. Applejack sat near Rarity to the left side, the white coated unicorn still unsteady from the faintings she had earlier. Rainbow Dash sat on the opposite side of the table along with Fluttershy. The only pony missing of the mane six was Pinkie.
Rainbow Dash was the first to notice the pink pony's absence. "Hey Twi, Pinkie's not here. Are we beginning without her?"
"If afraid so Rainbow Dash, "Twilight replied. "She's been with the human all day long. It seems the two of them are actually planning the Gala together."
"Don't mind me asking Twi, but why are we havin' this little gathering in the first place?"
"We are here to discuss the human known as the Joker who has mysterious appeared in our midsts."
"I think he's all right, if that's okay with you guys," Fluttershy said, so quiet that her friends nearly missed what she said.
Rainbow Dash slammed her hoof on the table and confronted the pegasus. "Fluttershy, how can you like that freak? He's creepy and probably some type of psychopath," Fluttershy cowered a bit under the table, already regretting speaking.
"B-b-but h-he's nice and n-not that scary," she squeaked.
"Nice! He fried Princess Luna like a hay fry! And have you seen his smile?" Dash grimaced. "It's all yellow and big and just plain creepy!"
"Now Dash, don't be makin' assumptions bout others. Remember the lesson we learnt with Zecora?" Applejack said.
"That was different! At least she didn't dress up like a freaky clown and smile all the time."
"Wait a minute," Twilight interrupted. "You don't trust him because he dresses like a clown and smiles a lot."
"Yeah. So what?" Dash responded.
"That must mean you're afraid of him."
Dash was flabbergasted at Twilight's accusation. "W-what! I would never be scared of that guy!"
Twilight smiled mischievously, further poking fun at her friend. "It's quite alright Dash. Many ponies have a phobia of clowns."
"I'm not scared of clowns! Applejack, help me out here!" Rainbow Dash implored to the orange pony.
"Ah don't know Dash. It would explain why you never go to the circus when it's in town," Applejack gave Dash the same devious smile as Twilight.
"I told you! I was sick!" she cried.
"Please now Rainbow Dash. I clearly saw you doing flying tricks down by the flower fields on the day the circus visited Ponyville," Rarity said.
Dash was sweating profusely now, her eyes darting back and forth. Finally she threw her hoofs in the air and yelled, "Okay, I admit it! I don't like clowns! They freak the heck outta me!" This fear was the result of a particularly traumatic childhood event dealing with a birthday party and excessive amounts of crying from a filly Dash when she met her first ever clown. For years she's been trying to keep her fear a secret, even to her friends.
"Glad you admitted that," Twilight said to annoyed Dash. "But we still have our original problem. How to deal with this human?"
"The Princess is pretty keen in keeping him here. At least til she can find a way to send him back to his world," Applejack said.
Twilight nodded. "That's what I'm worried about. She told me she's planning on presenting him to the press on the day of the Gala."
"How exactly is that a bad thing," Fluttershy asked.
"For starters, we don't have a clue about anything on this guy. He won't answer anything either me or the Princess ask him, saying that he's too tired or busy! For all we know he can be a criminal, or a murderer, or like what Dash said, a psychopath."
"Come on Twi. He can't be that bad," Applejack said.
"Well, we know one thing for sure. He has the worst taste in clothing," Rarity shivered. "Tacky suit, mismatched colors, and a hairdo that's been out of style for decades. Just dreadful!"
"I say we lock him up. We don't know what he's capable of!" Dash said.
Twilight shook her head, glaring at the hotheaded pegasus. "Rainbow Dash, we just can't go and lock up anybody that looks weird. He's an entirely different species, one never seen in Equestria. What we should be doing is studying him and learning all we can."
"How's that going to do any good poindexter. He could be lying through his disgusting teeth."
"Dash, I think you're goin' over the line here. He hasn't even done nothin' that bad yet, cept for that prank of his. And I know fer a fact you've done worst pranks than the one he pulled on the Princess."
"Did someone say pranks?" A voice said from behind Fluttershy. The yellow pegasus flew out of her seat and shrieked softly, which in itself is an impressive feat, and nearly hit her head on the ceiling. The source of the mysterious voice was none other than the Joker, who was laughing at the easily surprised Fluttershy.
Dash scowled angrily and gritted her teeth. "What are you doing here?"
"On, nothing much. I was just passing through and saw this 'Secret Meeting' sign in front of this door and thought I might pop by," From the countless pockets in his suit he produced a piece of paper with indeed those very words, scrawled hastily in red crayon.
Dash snatched the sign from the Joker and recognized the hand- I mean hoof, writing. She shouted to the ceiling at Fluttershy, "Fluttershy, why did you put this sign there? There's no point in having a secret meeting place if it isn't a secret!"
Fluttershy, meanwhile, was cowering upside down on top the ceiling of the room. How she managed to defy gravity like that is still unknown.
"So girlfriends, what were we discussing? Homework, the algebra test this Friday? Or is it boys?" He smiled naughtily, like he knew a dirty secret and was dying to tell it.
"That's it, I'm otta here!" Rainbow Dash said, no longer wanting to spend another second in the human's company. She got out of her seat and stormed out of the room.
Applejack too got out of her seat, chasing after her speedy friend. "Hey Dash, wait up!" This left only Rarity, Fluttershy, Twilight, and of course the Joker in the room.
"Ooh, I bet they're an item, aren't they? The brash tomboy with the southern bell sweetheart. Oh it's so precious! I bet they go all night long, if you know what I mean," He nudged Rarity and winked.
Rarity shook her head and stared at him in confusion. "What?"
"Whoops, I think I did that joke wrong. But at least I got the punchline! Bwhahahahahahaha!"
"Wait, I don't get it?" Twilight said, having no clue what was so funny.
"Well duh! Since they go all night long and they are lesbians, then they must fist- actually, you ponies can't make fists. I guess hoof might work, but it does't sound quit right. Maybe trot, neigh, or even-"
The girls ignored the Joker as he rambled on. Eventually Twilight managed to get Fluttershy off the ceiling with a gentle telekinetic push (more of a shove since Fluttershy was able to dig her hooves into the plaster in the ceiling). Revelation hit the Joker and he snapped his fingers, although a light bulb he was expecting never appeared over his head. "Clop! That's what you should call it!"
"Call what?" Fluttershy asked, still startled at the Joker's surprise entrance.
Rarity hurriedly pushed her friend out of the room, saying, "Oh, nothing you need to know about darling. See you later Twilight!"
Twilight waved her friend goodbye, her meeting ruined by the Joker. She was no closer to solving the problem with the human now than five minutes ago.
An awkward silence hung over the empty room, until the Joker lightly coughed. "So, um, Twinkles. You know where I can find any good chemistry labs around here?"
This immediately sparked Twilight's interest, which also made her ignore the fact he called her Twinkles. "Yeah, there's one right down the hall. Why so interested."
"If you must know, back at home I'm a master chemist. No one can come close to my particular specialty in the field."
"If I must ask Mr. Joker, what is that specialty?"
The Joker grinned to the small purple unicorn, his grimy teeth smile unsettling her. "I don't know if you have to ask, but let's just say I make one heck of a laughing gas. Hahahaha!"
Twilight was elated. Finally she was getting to know the puzzling human known as the Joker. He brushed off any specific question she asked about his home, life, or species, but was happy to answer anything that dealt in the scientific field.
The human was busy at the moment mixing together a concoction of various brightly colored liquids to get a desired result. The purple unicorn was surprised to see that he was indeed an specialist in chemistry, expertly blending and combining various compounds with almost no effort. Even though Twilight wasn't that skilled in chemistry, having better experience in astronomy and magic, she could tell Joker knew what he was doing.
"Um, Mr. Joker-"
"Call me Mr. J. I'm more used to that." he interrupted.
"Well, Mr. J, why are you making laughing gas?" Twilight asked.
The Joker set his beaker of green liquid down over a burner and turned to Twilight, beaming a slightly less creepy smile to set her nerves at ease. "Weeeeell, it was going to be a surprise, but I guess I can tell you. At the Gala I'm going to release it after I make my grand entrance. That way everyone can have a good laugh! Hahahaha!"
Twilight was skeptical, but didn't see anything that could go too wrong. Sure the stuck up nobility might not enjoy it, but maybe it can loosen them up a little. He did also mention that it was harmless, plus what's the worse can a prankster clown can do?
"It's weird. You dress and act like a clown, yet you're exceptionally gifted in chemistry."
"Looks can be deceiving," he said, winking at Twilight.
"Ah, there we go!" he cried, as he picked the boiling beaker up with a pair of thongs. He was careful to lay it down in an air tight container that will cool down the liquid so no gas is accidentally released.
"Amazing! What else are you good at Mr. J?" Twilight asked, excited to learn more.
"A great many things. I am a genius without measure, meter sticks be damned. But enough about me, what are you good at Charlie? Any know how in chemistry?"
Twilight blushed, embarrassed that he was taking an interest in her. "I'm gifted in astronomy and magic, although I enjoy studying various other topics. As for chemistry, I just know a little above basics. But there is this one mixture I'm good at making."
The Joker's eyebrow arched upward, his curiosity spiked. "And that would be?"
"Well, when I was just a foal under Celestia's tutelage, I would have periods of magical outbursts," Twilight smiled, remembering the first time she lost control of her magic. Turning Spike two hundred feet tall and her parents into plants was certainly a frightful experience. "To help, Celestia taught me how to make a potion to lower a unicorn's power level for a short amount of time."
"Intriguing," the Joker said, a mischief smile playing on his face.
"Yeah, but it tasted nasty. I had to dump tons of sugar on it just to choke it down," Twilight frowned at that particular memory.
"You wouldn't mind sharing the recipe for it, would you?" he nonchalantly asked.
This grabbed Twilight's attention. "Um, sure, I guess. Why would you want to know?"
The smile grew exceptionally larger on the Joker's pale white face, those ruby red lips nearly reaching his ears. "Oh, no reason. Just curious is all."
It was late at night in the royal palace. The only one's awake was the night crew servants, the guards, and the Princess of the Night herself, Luna. At the moment she was wandering the halls, troubles plaguing her mind. One in specific was the reason why she spent an entire afternoon combing her hair to get it back to normal.
It was no lie, the Princess disliked the human to a great extent. It wasn't just the fact he pulled a prank on her, embarrassed her in front of her subjects, and had no respect for her whatsoever. No, it was an instinct inside her that told her the human couldn't be trusted.
She has tried multiple times to voice her opinion to her sister, but it only fell on deaf ears. Celestia actually defended the human, saying that they knew nothing of his history or culture, and making heinous claims on him is disrespectful.
It would help if he actually told them something about himself, but they got nothing. He refused to answer questions about his past, even those asked politely from Princess Celestia, saying he went through an upsetting incident that left him mentally scarred and wasn't ready to talk about it. As for questions about humans or his world, he would simply state 'How should I know? I've been stuck in Arkham so long now I don't have a clue about regular humans. And as for my world, I'm sure you wouldn't want to hear my opinion on it'.
The quicker they send him back to his world, the better. So far Celestia hasn't been able to specify what type of magic sent him here, and when asked the Joker just laughed his ass off. What was really ticking her off was the decision her sister made to disclose his presence here to the public during the Grand Galloping Gala. Press and nobility alike were murmuring about a big revelation at the Gala, yet at the moment they were still clueless about a human hiding in the palace.
Her sister, yet again, ignored her opinion. Keeping him in a dungeon would've been more to her liking, but no dice. Forcibly entering his mind was also shut down, over the issue with privacy. She couldn't believe the amount of trust Celestia was putting into the human, but Luna knew why. Just because he looked and acted like a clown, didn't mean he was one. A clever ruse for tricking the others into befriending and trusting him, but Luna could sense he was something more than that. Something sinister.
At least her midnight walk can clear her head. Now was the time she ruled the palace, and even though it was nearly empty, it suited her now. There was something calming about strolling in the silent palace halls, all to herself. That is, until she noticed a dark shadow exiting from the ballroom.
Before the mysterious shadow could take another step, Luna teleported to its location, shouting, "Who dares sneaks around in the palace?"
A familiar grin shined in the darkness, saying, "Now what did I tell you about using your inside voice Loonypoo. Someone could be asleep."
"JOKER!" Luna yelled, enraged at his presence.
"Yeah, like I didn't already know that," he said, cleaning one of his ears to clear the ringing from Luna's extremely loud voice.
A flash appeared before them, and a very tired looking Celestia came into view. "Luna, what is the meaning of all this yelling at this hour?"
"Other than the obvious," The Joker's smile took on a perverted look, which Celestia and Luna didn't notice.
"Him sister," Luna pointed to the Joker. "We saw he exiting the ballroom, unaccompanied by a guard. A clear violation of the rules you set for him if we remember correctly."
"And here we go using the word 'we' for first person again. Did you ever go to English?" the Joker asked Luna, but the Princess of the Moon ignored him.
"That is true. Any explanations for this Joker?"
The Joker shrugged, "I dunno. Can't a guy go for a walk without ponies freaking out?"
"That's not an excuse! My sister, one of the royal rulers of Equestria, gave you an oder to stay in your room unless you're with a guard. Breaking that rule is breaking a royal decree, which has very serious consequences," Luna explained.
"Oh boohoo. What a bore," The Joker went up to Luna and leaned nearer to her, his monstrous smile close to her muzzle. "You should really chill out more Loonypoo."
"Don't call me that," Luna angrily commanded.
"What? You don't want me to call you what Loonypoo?"
"You know what."
"I just don't know what you mean Loonypoo,"
Luna knew he was egging her on, but his irritating nature was getting the better of her. "I'm only going to tell you one more time. Do, not, call, me, Loonypoo."
"Ah, so that's what you don't want me to call you. Sure thing... Loonypoo!" Before he could utter a chuckle the Joker was violently knocked backwards by a force of telepathic energy.
He was struggling against a wall, his muscles being squeezed tremendously by an invisible force. Luna's horn glowed blue, her eyes glaring at the still smiling clown.
"Luna! Let him go this instant!" Celestia cried out to her sister, a commanding edge in her voice. Realizing what her sister was saying, Luna released her telepathic hold on the Joker. He fell to the floor, laughing and coughing simultaneously.
"Haha *cough* heh. What did I *cough* tell you about that temper *cough* Loonypoo."
Before she could retort with a comeback, her sister's scowling face silenced her. "S-sister, I-I can explain!"
"There is no excuses for this Luna. You deliberately hurt him. He's the first representative from an entirely new species. Had this been a Minotaur, Griffon, or even a Zebra, it would've been seen as an act of war. Is that what you want Luna? Starting a war that could potentially kill thousands of soldiers and citizens just because your temper gets the better of you."
Luna hung her head, small tears forming in her eyes. "Please, Tia, I'm sorry. Forgive me."
"It's the Joker you should be asking for forgiveness. Injuring him over something as trivial as a nickname is uncalled for. This is something a Princess doesn't do," Celestia turned her back to her sister. "In fact, until you learn how to act like a proper leader of Equestria, you will not be attending the Gala."
"But Tia!"
"No buts Luna!"
"Too late for that Celly!" the Joker interrupted. He was lucky that neither sister heard that outburst.
"The last time you went to a social gathering was Nightmare Night, and you nearly shut down the holiday. You need to get under control to better present yourself to the citizens of Equestria that you are worthy of the title Princess. Until that happens, not going to the Gala for you."
Luna would have argued further, but she knew from Celestia's cold gaze that there was no point. "Very well sister," she whispered, trying in vain to keep the waterworks at bay.
Celestia's gaze warmed a bit to see her sister this sad and downcast, but she had to stick with her decision. Luna would learn from it, and hopefully an event like this won't happen again.
"And as for you," Celestia said to the Joker, who was smiling more than usual, if that's even possible, at Luna's misery. "I have half a mind to ban you from the Gala also."
The Joker's pupils grew until they filled his eyeball, and his lip quivered. "But Celly, I worked so hard with Pinkie to make the Gala super fantastically fun! Plus, my big debut into Equestrian stardom is during the Gala!"
Seeing how pathetic the Joker looked, Celestia sighed and rubbed her forehead with the feather of her wings. "Fine, you can go. I already have media attending, so there's no point in getting their hopes up. But I don't want anymore nightly walks without a guard present."
The Joker's mood picked back up and he saluted Celestia and shouted, "You gots it boss!"
"Ugh, if you two don't mind, I'm going back to sleep. Raising the sun calls for me to get up early." In a brilliant flash of light she disappeared, leaving the crestfallen Luna and clearly joyful Joker all alone.
Getting up and stretching his sore muscles, he stood before Luna. "That sure was an interesting turn of events, wouldn't you say-"
"Shut up Joker! I'm already in enough trouble because of you! I don't need assault within an inch of life added onto that!"
The Joker held his hands up in defeat. "Testy tonight aren't we. Well, I'll be off. Have a big party tomorrow to get ready for. Not like you'll be there."
It took all of Luna's willpower to keep her hoof from pounding his big toothy grin. He sauntered casually down the hall, but before he turned the corner leading to his room, he displayed one last grin to Luna. "Here's something you have to look forward to. After the party, if you've been a good girl, I'll maybe get you a piece of cake."
He laughed all the way back to his room, the echoes of his laughter haunting Luna's mind.
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Sorry it took so long for the next chapter, laptop is derping up on me
Anyway, if you guys can point out to me any spelling, grammar, or even something else that's a mistake, I'd appreciate it so I can fix it right away. Tell me what you like, what you hate, or whatever you want. Don't forget to fav or like it if you enjoyed the story!
1519881
Can't have a party without some laughs
Bwahahahahaha!
I laughed all the way through this chapter. You are doing great with this. I can't wait for more. 
Luna is going to become a stallion out of spite. I'm calling it now.
1519941
Thank you so much! It really means a lot to me you like it. I'm currently trying to get the next chapter done, but internet problems and the like are frustrating me.
1519958
Thanks for pointing that out. It does look funny not that I can see it
You would think with the way he acts and the color of his eyes, they would think he was the demon discord in disguise.
Holy shit rhyming.
Ahhh Joker
I think I can tell what's going to happen.
fc01.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/225/f/8/an_evening_drive_by_uc77-d5awi6n.jpg
Please...PLEASE MAKE IT HAPPEN
1520010
Damn that's some good rhyming
I could definitely see Discord and Joker hitting it off, sharing stories of how much fun it is freaking out people by staring at them with their off color eyes.
th08.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2012/026/a/2/they_call_him_mr__d_by_blackbewhite2k7-d4nowfd.png
It gave me diabetes 
So adorable.
I can't Help it... Look at her face
1520019>>1520025
I'm definitely doing that! And more, oh so more
1520030 Yesss. YEEssss unlock the Joker within yourself
2.bp.blogspot.com/-95VZS8WYS8A/TuczDPvm7ZI/AAAAAAAAAog/2JcOMb7Z-gk/s1600/The-Monster-Inside-Us-the-joker.jpg
1520069
Already on it!
tumblr.com/photo/1280/fbcoverstreet/22564327083/1/tumblr_m3ms7x6WTu1rpfn3v
Celestia's gone cockney.
Bitch you're talking about the Clown Prince.
That has to be what I love about the Joker the most, and why I love your story. It's the Jokers way of always planning ahead of things. The way he sets it up just right and puts his plan into action and before anyone knows what the hell hit them, they just got mega bitch-slapped by a clown. You have his personality down perfectly!
1520126
Thanks for pointing that out! As for the clown part, he dresses and acts like one, but he'd definitely not be accepting money to amuse children at birthday parties. Or maybe he would, how would I know
1520475
Yep, even in an entire different setting in another universe the Joker is prepared to deal out as much chaos as possible.
Can't wait to see the looks on Celestia and the other ponies' faces when they find out that Luna and RD were right along!
'Laughing Gas'
brandonmichaelblack.com/images/lists/24_divide_by_zero_demotivationals/12.jpg
1521652
They're probably going to smile! Bwahahahahahahahahah *cough* hahaha *cough*!
1522049
If the Joker had a calculator he'd probably do it.
images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20070214125751/uncyclopedia/images/6/6a/Divide.gif
Never mind, he already did.
1523479
We're all gonna die, aren't we?
1523521
Well, if the Joker was to kill every and make the universe implode, then he'd finally get the ultimate last laugh. So yeah, we're screwed
1525290
That's the only way to do it. Also, new chapter up in five minutes!
Twilight, did you just give the Joker, a person whom you know absolutely nothing about, a potion to nullify unicorn magic?
As much as I hate seeing Luna like this...I can't stop laughing!
I'm sorry princess, but the royal loon is just to much!
The element of loyalty, leaving her friends all alone with a psychotic unpredictable clown but who could blame her it is the Joker after all.
This is gonna be such a riot!
Fear of Clowns huh? Reminds me of someone else who has a fear of clowns:
Oh my god the Loonypoo bit reminded me of this skit from Monty Python's Flying Circus.
I Likes Clowns.....But The "It" Helps The Ones That Have A Phobia On Clowns.......He Really Helps Them......Yeah.....Help Them.....
GOD DAMN IT TWILIGHT! you have no idea how much you fucked up!
seriously when they find out who he is he will probilly be killed on the spot lol
and im actually surprised they know that a killer/phycopath is i thought joker would make that a new word lol
without reading the rest of the story yet. I have a guess that Rainbowdash and Luna and maybe some others will be the only ones left to save everyone.
Go joker u tell em how much u don't give a shit. Fucking love the joker
Twilight calling Joker Mr J.......it's hard NOT to read Twilight's conversations with the Joker with Harley's voice. Doesn't help that Tara Strong's been voicing Harley since Arkham City.
This is too good. I am going to be wearing a shit eating grin all the way through aren't I?
Eat your heart out, metric system!
I just see Joker looking at the reader and winking.
blog.agile78.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/JokerSeeThereMeme_zpsdf836336.jpg
Interesting way to science. Using thongs to hold things.
1845938
Not only that, she also gave him access to a fully stocked chemistry laboratory AND she is starting to be charmed by his antics. And here I am with popcorn waiting for this to go up in a blaze of glory.