• Published 23rd Oct 2012
  • 21,761 Views, 796 Comments

Just Joking - RainbowBob



The Clown Prince of Crime is in Equestria, with the job of creating chaos and fun for all.

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Chapter 2: Royal Pain In The Butt

Well, that certainly was interesting.

So, you liked it?

Don't get your hopes up kiddo. This story was a heap of mistakes and errors.

What do you mean?

Where to begin? Spelling errors, bad grammar, boring fight scenes, and bland dialogue. The list can go on and on, but it really boils down to one important detail. Me.

Huh?

This story is supposed to be about me for one thing! You got my characterization all wrong!

How exactly did I do that?

Let's see. Not enough violence, not enough of me, not enough jokes, not enough of me, not enough laughs, and most importantly, not enough of me!

Okay, okay. It would be easier if you tell me what Joker you want to be.

Whatcha talkin bout Willis?

First off, my name isn't Willis, and second, there's so many different versions of you! Batman: The Animated Series, Batman: The Brave and the Bold, The Batman, The Dark Knight, and all the other movies and tv shows you've been on. And don't even get me started on every damn comic book you show up in. Can't the writers even attempt to keep you consistent.

I'm incarnations of every Joker! Why do you think I act crazy all the time! Just remember the credentials about me. Psychotic killer, batshit insane, and I enjoy long walks on the beach.

Fine then! Anything else I should know?

Well, you did go with a cliché. Some strange teleporter causes me to end up in Equestria. Can't you authors come up with anything new?

Hey, at least I didn't make Twilight mess up a spell to send you there!

Excuses! This is a story about me after all, so it has to be unexpected, new, random, and most of all, funny!

I don't think anyone understands or even wants to know about your sense of humor.

I have a wonderful sense of humor! It's just all those party poopers who don't get it. All they say is stop hitting me Joker, stop stabbing me Joker, stop breaking my knees Joker. Just a bunch of complainers!

... I'm just gonna start writing now.

Okie dokie Jokie!


Stunned was the correct word to describe what most of individuals of the throne room felt like. Even Pinkie Pie dropped what she was doing to goggle at the new visitor.

The visitor in question continued to smile creepily with those unnaturally yellow stained teeth of his. Seeing that most of the ponies were taken aback by his appearance, and at least one of them fainted, he decided to communicate with the strange creatures. Walking right up to Princess Celestia, he leaned forward a bit until his sharp nose nearly touched her own. "Hello. Anyone home?" he asked, rapping his knuckles on her head.

Realizing that her mouth has been hanging open for a full minute, Celestia closed her trap and stammered, "W-what are y-you?"

The disturbing grin was still plastered on his chalk white face. "Intriguing question. My species call themselves humans, homo sapiens if you want to be specific. But what am I, is still a mystery. I am an enigma wrapped in suspicion deep fried in uncertainty and double dipped in fun! Joker's the name, and making the masses laugh is my game!" After that little speech of his, the Joker handed Celestia a card with a grinning Jack on the cover. "My card."

Joker's monologue only deepened Celestia's confusion, and she accepted the strange card from her even stranger guest. The next pony to react in a way other than shock to the Joker's sudden manifestation in their company was Pinkie Pie, who immediately ran to the Joker's side.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! It's a clown!" Pinkie shrieked to her friends, bouncing up and down in excitement. Her friends were still slow to process this little tidbit, although that greatly explained why he dressed that way. "Do you do card tricks, can you tell good jokes, can you-"

"Pinkie, get away from it! It could be dangerous!" Twilight shouted, fearful that her friend could be hurt from the human.

Joker gasped, his hand covering his open mouth. "I'm shocked that you would accuse me of such a thing," the Joker said, throwing his hands up in the air. "Why, I wouldn't hurt a fly. This accusation has hurt me deeply. For shame, for shame upon you weird unicorn thingy."

The Joker turned around, his shoulders sagging. Pinkie Pie stared accusingly at Twilight. "Twilight, you don't have to be such a meany head. You hurt his feelings," Grabbing onto the Joker's coat, Pinkie said, "It's okay Mr. Homo Clown Sapiens guy, Twilight doesn't mean it. I don't think you're dangerous."

The Joker picked up Pinkie in his arms and held her at arms length. "You truly mean that?"

"Sure! You're a clown after all, so you must be super duper fun! That makes you a friend of me!"

"A friend! And a pink pony too! Every six year old girl back on Earth can now officially suck it!" the Joker said, hugging Pinkie tightly to his chest. She returned his hug with an equal gut wrenching hug she was famous for.

It was at this moment that a swarm of royal guards entered the room, led by Luna and Captain Shining Armor. What they first saw was Princess Celestia standing off to the side scratching her mane in puzzlement, then Fluttershy curled up in a shaking ball, Applejack and Rainbow Dash both wondering what the heck was going on, Rarity passed out on the marble floor, Twilight yelling at her friend for some reason, and a strangely dressed bipedal creature gripping Pinkie Pie in his arms.

Immediately at platoon of guards surrounded the Joker, spears inches away from his body. "Less than five minutes here and I'm already under arrest. That must be a new personal best for me," the Joker commented, poking the sharp end of a spear near his face.

Luna approached the surrounding circle of guards and shouted to the creature, "Release the pink one immediately creature!"

He dropped Pinkie Pie rudely on the floor, and then put one hand on his hip while examining the midnight blue alicorn before him. "So I guess you're the big cheese around here?"

"That is partially correct. My sister, Princess Celestia, and I are co-rulers of Equestria. I am Princess Luna. I was alerted by my sister telepathically that a strange occurrence happened here, so I brought the guards to investigate," Luna said calmly, the angry edge on her voice dropping slightly when he released Pinkie.

"Well color me red and throw me in front of a bull, I'm talking to royalty. Pleased to meet you!" Joker held up his hand, eager to shake. However, the wall of razor sharp spears blocked his path.

Raising an eyebrow quizzingly in her sister's direction, she asked Celestia, "Tia, is this... thing, has it harmed you or anyone else in anyway?"

Celestia shook her head. "So far it- I mean him, I'm pretty sure, has just been friendly even since his arrival. How he came here I still don't understand."

Going over this information in her head, she inspected the creature's appearance. He was tall, had horrible dental, dressed like a clown, and had the weirdest skin and hair coloration she's ever seen, and that's saying something. Ponies were generally known for their rather extravagant coat and mane colors. What really troubled her was that smile of his. It wasn't exactly perverted, but it still sent chills down her spine. Finally, she came to a decision.

"Alright. Guards, stand down."

The guards lowered their spears, but were still prepared to leap into action at the drop of a hat. Walking with a swagger in his step, he stood in front of Luna with his hand outreached to her. Hesitantly she held out her hoof. It was certainly a pivotable moment in Equestrian history, when one intellectual species shakes the hand- I mean hoof, of another. And of course the Joker had to ruin it.

The minute his hand clasped with her hoof an electrical shock coursed through Luna. She twitched wildly, electrical sparks flowing all over her body, and her skeleton was briefly seen. Once the shock ended, Luna's entire body was smoking, her left eye twitching madly. Then the hair of her coat stood on end, along with her spectral mane which, surprising to everyone present, actually turned into an afro. She now resembled a charred, fluffy Princess with a star swirling afro mane, which had a tiny fire starting on top of it.

The Joker was laughing insanely, pointing in glee at the smoldering Luna. "You fell for it! The oldest trick in the book works yet again!" The Joker removed his hand buzzer, waving it around his finger like a prize. "You really shouldn't be such a hot head Loonypoo!" Only the Joker would pull a gag over the leader of a country he's only been in for less than five minutes, and then laugh at his victim.

His maniacal laughter came to an end when a magical bolt of energy hit him square in the chest and sent him tumbling across the room to Celestia's feet. The source of the energy bolt was Shining Armor, who yelled at the guards, "Get him in chains now!"

"Wait!" All ponies turned in surprise to the pink figure standing protectively in front of the Joker. "You can't just lock him up!" Pinkie cried out.

"But Pinkie, he attacked the Princess! That's a capital offense!" Twilight said to her friend, worried what the Joker will do next.

"Yeah," Rainbow Dash shouted, "That guy's trouble!"

"Ah reckin' you're right bout that Dash," Applejack said to her friend.

"But he was just playing a joke! He wasn't trying to hurt the Princess!" Pinkie said to her friends and the advancing guard. "Isn't that right Mr. Joker?" Pinkie asked the human at her feet.

"Sorry, but the Joker isn't available at the moment. I'll direct your call to the nearest service consultant for help." The Joker began to hum a tune reminiscent to elevator music. It seemed Shining's bolt damaged more than Joker's body.

"Hold on a second! Princess Luna, you forgive him, right?" Pinkie called to the Princess, hoping she'd protect her new friend.

Luna snapped out of whatever state of bewilderment the jolt of electricity put her in. The first thing she noticed was he scorched fur, afro mane, and finally the small fire on her mane. Turning around slowly, she saw that the Joker was laying on the ground several feet away. After several tense seconds she teleported in front of his prone body and yelled at him in the Royal Canterlot voice. "YOU DARE TRY TO PULL A JOKE ON US! WE WILL CRUSH YOU AND PUT YOU THROUGH THE WORST TORTURES IMAGINABLE FOR YOUR CRIME!"

Joker picked his head up from the floor, licked his fingers, and put out the small fire in Luna's mane. "Do you mind using your inside voice? And would you be ever so kind as to stop with all the 'us' and 'we' stuff. There's only one of you and it gets damn annoying."

"W-WHY YOU SNIVELING, VILE, DOWNRIGHT PIECE OF-"

"That's enough Luna," Celestia said to her sister.

Luna was taken aback at what her sister said. "B-but Tia, you saw what he did to us."

"You! It's supposed to be you! Read a grammar book for Pete's sake!" the Joker called out. Everyone wisely ignored him.

"I know Luna, but you are a Princess. You don't give into anger or be short tempered. I thought you knew better."

"B-but, h-he, I..." Luna stopped, realizing her sister was right. She was a Princess after all, and as one she had to set a better example for her subjects. "Okay Tia."

Celestia smiled to her sister, glad she was taking responsibility. She lifted the Joker up to eye level in a field of magic surrounding his body. "Do you mind explaining why you did that little joke of yours on my sister?"

The Joker smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "I did it for the lulz."

Pinkie Pie appeared before the Princess, and stood protectingly between the Joker and Celestia. "See Princess, he didn't intentionally want to harm Princess Luna, it was just for fun."

"Pinkie, why do you continue to defend this human," Celestia asked, curious about Pinkie's attachment to the human.

"Well, he's new here, and has no friends. It must be awfully scary being in a strange place all by your lonesome, so he's my friend now. And since he's my friend I'm going to protect him, no matter what!" Pinkie Pie stood courageously in front of the Princess, ready to further protect her new friend.

Impressed by Pinkie's devotion to a creature she's known for less than five minutes, Celestia cut the field of magic around the Joker, which made him fall painfully on his face. "Okay Pinkie, I see you won't give this up anytime soon. But as punishment for his tomfoolery, you're going to have to watch him while he stays at the palace."

"What?" Luna, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Shining Armor all shouted out simultaneously.

"My name isn't Tom," the Joker said absently, picking himself off the floor and dusting off his further ruined suit.

"Sister, are you sure its wise to allow the creature to roam the palace grounds?" Luna asked.

"But Princess, we have no idea what he's capable of! We should study him first!" Twilight said.

Rainbow Dash interrupted Twilight, saying, "Forget about studying! We should lock him up right away! You saw what he did to the Princess!"

"I'm going to have to agree with Rainbow Dash on that one," Shining Armor said. "He can be a potential security risk to the palace and nobility. And there's also the chance of media coverage. Keeping out reporters can be a major liability to the guards patrolling the palace."

Soon all the ponies were arguing about whether to keep him free, study him, or lock him up. The Joker was enjoying their bickering by munching on a bag of popcorn he mysteriously acquired. Celestia stamped her hoof down, which caused a loud rumble to silence everyone in the room. Once everyone was quiet and paying attention to her, Celestia stated, "The Joker will remain inside the palace until further notice. Palace guards and servants will not be able to report about him to the outside world under risk of banishment. He will be accompanied by Pinkie Pie at all times outside his room along with one guard. That is final."

Although one or two ponies wanted to continue arguing about it, the fiery look in Celestia's eyes held their tongues. The guards soon emptied out of the room, with Shining Armor appointing himself to watch over the Joker for the time being. Luna also departed, grumbling how it will take her hours to fix her hair and coat. That left only the mane six, Shining Armor, Celestia, and the Joker present in the room.

Laying relaxed in Celestia's throne, the Joker cracked his knuckles and rested them behind his head. "Now this is the royal living. Sure it's a prison, but it definitely beats Arkham."

"Savor your relaxation for the time being freak, because that's all you're going to enjoy in a long time. I'm going to be on you like a shadow," whispered Shining to the Joker. It was Shining's job to protect the Princess, and in failing that he disgraced his role as Captain of the Royal Guards. He will not make the same mistake again.

"Yeah, whatever soldier boy. Hope you enjoy the view back there."

Before Shining could respond with a spiteful retort, Pinkie came along bouncing right into the Joker's lap. "Yay, now you can stay! Which means I have to throw a welcome party for you. But I already have a party to do, and this one is real big and important," Pinkie stopped bouncing and thought deeply, hmming and rubbing her chin in concentration. Suddenly a light bulb appeared over her head, literally, and she shouted, "I know! You can come to the Grand Galloping Gala! What better welcome party than the biggest party in Equestria!"

"Great, another Harley in this world too. Like one of them wasn't bad enough," the Joker thought to himself. He was examining the light bulb he pilfered off atop Pinkie's head, tapping it in wonder on how it still stayed alight. Bored with it already, he threw it over his shoulder where it broke against the wall. The sound of glass breaking evidently brought Rarity out of her unconscious state.

She rubbed her head, a perplexed expression on her face. "Oh girls, I had the most terrible nightmare. Suddenly a weird creature appears out of no where, dressed in the most atrocious clothing I've ever laid eyes on. The colors were simply dreadful and the clothes matching was the worst I have ever seen. I'm glad it was just a dream."

"Uh, sugarcube, hate to burst ya bubble, but that wasn't no dream," Applejack said to her confused friend, pointing a hoof at the figure sitting on the royal thrown.

The Joker noticed the purple maned unicorn had awoken, and waved cheerfully to her. Gasping, yet again, she fainted, yet again. If you looked up Drama Queen in the dictionary, you'd surely find Rarity's picture next to the definition.

The Joker arched one eyebrow. "Okay, this time for sure I know it wasn't something I said."