• Published 23rd Oct 2012
  • 21,758 Views, 796 Comments

Just Joking - RainbowBob



The Clown Prince of Crime is in Equestria, with the job of creating chaos and fun for all.

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Chapter 12: It Was Only A Dream...

Sheesh, I'm bored.

You've been saying that for the past five minutes.

And that just proves you're as bored as me if you're counting the time since I first said so.

... damnit, I hate it when you actually make sense.

Scary, ain't it?

Terrifying.

So, is Luna really going to go into my dreams this chapter?

Oh my god, we're actually discussing the story for once instead of trading insults! I never thought this day would come!

... so, is Luna really going to go into my dreams this chapter, asshole?

Yes. Hope you cleaned out the place.

Not since that New Years party in 1998.

Damn. The smell will be horrendous.

You can blame that on all the dead bodies.

Sheesh, at least burn them or something.

But I like the stench! Like a scented candle, but not as fruity!

Ugh, let's just get this over with.

Breaking an immortal goddess creature's sanity takes time you know. Also, knives and axes. Might even break out the blowtorch this time...

Horrible implications aside, let's get on with the story!

Hacksaw! That's what I need! Oh, this will be so much fun!


"What did he mean by that?" Luna thought to herself, staring over the unconscious form of the Joker before her. He was currently sucking his thumb with that insidious red lipped smile still stuck on his face, even in dreamland. Was he even capable of frowning?

Sighing, she got prepared by settling down in the middle of the room in a comfortable position. She was about to enter someone's dreams, so she would be partially asleep herself. It was always a good idea to make sure she didn't get any sores or cramps by sitting down in an awkward position.

Now ready, her horn glowed as she called upon her arcane arts and prepared her dream entering spell. A difficult spell for even highly trained unicorns, it took years to even get basic controls right. Centuries to master it. Good thing Luna had immortality on her side here.

The transition into the dream state was always a harrowing experience. Like crossing a threshold of such great magnitude you think you'll disappear in the emptiness before you got to the other side. But Luna was already used to this and easily directed her mind towards the Joker, a bright orb of light shooting towards the sleeping clown and drifting slowly in a spiral until it hit his forehead and fizzled out.

Luna felt herself free falling. She didn't bother to open up her wings. So air rushed past her. This falling experience was the usual way for entry into a dream. Each one was different in its own right, but a common cause was falling in. Descending farther down into the endless black hole of his subconscious, she eventually reached the floor of the dream state.

All around her was a black void of infinity, a person's mind in its blankest state. But not for long. Out of the shadows of the stark landscape approached a familiar figure. Dressed now in his usual attire of mismatched, colorful clothing, he walked closer with a jump in his step. The Joker.

The demented clown did a quick ditty of fancy foot work and jumped and landed in a grand finish, his heels clicking on the floor somehow as he pointed a finger towards her and laughed, "Well if it ain't the Loonster! Taking a trip inside my dreams, huh? Isn't that a bit creepy?"

Scowling at the madman, Luna gritted her teeth and said, "Not as creepy as your actions, Joker. You disgust me."

"Yeah, and you aren't exactly a bundle of sunshines either," he chuckled, leaning against an invisible wall and staring at his gloved hand in a nonchalant manner, ignoring the Princess. "What with the entire horse face thing. Ever thought about plastic surgery for that?"

"Enough jokes!" Luna growled, taking a menacing step forward.

"Jokes? I would never think about doing such a thing," the Joker said defensively, holding a hand to his chest. "I am shocked you would accuse me of such a thing, Loonypoo."

"Stop calling me that!" she shouted, stomping her hoof on the floor, causing a shudder to go through the dreamscape. "My name is Luna! I will not be made a mockery of by the likes of you!"

The Joker held up a finger for silence. Then, he put an open palm beside his ear, leaning in to listen for a sound. He stayed like this for several seconds while Luna just looked perplexed at him.

"What is the meaning of this, clown?" she asked hesitantly, not sure of what trick he'll pull next.

The Joker lowered his arm and shrugged. "I was just checking for the amount of fucks I give. And from the silence I have totaled it to be exactly zero."

"This isn't one of your damn jokes!" Luna yelled, the dreamscape shaking from the rage coming from her voice. "This is justice for your crimes!"

"Ooh, justice! I'm so scared!" the Joker teased, shivering in his shoes. "Whatcha gonna do? Lock me in an asylum and throw away the key? That worked out so well before."

"No, Joker. Your crimes and utter lack for innocent life has warranted you a much harsher punishment. One I will deal out." Luna took a menacing step towards the clown, her horn glowing a dark blue hue. The Joker merely leaned back in an uncaring way, not even bothering to glance at the alicorn.

"Oh please, you're sounding more cliched than even Superham. Justice, revenge, blah blah blah," the Joker sighed, sadly shaking his head. "Seriously, are the writers running out of ideas for superheroes these days? You're basically shooting a dead horse with a bazooka nowadays."

"The joke ends here, Joker!" Luna shouted, her eyes glowing with a haunting sapphire light as her mane flowed down to surround herself on the floor. From her mane appeared apparitions of monstrous creatures: claws and flesh shredding teeth, along with hulking and disfigured bodies. All nightmarish figures of pure terror that would drive on mad just by staring at them.

Her mane traveled across the floor to surround the Joker in a pool of shimmering, starry-like dark blue mane. Slowly claws, tentacles, and other limbs made to dismember their victims. A gloating smile appeared on Luna's face as her nightmare magic did its work. "Now you will relive the worst terrors of your nightmares and fears! This is justice for your crimes, Joker!"

The magical constructs soon surrounded the Joker as they shifted their forms to even more twisted and demonic versions of themselves with each passing second. Many reach out to grasp his cloths and arms in razor-sharp claws while many other opened up their hideous maws to expose gore ridden teeth and bloody drool. All had eyes filled with an icy blackness, their skin resembling Luna's mane if the hues turned into a much darker, sinister color.

At first the Joker stared at the nightmare creatures with an unamused look, one of the only times Luna has seen him not smile. A small feeling of triumph entered her as she began to think she won. But then those ruby red lips of his widened, arching upward in a smirk, then grin, and finally a full on psycho smile she was familiar with.

Now his shoulder were shaking. Not from terror, mind you. From the giggles he was trying to hold back. Crossing his arms he bellowed merrily, his laughter rolling out of his mouth like a river of "Ha's" and "Ho's" and even the occasional "Heh". And it didn't stop. His mirthful chuckles didn't rest as his mouth seemed to unhinge itself as his laughter reach a new crescendo, the echoes of his disturbing, joy filled cackling filling the entire dreamscape.

Luna was shaking her head in disbelief. "No... this is impossible! You shouldn't be laughing at your worst fears! That's just... just..."

"Crazy?" the Joker finished her sentence, slowly sauntering over to her while her aspirations dissolved at the slightest touch. "Giggling at the ghosties actually works! And really, what were you expecting? And that's a trick question. Unexpected in my specialty."

"But... my magic should've worked!" she assured herself, her eyes widening as a new feeling came over her like a tidal wave. One that drenched her to the core. Fear. "I'm the ruler of dreams! Forerunner of nightmares! No mortal should be unsusceptible to my magic!"

"And there's your mistake. Thinking I'm mortal," the Joker chuckled, walking right up to her and towering above the alicorn with his superior height. "You couldn't be more wrong, Loonster!"

"No... no, this can't be happening," Luna whispered to herself, a sweat forming over her brow, even in her dreams. She turned her gaze back to the Joker and gritted her teeth, her horn once again glowing with powerful magic as out of thin air swords leaped out to impale the Joker.

The Joker in turn merely laugh, the weapons dissolving into dust. Wiping some stray dust off his jacket, he arched a green eyebrow at the alicorn. "See, this is where cockiness gets you. Dickblocked!"

Luna wasn't paying attention, as over and over again she summoned weapons and other attacks to destroy the Joker. Axes, fireballs, tornado of knives, a nuclear bomb. But one after the other they dissolved or disappeared before they even touched the clown. The Joker just stood in place and with finger on his chin, nodding his head the entire time. "Nice form and technique, but your performance is still lacking. Ever thought about stretching first?"

"Why is nothing working?" she yelled, her horns casting a darker light than before as she poured magic to create dream constructs only for them to fail seconds later. "I have total control over dreams! No mind is impervious to my magic!"

"Says you and every one of my shrinks. But if you didn't already guess this, Loonypoo, I ain't normal!" the Joker yelled with that insidious grin still stuck on his white plastered face as he leaned closer to her. "What, you didn't get the memo yet?"

In a fit of blind rage and last ditch effort to stop him, she charged forward, only for the Joker to dissolve when she went through him. Shaking off white and purple particles off herself while stopping in her tracks to look all along the barren landscape of the dreamscape. "Joker, show yourself!"

A sinister giggle could be heard behind her, followed by another to her right side. "Why would I? This is just too much fun! Seeing you put in your place for once is just an experience I can't pass up!"

"You better, or else I'll make you sorry!" she warned, her horn glowing with her magical aura as she prepared for an attack.

"You must not be good at poker, because we both know that's a bluff. Unlike one of those mamby-pansy ponies, my mind can't be control. Not even Martian Manhunter, the best psychic on Earth could keep me sane for more than five minutes before his brain nearly exploded! How much of a chance do you have?" he asked, his voice like a specter as it floated around her mysteriously.

Her magic surrounded her in a bright shield of sapphire light, the glow from the magic lighting up the Joker's black dreamscape. "I won't lose, Joker! Your mind may be broken, but mine is whole! A strong mind will always defeat a damaged one!"

The Joker appeared before her, just jumping into existence in an instant. Walking up to her dome of magic, he knocked on it and admired his grin in the reflection. "I think you might be right about that. Guess we gotta fix that. Even out the odds, so to speak."

With one final knock the shield shattered, the magic acting like weak glass as it crashed to the floor. Shivering in fright at her powerful magic being trumped in only one hit, Luna stared with fearful eyes as the Joker approached her. Her hooves trembling as she slowly backed up, she asked, "Wh-what are you?"

The Joker's smile grew especially wide at this question. "There are a lot of answers to that question. Some say a clown. Others say a no-good villain. While many others call my a mass murdering, homicidal maniac that spreads terror and destruction everywhere he goes. The last one is a little long for my taste, but beggars can't be choosers. Unless I killed that beggar and stole all his cash."

In one fluid movement, so quick Luna was unable to react, the Joker grasped onto her neck with a viselike grip and brought her muzzle close to her pointy nose. "As for right now, my dear, I'm your worst nightmare." A hole suddenly appeared underneath the chocking alicorn, a bottomless and dark abyss. "Now why don't you take a load off and enjoy the show!"

He laughed as he released Luna, the alicorn screaming in fright as she tried desperately to flap her wings, but to no avail. She descend down the hole, her last image of the Joker waving goodbye and laughing heartily from the top of the hole as she was soon lost to the never-ending void.

Author's Note:

If anyone gets the Superham reference, you win a cookie.