Chapter 11: Devious Minds
Oh, it's good to be back!
Where were you anyway?
Super security lockdown center for the criminally insane.
Oh... how'd that go?
It was such a wonderful vacation! Three meals a day, all the television I could ask for. Not to mention the bodies...
Say what now?
Oh yes, how I broke out! I brought a surprise!
Well what is- oh dear god!
This is Ralph. Or what's left of him. He was my roommate.
He doesn't have a face!
Hey not, you've hurt his feelings! His skull still counts as a face!
Not if there isn't any flesh on it!
Not to worry! I just drew a face on his skull! See, he's smiling now.
Ugh, just get rid of him!
But the trash can is full and the garbage doesn't get picked up for another day!
Stop being lazy and throw him in a ditch!
But mom!
Butts are for sitting! Now get that shovel, throw him in a ditch, and bury him right now young man!
I'm over fifty years older than you!
Do you want to get grounded, mister?
AAAAAHHHHHHHHH... fine!
The palace was quiet, the gentle shimmer of the moonlight reflecting off many of it's surfaces. The moon hung low over the sky, almost as if an eager pegasus can fly up and touch it if prompted to. From the faint moonlight a figure could be seen on a balcony high in a tower, her mane flowing in a nonexistent breeze as she stared up at the celestial body. Another figure approached, looking much like the first, and politely coughed.
The first figure averted its eyes from the splendid moon and smiled at the newcomer. "Luna, welcome," Celestia spoke to her sister. "I was just here admiring your moon. You've really outdone yourself tonight."
Luna smiled at her sister's kind words, and gently nuzzled her cheek. "Thank you sister. But... we have some things to discuss."
Celestia broke out of their embrace and sighed. Of course. "Yeah, I guessed that was the reason you came here. The Joker, correct?"
Luna nodded. "The therapist, or rather therapists you sent him, have all quit or ran away."
"How many did he go through?" Celestia asked, already dreading the answer.
Luna pulled out a clipboard fill with notes and began to read of it. "Over a dozen. None of them lasted past the first day. The first one, Ms. Evergreen, was put into a severe psychological breakdown, while others simply ran off bawling their eyes out."
"Did any of them at least pinpoint what his mental state of mind is?" Celestia asked, desperate at this point for some good news.
Luna continued to flip through the notes on the clipboard. "Antisocial Personality Disorder, paranoid schizophrenia, manic depressive, a severe case of sadomasochism, extremely psychopathy, antipathy for others, bi-polar, sociopathy, Multiple Personality Disorder, and one of them just wrote CRAZY over and over again."
"That... doesn't sound good," Celestia admitted, her brow furrowing. Monsters she could deal with, enemies with vast magical powers were common, but this. A strange creature with no powers, yet he managed to destroy nearly half of Canterlot in a single night, strike terror in a small town, and spread fear throughout her kingdom.
"Yep, and it gets worse. Media coverage of the event is eating this up, while citizens across the kingdom are outraged. They want justice."
"And that's what they're going to get," she said, leaving the balcony and returning to her bedchambers. "The Joker will be on trial before the month is over."
"Put on trial?" Luna blurted out, shocked. "Tia, this creature in a psychotic monster! A danger to Equestria! He should be locked in deepest dungeon we have with the key thrown away!"
Celestia shot her sister with an icy look. "Luna, he may be all those things you just said, but this is Equestria. We have laws. And one of them clearly says every person in this land has rights to a fair trial. If we abandon that rule, how are we any better than him? The laws keep order. Not following them only instigates chaos."
Luna was fuming. How could her sister not see the Joker as the threat he truly was. One that should be locked away forever. But she held her tongue, gritted her teeth, and tried her best to control the fury in her heart. "Very well, sister."
The white coated alicorn knew this wasn't end of the subject with her sister. Luna was famous for her stubbornness. But for now, she was too tired to deal with anything at the moment. Her body was still weak from the toxins it was subjected to by the Joker's hand. "Glad to hear it, Luna. Goodnight," she whispered, before laying in bed and drifting off to dreamland.
Luna moved toward the door, ready to exit her sister's room. She cast one more glance at her sleeping sibling. So peaceful now. Not like before. When she had that smile on her face. A smile much like a certain psychotic clown's. One he put on her face with his poison.
Luna left and made her way down the halls of the palace, only one destination in mind. Tonight, the Joker will pay.
"Um, hello, I'm here to talk to the prisoner," Twilight said to the guard, the purple unicorn decked out in a simple cloak that covered most of her body. The guard raised as eyebrow at the mare. Visiting the Joker was a no show for just about everyone. But Twilight was an Element of Harmony, Celestia's student, and most importantly, the little sister of his Captain. No way was he going to piss that stallion off by saying no to his sister.
"Head on in. Just be careful," he said, opening the door for her. She gave him a warm smile and nodded, entering the prison room. Even with two weeks of him staying secluded in a cell, albeit a sort of luxurious one, and he was still prattling on to the two guards watching over him.
"Excluding the fact half my hair was burned off, I had two bullets in my arm, and my left leg got shattered, it was still a pretty great birthday party. All those smiling faces," he sighed happily, slumped over in his chair that was nailed down to the floor. Both the guards looked like they were on the verge of either tears or nausea, or a strange mix of the both. So far they were some of the last recruits available for the job, the rest either quitting or accepting positions to fight hydras in the middle of the savage lands, rather than guard the Joker. And it looks like these two would share the same fate.
Finally noticing the new arrival, the Joker hopped out of his seat and shuffled closer to the bars, his chains and cuffs clinking and clattering with each movement. He wrapped both of his hands around a bar each and brought his leering face as close as possible to Twilight, who was still on the other side of the room. "Well, well, well, if it isn't Miss Twinkle Bottoms herself. And what do I owe the honors of having a magical, talking unicorn visit me in the slammer?"
Twilight gulped. Fear traveled throughout her body with each heartbeat as she stared at that wide, unsettling grin of his. A grin that's been haunting her nightmares for more nights than she could count, his laughter making her ears bleed as she struggled to awaken from the decent of madness that was dreams nowadays. Shakily moving forward, each step hesitant and careful, she said, "I-I'm here t-to ask you some questions."
The Joker grabbed both his cheeks with his long, bony hands, and giggled. "Ooh, another shrinky dink, just for me! Hope you do betters than the others. They always break too easy."
She knew all too well how many trained psychologists and therapists the Joker had gone through. While mental problems in Equestria were not something new, no experts have ever seen anything like the Joker's condition. In both the scientific and medical fields he was the talk of much speculation, with those of the psychology side finding his mental state fascinating while most doctors and scientists were more interested in his body. This was the first ever human in Equestria, and many the eager professor wanting to study him. Too bad the Princess barred anyone from having interaction with him other than trained psychology experts, and even that plan has gone down the hole.
Shuffling over closer, she sat down on the cold stone floor, not bothered by it in the slightest because all her attention was drawn to the smiling lunatic in front of her. She cleared her throat nervously. "After the events of a couple of weeks ago, I am here to clarify certain subjects with you. If you don't mind, of course."
Turning his back to her, he sauntered over closer to the chair in the middle of his prison cell, but didn't sit down in it. Looking over his shoulder with a bored expression, he replied, "Not at all. Though I'm pretty sure you won't be able to believe, trust, or handle my answers."
She nodded her head, sort of expecting that answer. "Very well then. First up, how did you arrive here in the first place? And why did you act so nonchalant about entering a new world with an entirely different species? Are there ponies in your world as well?"
He held up one finger. "To answer the first, I hopped on over after the teleporter I swiped from a tyrannical corporate executive/evil genius malfunctioned, which was caused when I was fighting a superhero dressed as a bat." He held up a second finger. "For numero dos, after seeing a whole slew of weird aliens, monsters, demons, and other eldritch abominations from across the universe and multiple dimensions, meeting talking midget ponies ripped from six year old's imagination is pretty tame. Plus, I'm completely loco." And with a wave of his hand he held up three fingers, turning his face fully back to her so she can examine ever inch of his yellow tooth grin. "As for number three, yes, there are colorful ponies in my world. We kill them and ground them up for hamburger meat!"
His laughter echoed in the small room, the peals of his chuckles further dementing the sanity of the inhabitants of the prison cell. Twilight didn't know whether she could even believe half of the stuff he said. Heck, she was tempted to just run out of the room and never look back. But she wouldn't. This was her only chance to settle her fears. And finally get some answers.
Giving her best attempt at a fake smile to the giggling madman, she said, "Well, that's... nice. Now, for the next batch. Why exactly did you do, um, the crimes you committed?" That certainly wasn't the way she planned to word that question, but her anxiety was disrupting her normal thought process.
"Like I said before, I did those things because I can!" he cackled, his chains rustling as he hopped on one foot and spread his arms out wide. "I rob banks and steal money because I can! I kill people and stuff ping pong balls down children's throats because I can! I spread chaos and death to the entire world because I fucking can!" He was laughing now, his impossibly wide smile open so much Twilight could stare into the bottomless abyss of his mouth. "Isn't that the truest joy in life? Do whatever you want whenever you want? No conscience, no regrets? Just having a fun, bloody time?"
Twilight was shaking in fright, scooting on her rump away from the devilish smirk of the Joker. "N-No, that's awful! How can you possibly do such things? It's... it's... evil!" she cried.
The Joker just giggled and brought a hand to his lips, like a demented version of a school girl. "Evil? That's just a title you sane people like to attach to things. The truth of the matter is, there is no light or dark, good or evil. Just gray. The only true difference in the world is regular and crunchy!"
She shook her head, denying his words entry into her head. "No! That's not how the world works! Harmony will always triumph over Chaos!"
"Ha! Who taught you that? Some kiddie television show?" he teased, licking his ruby red lips with great relish. "Though, guess we're in one already, huh?"
Twilight was confused what he was talking about, but she quickly recovered enough to retort with, "You're insane!"
"I know!" he replied joyfully, spinning around like a ballerina on his tippy toes. "Isn't it wonderful?"
That's it. She had enough of this mad clown. No way was she going to listen to another word from his sinful lips She turned her back and made her way to the door, her hoof just touching the handle before she heard a yell behind her. "Aww, don't go Twinkie, I didn't even tell you about the secret!"
This caught her attention instantly. "What secret?" she demanded, the Joker's frightening appearance be damned as she walked closer to him.
"You know how I nearly killed everyone in Ponyville with dynamite?" he hinted. "And forced you to choose who lives and dies? The town or your precious Spikey wikey?"
"Which was a lie. You said so yourself that you only had enough dynamite to cover Spike," she reminded him, stopping several feet from his bars, not willing to take a step closer. "And that decision was a lie too. The detonator switch you gave me was a dunce."
"And there's the funny part. I lied."
"What?" she asked fearfully, dread creeping in her bones and a cold sweat breaking out on her forehead.
"About the switch being a dunce. It worked perfectly fine. It either set off the fake dynamite or the real ones." He jumped in the chair and rested one arm over it the back, getting into a relaxed position.
Twilight still wasn't getting the point, which was frustrating her to no end. "So, what does that mean?"
"It means..." he said, stopping to dust off his shoulder to create suspense, "that when you pressed the button, it still set off the detonator. But nothing exploded. Which will lead one to believe you..."
Her eyes bulged out of their socket. She slammed her hoof down on the device. No one died. Because she... "Hit the switch that killed the town," the Joker finished her thought, a sadistic grin on his white bleached face.
"N-No. That i-isn't t-true. I-It can't b-b-be," she stuttered, trying her best to deny it, to not see the truth, to crawl into a ball and wishing she never had to make that choice.
"Interesting stuff. Sacrificing the lives of an entire town just to save one life. Seems pretty, hmm, what was that word again?" The Joker snapped his fingers, the word dawning on him. "Evil. Yep, seems pretty evil to me."
Crying. That's what she was doing. Bawling her eyes out, cowering in a ball of her own self hatred at what she did. She couldn't deny it any longer. And the knowledge of her choice would weigh on her mind for the rest of her life. The Joker's laughter and pointing at her certainly didn't help. Suddenly, she felt feathers brush off the tears on her face.
"Twilight Sparkle, it's okay," whispered the gentle voice of Princess Luna, who was using her wing to soak away the tears streaming down her face. "He can't hurt you."
"B-But Princess, I-I-I..." She couldn't control herself as she was once again racked by sobs. Luna simply nuzzled the unicorn's cheek, waiting for her cries to die down.
"Guards, please escort Miss Sparkle back to her room. I wish to be alone with the Joker."
"But Princess-" one guard began, before shutting up at the glare the Princess of the night gave him. Both guards nodded quickly and saluted at their ruler, one of them helping the still crying Twilight to her hooves while the other held the door open. Once the only two inhabitants in the room were the alicorn and human, did Luna trained her eyes on the Joker.
He simply waved a hand at her. "Why hello there, Loonypoo. Something troubling you?"
"You," she growled, making her way right to his jail cell bars. "You created chaos and mayhem in my kingdom, harmed my citizens, and hurt my sister. I swear, if Celestia didn't wanted to give you a fair trial, I would stick your disgusting caracas to rot in the dungeons like you deserve."
"Now, Loonypoo, sweetheart, aren't we being a little overdramatic now?" he asked, pointing a finger at her accusingly.
"Shut up, cretin. I plan on giving you what you truly deserve. Justice," she retorted, her horn glowing in preparation.
"I much prefer injustice. Gotta go with what's in right now, huh?" he chuckled, not in the least bothered by her threat.
A bright flash of brilliant blue filled the room, small sparkles surrounding the Joker as the Luna's spell finished its casting. Brushing off some stray sparkles from his jumpsuit, the Joker said, "So, covering me in pixie dust is justice? Gotta admit, much quicker than the American law system."
Luna gave the Joker her own sadistic smile, taking cue from his special style. "Nope. I just cast a sleep spell. In only a few moments you will fall into a deep slumber, your dreams open to me. Here is where I'll deliver justice for your crimes. Here, you will meet your worst nightmares."
The Joker got up from his seat and made his way to his bed, each of his movements slow as the spell started to kick in. "Oh Loonypoo, you fail to realize something. My nightmares won't be a problem. For me. As for you..." He laughed, his chuckles dying down as he slumped into bed, unconscious in an instant. But his smile could still be seen, always there on his face. Always a happy grin that never left his side.
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Oh Luna you just had to do one of the stupidest things you could possibly do to the Joker. Well next chapter should be a good read on how Luna is traumatized for the rest of her very long life.
Well... You know the Joker hasn't really thought this through...
He just admitted his worst fear to Twilight, at least indirectly...
What would he do if he was completely ineffectual? What if he couldn't rob banks, hurt people, and the like?
2098255
Why, he'd just smile of course. Smile and smile and smile.
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2098249
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You dun f'ed up...Luna of course, not the Joker. This is his playground.
2098275
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2098332
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Thanks, I sometimes get confused with that.
Wen does he gonna meet discord?
You know, when I only started reading this story, I couldn't shake the idea that the Joker would be a bit influenced by the Emperor Joker comic, where he said he was going to erase the world because the world was sick and allowed people like him to exist, or something like that. And I imagined he'd see Equestria, this utopian world where a Joker would never have appeared, and wouldn't want to drive it to chaos, because that comic made it seem like his entire motivation and validation for his actions was that the world was crappy and funny with how everyone took it so seriously. But I guess that Joker was not the most Jokery Joker imaginable, and it wouldn't have made for a good Joker story, although I am a sucker for villain redemption stories or at least when a villain acts calmly and civil communication between him and the heroes occurs.
Basically, I want to see how this ends!
Shit just got real.
2098351 You're here too? Hello.
And now, we see what happens when a Dream-Invader sees what goes on in Joker's world...
Scary in there, isn't it?
The Joker in Equestria Awesome.
2098493
................
DO´H!
Luna will now see the true depths of madness and insanity, and she will go past the point of no return
poor luna she lived a long life.
2098785
Please form in an orderly fashion a line so you may be fired out of the cannon. That will be all.
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YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS...........
joker you evil genius son of a bitch
I guess I'm confused, is he saying that she did destroy Ponyville or that her hitting the switch could have actually done it? Sorry...
confused.
I read Joker's sentences with Mark Hamill's voice in my head. Is something wrong with me?
Have him kill Cadance, please. Slowly...
2098255
Actually, the Scarecrow once used his fear gas on the Joker to see what his worst fear is. And it turns out to be...
NOTHING
But that's probably just because Joker is immune to most toxics..
MORE! NOW! I DEMAND MORE!
You know after reading this I must say that the Joker in Equestria idea isn't so great afterall. It is well written but I can't really get into it sorry.
2098411
You have to remember, there are multiple Jokers out there, and in this story too. Heck, I switch him up every couple of chapters.
2099462
Sorry to hear that. If you find the storyline bland, that could just be me pacing myself with it. Anyway, glad you gave it a look at least.
2099485
Thanks for your understanding truth be told its actually really good you've recreated the Joker very admirably and that back and forth chatter at the beginning of the chapters is funny. It just rubs me the wrong way for some reason not really sure why it happens.
Anyway I'm really glad someone did a crossover with Joker and I wish you luck with writing the rest of the story.
Man, the psychiatrists in Equestria must be all pretty useless if they just ran away or have mental breakdowns because of their patient. Sure, he's the Joker, but at least in Arkham the doctors could feign some tolerance toward his actions and personality. It must be because of this negligence in their work, that Pinkie Pie is still roaming free
.
2099700
In Arkham the Joker at least had drugs and sedatives to keep him under control (not really). Plus, I don't think even the most trained therapist in the world can tolerate the Joker for too longer, and the ponies aren't even experienced with the Joker's type of mental condition. Really, no one is.
2099732 Except...
images.wikia.com/batman/es/images/a/a1/Batman_wallpaper_4ae7f.jpg
Things are going to get out of hand very quickly.
Poor Luna... she does not know what she's wrought... Joker doesn't have nightmares, his dreams are the nightmares of all sane beings. His mind is worse then that of Discord, his mind is of true insanity and untouched anarchy. Even Discord shudders at the inhumane thoughts that only few select individuals have delved into and arrived back still with their minds intact.
I honestly think even discord will think Joker is insane. Discord doesn't kill, not that I know of, so I can't wait if they meet! Great story, Disapointing in the lack of killing, but great never less!
2099478 Well yeah, I just remembered that one comic for some reason and wondered what would that Joker do if he was suddenly in Equestria. Maybe he'd pull the Killing Joke's end Joker and go "welp, this sure is a nice world, but I am too far gone so I can't help it LOL"
Oh my, this promises to be...
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MOST intriguing.
2099478 I would really love to see what happens if you include the The New 52 Joker (you know the one where he has lost his face). I think that version of the Joker is by far the most terrifying.
To Pinkie Pie: Bet'cha can't make a face crazier than... THIS!images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121218110807/batman/images/b/b1/The_Joker_-_New_52.jpg
2099033
Ponyville: Duds.
Spike: Real explosives.
Button pressed: Ponyville.
So yea... If Ponyville bombs were real, Twilight Sprakle would have destroyed a whole town. With a click of a button.
*Click*
Waiting for next chapter.
2101914
Hey, that's the guy in my other fic!
Hades Is Such A Great Neighbor
2101081
Disappointed in the lack of violence and murder? Well, that's mostly because this is the silly version of the Joker. Remember, there are multiple Jokers out there. Soon, the truly bloodthirsty one shall arrive.
2099512
Thank you my good sir, glad we're on common terms here. I'm just happy you stopped by, even if it was for a short while.
2102310
I know, and I enjoy reading that one as well.
2102365
Glad you liked it. I'll probably have it updated sometime later today.
Ahh okay so she is just in shock, fair enough. 2101995
Luna, for the love of all that is sacred, DON'T DO IT!
You may be the princess of the night, but the Joker is....how to say this in a word....BatshitcrazywithasideorderoflocojuicebeingservedontheHMSloonburgerwhiletravlingtodementia:landofdiscordandhorrorbeyondwhichnomortalorotherwisecanservive. Sidenote, I think you're becoming just as crazy as Mr.J you spectrum sea creature you. To whixh I say; WELLCOME TO THE NUTHOUSE!
2103392
Welcome to the nuthouse? I was here the entire time.
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The happy good ponies facing the untold horror of the Joker.. not easy but interesting. I wonder how bad it will go from here. Will Luna become the Batmare, if she survives the upcoming nightmare? Will Twilight break down, after what the Joker put her through, and turn into Twiley Quinn?
2106660
Actually: In Arkham City, Harley Quinn is voiced by Tara Strong.
2102316
Arkham Joker is best Joker.
But he's dead...
[youtube=www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8UEQf6ED7o]