A young businesswoman dies after a life consumed by the pressure to succeed… and is reborn in a world of magic, as a filly with a rare condition that alters her coat. At least this time, she’s been born into the warmth of a loving family.
Now she must adapt to a new life alongside her new family. But what our reincarnated protagonist doesn’t know yet… is that her siblings are destined for greatness: one will become the Princess of Friendship, the other the Prince of an Empire. And her? She has no destiny—because from the very beginning, she was never meant to exist.
Now she wants only one thing: to live without pressure. She doesn’t power, or a place in history. She just wants to enjoy her new life.
Everything was going well… until she discovered her talent: The ability to create illusions. And maybe—just maybe—she’ll use that power to pull off a few tricks with a hint of mischief. Sometimes, she even surprises herself with how much she acts like “Loki”… but unlike him, she could never lift a hoof against her siblings. They’re the only ones she truly loves.
This is a rewrite... or something like that, of the original story, "A Lazy Sister."
So what is this?
12197005
Trash ;D
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so is this a remake?
Well, here again to see this trip. Frankly I didn't have many problems with the previous version except for the last chapter posted.
Topic aside, I just realized that Noctis visually speaking has the kind of body that in the world would be considered a model (at least according to the show, having Fluttershy and Fleur as a reference): the horn looks big and she has tall and slim build. Plus the eye style.
Was that intentional? Because if it wasn't it seems like an interesting point to bring up at some point. It's somewhat ironic considering her special talent in illusions, not the kind of magical talent you'd expect from a model of all things.
Is this a redo or what's going on?
12197021
Well... It's a remake of sorts. I want to change several things from the original story. Plus, this way I don't have to rewrite the chapters.
I thought noctis gaslit me that it had more chapters
😭
12197034
Can you delete the other one then cause its making people believe this is a sequel when in reality its just a rewrite.
12197069
please don't let the other stay up that way people can still enjoy what was written. Though would put up authors note on other to let people know it's canceled and you're doing a rewrite.
12197018
It is the perfect talent for a model
Third times the charm 😭🙏🏼
12197120
The third time is always lucky
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So she is cyan and not gray now
12197069
No!
Probably just cancel it but leave it up
And then edit the description
Lost media is scawey 🥺
Also I'm gonna read chapter 6 of the last one and then read this one to see what this is about
I'll admit the whole thing with Celestia was extremely weird
I'm glad you found the strength to do a rewrite
I'll pray for you
I'm liking the new direction!
How many more?
well, I wonder what will happen this time.
"Lizy" -> "Lazy"
Good luck on this attempt then
This whole scene reminded me of "red reality" from scp universe.
Never expected this rewrite. I see you expanded it somewhat, changed the tone. Also the description has changed, so I suppose there was a whole change of heart towards her future relationships with her family. I suppose, we will see Luna here, since the mystical art has changed (and the shadow there appeared). A dark apprentice Noctis of the Mistress of Dreams is due?
Well, whatever it is, I am intrigued. More than I was for the previous story. I couldn't quite pin point my expectations there.
P.S.
It would be hilarious to see how Luna's reserved royal attitude would councide with Noctis. With what was apparent from the previous story, their chemistry could be something. They are similar and completely different at the same time.
Damn this is the fastest I've ever seen a story get rewritten
I think the only problem with last version is its lastest chapter that trying to shoe hone mc into ponyville when being a travelling magician give her more opportunities for fun story.
12197119
* Prepares to disagree*
Wait, actually that's a very good point.
Also to be fair last version was going good...it was mainly the last chapter and how played it so many seemed to have problem with.
I mean attitude of Twilight and rest of ponyville aside Noctis just felt off to her already established character.
But looking forward to seeing where you go with this version none the less. I'm hoping to see Noctis pick up if not villainous path than some anti-villainous to really mix things up.
It may only have one chapter so far, and funnily enough, was how I learned of the old version of this one, and let me tell ya, the old one was fantastic and this currently single chapter is great! I look forward to the art in this story and the shenanigan's Noctis gets up to! We never did get to see a proper interaction between her and Pinkie, but I have a decent feeling they be good friends...or arch-rivals/frenemies, Noctis having ways to utterly screw with Pinkie and vice-versa!
Either way, keep up the good work! And I wish you luck, also I hope we see young Noctis screwing with Candance. The princess of love will live up to her title with this troublesome filly, but I also foresee very Tom and Jerry-esque shenanigans to play out with poor Twily in the middle!
Once again, keep up the good work!
Please PACE YOURSELF this time. Decide what you want the story to do and where it goes before you write it so you don't end up regretting where it ended up like the last two times you tried to write this story.
I think this first chapter is definitely an improvement over the previous version. Now I hope the story comes together better than last time.
Looking at tags, Equestria Girls one was added, and the Celestia one was removed
Wonder what are the implications of this...
Before reading, I still prefer the previous cover, especially the pose of the protagonist... I don't like this new one as much.
12199983
i agree
i pray that her and twilight are not as bad off this time but great start so far
New relationship with Twi, glad to see some differences early.
Well...lets hope it stays that way. =)
Thanks for the chapter .
This is way better then the last story
Thanks for the great chapter
12202654
i agree
Oh, so that was intentional. Huh... who would have guessed.
I feel this chapter has a somewhat more hurried pace, than it should, but given the length, I cannot say that for sure.
I will hold any commentary regarding the essence of the text as this chapter is but a small glimpse and doesn't give a lot to work with. So far so good. At least looks like it.
Direct speech in bold looks like the one speaking is shouting his words, which I'm not sure is intended.
Keep up the good work
Eh, this chapter feels like Twilight's control issues, dictating personality, and mental issues are being excused to try to establish a strong sister bond, which would make it a toxic relationship then. Noctiis caring about her new siblings is one thing, but her strong will being subjugate so easily doesn't make sense in the story or for her personality.
Noctis did great with questioning Twilight's actions to the filly in question, but Noctis not maintaining her dislike because of emotional logic from young Twilight or making it clear that Twilight needs to respect her and stop stronghoofing her or others would've been an important pivotal moment in their young lives and set up the first of many incidents were Twilight keeps undermining her sister. Not unlike how Celestia treated Luna from their foalhood into young adulthood before Celestia caused Luna to have a mental breakdown. Twilight's undiagnosed issues are going to be the foundation for what breaks their family, with Noctis leaving, possibly after calling her parents out on their inappropriate behavior around them and their lack of properly taking care of their kids.
I do find Shining Armor's personality being explained as psychological damage from his parents sexual actions around him and his sisters to be brilliant. It establishes how a child can be harmed with indirect carelessness and creates history for why his mental defenses are lacking against mind control spells.
Good night vision if unusually constricted in the day
Off to a good start highlight more of younger Noctis bond with her family, and what she's learnt about Equestria so far, eager to read more~
Okay, I've been on this site for a... good while holy-
And have seen my fair share of stories, but from just the start alone?
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Everything has grasped my attention. Detail, pacing, although a bit fast, nothing untoward or bad, you actually did it quite well. Verbose language, the emotions, the character dialogue and setting, everything was exceedingly well done!
I know it's only the first chapter but I do hope to enjoy the rest of it as I have this first chapter and await to see what future this story holds. ^^
Adorable. That's the best way i can describe this chapter. Keep up the good work.
I wonder is she going to be with the stallion she loves cause I think she would want that
Uwaaa the babies. Love them.
Very well done lad! I look forward to the mischief soon to take place! In particular look forward to her screwing with ol' Shining Armor while they play DND, err sorry, ONO (Ogres and Oubliettes, won't lie, doesn't quite roll off the tongue as well as DND does). What class she'll be I am unsure as that's up to you, but whatever it is, she is the player every DM fears, using magic, equipment, and skills beyond what you would normally use it for and she WILL try to derail the campaign (In a way that's fun of course, she's mischievous, not a d*ck), to what was once supposed to be an epic quest to slay a dragon is turned into a crazed cheese smuggling mafia fighting both the law and eliminating all the unfortunate cheesemakers to usurp control of the cheese industry and establish a monopoly on all dairy products.
(Never did the cheese thing myself, just using it as an example and heard a story about how a group of players did something like that to a DM's campaign.)
Keep up the good work lad! And hopefully whatever sickness that took you doesn't come back for round 2!
12197008
It's actually pronounced "Peak"
Hey real quick cadence didn't get her horn until after she babysit twilight
12203814
Yes. You're right about that, but it's not like it will have much impact on the future eithe. Besides, it's the only liberty I'm currently taking with the canon story (both the show and the comics). But I might take more in the future, just to incorporate certain events.
12203518
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