Rough Sax
Chapter 11 Rough Sax
Sorry guys it's been a rough week with AP social studies and track. It's hard to find time and I hope for at least 1 or 2 chapters a week. Sorry.
-Van
Last night was as normal as any other with Luna we everyone in the house listen to our rough sax. You guys are sick. I mean our copy of the album "Rough Sax" by Pelvic Overdrive aka the best band on the face of America. And I enjoyed every single moment of it. We also then proceeded to listen to the albums "Pink Plush" and "EP Without Turner". Though the thing that had me shocked most was there was a band just like Tenacious D only they were called "TeNEIGHcious E".
Which in either case was freaking hilarious for everyone in the house, but Luna who had a pretty "What the hell are they talking about?". Face going on.Especially when she mentioned Avenged Sevenfoal.
The rest of our night went perfectly otherwise. I learned healing magic from one of Twilight's books, Cory and I made plans to go hunting in the Everfree the next morning, and Luna made me another sandwich so that made me very happy even though she kept asking me why having woman making men sandwiches was so important in our culture. I simply said "Don't worry about it". And that seemed to do the trick pretty. For awhile.
The next morning I woke up and noticed I was the only one in bed so I looked around for Luna, but instead found a note and a sandwich that she presumably made for me several hours earlier. I picked up the sandwich and sniffed it, and it smelled pretty fresh plus who can turn down salmi and cheese. Nopony that's who. I soon began eating the sandwich and reading the note. It said:
Dear Van,
I hate to disappoint, but important treaty meetings between the Dragons and the Griffons have arose and I must return to Canterlot to oversee these negotiations between the two nations. I will be back when you and Cory have finished hunting this afternoon. Remember were having dinner at Le Hoof tonight when your done.
Love,
Luna
P.S I looked the sandwich thing up on your phone. Not cool.
"Great" I thought. Now I have a literal goddess pissed off at me for making sexist jokes, and what would Chuck Norris do besides roundhouse kick her to the face and blow shit up. Nothing that's what. I'm on my own here, So now I'm officially fucked so maybe hunting with Cory will give me time to think of an excuse and learn how to beg for mercy. I wonder if Twilight has a book on that. "Oh well it's time for me to get going". I thought aloud as I finished off that sandwich and headed down to the basement to get my gear.
Holy Shit how do I miss the days in Call of Duty where you can just suit up in juggernaut in then seconds flat. It took me and Cory an hour and a half to even attempt to suit up so we just put on some of the Assassins Creed armor and walked out the door with our rifles and ammo in tow.
Soon we arrived at the edge of the Everfree behind Fluttershy's house. And we walked in and began to talk. "I do feel bad for scaring that shit out of her". Cory said.
I replied "Well we did need permission to go in her backyard and so she didn't think we were like the bed intruder trying to snatch Angel up". "Yeah that is true. That would be fucking creepy" he said. "Manticore two a clock! Oh shit it's coming right at us!". I yelled and we unloaded on in with our ACRs and M16s.
When we were done Cory said "Isn't the point of hunting aim for the head and using stealth?". I retorted "Yeah but that's not as fun is it? So fuck hunting lets just shoot at trees and other shit". "Fine" he simply replied and with that we moved on to find some trees to spray and pray at.
Three exhausting hours later we were finally finished we killed 13 trees and a Bush that's were all our ammo went into that one huge ass tree. It was a total pain in the ass it was literally like trying to kill a juggernaut with a pistol in other words impossible without a tactical insertion and a lot of pistol ammo. But we got what we came for and now there is a manticore hanging in our living room and it was pretty swanky, and due to the fact I was covered in blood on my white coat. I needed a bath before my date.
I went into my bathroom to see someone had left me a gift so I unwrapped it and it was a bottle of Swaggy Mc Swaggerson's Liquid Swag in a bottle with swag shampoo and body wash.I just shrugged and decided that it would smell that bad and put it on. Later I figured out that Swagpoo smelled worse than mixing all the axe deodorants together and throwing gasoline on it. Literally I smelled like a dumpster for shampoos and decided that my date was worth more than my pride and walked inside the restaurant.
Upon entering the restaurant I saw Luna waiting for me at the table and waved at me to join her.
I took my seat and she just smiled and said "That's what you get for having me make you sandwiches". And proceeded to stick her tongue out at me.
"That actually explains a lot". I thought as the waiter took our orders I decided to play it safe and order a hay burger with hay fries extra crispy. While she ordered foin hamburger frites et de foin supplémentaire croustillant. Whatever the fuck that is and we while we waited for our food we decided to talk.
We were soon deep in conversation and I ended "And that's how Grant got dumped". She looked at me sadly and Said two words that confirmed that she stole my phone she said "Forever alone". And flashed me her best troll face. "OMG I thought" she knows what a troll face is and I pulled up Damnlol.com and brought that Obama meme that said "I know what you did there". And we just sat there and laughed a full five minutes until our food came.
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Van they are going to remove this chapter...
Equestria law states that you can kill an animal ONLY in self defense or in special hunting areas with a permit.
To get around it just have Van say "HOLY SHIT IT IS COMING RIGHT AT US!" right before he shoots anything.
171017
Sheew that was a close one.
"You bastard," screamed Lyrosk with fear and anger in his voice, "that big ass tree, was my brother!"
Wait, Luna made you a SALAMI and cheese sandwhich?! But, salami is meat and Ponies are Herbivores. Or is this one of those rare fics in which Ponies can eat meat?
Princess Luna loves stealing other ponies' cell phones. At least she didn't absorb it this time. (A cupcake <or a muffin> to anypony who can tell me what I'm talking about.)
188859
Dude that's easy, you're talking about 'Through the Eyes of another Pony', were Luna absorves Firewall's the ALL MIGHTY IPHONE and goes mad because she now has the entire internetz inside her head.
NOW WERE'S MY CUPCAKE?
I would of pulled up a picture of a guy saying
oh you
And that is when Van met Buck Norris, the toughest pony in equestria!