Autumn's End
Wheels rattled over the leaf-strewn path; a sound somehow lonely in crisp autumn air so dominated by the whisper of branches and leaves dancing to the will of the breeze. Here and there, birds sang their farewells to the wind before making to depart for the warmer climes in the south: chasing the sun's journey in mass migrations heralded by the forest's change. The bright and vibrant greens that had been the forest finery had been exchanged for amber and gold and ruby some weeks ago.
Now, only a few of the most miserly trees still clung desperately to their treasure, but losing bit by bit as the cool wind caressed them. Left naked, they reach towards the skies with skeletal fingers to beg for the Spring to return soon. Green had not completely left the world though - here and there were pines and spruce: the evergreen knights of the forest standing sentinel armoured all in blue-green needles; their resin scent heady and comforting in the cool air.
Scootaloo leaned into the corner, her tiny wings buzzing industriously to keep a steady clip. She coasted up a short incline then down the opposite side, shifting her weight over to follow the path as it skirted tight to a grove of gnarled old trees. She zipped down a straightaway, leaves rattling and sizzling in her wake, crackling under her wheels as the autumn air rippled down her sides. The little pegasus was paying only enough attention to her journey to avoid falling off the trail; her mind drifting to and from thoughts of its own accord with no particular direction, nor settling on any particular subject.
Autumn was a busy time in Ponyville: seemingly a thousand and one things had to get done, leaving no time for anything else, much less one small, flightless pegasus who always seemed to be underfoot. Too small to carry, too short to stack, not wise enough to help. Scoot wasn't often the sort to turn melancholy, but something about the season's bustle just made her feel directionless. The noise and busyness of the town could make for great fun to watch sometimes, but today she just wanted to be out on her own; Scootaloo had just the place for it.
She had found it just after the Winter Wrap-Up and quickly staked it out as her own. Scoot journeyed out here once or twice a week now. Sometimes she brought something to do, or spent her time there trying to think up new ways to earning her cutie mark or impress Rainbow Dash. Usually though, it was just a place to go to sit quietly for awhile and listen to the trees and birds and bugs.
Scootaloo rounded a long curve and found the last hill before her secret path. She leaned forward, tiny wings buzzing faster to drive herself up the incline as hard as she could. It wasn't that steep of a hill, but it was a long one and Scoot was only able to make it about halfway towards her hidden marker before coasting to a stop. She stepped off with a quiet sigh and slung her scooter over her back to march the rest of the way up with her small hooves crinkling leaves.
It only took a minute to reach the little knot of rope she had tied around a fading old birch. Glancing up and down the path to make sure no one was coming, she pushed her way passed a few skeletal bushes to get behind the tree. There she deposited her scooter safely out of sight from the road, then pulled her helmet off and shook out her spiky violet mane. The cold air prickled her scalp as it found her sweat, but it was a pleasant feeling after the helmet. This place wasn't at all far from Ponyville in fact; from the path outside, looking back one could see some of the roofs of the taller buildings peeking over the trees, though all of the noise and bustle stayed back there. Out here, there was just the wind and trees and birds.
Scoot stayed where she was for a moment, peering around with her lovely lavender eyes, taking in the sight of the forest at the tail-end of autumn. The leaves had fallen everywhere: a rustling carpet of gold and brown and amber, the trunks of the trees that had been their fortresses rearing upwards, stark and ready for the snow and cold to come. A bird all in black with a white breast peered down at her warily with one yellow eye before twittering and taking flight, maybe off and away to chase the sun.
The little pegasus turned then and started to move deeper into the trees, her hooves making a racket in the leaves as she went. There was something cheerful about the sound here: a regular crashing and crunching that curled her lips into a grin then coaxed a giggle from her breast. Before long she was trotting gaily up the little animal trail she had found and marked out with strips of ribbon, winding her way along it to the orchestra of hooves on dry leaves, breath turning to little puffs of mist as she went.
Scootaloo drew her self up short for a moment when there was a thundering of noise just off the side of the path; the sound like a wild cadence of a drum. She had to laugh when she saw it was just a partridge with breast all puffed out, wings hammering away in its unusual mating call. The bird gave her a smug look and bowed its head in a curious fashion before returning to its drumbeat. On another day she might have tried to mimic it somehow, but today it was just a curiosity; a pause on the trail towards her place.
It wasn't a big place, nor even much of a place at all; it was just a tiny spot of open grass on the side of the hill, the trees short enough before it to let anyone sitting at the center to see out far across the land below. There, Ponyville and its farms, and beyond it tall mountains where Canterlot was shining like a gem in the world's earthly crown. Scoot let out a breath, stepping into brown grass long enough to tickle her legs. The crisp breeze had gotten cooler as she made her ascent, but it wasn't so bad that she couldn't spend a few minutes out here at least, just to watch and think about nothing.
She sat in the grass, turning to look out over Ponyville, wide eyes picking out a few tiny details far off before settling on just seeing the big picture of her home all in gold and red. The skies were grey with slowly drifting clouds, a few colourful shapes flitting among them; pegasi working to keep the seasons turning smoothly. For once Scootaloo didn't envy them all that much. No doubt it would be wonderful to soar and bank and glide through those clouds, but there was something wonderful about just being able to sit and watch.
The smile was still on her lips from her walk through the leaves, and it remained there when she felt the first snowflake of the winter settle on the end of her nose. Lavender eyes turned upwards to see a blue pony all in rainbow grinning back. Rainbow Dash settled lightly beside the tiny filly as more snowflakes fell to join the first brave one, her wing opening over Scoot to keep her dry.
The two sat and watched the first snow fall over Ponyville, not a word spoken and none needing to be said.
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Scootalove always gets all of my upvotes.
This was a very good short read. The perfect length for me to peruse while avoiding my homework. Now, back to that essay...
Awwww, that was nice.
could make for greta fun
impress rainbow Dash
Very cute! Scootaloo deserves all the love in the world!
Short and sweet. Definite thumbs-up.
Is the Round-Up before or after the Winter Wrap-Up? (And does it really matter?)
Adorable! Your writing style bares a loose resemblance to mine. I'm going to have a lot of fun reading this given the fact I also wrote a short story about scootaloo playing in the season's weather, only mine had a rather upsetting end.
I don't want to sound annoying but:
1) Space the blasted paragraphs!
2) Break up the paragraphs into just a pawful / handful / hooful / whatever of sentences, avoiding walls of text!
3) Watch your sentence structure!
>The bright and vibrants greens that had been the forest finery had been exchanged for amber and gold and ruby some weeks ago, and now only a few of the most miserly trees still clung desperately to their treasure, losing bit by bit as the cool wind caressed them, leaving them naked to reach towards the skies with skeletal fingers, as if begging for the Spring to return again soon.
Note that you probably meant "vibrant" and not "vibrants". Also, that whole thing is just one sentence.
4) Watch your grammar!
>Scoot sat in the grass, turning to look out over Ponyville, wide eyes picking out a few tiny details far off before settling on just seeing the big picture; her home all in gold and red.
You're misusing the semi-colon there.
Those are just examples. Anyways, this doesn't seem like my thing (so I didn't upvote it), but I feel like you should really re-edit this because it would look so much better mechanically.
P.S. I didn't downvote, either, since I have a strict policy that things only deserve downvotes if there's something seriously wrong (beyond just "I didn't like it"). Don't worry there...
Nothing like a bit of Scootalove to brighten ones day.
1465063
Whoops, thanks! And glad you enjoyed it. :D
1465107
Whoops! Wrap-Up, my bad. Fixing! Glad you enjoyed it!
1465689
Hey; I'm one of those people who takes criticism WELL! I will be fixing, so thanks very much!
Excellent work, Martian. Seriously - the first phrase had me riveted to the very end. Your works are reminiscent of the finer literature I've come to love and enjoy - also Scootaloo is awesome.
Despite its length, this was a wonderfully executed story and it leaves me wanting to see more from you - how about now? Or NOW? Okay, I'll wait. It'll be worth it.
Keep up the pony words Martian! You're seriously awesome! You have to be - Dusty Sage is a good indication.
1465107 - Hey you!
1467445
Awww, you,
Ask and ye shall receive. I have a second short waiting to be approved, starring Octavia.
Love the descriptive terms.
Why haven't I star this yet?
I'm currently in the middle of the "Super-storm" Sandy-----BRING IT ON BIATCH!!
Your grammar was far better than some people on here, but there were some mistakes that may not have been fixed while reading out loud. One thing: run-on sentences. You had quite a few on your long, wondrous descriptions. You get an upvote.
You might want to get a proofreader for next time to get those little grammar mishaps fixed up. You would've definitely been featured by now.
1543442
It was my first time, I was nervous and maybe not entirely focused...
I should probably go back and give it a good scrubbing.
1543442
How about now?
1543450
Awesome!
I remember my first stories. Sometimes, I still get nervous, and I write all the time.
Seriously, Scootalove gets me every time.
This was a little too short I feel, you could have done with some more interaction.
Overal though, not bad.
1599182
Well, it was the first fic to test the water. I see what you mean and I feel I could expand quite a bit on this now, but... that would be too much like changing the story.
No, better to leave it as it rests and move onto to new ones.
1599241
Then write more! much like with the Apple siblings example there's so many heartwarming moments you could think of between Scootaloo and Dash. (though this was a good start)
awww. Sweet.
nice work!! just love every one of them!
That was short, sweet, and pretty solid. The one thing I noticed was an excessive amount of colons and semicolons. I don't think you're using them correctly
That aside, nicely done.
2434237
Without a doubt.
It was a first fic, with the problems that come with such things. I feel little need to edit it though; it shall remain, a testament to my first tip-toe into fic writing, and an archeological treasure for everyone to wonder at after I an long dead and ridiculously famous.
Great job
I could totally picture Scoots secret place...reminded me of one of mine
I love
that Dashie came by at the end to share a moment with her biggest fan
I hope to read more of your works.
Short and beautiful. I loved your descriptions, vivid and dynamic.
Sweet Celestia, is all your stuff this good?
tinyurl.com/mbho6go
I'd have trimmed some words here and there, and there are a few grammatical errors, but I envy your knack for vivid, imaginative descriptions. Plot-wise, this is more like a test run than a story, but that's okay.
3238222
Wonderful mood piece. I don't know how you can make me nostalgic for a time of year I've never particularly enjoyed, but you did.
Either you've fixed this up a bit since publishing, or you have a lot of incredible pedants filling up your comments section. You do a wonderful job building atmosphere with interesting and non-repetitive vocabulary, and so far as I saw, pretty solid grammar. I don't know if this is post Sleepless in Ponyville, or whether this kind of Scoots fic has just been assumed for a real long time now, (Probably both) but it's an excellent example of how to not get heavy handed with writing about the CMC. It reminds me a bit of Hot Chocolate, though that was a bit more, eventful.
images.wikia.com/shakeitup/images/2/2b/Why_cant_i_hold_all_these_feels.png
That was beautiful, really touching and sweet and full of feeling and nostalgia. I adored this!
Sweet heaven, it's like a Calvin & Hobbes comic written by Ray Bradbury. There's not quite as much emotional depth in here as there is in that respective series and author, but you write said emotions in a way that's far, far easier for me to relate to. Words can't possibly describe how this made me feel because you hoarded them all.
Just two fixes:
This was... rather difficult to read (in a bad way). And I have a hard time remembering what exactly happened. The problem with that, though, is that nothing really DID happen. There was a lot of filler narrative that sort of led up to... nothing.
As for the narrative itself though, this is what makes it difficult to read: a WHOLE lot of adverbs, very few verbs, and overly descriptive paragraph-length sentences. There's a point at which description is good, and a point in which it's a bit over the top and leaves nothing to the reader's imagination. Shorten your sentences, and use some verbs! Make things happen! Adverbs are, as much as I myself like to use them, boring in large quantities.
I'm afraid that's all I can say, other than the fact that you should go learn proper use of a semicolon. Props for trying, but I'm not sure I ever saw you use it right.
rating:
you committed 0 of the 7 mortal sins of writing mlp fanfiction.
This comment is brought to you courtesy of my Weekly Watch! This is my third week so I'm still working on the feature, but if you're interested in supporting me (or you just want to read the best of what I've read every week) then go ahead and join my group! I'd appreciate the tartarus out of it!
Ees cute, jaa. I like.
Loathe,
Your Antagonist
this was beautiful I can honestly picture the whole scene in my mind, I'm actually a little jealous of Scoots little piece of nature.
I rather liked that. As others have said, it does suffer a bit from excessive purpleness in the prose, but I identified with Scoots in terms of having a place, maybe nothing much to look at, that's special to you. Also, Scootalove is always good.
Your story was submitted to theGood Grammar Directory, but failed to qualify.
If you wish you can PM me for the reasons. I will edit this if the status changes