A man with troubled childhood is reborn as the bastard child of Queen Chrysalis and Shining Armor as a result of the latter being influenced by the spell of the Changeling Queen. The child refuses to trust his would be mother and the Queen struggles with conflicting feelings towards her new spawn. This new life shall bring out the best in the worst people and the worst from the best people.
A strong start! Been a minute since there was a new child of Chrysalis story, I'll be looking forward to it. I'm interested in seeing how you handle the language barrier and the potential hivemind situation, as well as how some of the events hinted at in the long description happen. Nice cover art as well! Suffice to say, that's an instant follow, and have a like as well!
Edit: Shiny better get ready to pony up that child support!
The premise alone sounds pretty interesting, bonus points for this being the first one that will be 'son of Chrysalis' instead of 'daughter of Chrysalis' among the many stories of human isekai to Equestria.
My only recommendation for now is to keep an eye on the punctuation. Some lines end without a period, and given the prominent nature of the action, I'll assume the space between the words and the exclamation/question marks is intentional, meaning that when this space isn't there, it's a mistake.
This is brilliant and I love everything I hope he is considered as an alicorn by ponys tho whenever he finds his father
Oh will he reform her? Also how will Shiny react to his kid?
12171485
Dude what do you mean ai ? I wrote this all by myself. It took me hours to make this chapter. The cover art is the only thing that is ai.
12171487
Okay, well I'm sorry, I wasn't saying was for sure AI, jut that I had a feeling. This story is following a pattern I've noticed in a few stories that strike me as odd.
12171489
no I am sorry. I should not have gotten that pressed over your comment. I was just mad that something I worked so hard on was labelled as ai. I very much understand your dislike for ai written stories. If you don't mind me asking what exactly caused my writing to seem like ai ?
12171491
Well for one, this was the MC's entire life story put into a single paragraph. Stuff like this should be spread out and introduced naturally over the course of the story instead of just given to us all at once immediately. I also may have jumped the gun with this one, but when MC referenced knowing about MLP it reminded me of another story I have had suspicions about, where the MC just acknowledged prior knowledge of the show seemingly out of nowhere when it wasn't previously referenced. I'll also confess to not knowing much about AI stories, but I have noticed an increasing number of stories that just feel 'off' and seeing AI cover images may lead to that association.
12171495
you are not wrong, I introduced the guy's backstory too early and should have spread it out a bit more. But it is too late to change now. Which story were you referring to that you thought was ai generated ? I mean i didn't randomly make my mc acknowledge the mlp show outta nowwhere, he only realized he was in the mlp world from seeing chrysalis.
12171495
To be fair, what you pointed out could be something an AI story could have, but it has another answer and I've seen it happen in older stories: it's something newer and inexperienced writers might do because they're still learning the ropes and don't already have the writing knowledge experienced writers have learned, and surely you know writing has a high learning curve. And this story's writer seems like they are relatively new.
Red flags that a story might be an AI one or had AI help are stuff like certain patterns of phrasing, although I'm not sure of the extra details of how it would look. From what little I know, true AI flags are stuff that wouldn't be common from new writers; for example, AI prose has been said to feel unnatural (even for new writers) and can have characters just showing up out of nowhere or have a sudden change in where they are, but the narration acts like they had been there all along, and it doesn't feel like it was just an oversight on the writer's part.
As for AI in general, the AI hate is sadly getting to the point where people are becoming super-paranoid about anything being AI and are ready to call "It's AI!" at the slightest thing that feels "off". But to be fair, stories written with by or with the help of AI are out there, so the AI paranoia isn't exactly unfounded, especially if the story used cover art that used AI to create it. Artists might be getting it even worse from some in the anti-AI mob.
I’m always looking forward to read a story about the whole possible bastard child of Shining. The part that the main character is human just makes it better because I also enjoy HiE stories. I also enjoy human turned changeling stories. By now you’ve noticed that this story checks a lot of boxes for me so I’m looking forward to see you continue it.
Well that's an extremely promis promising start! I have to say that you handled this chapter and how the MC is in despair and refusing of Chrysalis' love very well.
Great job!
I have a feeling Shining Armor needs to send alimony checks.
12171499
Well, I don't want to make the same mistake twice and call out another story that I'm not sure about.
12171550
You're right
12171703
Wouldn't that mean he was divorced from Chrysalis? Be more like Foal support. Chryssie has a pretty strong case for foal abandonment here. The judges will likely see her case favorably, despite the whole, invasion thing.
12171909
Imagine if him and Flurry Heart meet.
"Hey my mom mind controlled your dad into conceiving me hopefully that doesn't affect us as maybe like step siblings you know? Wanna hang out and play Marvel Vs Capcom 2 on this arcade cabinet I totally didn't steal from a random mall in Manehattan?"
12171910
If I'm reading the timeline right, this should be a decent bit before Flurry is born, so he could absolutely be the delinquent older half brother that totally didn't steal the arcade cabinet.
Flurry: "Make it Soul Caliber 2 or Terminator Salvation and you've got a deal big bro."
12171913
Oh god. Him having his hive just filled with stolen stuff he thought was cool.
"At this corner this is filled with shopping carts because they're free. On this other left are stop signs, railway signs, and parking signs because those are also free."
Meanwhile ponies in Detrot: WE CAN'T THINGS IN THIS PLACE!
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"And here is this very nice porch I found just lying around."
Ad in the Detrot paper: "Somepony stole my porch. I opened my door and fell. You can't have syay in Detrot."
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"And on that corner is a cool dragon they have for those festivals."
*Is an actual dragon that's named Crackle that was missing that ended up in Detrot by accident but nodrake noticed because Twilight and Rarity dressed up as him during that episode.*
"Wait is that considered drakenapping?", Flurry asked.
"Well... Nocreature went looking for him and he's fed everyday and I too because I can detect happiness from him everytime I meet him. Or talk to him. He's a cool dragon sadly nodragon kinda takes him seriously."
So it looks like this Chrysalis might have a chance afterall. And our MC seems to be getting a stand-in for a mother, whether he likes it or not... maybe another snuggle or two will convince him!
12171703
To his rapist?
12172417
Now that you say that...
I'm actually curious, if there's a rapist who got impregnated by her victim, how would that work?
Does the guy have custody of the kid? I mean, logically speaking the kid's probably going to an orphanage.
12172651
No idea as I am not a practitioner of the law but I assume it would be up to whether or not the guy wants it. If not then it would most likely go to the Mother's next of kin, probably either an aunt/uncle or the grandparents. If that doesn't happen then probably the foster system.
Man, I wonder what shining armor's reaction to the existence of the child will be. Though it will probably not be the greatest reaction.
Can you make more
12176763
I will man but internship is really killing me rn.
Yeah! Its good. I just can't wait for him to meet equestrians. Especially Shining, Cadence, Twilight and Celestia.
12172651
It matters on what state it is if he die in this scenario is not in prison and has the means to take care of the child and wants to he can get custody. But using this specific example Chrysalis has plenty of children that the kid could go to. But remember this this is a Equestria the chances of crystal is going to prison is almost slim to none
to be honest i didn't think that Chrysalis is so weak now that she couldn't handle one timber wolf
And then Chryssie comes in for the last minute save-
Nice to see more from this story, quite interesting stuff.
Thanks stressedchangeling for another fun and entertaining chapter. We don't get to see too many mama-Chrysalis fanfics on this site, let alon the one's have an SI also in them, so I'm really excited to see where you take this story. I wish you the best of luck writing your next chapter, and I hope you have an amazing week! Cheers!
Laying his egg must've really taken it out of Chryssy, if she can't handle a Timberwolf.
One thing that bugs (heh) me about this is when this story taks place in the timeline. I'm pretty sure the only time this makes sense go be set in is either directly after the Canterlot Wedding, or maybe after GlimGlam glimglammed the hive. Both of those would be interesting, but I rather hope it's the former rather than the latter.
Maybe Chryssy just hasn't linked up with other survivors yet.
In any case, I hope he grows to feel less harshly towards her, since she is literally the only reason he is here now, and not yet a Timberwolf snack.
Wait, if he is Shining Armor's child and he might not know it, what will happen if he falls in love with Flurry Heart? After all, they will be the same age (I am writing through a translator)
12180639
They are not the same age. Chrysalis got pregnant after her time with Shining Armour in the wedding. Flurry Heart was born long after the canterlot invasion so our human insert right here is the older brother. Not to be rude but I hope to god your translator made an error about the "falling in love part" , otherwise I might lose my faith in humanity.
12181316
It's a family matter, as they say. :)
really not sure what to think of this story
12181316
So, does this mean our Anon is wrong with this assertion, and this is in fact happening directly after the events of the wedding, at the end of season 2?
12181463
Flurry Heart was born before Chrysalis was overthrown, so you might be right.
(Or maybe the author screwed up with the time frame, maybe they'll explain that)
12181453
You don’t happen to be from Alabama ?
12181644
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12181463
He seems to think that is after thorax becomes the king, but if is before flurry heart borns it means is a long time until that happen
To be fair to Faust she was out by the time chryssy and cadence show up
12181463
yes you are correct
Awww, mama bug!!!
Awww, it'll be ok grumpy bug. Maybe a child's love will fix her
Dead reincarnation speed run, any percent