Pinkie, Paradox, Discord

by JeckParadox

Celestia learns one of Pinkie's many middle names.

"Discord!?"

"Celestia!"

"Princess-"

"Pinkie?"

"Paradox!" Everyone turned to Paradox, who had shouted his own name. "Sorry..."

"Pinkie Pie, what are you doing here? And what is Discord doing free? And who is this second Draconequus?"

"Um... Well, I created Paradox by trying to give myself a party in a time machine. And Then Paradox freed Discord because he thinks Discord is his father."

"You... created him by throwing a party for yourself in a time machine?"

"Yes. Parties are serious business."

"Discord, what are you doing here?"

"I was freed by my new son!" He said proudly. "I had always wanted one, and then Pinkie created one for me!"

"Well, what do you have planned now?"

Discord closed his eyes, deep in thought, he twisted his goatee around his lion paw finger. "I don't have one, frankly, I make things up as I go along."

"No dastardly plan to conquer Equestria?"

"Nope, your mares beat me, fair and square, I'm going to be quiet for the next 1000 years, as long as I don't get bored."

Paradox and Pinkie raised eyebrows at him. "Really, no plan at all?" Pinkie asked, not believing it.

"Well, this wasn't the first time I've been captured. These things go in stages. I spend a few years ranting to myself, then I get depressed, then I get clever and begin thinking up of stuff I can't right down and end up forgetting anyway, and finally I begin planning a new game!"

"A game?" Pinkie raised an eyebrow.

"Yep." Paradox said proudly. "Nopony can stand up to the everlasting well of power that is DISCORD!"

Discord ruffled Paradox's pink hair, and turned to Pinkie. "Well, the truth is, without the elements Luna and Celestia have got absolutely nadda on me. And I can simply teleport them away, I can't destroy them, they're enchanted to deliberately counteract that, but still, digging to the center of the earth would take a lot of time. So, to make things fun, I offer games! Equestria is already in the palm of my hand, I'm just that powerful!" He began laughing maniacally. But he wiped an imaginary tear out of his eye and looked down at Pinkie Pie and Celestia. "But without any risk of loss, how would I find gratification in it? So I make a game, I still set things to my advantage, but they always find a way to win it. But if I didn't offer a fair game it would feel as if I were cheating."

Celestia was glaring at the Draconequus. "Is that true Princess?"

"...Yes. But Discord isn't immortal either. Are you Discord?"

"Nope!" He pulled out a vacuum and attached it to Celestia's ethereal mane. She ran around yelling and trying unsuccessfully to pull it off with unicorn magic. "I'm still better off than you Alicorns though."

"Um... Princess?" Celestia was rolling around on the ground now, attempting to pull it off with her hooves. "Princess, there's an off switch." Pinkie pronked over and flipped it.

"Th-thank you Pinkie Pie." Celestia said, attempting to regain her lost pride and regal manor. It was more difficult with her ethereal rainbow mane a crunched and messy mess on her head.

"So, what should we do about Paradox and Discord?"

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Celestia sipped tea conjured by Discord, ignoring the floating letter 't's floating in the liquid. She had listened to Pinkie's complete story, as Discord and Paradox played Checkers with hamsters in plastic balls. Celestia hoped that they would be able to find them all afterwards. "Well, going by the story, this is the Doctor's fault, and he shall be punished severely." Celestia pulled out an especially long scroll and a quill. Pinkie snuck a look at the title 'The Doctor's list of transgressions Year 1002 of the age of harmony volume 2' Celestia added 'released Discord and all it entails' to the end of the list. Celestia considered for a few seconds and scribbled below 'again'. "But... you also share quite a bit of responsibility for this, having created Paradox."

"What... but I-" Pinkie was about to defend herself, but a raised hoof from the Princess stopped her.

"I will prepare a set of documents, I have decided to make you Paradox's legal guardian, he seems like he'll be more willing to cooperate than his... father... besides, he already accepts you as his mother, and in a way you are. So time for you to take responsibility. I'll write a letter to Twilight, she'll help you get settled in with your new ward." Celestia said, smiling.

"But... I can't be a mom!" Pinkie said plainly. "I don't know how to do any of that stuff, heck, the only reason that I can even handle two babies occasionally is because they pitied me!" Pinkie tried to explain.

"Well, it seems that he's capable of taking care of himself, I just need you to watch over him, keep him in line, and..." Celestia moved a little closer to Pinkie and whispered in her ear "keep him occupied, Draconequus can be very dangerous when they're bored." Celestia rose back to her full height, "But if you think you cannot take responsibility, then I will have little choice other than keeping him prisoner here with Discord."

"Hey! My middle name is responsibility, and Paradox hasn't done anything wrong!" Pinkie Pie walked toward Paradox and put a hoof protectively on the young Draconequus's tail. "I'm Pinkie Diane Responsibility Pie!" She said proudly.

Paradox looked over to Pinkie, his movement causing several more hamsters to run loose in Celestia's office, they were quickly replaced by new hamsters. "Hey, Mamma?"

"Yes Paradox?"

"When we get back to your house, can we put together-"

"A Birthday party!" Pinkie finished with glee. "A first birthday party!" Pinkie began pronking about the room, Paradox soon following.

Discord looked over the board, apparently not noticing the two pink-maned creatures hopping about the small room. He considered it very seriously, he sent a sidelong glance at the three others in the room, and tried to subtly turn the board around, but all the hamsters squealed, causing Celestia and the other two to stare at the mess Discord had created. "Cheater." Paradox said.

"Says the person who stole the other's brain." Discord said indignantly.

"It's been my own brain since I made my new look." Paradox said, raising his snout in a similar style to Discord's.

"Pfft. Yeah right, then how are you beating me at checkers?"

"I'd probably be somehow losing if I still was you, you're terrible at this game. I didn't even know the rules until I read them on the side of the box!"

"Will you both shut up and remove the rodents from my castle?" Celestia shouted in the Royal Canterlot voice. With that a group of guards burst in, beholding their Princess, who's mane showed that she had been in a fight, a cheerful pink earth pony, and the two Draconequuses, Draconequi, Draconeky? He rushed back outside. "Oh yes, that reminds me, Discord, I'll allow you a meal per day if you get rid of all the hamsters and their balls immediately."

"Allow me- what are you talking about Celestia?" with that the guard came back with a spear, which he ran through Discord immediately. "Oh... this isn't normally a good thing." Celestia yanked it out with her magic, then ran it through Discord's head. "Celestia? If you keep going I'll assume you are trying to kill me." He said perfectly, despite his torn maw. Celestia tossed him into a box she had conjured with a sticky note on it. She pulled out the spear and slammed it close. She then focused a huge amount of magic on it, and put a key into the hole, locking it tight. She calmly raised up the box, her guard staring at Paradox, who was gaping at Celestia and her box. "Don't worry, he can handle those wounds like nothing, but this box should stand to be a greater challenge." She began shaking it over and over with both front hooves, grinning furiously at it. The sticky note fell from the box, and Paradox picked it up.

"'in case of petrifification fail'" he read out. "You misspelled petrification."

"I know, but this box was the one used to protect the Elements of Harmony! No magic of harmony or disharmony can get in or out!"

Pinkie blinked twice, "But didn't Discord teleport the Elements out of it?"

"I..."

"She didn't lock it." Paradox whispered.

"I wanted to be able to get to it easily!" Celestia growled. She turned to the snow-white pegasus guard. "Get me the adoption board!"The guard nodded and was about to mention the black & white Draconequus, but after seeing his princess deal with Discord so easily, he only nodded and rushed out.

Celestia gave a final toss of the box into the air, and brought her hoof back to hit it down into the ground, but Paradox grabbed it out of midair with his tail. He frowned at Celestia and brought the box to his chest. "I'm kind of mad that you stabbed my father and locked him in a box."

"Oh he probably loves it in there."

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Inside a box.

"It's so boring!" He screamed out, being bounced back against the walls of the gigantic white void that had shrunk him down the instant he entered. He began snapping his claw but nothing happened. "Grrraaaarrgghhh!"

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"I'm not so sure..." Paradox raised an eyebrow down at the jeweled chest.

"Anyway," Celestia said, raising a quill and piece of parchment paper. "I'm going to write to Twilight and try to get everything prepared for you and your new son."

Pinkie Pie looked up at Paradox and gave an unsure smile. "Alright, I guess there'll be no harm in trying things out... I'm going to find the most incredible candle I can find for your cake!"

Paradox gave a gleeful chuckle and danced around with the box. "I want it to be chocolate!"

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Back in Ponyville.

"Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned that even if you think your friends are hiding something from you, you have to trust them, because usually they are just trying to protect you, your loyal student, Twilight Sparkle." She finished reading out to Spike, who had been writing the letter. But he accidentally incinerated the letter, not by blowing his own flame on it, but by a letter from Princess Celestia pushing it into the candle he had been writing by. "My letter!"

"Sorry Twilight..." Spike said. "But at least you got one from the Princess!"

"Well, let's see what she said." Twilight lifted the scroll out of spike's hands with her magic and opened it up. "Dear Twilight, Pinkie Pie has come back from her adventure with that menace against all existence, who has released Discord, thankfully I sealed him in a box." Twilight and Spike gaped at each other. "I... I'm going to keep reading... ahem 'I'm sending the box to you, along with the Elements, so you and your friends can deal with him immediately, should he ever get out. Pinkie Pie also, shall we say created a Draconequus of her own, and he will be living with Pinkie Pie in Ponyville, as long as everything turns out well. You should expect them rather soon, don't worry, Paradox seems to be more cooperative than Discord. Your grateful teacher, Princess Celestia."

Comments

[sudofox]

Hoo boy. Two Discii and the Princess just sends a note. Somebody make a meme image for me:
Enchant a doll/Princess has to come save the day ~~Duplicate and release Discord/Princess sends you a letter
Post it here.

[SP00KY NINJA-PON3]

ZE PARADOX'S!!! ZERE EVERYWHERE!!!

GERONIMO!!!