• Published 19th Oct 2012
  • 11,360 Views, 586 Comments

Good luck sir. It's been an honour. - Jessofages



The story on what would have happened if sergeant Forge hadn't perished.

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What lies below.

"We're droppin' into Hell, troopers! Time to grow a pair!" - Gunnery Sergeant Edward Buck


"There has to be something here." Celestia muttered to herself as she poured over the small stack of books and scrolls that lay beside her.
Just after her student had left, she had departed for the Canterlot library, instructing the guards to allow nopony inside the throne room unless they had her full consent.
Nearly an hour later, she had returned with the stack that she now had beside her, the documents being the only ones she could find that had any mention whatsoever of the entrance and its occupant.

Frowning, she set aside yet another book and picked up the next in the pile. As she was running dangerously close to completing all of the books, she focused even harder, determined to find even the smallest mention of the entrance.

"Nothing." She muttered, laying down yet another book titled "Early Canterlot and its surroundings".
Beginning to lose hope, she lifted the second last book and paused at its title, "Canterlot and its construction".
Hopeful she flicked through the book, scanning it for anything that concerned the throne room.

Her demeanour suddenly lifted as she paused, finally finding what she was looking for. She had paused at the chapter that's very title gave promises, "The building of Canterlot throne room." Celestia read aloud to herself as she eagerly read the chapter aloud to herself;

"In Canterlot's early construction, the site was the throne room was much contested.
Some wished it to be placed at ground level, while others insisted it be placed above all else as a sign of the royalty within.
Eventually, after much discussion, the site for the throne room was decided, it would be built into the mountain and the city would surround it both around and below.
Before long however, construction was brought to a halt when an insignia was discovered upon one of the stones that lined the throne room's intended base..." Celestia trailed off slightly as she remembered seeing no insignia upon the door. She continued to read however, seeing as this was the most promising book she had found yet.

"The symbol resembled a circle with pattern-like design within. After close examination it was found that the symbol was centred upon what appeared to be a perfect stone slab that was finely seamed against the surrounding stone. If the symbol was some sort of language or warning, we could not tell.
What we do know, is that the carving slightly resembled a similar one from a pony-folk tale. It was said that the symbols were used as a language by the ones who came to our world eons ago and left several artifacts behind for pony-kind.
With the story being nothing but a tale, the symbol was dismissed and the throne room's construction proceeded as planned to create the Canterlot we know today.
The rest of the city followed suit as it began to rise...." Celestia stopped reading as she realised she had found her answer.
What the facility was resided within a fairy tale.

With as much haste as she could muster without seeming too suspicious, Celestia set off for the library once more, in search of the book that would finally explain what she desperately sought after.


"This Reclaimer, is just a part of why you are here." The monitor answered in a more serious tone as it floated ahead of the group and did a small loop around a pedestal so that he faced the group again.

Fascinated, Forge moved closer to the pedestal, discovering what appeared to be some-sort of cylindrical object with pointed ends.
Curious, he picked hesitantly picked the object up, which gave a slight hum as his fingers curled around its polished surface.
Bringing it closer to his eyes, Forge found that the objects middle contained a light blue sphere which gave off a slight glow.

"And what exactly does this do?" He finally asked as he continued to eye the intricate detail of the object and the sphere it contained, fully aware that there were six other pairs of eyes watching him closely as well.

"Well, in terms you would understand, that device can be best described as a key." Parity replied as he eyed the device as it continued to hum softly within the Reclaimer's grasp.

"A key to wh..." Forge began to ask before his voice was overridden by another.

"Oooh, what does this one do!?" Pinkie exclaimed as she bounded over to yet another pedestal, this one however held what appeared to be a transparent blue sphere that hovered several inches above the pedestal.
"It makes a funny sound!" Pinkie giggled as she began banging her hooves on the ball, which appeared to be covered in hundreds of hexagons, the ones that were being pressed glowed red for a second and bleeped as Pinkie's hoof made contact.

As soon as Parity saw what the quadruped was doing to his facility, he thought he was going to erupt with anger.
Feeling his 'temper' rising his eye began to glow a bright red before a thin blue laser lanced from within his eye and struck the quadruped in the center of its turned back, causing it to yelp and launch itself several feet in the air before it retreated behind the others, cowering and trying to avoid looking at him.

"Do not touch anything." Parity said a menacing tone, one he rarely used.
"Do that again and the consequences will be quite severe, understand?" He asked as he eye gradually returned to its original soft yellow.

"What did you do that for!?" Twilight yelled as she looked over to Pinkie, who sat cowering behind Applejack, nursing the burn that had been left by Parity's beam.
"She didn't mean to do anything wrong!" She protested, frowning at the sphere, as the rest of her friends were now doing.

"Quite frankly I don't care if it meant to or not." Parity retorted. "Protocol dictates that only the Reclaimer may handle the objects within this facility." He explained, hovering several feet closer to the group.
"Come to think of it, maybe I have been rather lenient with protocol." He added, more to himself than anyone else. "Yes, yes, I now see that bringing you here was quite the mistake." He finally said after several moments of thought.

"Please escort them out and if they touch anything else, I authorise the use of order twelve." He instructed the trio of sentinels, who gave a 'bleep' in response before they surrounded the group and began to shepherd them out of the room, urging the quadrupeds on with their 'arms'.

"And don't forget to close the door!" Parity called out as the group eventually disappeared from sight with the creature's protests still audible even after they had left.

Ignoring the protests, Parity took pleasure in the sound of the door hissing closed once more.
Giving a relieved sigh, he turned back to Forge.
"I am dreadfully sorry about that." He apologised.
"Now. Where were we?" Parity asked, returning to watching the device hum and glow as the Reclaimer still held it within its grasp.

"You were going to tell me what this did." Forge said plainly, not really caring that the talking horses had been forcefully ushered from the room.

"Oh, yes." Parity replied with a hint of excitement.
"Allow me to give you the full explanation." He offered as he floated to a position several feet in-front of the Reclaimer and clearing his 'throat' in a manner that it echoed loudly around the now deathly quite room.

"This here is something quite spectacular..."


It had been about a quarter of an hour since the commander had split his platoon into pairs and sent them out to search the facility for anything that could be deemed as a threat to Equestria. The idea of pairs was not ideal, but it allowed the ponies to search the confines of the tunnels much faster than if they had stayed in larger groups.

"What are we looking for again?" Storm Hoof asked his companion as the pair continued to patrol through the 'facility' the Princess had instructed their platoon to secure.

"Princesses' student." Gallant Bristle replied simply, his horn alight with a dark green aura which helped to slightly illuminate the comparatively dark tunnels.
"We also have to secure this sector of the tunnels" He added as the pair entered a large room-of-sorts, the walls lined with various glass cylinders contained within metal cases that each had a symbol etched on the front just below the conveniently placed viewing windows.

"Right." Storm responded as the sound of the pair's armour clinking together quickly filled the dead-silent room.
"Woah." Storm said in wonder as the vast room became much more visible, the cylinders becoming much clearer as the pair approached them.
"What do you think they are?" Storm asked as he approached one of the many tubes that lined the walls, noticing that it contained some sort of spore type substance suspended within a liquid of sorts.

"I don't care what they are, just leave them alone and let's keep looking." Gallant insisted as he headed for the door on the opposite side of the room.

"Hold up, just come have a look at this." Storm retorted, his eyes fixed on the things that were contained within the metal case.
"Look at em', they kind of look like really small parasprites." He pointed out as his companion drew up beside him.

Squinting, Gallant peered into the fluid and made out what looked like a rotten, off-coloured green corn kernel floating aimlessly within its glass prison.
"Great. Glad I wasted time looking at that." Gallant huffed as he began heading back towards the door.

"Yeah, I guess." Storm replied gloomily as he gave the mysterious substance one last glance.
"I'll come back later." He said to himself as he gave the metal case a tap with his hoof gingerly before picking up his pace and briskly trotting after his companion who had already begun to disappear down the next tunnel.

Little did the pair know, a small red light just beside the case was now blinking furiously, silently warning the watcher of the tunnels of the intruder's presence...


"Are you alright, Pinkie?" Twilight asked as she eyed the burn which had slightly darkened her friend's usual bright pink coat while the group were being hastily herded back down the tunnel they had originally come through by the trio of the strange looking robots, who insisted on poking and prodding the members of the group who fell to a pace that they apparently deemed 'unacceptable'.

"I'm fine." Pinkie responded in a gloomy tone, her usual cheer completely diminished.
"It's not so bad now." She added, glancing back at her still slightly scorched back.

"Told ya." Rainbow piped up. "That thing and its doo-hickey friend are nothing but trouble." She said menacingly.
"We shouldn't have let it leave the hospital, let alone the castle." She added, the obvious frustration in her voice beginning to grow as the group continued to be Shepherded down the tunnel.

"I know that his stay has been rather unfortunate to us, but don't you think that's just a little bit harsh?" Twilight retorted, keeping her gaze fixed on the path straight ahead.

Rainbow was just about to deliver yet another abuse-filled response when she was interrupted by shouting coming from a pair of figures who had just emerged from yet another tunnel.

"Miss Sparkle!" One of the figures yelled out, who Twilight observed was a Canterlot guard, clad in a full set of the golden guard's armour and who appeared to be holding a large polearm.
"Guards?" Twilight replied aloud, wondering why the Princess had sent armed ponies down here.
"What are you doing here?" She asked as the figures drew closer and she was able to observe that the polearm-wielding pony was an earth pony, and his companion was a unicorn, who carried no weapons.

"We've been sent to secure both yourself and a human, then return you both topside." The unicorn informed her, his horn glowing slightly with a faint, light blue aura.
"So, if you'll just come with us, we can regroup with the others and return to the surface." The unicorn continued as he took several more steps towards the group of ponies, only to be stopped in his tracks as some-sort of flying robot flew out from behind the group and blocked his path.

Recoiling slightly, the two guards recomposed themselves before the unicorn cleared his throat. "We have orders to escort this group and the human to the surface. I'm not sure what you are, but I am asking you to stand down." The guard said in the most polite and controlled tone he could muster, considering that he was conversing with a strange and unknown thing.

What he received in response could have been considered rude if he were talking to anything else.
The hovering machine simply stared at him for several moments before bleeping several times and then proceeding to push past the two ponies as though they were just obstacles in its path, quickly followed by the other two sentinels who continued to prod and edge the group towards their destination.

"Alright. I'm not asking any-more, stop where you are." The unicorn demanded as the group seemingly ignored them and continued down the tunnel.
"I said stop!" The unicorn yelled as he charged up his horn and let loose a simple stunning spell towards the lead machine.
The bolt glowed a bright blue as it sailed over the heads of the other ponies and collided with the rear of the lead robot, splashing against the silvery metal and causing it to shudder violently in the air for a moment before clattering to the floor, the glow around its main casing dimming slightly.

"Well that was easy enough." The unicorn said to himself as he moved up towards the now halted group, only to be stopped in his tracks as the machine's glow returned and the odd looking robot regained altitude.
The guard watched in horror as the machine spun to face him, a section under its main body beginning to glow continually brighter.
"Wh... what are you..." Was all the guard managed to get out before he felt a searing heat hit him squarely in the chest.
"Argh!" the unicorn yelled out as he was slammed against the wall from the force of the attack, with a large black, smouldering circle burned into his chest plating.

"Stop!" Twilight yelled as she watched the robot sail towards the downed unicorn.
"I said stop!" She screamed as she launched her own bolt at the machine that was apparently ignoring her.

Expecting the bolt to do the same as the unicorn's had, Twilight braced herself to make a run for it once the magic connected, as had the rest of the group.
What happened next she did not expect. The bolt sailed true towards the machine and looked as though it was going to do as she had hoped, instead the magical bolt splashed against a spherical barrier that now surrounded the hovering drone for several seconds before it faded, leaving the machine unscathed.

She watched in horror as the robot left its downed prey and turned slowly to face her direction, its undercarriage glowing as brightly as it had before.
Issuing several beeps, the other two machines that had accompanied the group followed suit, both their undercarriages beginning to glow a bright red.

Assuming what was going to happen next, Twilight screwed her eyes shut and waited for the worst.
She was soon forced to reopen them as she heard what sounded like the other guard call out, "Down here!".
Glancing around as quickly as she could, she located the other guard, who had his either dead or unconscious companion on his back and was gesturing for the group to follow him down on of the many off tunnels.

"Down there!" Twilight yelled to the rest of her friends as the group of ponies sprinted for the tunnel, with the machines following close behind, their weapons threatening to fire again at any given moment.

"I hope everypony else is alright." Was one of the many thoughts that crossed Twilight's mind as the group raced after the guard down the never-ending tunnels with the robots hot on their heels, deeper into the facility....


"This Reclaimer is the key to everything you see around you." Parity began to explain, his tone changing to one of seriousness instead of his usual, casual manner.
"You will most definitely need this if you mean to fulfill your purpose here Reclaimer." He added, eyeing the object as its glow continued to pulsate within the human's grip.

"And what exactly is my purpose?" Forge asked in return, fascinated by the object he held and what untold purpose it would serve.

"Your purpose?" Parity asked, his artificial voice beginning to form an underlying sense of worry. "You don't know?" He asked, only receiving a shake of the head from the Reclaimer before him.

"Well." He began. "This is quite strange Reclaimer. My makers stated that you would know exactly what to do when the time came." He stated matter-of-factly. "Nether the less, your purpose is to activate the full potential of this facility and use its power to your will. Whatever that may be." He said, concluding his explanation without the slightest change in his demeanour.

Without a wavering facial expression, Forge mulled over what he had just been told. Here in his hand he held power. And from what he had seen in this place so far, it was not any ordinary power.
Wrapping his fingers around the device tighter, Forge turned to look the strange little robot in the eye.
"Show me what this place has." He said firmly, the machine reacting instantly as it turned and floated over to a nearby door.

"This way!" It called cheerfully as the door slid open and the glow surrounding the construct began to dim as it floated to where ever it was going.

"This should be good." Forge mused to himself as he quickened his pace to a slow jog after the machine as they ventured further into the bowels of the facility.


"Tales for foals, fillys and colts." Celestia read to herself as she held the relatively used book she had spent the last half an hour searching for, its appearance suggesting that it had seen many a year of service in the possession of young ones.
Opening the book gingerly she noticed how it seemed to contain some of the happiest and cheerful depictions of mythical creatures she had ever seen. Beginning to doubt whether or not this book actually contained anything of use at all, Celestia turned the contents page nether the less.

The names of the various tales were well know to Celestia, seeing as she had read most of them in her earlier years. None of them seemed out of place except one. The last tale within the book had a name she couldn't recall seeing or hearing about before.

"The ancient makers and their machines."
Curious, Celestia turned to the page directed by the contents. Arriving at the right page, she was greeted by an image of several, apparently metal, floating spheres, not all that different from the one that had emerged from the hole in her throne room. All of them had a similar structure to the one what had appeared in the throne room, however these ones were accompanied by machines far larger than themselves. Massive, bipedal robots that looked as though they could quite possibly dwarf even herself, along with smaller and much less bulky bipeds that looked to be more flesh than machine. Although, it was hard to tell for sure due to the clothing and armour that she assumed hid their true forms.

With new-found interest she read on...

It took her only a quarter of an hour to finish reading the relatively short work of fiction, but what she had learned from the story book was far more valuable than anything else she had managed to uncover from the other works of the Canterlot library.

From what she had read, the machine that had taken her visitor underground was apparently part of some ancient civilisation. And from what she had learned, these machines and their creators were the ones who fashioned the planet, forming the various mountains and rivers that dotted its landscape.
They were simply creators, who, once finished with their task locked themselves away within one of the many mountains they had formed, leaving only their mark on the entrance. A mark that's image matched the one described in the book that had lead her to fairy-tales.

Perplexed, Celestia sat in silent thought as she considered the reliability and possibly truth that laid within the tale. Although it was highly unlikely that machines could make an entire planet, it was still possible that the tale held some valid information. The link to it and "Canterlot and its construction." was the fact that disturbed her the most. But still, why wasn't the mark there now?

With a million different thoughts running through her head at once, Celestia decided it best to return to the throne room and await for her subjects return, so that they might be able to finally figure out what exactly lay beneath their very feet.


"That... that was too close." Twilight managed to say between gasps as she tried to regain her breath.
The group had only run for a minute or two but the whole ordeal seemed as though it had lasted much longer than that. Thankfully though, they had found temporary sanctuary in one of the many rooms of the facility. A quick buck to the door's controls once it had sealed behind the group from AJ had brought the group some time, at least until the sentinels found a way around the door, which there undoubtedly was.
"Is he going to be alright?" Twilight asked worriedly, looking over the slumped form of the guard which had been laid gingerly on the ground by his companion.

"I don't know." The other guard answered as he gently began to remove the scorched plating from his fellow guard's chest. "He's barely breathing and there's little I can do with this in the way." He said as he unfastened the straps of the golden armour and peeled it from the unicorn's body.

The group gave a collective gasp as the armour finally came free, with both Fluttershy and Rarity having to avert their gazes for the same reason.
Where there should have been pristine and neatly groomed fur, there was now a large, red and slightly smoking burn mark on the guard's chest, the edges of which were surrounded by swollen and badly burnt skin.

"So much for this." The guard said coldly as he discarded the scorched armour with a loud clang as he turned to tending his comrade. As he surveyed the damage the guard's expression continued to intensify as he gingerly inspected the wound to determine whether it was fatal or not.
"He might make it." The guard finally said after a tense few moments. "So long as we get this bandaged and he sustains no further trauma." He explained as he unfastened the saddlebags from his back and withdrew a medical kit which all pairs of guards were required to carry.
"This'll have to do until we can get topside." He said as he worked, gently wrapping a set of bandages around the guard's body so that they covered the wounds of his barely concious comrade.

"Well let's hurry up and get out of this hole before 'they' find us again." Rainbow said as she hovered impatiently, her fore-hooves crossed.
"That would be a good plan if we knew where the hell we were!" The guard snapped back, quickly silencing the pegasus. "Or best best is to just keep moving, steer clear of those... machines and try to find another pair of guards that can lead us back to the surface."
The room was quickly filled with agreement as the mares realised that there was really no other choice.
"Alright then. Let's move." The guard said as he hoisted the body of his comrade onto his back and began to lead the other six down one of the tunnels that exited the room.


"Jesus." Forge said quietly to himself as he and the monitor finally exited the compact interior of the tunnel and out into an expansive room that put the hangar of a UNSC frigate to shame.
The chamber before him was enormous, at least from what he could make out, seeing as the far end of the room was covered in darkness.

"It gets better." Parity mused as he hovered forward, motioning for the marine to do the same. As he did, forge realised that he was actually standing on a balcony over-looking the immense chamber. Walking up to the railing, Forge noticed a pedestal similar to the others he had seen throughout the facility, only this one had a slot in its front, coincidentally shaped almost exactly like the object he still held.

"Well. Go on." Parity said, snapping Forge from his thoughts on the situation he was currently in.
Coming back to reality, Forge gently slid the object into the slot, resulting in a soft 'click' and an intensification of both the objects hum and brightness.
"Now touch that." Parity instructed, gesturing to one of the many holo-controls that made up the pedestals top. With almost a hint of hesitation, Forge pressed the control he was instructed to and was almost immediately blinded by the bright light that filled the once dark room.
Using his fore-arm to shield his eyes, Forge waited until the light was tolerable and removed his arm, revealing the now illuminated cavern of a room. what laid before him was unlike anything he had seen before.
"Holy shit." He muttered quietly to himself, utterly shocked by the room's contents.

"Yes." Parity began, more to himself than to Forge.
"It is quite spectacular." He said, letting his own gaze fall upon the treasure that he had been guarding since the day of his creation.
And now that it had been uncovered after so long. He would see to it that they 'were' used.
His moment had finally come after all these years.

Comments ( 57 )

Fucking ponies, couldn't just let the sentinels escort them could they. Ah well i guess that's what happens when you're ignorant.

Holy crap this updated!!

This is an attempt at a Halo crossover featuring Sargent Forge from Halo Wars. It's my first go at a crossover, so apologies if it's a pile of crap.

Kinda ironic that those were the first words read and yet have over 800 likes and not even 100 dislikes.:rainbowhuh: BUT WHO CARES, FORGE KICKS ASS!!!!:pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

meh

keep writing!... i thought this story was discontinued

3827796
That is what happens when you are at peace for 1000 years and your problems are fixed by magical artifact 100% of the time ... you lose your survival instinct

Also they can't Meta Game

It got updated?!? Holy crap that's awesome.

Curious, he picked hesitantly picked the object up, which gave a slight hum as his fingers curled around its polished surface.

There is an extra picked in there.

D48

I am very glad to see this update after so long, and I definitely liked the chapter. It was a bit odd that the ponies were allowed in at all even if they did not get to see anything, so them getting evicted here makes sense. It also makes sense that the guards wound up getting shot at, although I was expecting that to happen as a result of him insisting on going after Forge, not trying to escort the girls out another way because Twilight should have told him that was what the Sentinels were doing. I also found it odd that he survived that beam given how powerful they are shown to be against the much more resilient Flood, although it may have been intended to wound rather than kill which would explain that nicely. Beyond those minor quibbles and a few mechanical errors I forgot to write down it was very good and I very much hope you do not give up on it because I want to see where this story goes.

Yeah, the curiosity of the ponies and Flood research vats. What could went wrong?
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTtBUm0mMHhjSq4kwIj7l9UhyjrONElLKUvTEddRbvlmaEFw9IGxw
"So long we have wait in the darkness, expecting the moment we would be freed. Finally the time of our revenge is come, thanks to this naive breed. Now the gate has been unlatched, headstones pushed aside; corpses shift and offer room, a fate you must abide!"


.... Shit :rainbowderp:

Ponies better not become OP all of a sudden

2155977 might be as bad as me, i just use word to do the dirty work. i too suck at english.

Why did I hear 343 Guilty Spark when Parity talked?

Holy fuck.
It's alive!

"The building of Canterlot throne room." Celestia read aloud to herself as she eagerly read the chapter aloud to herself;

I think there's something wrong there.

You need a proof reader badly mate, get one, revise your previous chapters and sort out the grammar.

Neat to see this one is back.

I'm sorry to hear that it's not to your liking. I didn't have any major problems with it, although looking back it does feel slightly forced. Not as in badly written, but that slightly stiff feel you get when a writer has trouble getting the words to come.

I'd like to see more, please. :applecry:

Holly shit you got featured (again?) and you've updated possibly the greatest Halo story?
31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9hfciKySe1rcjmu8o1_500.gif

welcome back

I thought this chapter was well paced. keep up the good work. :pinkiehappy:

First of all, glad to see that you're back! :pinkiehappy:

Second....

nether the less

I believe you mean nevertheless.

3828187 ponies? OP? in this case? not a chance

3827883 they can't, Pinkie can

3830026
Pinkie can only Meta Game when there are no lives in risk, these are Forerunners structures their lives are at risk

3830050
When did Pinkie broke the 4th Wall when needed?:trollestia:

Also I was saying that as a joke

Comment posted by Jessofages deleted Jan 23rd, 2014

ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ happy garry aprooves this chapter

Keep on writing for fucks sake don't ruin this story for me *u*. But seriously, you should try and get a proofreader because I'm starting to see some grammar errors and other stuff. Anyways keep on goin dude i mean if that's ok with you...

It's been a year :raritydespair:

Good to see an update though.

Wow, a lot of "dead" stories have been going active lately. This makes me happy. :twilightsmile:

I hope that Flood parasite was just for decoration...:twilightoops:

Wow, I remember seeing this story back in 2012 but I elected not to read it because I was worried it would have Halo spoilers. I remember this because this story can out a month before the release date of Halo 4 and the game had already been leaked.

It's interesting to see it pop up again over a year later. If it gets completed, I will read it.

I have a sudden urge to ask for MORE STORY!
I LIKE THESE HALO CROSS OVERS!
PLZ KEEP GOING! :heart:

Glad to see this back in updates! Forge's antipathy towards the ponies still brings refreshing take on the HiE genre, as it comes across as both reasonable and understandable. Looking forward to more.

Also, Corporal Curious needs to die. Right now. A delicious aversion of "idiot lets the horrors out" is in order.

3833341 when the flood is involved, everything regain life... even dead stories

3866363 But zombies are ugly! :raritycry:

3868827
:rainbowhuh: I think that the politically correct name is "living impaired"...
fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/i/2013/033/5/2/halo_flood_smile__d_by_gearshasfallen-d5tnlt2.jpg

D'aww look, it's smiling... Ok, maybe you're right. It's kinda creepy

im so confused wWHAT IS GOING ON HERE:flutterrage::twilightangry2:

Ok, New-Jessofages, I'm going to try and put this nicely. This chapter needs work ASAP.
The formatting is painful, the language is clunky at times, as well as having the grammar and syntax at a first draft level. That said, the pacing is decent: a little uneventful, but not overly slow. If this is a lead up to a new arc/ toward the climax, then I suppose it is acceptable. The descriptors of their environments need to be...well, present. Aside from the ending scene, they were pretty vague.

TL;DR: Give this series the proper reboot it needs. Get a few editors and give this whole story a makeover. It's got potential, use it. :pinkiesmile:

why is this Cancelled:rainbowhuh:

Why the buck is this canceled???? This is awesome!!!!

Why is it cancled:rainbowhuh:

bring this story back its good I need the ending

Please continue with this fic. :pinkiesad2:

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