Max Stellan, a young adult working at a desk job never thought he would find himself in one of those isekai settings where the main character is whisked away to a new world. However, two things catch him completely off-guard: the inhabitants are walking, talking horses or ponies as they call themselves, and these two rival rulers seem to act strangely when he is close by. Wonder why?
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Solid chapter, though I have some minor quibbles.
Fucking really? Also a bit strange that there is no mention of this obviously not being his home world/universe/dimension/reality or whatever. Strangely accepting.
And I was a bit confused when you mentioned an orange unicorn. Technically Sunset is Bright Amber which is between yellow and orange. Though to me in the show she always seems more yellow than orange.
Still interested to see where this goes even though I have less confidence in Max's mental capabilities.
12150321
Hey thanks for commenting!
Yeah I agree that I struggled with that bit on the introductions between my OC and Zecora, but I'm glad that you liked it enough to comment! Will definitely go back and edit some of those bits to help make the chapter more better and true to the characters.
I edited the chapter "First Night" thanks to the comment made by Ralanost. Hopefully it makes the story flow more smoothly and flushes out the interaction between my OC and the first pony he meets.
Ayy this about to be interesting as hell bro
This gets more and more interesting can’t wait to see “how they respond to his return”
Ótimo capítulo
This just keeps catching my attention so good bro
The story is great so far. I can't wait for the next chapter! Keep up the good work, bud :)
Well then, I have a feeling that Ponyville is about to receive an impromptu check up by the Raging Sun herself, Trollestia, and then immediately by her sister, the Devouring Night, Lulu.
Opa opa
To sentindo
To sentindo
🌚🌚🌚
12166255
Sim
Kkkkkkkk kkkkkkkk kkkkkkkk
12166279
Forgive me, what?
12166280
Eu estava confirmando o seu comentário
12166280
(Kkkkkkk) Significa risada
😐👍
12166284
Oh! Never mind! Thanks for the laughter
I usually ignore these small mispellings, but misnaming Lyra and the colonel position seems to be my limit.
In the meantime, I wonder what a certain lavender bookhorse is doing...
12166289
De boa meu nobre
Ja que você não entendeu o significado de
(Kkkkkkkk)
Qual e o seu significado de risada?
Tipo como você expressa que ta sorrindo?
12166324
For me, I usually see laughter represented by "hahaha" or "hehehe" or other similar expressions of that appearance. The occasional "chuckle" is usually not too out of place, either.
12166305
Hey thank you for commenting on my story!
I am truly sorry about the misspelling of Lyra! I can't believe I actually did that. Will definitely change that right away!
Thank you for pointing out the colonel misspelling too! Will change that too!
12166328
Entendo
Nossa mano
Isso e bem fantástico e incrível
Saber disso
12166330
It's no problem! You at least still have something over me in which you have the talent to create an interesting story! English sucks anyway, it just randomly decides to take words from other languages and doesn't even bother adapting them to make sense.
12166333
Honestly fair point.
12166332
If it is not rude of me to ask, what language are you typing in? While I've been able to use Google to translate so far, knowing your precise language would probably make the translations better
12166340
Sou brasileiro e o meu idioma e "português"
Ou "portuguesa"
Meu país e O "Brasil" ou Brazil"
12166349
Thank you. See you around
12166351
E qual é o seu
Se me permitir pergunta?
12166357
I am from America, so my language is English, even though I'm not English. (We really should fix these names one day - just kidding lol)
12166364
Kkkkkkkk kkkkkkkk (risada)
Ok
Why exactly is he being put on a watchlist?
12166431
There's two reasons:
1. In this alternate version of Equestria, relations between races are more tense and there is a bit of 'prejudice' against those who are meat eaters.
2. Max wrote down on his citizen application that his race is human, which would raise a few eyebrows since humans are considered by the public to be nothing more than myths and legends.
12166563
I mean even in the show there was prejudice towards non ponies to a certain extent but I'm guessing here in this universe it's more pronounced than some casual racism or species specific pronouns.
Glad I gave this story a shot and got caught up. This has been extremely interesting so far, and it's not everyday I find a fic that features both Daybreaker and Nightmare Moon in it. Looking forward to seeing more!
12166563
And as the recent Ursa incident demonstrates, 'monsters' are also still alive and well and so anything sufficiently strange-looking just might be one plotting who-knows-what even while it's acting harmless for now. That such a creature could be acting purely on its own or as a pawn for some other faction, whether aware of that itself or not, doubtlessly adds some spice to such situations.
Looking at it from that perspective, I find it hard to blame the guards for just doing their job. And unless they're particularly coy about their terminology, it is just a watchlist, not an "arrest on sight" order or even a "get in his face to make sure he understands who's the boss here"...some human authorities could stand to be this polite.
Worthy of note, Zecora’s rhymes always come in couplets, so this ABAB quatrain took a reread to realize what you’d done here. It actually seems more jarringly ooc than when someone writes a Zecora who occasionally drops the rhyme thing altogether.
12171294
While I do agree that it's a bit difficult to read, I find this version of Zecora to be quite endearing with how she manages to come up with arguably more difficult rhymes on the spot.
Good story through and through, still wondering when the rest of the Mane Six will meet Max, or at least until the Royal Sisters catch wind of his (re?) appearance.
12171294
Thank you for pointing that out!
I tried doing Zecora's rhymes a little differently this chapter. Sorry that it came out a little jarring.
12171362
Very soon... 😏
Estou ansioso pra a continuação
I just remembered when celly and lulu are like this aren’t they basically crash outs. Hoping for anything to oppose them so what happens when they both want him
It’s so gooooodd!! I can’t wait to see what happens next the concept is so unheard of….well iv never heard of it but non the less it’s still really good I wonder if they gonna slowly start changing back into there peaceful selves over time
Poor Twily, perhaps she'll get a chance as Daybreaker's second student?
Also nice to see that the rest of the would-be element bearers doing well in their different roles, and Rarity and Nightmare would bond very well with their shared love of drama and appearances. Wonder how Rainbow's doing? Leader of a prestigious military company? Journeymare within the ranks of the Shadowbolts? The possibilities are endless!
Ótima história
To gostando bastante da história
12177627
Isso e bem interessante
Da Rainbow Dash
Essa história é muito boa mano
Uh, ponies don't have arms
Simple typo.
Well, it's nice to see another chapter from this story, kinda unfortunate that this universe's Filthy Rich is more of a sleazeball with this lawful evil tactic. Definitely going to be losing out in the long run from making an enemy out of the Apple Clan, and perhaps the whole farmers' association as a whole.
Daybreaker and Sunset have an interesting relationship for sure, with both deceiving each other for their own motives while still genuinely caring for each other to a degree. Sounds like a powder keg ready to ignite.