• Member Since 21st Dec, 2019
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

underrated Drake


Just a regular guy who has very little knowledge on MLP but a lot of creativity.

Comments ( 23 )

This is an intense opening. I can't wait to see what else Steven does, and how many more who underestimate him will learn he's more than what he lets them know

“She worked two jobs to keep us alive. Until one day… I came home and found her getting beaten by loan sharks.”

“They ran. I took her to the hospital. That night, I put on a Halloween demon mask, grabbed a kitchen knife, and went hunting.”

He stared at the wall, eyes blank.

“They were B-ranks. I killed them without trying.”

He shook his head and turned away.

“Next night, I broke into a test site. Wanted to know the truth. Found out I was an S+. Maybe higher.”

“Security saw. I ran. But not before someone important noticed the screen.”

He smirked again.

“Dennis Costerwell. Head of the Canterlot Royal Guild. Obsessed with finding the guy who scored higher than anyone in recorded history.”

“That guy… is me.”

He cracked his neck, stretched, and finally pulled down his hood.

His messy, dark green hair fell over his eyes—those glowing, dangerous eyes. Emerald with slits like a dragon's.

“But hey… I’m just your average F-rank loser, right?”

“Let’s go back to the beginning of my story,” he muttered to himself, eyes narrowing.

Remove this part of the quoted text from the story, it is summarized until the next chapter, and put it in the final place of this text with each one and the monster is dead in this part "well I think I'll tell you how it all started, it will be a great chat or let me tell you a story" because you are doing a flashback, you are telling how it happened and because.
This part is a summary of the idea, which will be told in 1 or 2 chapters, the story is good, but be careful when you put it by accident, if you want to summarize how the chapter will be, put it in a draft or notepad, it was just a tip I received.
If someone is in doubt what to write, they can ask.

Great story. And I must say that the story is rough gem that needs a polish with future chapters. Also similar to
"clopicus vile" comment I would like to belive you might want to listen to the audio book wizard detective its a good listen. Am wondering what skill/skills steven might get and wondering when discord shows up.

Regards

Kingofspirits1

Can't wait to see what happens next

Before I even read a word of this, I have to ask--are any of this been inspired by those PocketFM ads that show up on YouTube all the time?? Because from this summary really compares Spike in this story to this Quinn Talen character from "My Vampire System" where Quinn is claimed to be the only human that doesn't have any superpowers (at least to everyone else in the world).

I honestly hope Spike isn't this story's version of Quinn Talen...:fluttercry::applecry:

12144644
I have never read Vampire System... not the first person to mention it though... and honestly not interested.

Steven really has to work hard to earn enough to give his mother the best care. But now some know his power exceeds S class and now they want him

This seems really interesting and feels like im reading a story from a manga. Great job! Seriously curious were this will go. Hope to see more soon.

Beautiful, Cant wait for more.

Steven is starting to make some good money

This is getting exciting

Very nice, can't wait to see what happens.

Both were tall, olive-skinned, and sported matching utility vests. One had a scar down his cheek and a claymore on his back. The other wore twin gauntlets with glowing runes and chewed on a matchstick like he was waiting for a fight to start.

Wow, the super Mario bros.

Steven's training is really taking off

Amazing Chapter. Keep up the Good Work :)

This was really fun to read. Didn't expect mr cakes. Cant wait to see more. Love to also see him interact with the main6/7 more after there appearance in chapter 1

His mom? But how? I can't wait to see what happens now

Oooo~ somebody's in trouble~ no but this was entertaining. Will him being the first one in awhile to survive that dungeon bring unwanted attention?
Idk either way can't wait to see what happens next

Make a rule in your world that firearms are very rare and expensive to have for hunting in dungeons, otherwise it will be easier to hunt with low rank weapons.

The child or parent will move Heaven, Hell, and Earth for eachother. This is what spike did for his and she does for him.

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