When Our Glorious Leader and Founder of P.I.E., PINKAMENA "Diane" PIE, (our non-canon 'Fillydelphia' version of the duplicate Pinkie Pie that was featured in the official MLP F.I.M. episode titled "Too Many Pinkie Pies" who later returned in season 6 within the episode "The Saddle Row Review") went MISSING, a stabbed-into hole was left in our company's heart that needed to be fulfilled by two brave volunteers as both a prosperous business opportunity and safekept promise to keep the good fight for justice alive and make all ponies we meet along the way S.M.I.L.E. when we're on the case! And if She were to ever return, She would assume her rightful authority over this agency of peace and prosperity.
WE ARE P.I.E., Fillydelphia's very own Private Investigation Enterprise, at YOUR discretion!
A 'Novelization' Appears! From the screenplay of an upcoming, community-led, MLP roleplay series on YT! Currently in Production!
I hope to learn what readers like and what readers don't like about my story so that I may improve upon it, making it an enjoyable reading experience for Everypony (even though its rated T)
I am 2 episodes in. And I really have difficulties to follow the character's conversation. I didn't know how was talking unless is was stated on the text.
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Thanks for the feedback and your interest, @Mattslayerd. I'll look over it again so it can be a more pleasant reading experience. I would forever be thankful if you could spare the time to let me know if there is anything else that comes to mind that I may improve upon as it is very important to me!
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I think I notice my problem, and is the structure of the word's. It's basically how the phrase is written that it's makes it hard for me.
All makes sense of course, but I have to read twice to pick it up. I think, I would put it in this words: "It's feel's like a theatre play instead of a Written story"
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Oh I see! Regardless, after looking through my work, I've also come to realize that some passages could be phrased BETTER I think. So I am grateful for your comment anyways. Please know that I am already making adjustments and plan to revise recent chapters as well. These first three chapters were once actually just Scripts that I transformed into a narrative story after realizing I'd be better off writing a script after rather than before the story was finished being written. It's really not just you. It almost sounds like a theatre play because it actually used to just be a screenplay! (Which I still plan to still do after the writing portion is done!)
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I hope you will be happy to see my revisions on chapter 1-3 i've done the best I could to make things an enjoyable reading experience.