- Member Since 7th Apr, 2018
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Teofilo
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Teofilo
Joined 7th Apr, 2018 ·
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12137051
It feels good to be back.
I have nothing relevant to say, here is goblin song
https://m.Not sure if this has a bonus chapter where Cadence gives birth to the first anthro in Equestria and everyone being surprised that it's also an alicorn. Man I'd love that idea. Thanks for the inspiration!
12137386
By all means! That wasn’t where my mind was headed but if this inspires you to do that?
Shit, I would be happy it inspired you so much!
12137396
my brain was in clop writing territory for a bit now. ive got two fics in the works(in said territory). i do hope i get enough mileage out of this spark. thanks a million my man/gal/buddy/chum/pal
I think you mean "basked." But the image of him changing to being identifiably from the mountains between Spain and France upon seeing human!Cadance is pretty entertaining.
You're a bit quick to end climaxes and move on, but overall it's pretty good. You've certainly got imagination, which is a big plus.
12139608
That's more than fair. Haha.
Thank you for the compliment and the feedback.
I will ask, what else could I say to sort of extend the sex scene. "Quick to Climax" I was worried I was beating too much around the bush!
Could you tell me what you mean?
12139771
Sure. Though I want to be clear that it wasn't "quick to climax," it was "quick to end them." Climaxes are generally the most dramatic and most important moments in clop. Everything in the story leads up to them, so they need to be suitably important. Not just in the lead up, and not just in the middle of the action, but also in the aftermath. The cumshots in here have great lead up, and are likewise pretty good during, but they have almost no aftermath. It's like the story forgets they happen as soon as they're over, and that lessens the impact and importance.
For example:
He's having a fantastic orgasm that's doing all kinds of things to him that shows how powerful it is and then body-shaking orgasm is suddenly over. Not just over, but it's like he goes straight from mid-orgasm to hopping onto the bed for the next round, as though that huge orgasm wasn't actually that important. This skips over any aftermath and hurts the idea that his orgasm was actually that big. Even if he's still ready to go, writing-wise there should be some winding down after a climactic moment to help the audience feel just how climactic that moment was, and clop-wise it helps sell the dramatic orgasm if the characters need to do things like come back to their senses, catch their breath, or just cuddle for a moment.
The big scenes just need a bit more aftermath.