Years
The nightmares didn't stop, but Twilight didn't stop telling her about them.
"I was running through a big scary forest and she was chasing me and I tried so hard but her legs are so much longer than mine and I fell and—"
"She... She made me watch as she hurt you and, and... I heard your wings sn— sn— snap!.."
"She, um... I was giving a presentation in class and everypony laughed at me."
"I'll never learn healing. All I ever do is break stuff."
"I dreamed I was back and taking the test again and I failed. I couldn't do anything."
"I dreamed I was taking the exam again and... you weren't able to stop me."
As Twilight built her castle of shame, Celestia wondered with each brick: would it help at all to know that the one who whispered to her was an enemy, a deceiver, and not her own soul? Even on the nights when she was left alone (because the Nightmare hunted elsewhere or, Celestia hoped, because Luna was still there, up on the threshold of the fathomless heights, to hold its attention) the mortar cured.
"Y— You'd never hurt me, right, Princess Celestia? You'd never hurt anypony, right?"
Deceitful.
"The world tilted on its side, and I fell through the sun into the Forge—"
Cruel.
"She... held me down and sawed my... sawed my..."
Monstrous.
"I dreamed that all the stars fell. And it was my fault."
Nine hundred and eighty-seven.
"She gave me wings and threw me off a cliff. I didn't learn to fly in time."
"I was giving a presentation in class, but then it turned into a demonstrative dissection... with me as the subject. And everypony laughed at me because my guts were wrong."
Nine hundred and ninety.
"I was her, and you were there, and I... I... I don't want to talk about it."
"Shining, he... She kept breaking his shields until he..."
"She took Spike."
Nine hundred and ninety-three.
"... I dreamed that my tower burned down."
"The same dream again."
"Do I... have to tell you about it?"
"Princess, am I?.. No, never mind. It's nothing."
Nine hundred and ninety-four.
"I don't really want to talk about it, Princess."
"... How do I know that this isn't a dream?"
"Just tired, Princess."
Nine hundred and ninety-five.
"I don't care if the configuration fries my brain! Maybe then I'll finally get a good night's rest!"
"I... The castle was empty, and I couldn't find you anywhere."
Nine hundred and ninety-six.
"You don't appreciate anything I do! Why am I even here?!"
"You're alive, you're alive, you're alive—"
"... It doesn't matter, anyway. None of this..."
Nine hundred and ninety-seven.
"I'd never hurt you, Princess! I'd sooner die than—"
"... I'm fine, Princess. Let's keep going."
Nine hundred and ninety-eight.
"It was just a dream. It doesn't mean anything."
Nine hundred and ninety-nine.
"Um. Hi, Princess Celestia, I'm sorry I woke you, I—"
"Twilight?" She blinked sleepy eyes, blurring the shape before her with a filly from years ago. "Did you have a bad dream?" she asked on instinct, voice muzzy and lacking its usual resonance.
"Well, uh, yes, I... Yeah. It was just... I wanted to make sure you were alright." With her eyes adjusting, Celestia could see the blush on Twilight's face. "I mean, of course you're alright, it was just a dream..." She shuddered.
So much had changed. Twilight had grown taller as she learned her wishes, enough that that joke was worn out, and was now an accomplished astrologist and scholar. She was confident in her work, if not herself, and had slowly shored up all the weaknesses others bullied her for. But she hadn't built any gates into that defense. She remained as isolated as she had been as a filly. There were other things that hadn't changed from years ago, but Celestia decided not to comment on the ragged doll sitting at Twilight's hooves.
With a hoof, Twilight scooted Smarty Pants behind herself. "Just a dream. Sorry to wake you, Princess."
Celestia smiled, despite the weight on her heart. "It took time for them to become mundane for me, and I certainly wasn't a filly even when they began. There is no shame in it, Twilight." She turned away. "I only wish you didn't have to suffer this."
"They just... They seem so real lately. Even more than when I was a filly. That's silly, right? A grown mare and I'm still..." Celestia had felt the increased intensity herself, as of late, but thought it was just her own stress. Could the Nightmare know of its imminent release? "Of course, if... if there was a way to fix it, you would tell me, right, Princess?" There was no way to fix it. Not yet. And it wouldn't do to tell her, not so soon. Better to keep her and shield her just a little longer.
"I would, Twilight. Certainly, I would've done it myself if I could." Her gaze tracked over Twilight's head, out to the night sky. "Of course, there's always..."
"No," Twilight interrupted her. "I'm not going to leave just because of this. I'd take a life of turmoil under your tutelage over peace, every time." In the moonlight, Celestia could see the bags under her student's eyes. "I'm just... tired. But I'm not going to leave. I mean, I am going to leave, I'm not going to just spend the night standing in your bedroom, haha, let me just—"
"Twilight?" Celestia called, stopping her on her way to the door. She felt vertigo. The time she'd spent with Twilight was a shrinking cliff, and the future past the soon-coming point where she'd give her over to the unknowable plan of Harmony yawned wide. "Twilight, would you like to..." She felt mortified as soon as she'd got even half of it out. Would her student, a grown mare, like to walk with her in the night as they once did, talking of nightmares and dreams? As if her presence could ward fear anymore.
"... Take tea with me in the courtyard tomorrow morning?" she finished, reeling the sentiment back in. "If you have to come see me just to confirm I exist..." she trailed off.
Twilight smiled, and it wasn't the giddy grin of a filly, unfiltered emotion shining through from a pure core. It was an adult's smile, one formed around the awkward shapes of weariness and other feelings hidden under her tongue. Still, it was genuine. "I'd love to, Princess." Her hoof raised to push open the door, but paused. "Probably best to not bother the guards..." she muttered, then she stiffened. "I forgot about the warden, I hope—"
"He's fine, Twilight. The ward is still keyed to your signature. That's been part of the training ever since that first night."
"... You never took it out?" Twilight pouted. "I'm a grown mare, Princess."
Celestia smiled. "And I, a sentimental one. My door is always open to you, Twilight, even if you do not need it." She looked down, swallowing her gladness that Twilight still did at times.
Twilight turned back to look at her mentor again. "Thank you, Princess Celestia. And good night."
With that, she returned to her tower in a purple flash, leaving the room somehow emptier than it had been before she arrived. Celestia was left with her thoughts, something she'd been avoiding lately. She wasn't one to procrastinate, normally: when something needed to be done, she believed it best to do it. But now, she had to send Twilight to Ponyville — the sooner the better. Harmony could wait, of course, but above all, she needed strong bonds with the other Bearers.
Yet month after month, she put it off, and now they were scant days from the return. She couldn't stop thinking about it — would Twilight be able to find her friends and stop Nightmare Moon? If she did, would Luna be returned to her? She was growing tired of questions, of wondering what the other bank held.
The only thing left to do was to ford the river.
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12121294
I know G1's magic revolved around wishing and stars, though only the author can say if that's where they got it from.
Thing is, it also seems very doubtful that ponies use meters.
This really is one of the better and more interesting new fimfic stories I've seen so far this year, with more literary strengths than I can reasonably be expected to list or count.
On that basis, Recommended! 👍
This is very well written and a good story too.
Thank you for sharing with us!
You write with a rare and enviable quality.
One of the best things I've read on this site and I've been here since 2012
This is crazy. I was captivated by the star lore, and equally impressed by what I've always felt is the core of Celestia's relationship with Twilight; her belief that she sees the pony behind the princess.
The ways that you describe Twi unconsciously vastly outclassing her entire cohort are powerful, and yet none of the details feel overly technical.
Referring to to star based magic as "astrology" makes etymological sense, but gives me a little brain twitch when I read it because I associate the word with fortune telling.
I think the use of parables is genius in that it feels grounded and like something the reader can ponder while the characters mine it for their own meaning.
I'm curious about the astralidade. It seems to be a Portuguese word, but also I found references to it as a navigational instrument in English in an old (1944) issue of aviation week. Where did you pull it from?
Have you written other stories in this continuity?
thanks for the love everyone!
12121294
most writers seem to just exchange 'hand' for 'hoof' but i like to think about when ponies use their mouths and when they use their hooves
in general, when writing celestia one of my favorite things about her is the inescapable power imbalance that separates her from those around her, how she navigates that, and how it mirrors her physical differences (putting a comforting hoof on twilight velvet without crushing her)
12121416
huh! i haven't watched anything but G4, so it's just a coincidence, but i imagine we drew on similar wells of inspiration - wishing on a star is pretty whimsical. one of the actual reasons for this system is my unending war against overpowered unicorns. in the same way you can truss an earth pony's legs or bind a pegasus's wings, just turn a unicorn upside down and they're powerless, no need for any conveniently-invented 'anti-magic rings'.
12121564
in a previous draft twilight fell asleep in celestia's bed, but it felt a little too personal to me. i err on the side of celestia being twilight's teacher rather than her mother (from twilight's perspective, at least. this fic explores celestia's struggle with that). celestia's very careful to call the tower twilight's library, not her room, and she only moves in once she'd naturally move out of her parents' house anyway.
12121656
that's very kind, thank you.
12121724
symbolic weight aside, i like the idea of cadence being a little weirder than people expect her to be.
12121736
wow, thank you!
12121761
thanks! i've never really liked the idea that twilight is "the most powerful unicorn" (see above unicorn-nerfing conquest), so i express her talent in terms of attunement rather than raw power. though it's described in violent terms, her ward-breaking is more an art of subtleness. the use of 'astrology' as a term is to make the magic feel a little more down-to-earth (heh) and practical, rather than Wizards or Magicians.
astralidade = astral (stars) + alidade (a sighting instrument used in surveying)
i wouldn't call it a continuity per se - i haven't really thought of any canon divergence, this is mostly just my own interpretation of the stuff the show doesn't get into, the 'gloamiverse' i guess. i generally keep those things in mind while writing, but the only other story that actually touches on these mechanics is Professor Rarity's Totally Platonic Romance Curriculum. i'm hoping to write other work that gets across some of my other ideas (picking one at random: the very awkward version of The Talk twilight will have to have when spike when she does enough research to realize that dragons are sequential hermaphrodites, as hinted in this work...) but it's a roll of the dice whether i'll have both time and energy for it
Clever extrapolation of Unicorns originally moving the Sun and Moon and Twilight’s star cutie mark to drawing their power from the heavens in general. You’re not the first writer to do it but this is probably the most in depth exploration of the concept I’ve ever seen.
12121826
"The ~tortoise~ unicorn lays on its back, its belly baking in the hot sun, beating its legs, trying to turn itself over but it can't, not without your help. But you're not helping." (Holden)
"What do you mean I'm not helping!" (Leon)
"I mean you're not helping. Why is that Leon?" (tense silence)
1. NOW I assume that in at least one universe, the canonical way to disable a unicorn is to turn it upside down AND stick its horn into a hole in the ground so it can't move. Maybe even its entire head.
2. But one advanced defense is for a unicorn to have pretrained with all the stars that are on the FAR side of the planet, beneath the planet's underside. This results in some really bizarre and amazeballs counterattacks by the 'disabled' unicorn.
12122071
Hay, who else have you seen 'doing this?' Can you point me at stories or whatever?
I liked this story a lot. Intelligent, without sounding pretentious. I liked the magic worldbuilding, the named stars and so forth.
Celestia is an extremely complex character. That is, in truth, why she is my favorite among FiM's cast. She's got the depth that comes from having the weight of a nation's safety - a *sister's* safety - laid on your shoulders.
Very few authors truly understand the layers to her character, that tragic blend of loneliness and strength. Many will see one or two layers - often in the archetype of "the lonely ruler". Here, however, I can say that I am greatly delighted to find a story which understands Celestia and delves deeply into the full richness of her character. She is both the manipulative schemer, and utterly bound by her own emotions. Absolutely respectful of her subject's wishes, and yet always aware that she is a ruler, not a partner.
It is a stunning character study. Often I critique stories for being too short - wrapping up before their premise has enough time to grow. That is not the case here; I only wish for more out of a selfish desire to see such great characterization!
On top of that, I have to congratulate you on making an alternative magic system here which both feels fitting in the setting, and is also consistent and cohesive. The idea of manipulating stars' wishes is especially significant in the context of their "aiding Luna's escape", something I suspect you were strongly thinking of when you designed it.
Still, this is first and foremost a character thing, and it's been a long time since I found a Celestia story this good. Instant favorite, wish I could read fresh again.
The world building is very different than my cup of tea. But I absolutely adore your characterization of Celestia.
I think my favourite bit of all in this story wasn't any of the great heartwarming stuff, but rather Celestia's idle thought regarding bonsai trees.
Well bloody hell, if you don't half know how to write a story that grips me for reasons I didn’t even realise I could be gripped. Celestiangst is a time-honoured tradition around these parts, for sure, but the way you seem to tell several stories at once here is wonderful. The main trunk of Celestia’s failures spanning out into the branches of Luna’s banishment, Sunset’s abandonment, and even hiding the truth from Twilight, they all work together to make the angst feel a lot deeper than plenty of stories that focus only one of those.
But what stood out to me right from the get-go is that you’ve written some of the best filly Twilight I’ve seen on this site in a very long time. You never write her as stupid, but instead lacking life experience; you never write her as a smart-arse, but instead someone who’s endlessly curious and constantly taking in new information.
The subtleties seem just as important as the interactions, too – you added in plenty of pauses and hitches, moments where she focuses on a seemingly-innocuous thing that Celestia says, that gave me the impression that she understands there are things going on here that are beyond her. And when she does get distracted or come up with some non sequitur, I never got the impression that she was ‘just being a dumb, distracted kid’ – it just felt like she’d found another thing to focus on, another thing to learn (the end of Night & Day is a brilliant example of this).
And I’d be remiss not to mention how you build the concepts of magic into this world. Wishing upon a star to cast magic is neat (and wasn’t that done in one of the older gens as well?), but the idea of studying magic and honing one’s ability through understanding parable and philosophy is bloody inspired. One of the things that’s put me off magical fiction in general is that so often it’s written basically as another form of science: Something to understand, research, find the right equations and ‘logic’ your way through, and frankly if I wanted to read about science, I’d read about science. Learning magic not through ‘getting it correct’, but by changing the way one thinks about the world, one’s perception of it, and oneself? You managed to make the magic in this story feel truly magical.
Apologies, one last note: The start of Years was the icing on the cake for me. I said earlier how well you wrote filly Twilight, so to see her grow up in those few short exchanges had me grinning from ear to ear. How in not even a single sentence, you let us see Twilight becoming more mature (both through her tone and the changing subjects of her dreams), but also more jaded, more guarded, with more than a few flashes of Sunset’s glassy-eyed expression in there as well. Brilliant stuff, thanks for sharing this.
And the idea of a hemidemisemimetre made me spit-take my tea. Thanks for that :D
thank you for the thoughtful comments!!
12140850
i love all the little dualisms inside celestia - guardian and teacher, princess and goddess, ruler and friend. exploring how she balances them all - and how she always seems to fall short of synthesis - is some of my favorite work on fimfic. and yes, the prophecy definitely helped inspire the focus on stars! i interpreted it less as "someone will use the stars to help her escape" and more the stars having wills of their own and being her allies. the four specific stars that worked that seal-breaking are mentioned in my other work that touches on this system.
12141453
thank you! i don't really like to think of celestia as The Ultimate Chessmaster, but i think having such a long life gives her a unique perspective on mentorship.
12142325
i will always be a dedicated celestiangst warrior 🫡🫡🫡 filly twilight is a joy, her jaded affect is definitely something that came later for me (partially because i think i hc her as a bit older than most do: she's 27 when she meets the other mane six, more a disgruntled postdoc than a bright-eyed undergrad). i think of her as someone who did a lot of internal development before she started turning it outward and reflected it in her vocabulary; despite learning and internalizing all sorts of advanced vocabulary, her own is still pretty simple.
i'm glad you liked the unscientific approach to magic! that was definitely my focus. i like twilight being a nerd in front of a blackboard full of equations, but that whole depiction (and alchemy just being thrown in there for good measure) feels a little generic to me at this point, and often i want to go in my own direction in worldbuilding even when i don't have a great reason for it. please don't apologize for writing such a detailed comment, i was hoping someone would appreciate the progression in the epilogue! it took a lot of tuning.
Really nice story. This magic system is interesting and actually does line up with things like Twilight in Rainbow Rocks trying to cold-read a counter song. Celestia and Twilight's relationship is cute and the way Nightmare Moon influenced things was well integrated.
I thought this was a nice story I would’ve said spells or wishes cause I never really say wishes in the show but they do say spells and awful a lot still, it was really nice
I think I need to go back to the start and bring a Cat, because I can barely comprehend just how deep this entire story is.
I LOVE IT.
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