• Published 17th Oct 2012
  • 3,180 Views, 478 Comments

Temple of the Stars - OrphiusOlyandra



Luna drags Gilda and Trixie on an adventure to discover her forgotten past. And start a war... Maybe

  • ...
10
 478
 3,180

Chapter 5

“My dear Princess Luna, allow me the pleasure of introducing you to the capital of the Gryphon Kingdom, Aviana!”

After a couple seconds of me not paying him any attention at all, the captain flushed bright red and stopped posing like an idiot. The city was... passable. Not as great as Canterlot or my temple, but it was alright. There were cracks here and there, the roads were dusty, and there were even beggars in the street! Talk about disgraceful. Why, they even had gryphons holding hands and kissing. I had hoped such bestial public displays would be limited to Canterlot, but sadly, it was not so.

“It is very interesting... architecture,” I offered and that seemed to please him.

“Oh yes, when this city was first built the King of the time felt it was necessary to retain our proud heritage so he ordered the designers to include a tribal feel to the place. The main square is modeled after the large tribal gatherings that would have happened in the past where we have the twelve totems representing each of the gods and a large fire in the center. Of course-”

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Did this gryphon take me for a foal? Already I could point out the numerous mistakes in his account of his own species’ history. To think it had been twisted so! I would not be surprised if Celestia had a hoof in those changes - she always did enjoy altering history to fit her grand designs. The story of my fall to the Nightmare and her defeat at the hands of The Elements, for example, was woefully inaccurate. There was never a-

“Princess? I hope I am not boring you.”

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Even here, all they cared about was pampering me and making sure everything was to my liking. Where’s the adventure? The excitement? Plans should be left on the battlefield; after all, life is to be enjoyed.

“Well that gryphoness doesn’t pamper us,” remarked Nightmare Moon. “A nice breath of fresh air if you ask me. Look on the brightside, they’re not kissing your flank like the nobles back in Canterlot.”

“Next time they decide to ‘kiss our flank’ as thou hast so eloquently placed it, we shall allow thee to have free rein.”

“Really!? Awwwwww, Lulu, you shouldn’t have.”

“We were attempting the modern form of humor known as sarcasm, you foal.” Nightmare’s dark laughter echoed in my mind.

“Princess?” Teotore asked with a concerned look etched on his face.

“Awwwww, would you look at that, your boyfriend is worried about you.”

“At least we have one,” I snapped back before pausing. “That is an appropriate response when we wish to cause a ‘burn’ correct?”

Somehow, Nightmare managed to convey the sense of her smashing her head against the wall.

“We are sorry, dear Teotore, we are merely occupied with a thought.” To put him at ease, I gave him a small smile. “We were merely pondering how one ‘burns’ or ‘snaps’ with nothing but words.”

He blinked at me, obviously caught off guard as to how he should respond.

“Modern linguistics is such a curious thing and we have been trying to adjust with limited success,” I explained. “So many new phrases and terms used in such curious manners.”

To my surprise, he laid a claw on my foreleg. “Princess Luna, I’m sure you will get a hang of it eventually. Practice makes perfect after all and if you desire, I am generally off during the evenings and would gladly help you in your studies.”

“Is... is he flirting with us? Or is it merely a ploy to gain our confidence? Political gain?” I mused.

“He seems dumb enough to flirt with you. I mean, why would he want you when he could have me? Mrowr, just look at that body.”

“Wilt thou stay focused? This is a delicate situation and we are surrounded by enemies and potential, temporary allies.”

“You’ve always fancied yourself the master strategist. Well? Show me what you’ve got then little Luna.”

“That is a truly generous and kind offer, but we do not wish to be a burden on thee.” For added effect, I placed a hoof over his claw and looked down demurely. “It would pain us greatly if thou were punished on our account.”

“Oh no.” Just like a typical male, he placed a claw under my chin and tilted my head up, but instead of looking him in the eye, I deliberately looked off to the side. “Look at me Princess Luna. Please.”

My eyes flicked up for a brief second before I let them drop down again. A second later, I slowly raised them up and looked him in the eye through my eyelashes. It mattered not what race they were, all males fall for the same tricks. A bit of shyness, a bit of eyelash, a sway of the hips and they would be like diamond dogs after gems.

“Prince-”

“Luna,” I interrupted. At the slight widening of his eyes and the flush that crept along his cheeks, I allowed myself a small smile. Too simple.

“Luna... Listen to me; I will not be punished for my actions. Plus, I freely offer it. It would be a great honor and I will not be harmed. I give you my word.”

“Alright... we believe thee.” I pulled my hoof back slowly, making sure to caress his claw as I went. “We believe that spending time with thee would also greatly enhance our learning experience. Interaction with others has sadly been lacking since my return.”

Ah, to tug at the heart strings of males once more. I had missed being able to make them think and do whatever I wished with a few words and some light touches. How many would I be able to string along this time without them finding out about each other? How long would it take before they realized it was all empty promises? Perhaps I shall collapse five noble houses this time and set a new record.

“That is a terrible thing to hear,” he replied with a twinge of smugness in his voice.

So that was his game. Did this toy really believe it could play on the same playing field as me? I had been playing this game since before his ancestors were born. Ah well, a dumb enemy is a gift and an overconfident one is almost as good. If he decides to so much as lay a claw on me, I will personally make his last days as terrible as possible. The Wide Eyes weren’t the only ones with less than savory knowledge. And the best part was, there was no need to even dirty my hooves. A nudge here, a push there, and another toy would do the deed for me.

The carriage finally came to a halt and the door opened. As I stepped out after Teotore, I accepted his claw and allowed him to help me down. Though I was certain the driver would have heard our conversation, he discreetly kept his head down and eyes away. Fear? Perhaps, and it would certainly be a valid explanation, after all, only idiots fail to fear those in power. Out the corner of my eye, I could see servants obviously trying to look as small and non-threatening as possible. A couple flicked their eyes over every so often, but otherwise, they stayed back and out of the way, trying to look as busy as possible.

Fear it was then. If they feared this individual that meant he had power, real power. He could get things done and few would object. It also meant that there would be many who worked against him, playing the role of the messiah delivering justice to the evil doer when in actuality, they were no better. Perhaps this gryphon would be a worthy piece to own then. We shall see.

“Such a marvelous castle,” I said in breathless wonder.

Ha! Just look at his chest puff out, as though it was a compliment to him. Oh, how I have missed my toys. ‘Tis a shame my old collection is long gone, they were a rather handsome bunch and provided years of amusement. To think I had almost caused two foals from warring houses to fall in love! Oh Celly, why must you always ruin my fun?

“Follow me, your majesty, the servants have provided a room for you and you would no doubt like to get settled in.” With a hoof draped over his elbow, we trotted through the grand entrance. “The King is sadly busy right now negotiating a treaty with the changelings and will be preoccupied for a while longer. If you desire, I would happily act as your guide for the rest of the day and explain-”

Blah, blah, blah. This gryphon liked the sound of his own voice more than Blueblood! Such a shame Celly had to undo my transmorphication spell. That stuck up pony was far better as a... Actually, now that I think about it, that was an insult to pigs wasn’t it? Good thing they had not found out, otherwise we would have had another revolt on our hooves. You win this time, Celly.

He kept rambling on about this portrait or that vase or some random crack in the wall that just happened to have some sort of extremely important historical significance. But really, a kingdom less than a thousand years old (I actually laughed when Celly informed me they had somehow, miraculously, managed to form a kingdom) and they thought they had some sort of history. Pathetic. So, I simply nodded my head when appropriate and pretended to be interested. It was a survival skill Celly and I had picked up within the first ten years of our rule.

“And here is your room, did you know-”

I laid a hoof on his shoulder. “We are sorry, but we are dreadfully tired from all the excitement of being caught in the avalanche and the death of our two companions. Would it be possible for thou to tell us the story at a later date?”

“Of- Of course not Luna. I am terribly sorry for not considering your mental condition. Please, sleep. I shall instruct some servants to bring up some food when dinner rolls around.” With a deep, sweeping bow, he backed out of my room. “It has been a pleasure.”

“Likewise,” I lied through my teeth. Resisting the urge to slam the door shut, I strolled over to the window and began planning my next move.

“Hey Trix,” I asked her as we passed through the town. “You know how I told you this place was a shithole and you were all like ‘I’m sure you’re exaggerating,’ and I told you I wasn’t and you still didn’t believe me?”

“Yeah...” she replied as her eyes darted nervously left and right.

“Do you believe me now?”

She didn’t answer me, eyeing up the line of hookers that were blowing kisses at passersby.

“Did you ever wonder why I only ever called this place Port Town?” I asked as we passed the ladies, giving them a polite smile and a bob of my head. Two gryphons, an earth pony and a minotaur.

“No, Trixie did not.”

“Well it’s because the place is so shit, no one ever bothered to name it.”

“Trixie can believe that.”

There wasn’t really a road, just a muddy track of trampled dirt in between all the shitty wood hovels. Everyone was giving everyone else the shifty eyes, and you could tell who lived here and who didn’t instantly, because like Trixie beside me, everyone who hadn’t been here before was looking around in disgust and shock. The locals though, all had their best ‘fuck you’ scowls on when they caught me looking at them.

The only reason this place existed was because of the river that went through it and down to Equestria. Really, this place wasn’t as much of a town anymore as it was just a place that smugglers stayed when dodging the law.

Trixie wasn’t saying anything and I was getting kind of bored so I started to tell her what I knew about the place. “Before I was born this place had been just another town on the river, and not as dirty as a zaphead’s asscheeks. But the King decided to build another better port closer to the Equestrian border. The story from there is exactly what you’d think, economic downturn, rise in crime, blah blah blah, and ta dah: shit town.”

“Uh huh,” Trixie answered me, though I knew she wasn’t really paying attention and was more interested in the big minotaur giving us the death stare.

“Don’t worry about him,” I told her. “See how the tips of his horns are blunted? He’s a pacifist, just trying to scare away trouble before it starts.”

“If you say so.”

I rolled my eyes. “Relax Trix, I know this shit hole as well as I know the Equestrian border.”

“Trixie wonders why we are here in the first place,” she shivered at a nasty looking goat that was staring at us with bloodshot eyes and a brown toothed smile.

“Keep away from that guy,” I warned her. “He’s a zaphead, cut you open on the off chance that you have a bit in your saddlebag.”

“Trixie can take care of herself. And she’s not even wearing a saddlepack.”

“Do you think he cares? You might have one up your ass or in your teeth or something. And if you like I can step away and leave you to take care of yourself. You know, stop stepping on your toes or whatever.”

“No!” she said a little too suddenly. “Trixie means, no. Trixie does not need to prove anything.”

I smirked but didn’t call her out on it. “We’re here because I know a few different folks that can help us out. I’ve got some favors to call in and then I can catch us a ride back to Equestria.”

“Okay then,” she answered me sounding unsure.

“Relax Trix, I got this.” I told us [CTT1] as I walked us down a back alley and behind a tavern.

As I passed by the kitchen window I knocked on it. A second later it opened up, and a gryphon poked his head out squinting into the low light. “Who is it?”

“It’s me.” I told him, and he glanced towards the sound of my voice.

“Gilda?” he asked.

“Who else would it be dumbass?”

“Why don’t you ever just use the front door?” he muttered as he pulled his head back in and closed the window.

“Why didn’t you use the front door?” Trixie asked, and I heard a splash and a mutter of disgust. She probably stepped in something.

“Because the bouncer here part times as a bounty hunter. This is the cleanest bar in town, so, obviously it’s the best one to get illegal shit done. You just have to know how to get in.”

I’d considered making the two of us enter town separately, but I didn’t want to take the risk that someone would start shit with Trixie. I remember back in the temple how she’d frozen and panicked. Not that I could blame her, but with her attitude and this town, it was too risky to let her go alone. I didn’t tell her that though, because, you know, she’d get all huffy and shit.

“So how do you know this gryphon?” she asked me as we waited.

“I did him a favor a few years back. And since then we’ve just been helping each other out now and then.”

“Alright.” She shut up after that, and we had to wait five minutes before we saw him again.

He came out the back door and I heard his clawsteps as he approached me. “What do you want this time Gilda?” he asked sounding pretty bitter.

“This time? You make it sound like I’m your problem. I remember that nasty ass mess you had in your basement that I cleaned up for you. You’re still in business so I’m guessing the Wide Eyes didn’t find anything?”

He grit his beak. “No they didn’t.”

I smiled. “So that means you owe me, right?”

He didn’t answer me.

“Relax, dude. I just want the usual crap. Brown cloaks, knife belt, knives, you know, the usual.”

He scowled and his eyes narrowed on Trixie. “Who’s she?”

“A friend and not your problem.” I told him firmly, letting him know to back off without getting insulting.

He glanced at me. “So you want the usual, and free of charge?”

I nodded.

“Just ‘cause you took a corpse off my hands, doesn’t mean you can just show up and demand shit from me.” I winced when he said corpse, and I heard Trixie shift at my shoulder.

“Hey, don’t start that self-righteous crap. I’m calling in a favor that you owe me. After this we’re square.”

He looked at me again, deciding how much use I was to him and whether or not he was okay with having me pissed at him.

“You know, a soldier is sitting around in my tavern right now, watching the door and not touching the drink he paid for. Been nursing that drink for about a day now. You wouldn’t have anything to do with that would you?”

“News to me.” I shrugged. I’d thought there might be a chance some soldiers would look for us here, but I couldn’t say for certain whether the one inside was for us or not. Still, Calisto never liked coincidences and always played it cautious. “Though, if you could tell me how many other soldiers have come into town the last few days, that’d help.”

“Three,” he said after a pause. “And they brought some nancy city type with them.”

Yeah, that sounded about right. Didn’t know who the nancy city type was, not a lot of Wide Eyes are what you’d call nancy.

“So, you gonna help me out or what?”

“...Fine, but no more free favors.”

“They’re never free,” I told him. “Leave the stuff off at my usual place would ya? You know, with the butchers.”

He nodded.

“Alright, sweet. Come on Trix.” I tapped her on the shoulder and left back the way we came. She looked as though she was going to get snappy at me, but something must have changed her mind at the last second.

I led her out the alley and down a few more streets away from the riverside of town.

“Corpse?” she said after a while.

“What?” I glanced at her, but most of my attention was on keeping an eye out for soldiers.

“He mentioned that you got rid of a corpse for him.”

“Oh, well you know. When you can hunt and know how to skin a kill, you’ve basically just learned how to get rid of a corpse. He had a big minotaur in his basement that the Wide Eyes wanted for questioning. I just got rid of the body, no biggie.”

I glanced at Trixie and she was green. “Trixie think’s she might throw up.”

“Aw geez Trixie, Not in the middle of the street. Even zapheads are nice enough to go in the alleyway.” I elbowed her playfully, though that didn’t seem to lighten the mood.

Eventually we arrived at the front of a nice little butcher. This time I went through the front door and a little bell rang as I entered.

The gryphon behind the counter brightened up the moment he saw me. “Hey! Gilda!” He was a Free Bird, and that clan was known for its friendliness.

He was a bulky gryphon with a fat belly, and arms thick with muscles from cutting meat all day. He ambled out from behind the counter and came to meet me with a hug. The dude smelled like blood and meat, and I had to admit I hadn’t eaten in a while, so the smell was getting me a little hungry.

“Hey Abel.” I said into his ear as I returned his hug.

“How long’s it been?” he asked me as he returned to all fours and took a step backwards.

“A year?” I guessed. “Something like that?”

“Too long. Why don’t you stop by more?” he asked me.

“Cause I live in Equestria?” I told him with a smile on my beak.

“Then write!” he paused and looked past me. “Who’s this lovely mare?”

“Abel, this is my friend Trixie, Trixie this is Abel.” I said while waving claws.

“A pleasure.” Trixie said with a polite smile, though I could tell from the hesitant way she shook his claw that she wasn’t feeling very pleased.

“How does a nice mare like you get caught up with this crazy bird?” he asked her with a chuckle.

“Blackmail?” I offered with a smile and a laugh.

He started laughing right with me. “So Gilda, what can I do for you? Are you in town long?”

“Nah sorry, this is just a quick stop for a favor. I just wanted to crash in that little storage shed you got on the waterfront, and have some friends drop a few things here.”

“Oh sure,” he waved it off. “If you like you can sleep on my couch; the missus would love to have you over.”

I winced at that. Bruna was nice, but damn was she a horrible cook, and she seemed to think it was her job to act like my mother every time I saw her. Always lecturing me about not taking enough care with my appearance or how I needed to swear less or whatever. The same sort of shit I’d copped from my mother, but coming from a gryphon that knew me half as well.

“Nah, this is going to be one of those quick stops. I’d love to stay, but you know how Bruna can get with goodbyes.” I rolled my eyes.

Bloody Tartarus, I lived with them for a month at best and she bawls her eyes out when I leave. Since then, every time I have business in town she always takes a long ass time to say goodbye, and tries to get me to stay. Goddesses love her, she was a sweet lady, but no, we weren’t that close.

“Alright then.” He looked a bit disappointed. Then he brightened up. “Oh! You know that meat you sold me last time you were in town?”

I felt Trixie stiffen at my shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“Sold really well.” he told me with a smile. “It had a real sweet flavor to it. I had plenty asking me to get more of it. What sort of game was it?”

Thank fuck, we were both distracted by Trixie running out the front door and throwing up all over the front step.

“Aww fuck!” he cursed. “Who’s going to clean that?”

“I’ll get her to do it.” I told him.

“What set her off?” he groaned as I stepped out the front with him.

Trixie only stared at me with utter horror in her eyes as she wiped bile from her chin.

“You know ponies,” I answered with a shrug. “Don’t like the smell of meat.”

“Why’d you bring her in then?”

“I thought she could handle it. Don’t worry, I’ll clean it up.”

“Yeah you better,” he said with another curse. “Look at this! I’ll go get a fucking bucket.”

The moment he was inside Trixie turned to me with her eyes wide. “You sold him-”

A tap on the shoulder and a name whispered in my ear made me turn towards a pathetically scrawny earth pony standing behind me.

“Gilda?” he asked.

“Yeeeah...”

He dumped a sack on the porch next to me before trotting off. I picked it up and looked inside. All the stuff I’d asked for was inside. Brown cloak, knives and belt. Huh, that was quick.

Abel came back out front with a bucket and a mop. “Clean it good, alright?”

“No worries.” I told him with a smile as he headed back inside. The moment the door was shut I turned to Trixie. “You’re cleaning this.”

“But-”

“No, it’s your puke, you clean it. I’m gonna step around the side and put on this stuff.” I didn’t give her time to argue before I walked down the alley beside the shop.

That’s the thing I like about Abel. He was a clean guy. Completely clean. He ran the nicest business in Port Town, and the only legal one that I knew of. As far as I know, I’m the most illegal thing he deals with.

About a minute later I came out of the alley wearing a brown cloak and beneath that a whole bunch of gear. A knife belt, a bag with some handy stuff in it like lockpicks and rope, and a few other things. Really nothing special, just your basic materials. I’d like a good bow to go with it, but a gryphon female loses all ability to blend in with one of those. I’d been hiding the hoof band from the temple beneath my wing since we entered Port Town, so I took that out and slipped it in the pockets of my knife belt.

Trixie had stopped cleaning and was chatting up some female gryphon.

“Trixie, come on!” I said annoyed as I approached the two of them. “I’m not cleaning up your mess, and I’m not leaving it on Abel’s doorstep either.”

“Gilda?” the female gryphon asked in a really oddly masculine voice.

I looked up at her-him! “Holy fuck!” I shouted in surprise. “Graciano?” He smiled at me and I rushed forward and wrapped him in a hug. “Shit, Graciano?! What are you doing here?”

“Gilda, I can’t believe it’s really you,” he[CTT2] said into my ear.

“Fuck me, man,” I said as I pulled back from him. “Fuck, look at you.” I eyed him up and down. “You’re even more girly than the last time I saw you.”

His smile dropped a little at that.

“Ah shit man, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just really happy to see you.”

“It’s fine.” He waved it off. “How are you? Where have you been?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine. I just can’t fucking believe you’re here.” I pulled him in for a hug again, wrapping his scrawny shoulders in my broad arms.

“Trixie’s sorry, who is this?”

“Oh, right.” I pulled away. “Trix, this is Graciano, my twin brother.”

She blinked in surprise. What? We didn’t look that different. We had the exact same coloring and everything.

“We haven’t seen each other since... Shit, how long has it been?” I turned to him.

“Six years and four months,” he answered me with that small smile still on his face.

The grin fell from my face. “Shit... It’s been a while hasn’t it?”

He nodded. “Yes it has. You ran away.”

I winced. “Yeah, I know.”

“You didn’t write, or try contact me again.” He sounded hurt and I couldn’t blame him.

“Fuck, I know, I know.” I sighed. “I’m really fucking sorry.”

“Why’d you run?” he asked.

“I... Fuck man. It’s... a mess alright.” That was true. “I wish I had another choice, but... Look, I’m just glad you’re here, okay?”

That didn’t seem to satisfy him, but he didn’t ask me anymore questions.

“Shit man, we need to go and get a drink somewhere, talk about all the shit I missed.” I nudged him in the shoulder. “Found yourself a marefriend?” I grinned and winked. “Or maybe a nice stallion?”

He looked confused. “Mare? Stallion?” he asked.

“Oh, shit man.” I face palmed. “I’ve been in Equestria too long. If I say everypony just fucking kill me. No, I mean have you got yourself a mate?”

He smiled and shook his head sadly. “No. None too interested in a male that’s prettier than them.”

“Well it’s their fucking loss.” I said as I put an arm around his shoulder. “Fuck, remember all those times mum tried to set us up on those dates, or like, arrange a marriage or something?”

He grinned and chuckled. “Yes, and the deal breaker was always when they learned I was the son and you were the daughter.”

“I know right!” We both laughed and shook our heads, though Trixie seemed confused. “Oh well, I was always really butch and he was heaps feminine. So when we were first introduced to others they never realized Graciano was the son and I was the daughter until mum or dad said our names.”

I paused. “Aw man, remember that time dad got heaps drunk and tried to put you in a dress and make me wear a suit while his brother was in town?”

He grimaced. “Yes I do.”

I covered my face with my hand. “What a fucking nightmare that was.”

He nodded. “It was only worse when you were eleven.” He sighed.

“Aww fuck.” I groaned and face palmed again. “When girls have that growth spurt they all do at that age?”

He nodded.

“And so I was fucking tall and looked like I could tackle most of the guys a year older than me, and you were just this... You were even smaller for your age and a puny girly looking guy.”

He winced. “Yes, those were embarrassing years.”

“Yeah and I was fucking terrible with it too. I always stood next to you, or put my arm on your head or just whatever I could to feel big and embarrass you. I’m sorry about that man.”

“It’s fine,” he reassured me with a smile. “So what do you do now? Why are you in Port Town?”

I winced. “Well... what does anyone in Port Town do?”

“Ah,” he said after a moment and did not look happy.

“Yeah...” I said with a sigh. “My life has not been very nice since I left home, let me tell you. But hey,” I elbowed him. “What about you? What do you do now? Did you make it into the Wide Eyes?”

“Yes, I did actually.”

Fuck. My mind immediately jumped to the warning I’d been given about the three soldiers and the nancy city type that was with them.

“I’m glad to hear that man.” I told him with a smile. “Was it hard?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe.” Oh he had no idea.

I took a step back towards Trixie. “Well it’s been great catching up with you man. We’ll have to see each other again some time.”

He blinked in surprise. “You’re leaving?” Fuck. He sounded hurt

“Shit man, it’s not like that. I’ve just got not a lot of time and stuff I need to take care of.”

He didn’t look any happier. “Gilda, it’s been six years since I’ve seen or heard from you, and you’re just going to walk away like that?” He sounded pissed. I didn’t blame him.

“Grace...” I tried to say it. I tried to excuse it, and give an empty apology as I walked out of his life again, but when I opened my mouth- “Fuck it. Let’s go get a drink or something.”

He smiled at that. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, fuck it. I can’t stay long, but... Whatever, we have time for a drink or something.”

“Trixie’s not so-”

“Trix, shut up.” I turned to her. “Relax, alright?” I gave her a small smile to calm her down, but she just scowled at me.

“I’m sorry, Trixie was it?” Graciano stepped forward and shook her hoof. “I don’t mean to get in the way of your business with Gilda,” he bowed low. “But try to understand that this is a reunion between brother and sister, we haven’t seen each other in a very long time.”

Trixie grimaced and pulled her hoof out of his grip. She didn’t say anything, but she noticed the death stare I was giving her so she nodded her head after a moment. “Very well then.”

“Excellent.” Graciano smiled and turned back to me. “Is there anywhere in town that serves a good meal?”

“Fuck no. The best is this butcher.” I jerked my thumb at the shop behind us. “But The Flotsam does an alright beer and their food hasn’t got bugs in it. Plus, if you know the cooks like I do they won’t spit in your food.”

He grimaced. “Lovely, though that will have to do.”

I stayed long enough to make sure Trixie cleaned her puke off Abel’s doorstep. Graciano went to help her, and that made me feel guilty so I ended up helping them both. Still it wasn’t long until we were sitting around a table in the Flotsam with some food and alcohol between us.

“-and then, Elder Calisto looks at both of us, coated in blood, and fuck were we a mess. Two five year olds in his backyard, his fence was broken and the kill in his shed destroyed... A prize fucking manticore completely ruined, and there’s the two of us staring at him, pissing ourselves with fear. And he looks at us, and he says ‘I think you two better clean yourselves off,’ and that was it.” I said.

Graciano chuckled. “Yes. It’s remarkable that Calisto didn’t skin us and put us on the wall where that manticore would have been.”

Trixie was looking a little pale from the story, but she made a pretty weak effort at a chuckle.

“Nah man, Calisto wasn’t like that.” I waved a claw and took another sip of my drink. “He was a calm guy, cool. He didn’t flip out ever.”

“Well you wo uld have known him better than I did.” He shrugged. Then he looked up at me. “Did you know he’s wanted by the Wide Eyes?”

Yeah I did. “No, fuck me. Really?”

“Yes, I saw his name in a list of standing Wide Eyes targets.”

So they hadn't found him yet. “Shit... Really?”

“Yes. I thought it was strange that he left so suddenly. Did you know anything about him? You and him and some of the other girls in town were close if I remember.”

I frowned and shook my head. “Nah, can’t say I do.”

“Hmm... Pity. Information like that would be good for my career.” He took a sip of the beer in his hand then grimaced and put it back on the table. I couldn’t blame him, the stuff tasted like shit. I’d lied when I said it was alright. I hadn't had much of my mug either.

“Enough about work. I know what you said back there, but anything in the lady department, eh?” I nudged him playfully.

He smiled. “Not really. A handful of single dates, a few relationships that lasted a week, another a month.”

“Bitches,” I muttered. “Or bastards?” I glanced at him.

“Female.” He assured me with a vaguely disgusted look. “So how about you?” he asked after a moment of silence. “How’s romance for you?”

I coughed on my beer. “Not well. Gryphons in Equestria don’t get a lot of options.” I told him. “Though it sounds like I’ve had a bit more luck than you.”

“Oh really? I didn’t know there were many gryphons in Equestria.”

I blushed and looked away. Not my smoothest move.

He blinked. “Gilda? Ponies? Really?”

“What? It was that or nothing.”

“You should have chosen nothing. At least tell me you didn’t sleep with any of them... you did didn’t you?”

“Hey, it’s-”

I was interrupted. “From what Trixie hears it’s even worse than that.”

“Shut up Trix-”

“How so?” Graciano turned to face her.

“From what Trixie hears, Gilda had a marefriend.”

“Really?!” Graciano looked shocked.

I groaned and covered my face. ‘“Trix-”

“With you?” Graciano said with concern on his face.

“Eww, no. Trixie would never touch her. No, she mentioned somepony named Rainbow Dash.”

“Rainbow Dash?” he repeated and turned to me. “The Element of Loyalty?”

“She wasn’t my marefriend, Trixie’s just an idiot. Nah, I was just friends with her.”

“So she says.” Trixie interjected. “But I’ve seen the way she eyes up the mares. I remember the way you kept talking about ravaging.”

“Trix, shut-”

“And I don’t even know what you were thinking that had Night-”

Shut the fuck up Trixie!” I slammed my fists on the table. Good thing this was the sort of place where you could do shit like that and no one would notice.

We were silent for a moment, and I went for another sip of beer.

“You know if you’re gay then you should just tell me.” Graciano said and I choked. “You certainly match the stereotype.”

I coughed and beat my chest. “Dude-”

“Sir,” interrupted a gryphon soldier that stepped up to our table.

“What the fuck is it with interrupting me today?” I turned to Trixie who shrugged innocently.

“Yes?” Graciano asked and turned around to face him.

“A courier came for you sir.” The gryphon bowed low, and I noticed he had a wyvern on his shoulder. The things basically looked like a snake with wings, though they had a full set of teeth. The red stripe down its spine and its smaller size made it a pygmy. He handed a scroll to Graciano.

“You got a pygmy wyvern?” I looked at Grace. “That’s pretty exotic. I thought only higher ups got those.”

Graciano didn’t answer as he opened the scroll and began reading it.

While he was busy with that I turned to Trixie. “What the fuck was with that shit about me having a marefriend?”

She just looked at me smugly. She glanced over at my brother before turning to me. “You and him could not be more different.”

“What’s that mean?”

“Well, he’s polite and friendly, has a sense of class and seems to realize that there are more words out there than those with four letters. You on the other hoof, are abrasive, aggressive, sarcastic and in general are completely insufferable.”

“Fuck you Trix.”

“You wish fillyfooler.”

I opened my beak to speak again when Graciano spoke again.

“Trixie?”

“Motherfucker!” I cursed. I was getting real sick of that happening.

“Yes?” she answered him. “How can Trixie help you?”

He sighed. “I was afraid of this.”

That grabbed my attention. “Grace...”

He stood up from the table. He left the letter there. “I’d hoped I was wrong. As an operative of the Wide Eyes and by order of the king, I place you both under arrest.” The soldier behind him drew his sword and pointed it at Trixie. Idiot, he assumed the female gryphon was less than dangerous than the unicorn.

Out of the corner or my eye I noticed the other people in the bar watching us. This was a seedy place, and I doubt they liked having the king’s soldiers in here.

“How’d you figure it out?” I asked as I slipped a talon under my cloak. I slipped my fingers into the claw guard, before I grabbed the hilt of a knife.

“It was Trixie who gave it away,” he nodded at the unicorn. “The guards at the border remember two blue unicorns traveling together, one of them spoke in the third person.”

“Trix, you suck.” I was still sitting there, though Trixie had stood up and backed off.

“Shut up Gilda,” she snapped at me.

“Surrender Gilda.” He looked me in the eye. “I think I can get you red-”

It was my turn to interrupt someone else. I flipped the table over, and he had to jump back. The soldier went for Trixie, but she threw a mug of some random guy’s drink into his face. He staggered as he went to wipe the drink from his face, and that was all the time I needed to put my other claw guard on.

“The pigs are here for us!” Trixie shouted out and everyone in the bar stiffened. “Grab the cargo and let’s get the fuck out of here!”

Both me and Graciano stared at her as we realized what she’d just done.

“Mother f-” It wasn’t actually me that said that.

Damn near everyone in the bar jumped up at the same time and made for the exits. The problem with that was they all got in each other's way, and rather than politely letting the guy in front of them go out first, they tried to push past him. A couple of them reached for weapons, but in general they stuck with their fists or hooves. Some of them dove out windows, but most were content to try and bash their way out front.

Rowdy bar, less than legal patrons, no one was surprised when it turned into a massive free for all.

The guard that had just had a mug thrown in the face, found himself tackled to the ground by an earth pony stallion. I ducked out of the way as two brawling goats rolled past us. In the corner I saw a giant of a minotaur holding two gryphons in a headlock. A goat looked like it was trying to bite off some pegasus’ wings.

Then, I saw Trixie, standing there on a table on her hind legs with her cape billowing and holding her hat on with one hoof. I noticed the glow of magic on her horn, and at first I thought she was just standing there posing in a wind she’d created. Well she was doing that, but she was also making a massive load of firework spells and floating them in the air around her.

Both me and Graciano had apparently noticed this at the same time, because we both said, “Well, fuck me.”

Trixie released her magic, and her load of fireworks scattered all over the room. Explosions rained over the chaos, and the entire room was cast in thick smoke. Bright flashing lights created a strobe effect, and a lot of the brawlers were blinded.

I tried to push my way through the smoke and crowd towards Trixie, but was blindsided by a black and brown gryphon. We both tumbled to the floor, and he tried to swipe at me, but I caught his hand with my guarded fist and jabbed my other hand forward into his eyes. He screamed in pain and covered his bleeding eyes as I stood up and looked around for Trixie again.

In the corner of my eye I noticed one of Grace’s soldiers diving at me arms outstretched for a tackle. I reacted by stepping left and grabbing him. I used his momentum to toss him over the bar and into the shelf of drinks. He came back over the bar top at me, sword drawn and swinging. I ducked under it and blocked his next swipe with a bar stool. His blade got stuck in the wood, and I reached around to clap my hands over his ears. Disoriented he stumbled backwards into the bar again, and I yanked the helmet from his head, and bashed him in the temple with it. He fell to the ground unconscious and I turned away from him.

Trixie was still nowhere to be seen, and I pushed my way between two stallions that were trying to strangle each other. A drink splashed into my face and blinded me and I stumbled forward into something hard.

At first, I thought it was a wall, but then I rubbed my eyes and looked up. My eyes widened and I saw the huge ass minotaur staring down at me with a growl on his face. His fist closed around my throat, and I slashed at his arteries with my claws. He yelped in pain and threw me away like I weighed nothing.

I smashed into someone and was sent rolling before I managed to land on all fours. I looked up and saw the minotaur charging across the room at me, only to trip and stumble as he passed whoever it was I’d knocked over. He collapsed at my feet and I looked up to see Graciano standing there with blood on his claws. Dodging back, I barely managed to avoid the swipe from the minotaur that turned around to roar at Grace, and I moved forward to rake my claws along his throat. He managed to pull away before I could cut his jugular, and he tossed me into Graciano again. We stood up at the same time, and the minotaur charged the two of us.

We both moved at the same time, and ducked around him. We both met on the other side where we turned around to see the minotaur collapse to the ground bleeding heavily from his armpit and inner thigh.

Huh. We both went for different arteries.

Me and Grace both looked at each other for a second, before he dove forward at me. He never made it to me, because a giant earth pony wrapped in Trixie’s magical aura slammed into him. Graciano stood up, and the same earth pony was smashed into him again. The earth pony was dropped unconscious onto him, and Trixie appeared at my shoulder.

“Come on!” she shouted and I followed her towards the door.

There was still a massive crowd blocking the exit, so I put a chair through the window, and dived out that. Trixie followed me out and stopped to adjust her hat before I led the way through town.

“Come on, we need to find a place to hide.”