Username checks out. I mostly write slopfi- I mean clopfics about mares domming human men with occassional loving snuggling.
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[Originally written on 30th December 2024.]
You're happily married to Cinder Glow, your beloved kirin wife.
You wake up every morning next to her, cuddling her fuzzy and scaly barrel. Every morning devolves to something more intimate, before both of you have to get up to do your daily chores.
Contains: a cringy story title, fluff, mutual and sensual interspecies canoodling, and a kirin mare being pregnant from a human man.
The story takes place after Sounds of Silence.
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I'll be the first to say it: you cooked. Good stuff.
But, if you want some criticism...
It's mad short, which is no sin - but its structure is just a long relaying of information. Plus it's a little odd for the Anon in question to be like "Ah, yes, my mare wife. My mare wife I have impregnated." Those aren't the exact words, but those two lines really threw me for a loop.
Oh, and earlier in the story you accidentally forgot to write "tongue" so it just says, "her prehensile ever so gently sucking..." which is the only major error I caught, and easy to fix.
You have a bit later in where Anon gently rubs her pregnant belly; the earlier statement is just kind of redundant. It's useful to have in the first draft, but you can (or should) trust your readers to get to the part where he holds a hand to her belly and make the connection, ohh, so he did the thing. And that's when you explain the "idk, it's magic or something" in a line or two, without breaking up the flow.
Keep experimenting, ruminate on what mistakes you might have made, and keep cooking. Celestia bless.
12081385
Thanks for pointing out the missing word! Much appreciated.
It's not "tongue" but "lips" though, based on how the actual horse lips behave.
I assume the two lines that have bothered you are these at the start: "oh yeah you've not only just married her, but also have impregnated her, bada-bing bada-boom, asses".
Not the first preggo mare fondling I have wrote, but in my earlier stories those usually are in the epilogue as a consequence of all the plapping that have occured in the M-rated story, or as a lead-up to the plapping in the clopfic.
I will keep your advices in mind, thanks.
Cinder Glow character tag when
She a cute