• Member Since 2nd Jul, 2018
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AnOrdinaryWriter


Just your average ordinary writer. Nothing more, nothing less.

Comments ( 52 )
Koii #1 · 3 weeks ago · · · ...Move ·

How are there no other comments on this fic yet?
Minor Spoilers for Readers

First off, let me start by saying: Wow.

Just. . . Wow. This fic blew me away. It was the right amount bleak, hopeful, and depressing for my kind of tastes (in these kinds of fics, of course). You had characterization down to a T, you created immersive dialogue- Hell! I felt like I completely understood everyone's motivation during the first and second chapters!

From Amethyst's mentality to Derpy's protectiveness over her daughter, there wasn't a point where I thought characters were just doing dumb things for the sake of plot.

And what a plot it was!

You really did write something incredibly interesting and fun to read. I commend you, please take this gold star ⭐.
I really enjoyed the story, keep writing bangers like this one!

Wow, this was amazing! I could really feel the despair. At first I thought it was just going to be torture for the sake of torture, but after Lily dies the psychological horror of it really became apparent. I fully expected this to end at several points, such as Lily dying, Roseluck stepping forward, and Roseluck hallucinating her family, and having it continue past those points really draws it out for the reader, which I think works really well in a fic where everyone is essentially stuck just waiting. It really made me wonder what I would do in such a scenario. And the thought that so many small things in the story could have drastically changed the outcome despite the feeling of hopelessness that is prevalent throughout is strangely inspiring - if everybody had just held on like Roseluck did, instead of becoming violent or despondent, they could've kept each other sane and had a marginally better (though still pretty bad) outcome, and it's kind of ironic that this story is told using a universe where co-operation, friendship and overcoming hardship are such strong themes. Thank you for writing :)

Zaki #4 · 3 weeks ago · · · ...Move ·

Damn. This was an excellent read.

You know when I read this I couldn't help but compare this ending situation a bit towards that one movie called The Mist.

Because, both David and Roseluck are faced with this situation where they both just did something that they will never be able to forgive themselves for.

Roseluck:tricking Lily Into thinking she would move with her.

David:killing his entire family in what he thought was a mercy kill.

And then when Roseluck Is going to give up and David gets out the car and yells into the fog for the monsters to kill him they're both met with the cruel realization that YAY! YOU DID IT! YOU SURVIVED! YOU MANAGED TO HOLD ON AND STICK IT OUT UNTIL THE END!
.
.
now what?

Because when Roseluck continues to walk and eat and yell that she won before looking at Appleblooms lifeless body-

And when the fog starts clearing away allowing David whose ready to die see that the monsters dead and the military is here to save them-

They both realize that it doesn't even matter in the end, even if they both survived so what?

Roseluck realizes that she's still the only pony alive except she doesn't want to accept that merely because in her head If she does then Death finally wins,

And David realizes that even if the military finally made it and the monsters won't be a threat anymore he still has to live with the fact that if he had just waited a few more minutes then he wouldn't have had to kill his entire family in cold blood while he was left alive because he simply ran out of ammo.

Other than that this was simply a brilliant story in my opinion especially when I was pleading for roseluck to not continue with the mindset that Death would win if she died only for her to continue on so she wouldn't lose 'the game.'

Other than that I hope this story gets more likes because I feel like you genuinely deserve It.

12082078
Thank you:twilightsheepish:

This was... Damn. This was an excellent read.

One of the better horror stories I read for sure.

I refuse to believe this is the end, there's more to this story, I mean cmon, an aged up twilight from the future goes unexplained? No, I think rose will find others, and with the power of magic anything is possible, maybe she'll make a deal with the devil, if it's still alive, and she can reverse this, somehow. who sent the wraiths? Why did they appear? How did future twilight come to find out about them? I refuse to believe the story ends here, it just can't.

Great story! Reminds me of And Hell Followed

Alright, going into it, I was expecting some horror, but not this. Oh this is raw, incredible writing, very good pacing, I read all of it in one take and it didn't leave me bored for a second. Bravo!

But this can't be the end, right? It's too open for that to be one

Holy shit, this is amazing.

I thought I saw applebloom in the photo and went "Wow a child survivor will be interesting" then she just dies and...man...that scene was kinda sad. Then figured out that it was our protag in the photo standing alone and came to a worse realization.

This reminds me of a movie I watched once, but it was like with aliens or whatever and a priest surviving after tricking a kid into suicide and the priest got to live, choosing to go back and die instead of the kid.

Okay so I know people were already making correlations but I just gotta say this.

We’ve got the birdbox for taking away (most of) all sight, a quiet place for taking away all sound, and now Still for taking away all movement. This was just a masterpiece and genuinely felt like a movie to me props to you!

This is a masterpiece.

Incredible story, left me wanting for even more at the end of it.

Fixing Equestria feels like a bit of a tall order for Roseluck, but finding someone else out there and surviving might not be out of the cards. Someone who survived just like Roseluck: Through pure, dumb luck. Not all heavy sleepers squirm in their sleep, not everyone can accidentally give themselves away by moving. Though whoever somehow made it would be waking up to their own special kind of horror.

Anyway again, fantastic job! I feel like I could learn something about writing from reading things like this.

Manns200 #17 · 3 weeks ago · · 16 · ...Move ·

Brother, this was a masterpiece, if this story was a woman I would have coomed on sight! Just grade a story. Keep up the good work. I'm going to check out your other stories now.

Great story, only flaw I can think of is that shields work and that not a single person in canterlot survived. At the very least I'd put money on Shining Armor being alive or else I call bullshit. Knowing him he's probably still under a shield with his wife, child and anyone that was near him. That would have given him enough time for rational thought and to probe whatever the fuck was attacking them and maybe learn that moving is a bad thing. I really want a sequel with Rose finally making it to to the Crystal Empire and it being surrounded by a massive shield.

12083006
The problem with that is that the wraiths attacked instantaneously in every city, before anyone could figure out how to counter them. The only reason why Roseluck and the others survived the initial attack was because Future Twilight warned them just as the attack started. Shining Armor could possibly be one of the first to die, since he'd react more with action than with casting a shield. And even if he managed to survive the initial attack, you'd have to consider whether or not his family even managed to survive the wraiths. He'd be too distraught to protect himself from the wraiths if they died first.

My only two gripes with this story is that they never explained how Future Twilight survived, or what happened to Discord. And that's just me nitpicking.

Her survival had to mean something. There was a light at the end of the tunnel, and if she kept walking, she would find it eventually. It did not matter how long it would take, she would find another pony eventually.

There had to be someone else out there.

...There had to be someone else out there...

Poor Amethyst. She's doing her best and everyone just keeps sabotaging her :fluttercry:

So are these like the wraiths from evolve

R these based on the wraiths from evolve

12083310
Nope. I just heard the name Wraith somewhere and thought it sounded creepy.

Can't say I don't feel for Amethyst here...

Dang. What an ending.

You know... what if someone has been sleeping still the entire time? They'd be alive right?

12083329
OK because they dead ass match the behavior and description from those creatures in the game. I think you just hit a fucking uncanny coincidence

12083194
Let me explain some stuff that kind of killed the plot for me, ame had all the time to setup a plan when she had her magic back. She wasted time arguing with the other survivors when she knew she was infected. Her downfall was being outplayed by a filly somehow. She didn’t consider “huh, I killed her mother, I wonder if she’ll cause a chain reaction with her magic to get revenge.”

Ame acted selfishly and that was the point of her character it seemed, however for being a gifted unicorn she did a lot of arrogant behavior

Incredible story:scootangel:

Asking for a sequel

12082066
It’s more like war of the worlds

12082144
I like your optimism, mind if I DM you?

12081739
Kind of like I am legend, that was an extremely bleak story and I loved it

I did not enjoy this story.

The first chapter was pretty good - i liked the suspense, the way you described the unfolding catastrophe was very evocative and all the scenes with survivors and the showdown against Amethyst were also good. But the thing is, all of this ultimately leads nowhere. Roseluck suffers and suffers and suffers, experiencing all these horrible things, one calamity after another befalls her and yet she preservers, determined to carry on - and she ends up just wandering away into nowhere? As the story progressed i was hoping that maybe she finds a way to recover Twilight's spell, or teams up with some survivors in Canterlot, or somehow manages to send herself back in time just like Twilight did to prevent the end of the world but she just suffers. Is there hope? Did anypony survive elsewhere or is Rosey really the last one? What are Wraiths, really? The thing is, there's just not a lot of story in this fanfic if you understand what i mean. It's just suffering for suffering's sake. I do not like it.

Speaking of Twilight - she acts incredibly strange for her character. The world ends, she resorts to using a time spell to send herself back and doesn't even consider what may happen if she meets herself in the past or if she happens to miss the right time? The fate of the world hinges of her actions and judging by the fact that she was noticeably older she had a lot of time to prepare. She wouldn't squander her chance like that.
Also, if after she was erased from existence it affected the things she had with her why didn't they disappear entirely? If she never wrote that spell and never went back in time she never would've brought that bag with her and it would also probably disappear. Although this is the kind of thing that almost always happens when there's time travel in the story so it's not a major complaint.

In regards to the prose - i like it, it's great and evocative, but the story is just too drawn out. Some things that could've been put into sentences stretch into paragraphs. I feel like you could cut a significant chunk of the story without subtracting much from it.

All in all - great premise, promising beginning, disappointing ending.

I personally wish Roseluck would have killed herself, and that might seem horrible to say, but her world is dead, there is nothing left for her, and wandering like she is doing is ultimately pointless, she won't find anyone else. She is alone.

Great fucking story, really fucking depressing, with zero chance of anything going right or the world getting fixed.

“…No, but… I don’t see any other choice.” There was no other counterargument like part of Amethyst was hoping for; any reason that would make her any less resolute on her decision.

While a perfectly plausible outcome, this is probably the wrong tactical choice. Depending on everypony's stamina and nerves, thinking a few more minutes would be superior, and I... well, Sweetie Drops might not think of that, but she COULD. A superior thing to try first would be to see if the anti-magic on the bag cancels out MOMENTUM or just continued application of FORCE. In other words, telekinetically hit it with stuff moving fast to (very slowly and painfully) billiard-ball it where it needs to go. If the anti-magic doesn't persist after contact is broken, nor objects build up around the bag that are in contact with it from insufficient elastic collisions it could work. If that doesn't work, they can go ahead and try the plan Amethyst is thinking of..

12083529
Ability to turn invisible, check. Stalking and hunting prey, check. Razor forelimbs for slicing, check. Reptilian body, check.

But there are indeed other wraith from Evolve. Fun game btw.

12083006
But were they warned?

That is the question.

Amethyst only had a chance because she was warned.

This was a pretty good story. However, why didn't Roseluck investigate Twlight's dropped bag when she realized she could move? I know she couldn't have used the materials inside to cast a spell, but if she is so convinced in finding someone else, surely there are other unicorns who could make sense of the contents of the bag?

All is well and good, except it's not well and good. The whole story flies off the rails after the time paradox sets in.

Very interesting story, good themes, great characters. 7/10

my big issue is the time paradox. It’s already established the time travel spell can’t change the past, even if the caster is actively trying to, so the past changing breaks immersion. Still, heck of a story.

One plot hole - the scroll was blank, but it was there, and the bag. If Twilight was paradoxed out of existence and never made that spell, then who enchanted the bag and brought it back in time? It should’ve vanished as well.
Other then that, a great story.

There can be survivors. Dragons who were asleep, ponies in the changeling pods, Discord.

I guess Twilight survived the first time around, because she managed to cast a shield spell during the panic, figured out the ‘don’t move’ part and held out long enough like Rose did.

And then she simply vanished. Like two pieces of film spliced together, the older version of Twilight Sparkle was just gone, erased from existence as though she were never there in the first place. The saddlebag that had hung from her back freely dropped to the ground, its contents clattering within, before being drowned out by a thick silence, interrupted occasionally by the fearful sobs and whimpers of the current survivors.

Twilight dead ass went out like this.

12083124
She got the rick grimmes treatment fr

12085984
I've got one other candidate for 'survivors'. What about the Smooze? I mean it's a blob. What's cutting it up going to do?

Good story! Very sad

Guess that I'll have to admit that your ideas here are quite fascinating. Would love to see it show up at the horror contest if it just showed up earlier. I don't read stories as sad as this but it has me hooked entirely.

I kept waiting for the reason why Twilight survived in the "back to the past" timeline, too bad it never came. But then again, these monsters are technically from the future according to the information, so in the end it meant nothing. Too bad her time travel precision is not as good as the Terminator (yes, the Terminator in the movies. She is like a novice Terminator who failed in a few minutes after mission began.)

And I wondered why didn't she broadcast her voice to be louder so that more ponies could be warned.

I was also reminded of this story at the end:

ESorry We Missed You
Rainbow Dash slept in on the day the world ended.
Starswirl the Beardless · 41k words  ·  236  15 · 3.1k views

in which one pony was left at the end of the world except that your story felt much more realistic.

All in all this is good. It could serve as a standalone story, but if you decide to continue then I will be glad to see it.

This was genuinely fantastic, and the only gripe I have is that in the show, time traveling to the past only created a closed loop rather than an outright paradox.
After her family started telling her to kill herself, the line 'The imagination was a wonderfully deceptive tool' and the next few afterwards legitimately made me think you were going to have her open her eyes and realise that she was still standing at her stall in Ponyville in front of Lily's corpse, having daydreamed the entire thing. Kinda glad you didn't though, it would have broken me in half.

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