Go in there. Go in the dark.
With all the eloquence, with all the wisdom, with all the sheer courage and creativity that Cozy Glow could muster, she described her situation perfectly.
“...This sucks.”
Her cage was spacious, but there was nowhere to go. Her surrounding area was some form of platform suspended quite high over a river or lake of lava– With waterfalls of the very same erupting from the ceiling and corners.
Chains and other sorts or strange mechanisms littered about. Even bones and remains– She could see other cages, but couldn’t make out what the creatures inside them were– Most were empty, on this island.
“Really? What tipped you off, child?” Tirek, who had his cage positioned frustratingly close to hers, groaned, as he sat down leaning on the bars.
“Hey, you don’t have to be such a grumpy grump!” The foal pouted. “Have I told you about the magic of Friendship?”
“More than once, and that was quite enough for discomfort.” He groaned, rolling his eyes.
“Exactly. I’m sure if I use the Magic of Friendship I can destroy these bars!” She announced, before rubbing her temples, and straining, glaring at the jailbars, making little grunt noises.
“...Don’t hurt yourself.” Tirek announced, devoid of energy.
“Hmpf. You’re not helping, you know?” She pouted again, tip tapping her little hooves in annoyance. “If you were my friend, maybe we–”
“--And then what?!” He waved his arms around in annoyance. “You will simply walk back to the gates? Cross every layer of Tartarus by yourself, pass by Cerberus with no problem?! Somehow open doors that were MADE to be open from the outside?! You wouldn’t even make it out of this room, child.”
“Hah! As if, I could totally–”
The entire cave system trembled.
Something groaned in the darkness. Debris fell from above, and a noise akin to a distant whale or leviathan passing by resounded from all sides.
Her breathing was quick, as she shot a glance around every direction fearfully, but could not tell where the sound came from. “W-w-w-what was that?!”
Finally, Tirek grinned. “Welcome to Tartarus. The safest place you could be is inside that cage.”
The little foal was sweating, staring at the darkness, staring at the pools of lava, shooting fearful glances in every direction. “O-oh gosh. Oh gosh.”
“Heheheh. That’s right.” He smiled maliciously. “The first few moons here are always the hardest.”
Finally, sitting in the exact center of her cage, Cozy rested her head, forcing her eyes closed. “...Princess Twilight will come for me. She’ll get me out of this…!”
“She better.”
“...And there goes Ponyville! We’re almost there!” Starlight clapped quietly, watching the town pass by the train’s windows. “Two more stations, and then after a bit of a hike, we make it to the gate.”
“Wonderful!” Trixie declared with glee. “I’m looking forward to getting started already. All these preparations are just so dull!”
“Hmpf.” Tempest grunted quietly, surveying the horizon with her gaze. “Where’s the rest of your team?”
“Our team! And they’ll meet us at the train station, hopefully. D-don’t worry, I’m sure everything will go alright!” She spoke with a tinge of nerves.
“Oh obviously it will be fine. We have gathered a great and powerful team! This will be easy– We’ll be in and out!” Trixie affirmed with complete confidence.
“Hmpf.” Tempest rolled her eyes. “I have to ask. Why did Twilight Sparkle let you of all ponies get involved, Trixie?”
“Hah! Bold of you to assume she could stop me!” She grinned with unearned confidence.
“Yeah, well– Twilight knew that even if she tried, Trixie would just follow me anyways.” Starlight shrugged with a giggle. “...That and um, I feel like Twilight wouldn’t ever worry about sending Trixie to hell of all places.”
“Heh. Yeah. We need fodder.” Tempest finally grinned. “Either way… Wake me up when we’re there.”
With her eyes still narrowed, the broken unicorn simply leaned back on her chair and stared at nothing.
Tilting her head, inspecting her hesitantly, Trixie grimaced. “...Oh gosh she sleeps with her eyes open.”
“Don’t be silly Trixie, she’s not asleep yet.” Starlight shrugged looking away… but then she couldn’t help but turn. “...Are you?”
Tempest was completely unresponsive. Her eyes squinted as she glared at nothing.
…Until she snored, nigh imperceptably.
“...Holy cow.” Starlight’s eyes widened. “...Okay, okay. Let’s focus. Trixie, when we get there, I need you to stay really close to me, alright?”
“Like, at the gates, or inside?” The magician shrugged as she looked outside without much thought.
“...Honestly, through all of it.” She pouted.
“Do not worry, Starlight– I know where I’m safest!! You can whoop the butt out of anypony or anything inside hell, I’m sure of it!”
“I just want you close, okay…? I need you close.” She muttered fearfully.
Trixie hopped out of her seat, and sat directly next to her, nuzzling her affectionately. “I’m not going anywhere, Starlight. Through thick and thin!”
The sun was lowered now, falling between the mountains behind them.
Starlight hopped out of the train station, and surveyed her surroundings. Mostly grasslands, with hills and sparse trees, there was a road that led to a village, and a thin road that led to where they were going. With a smile, she saw what she was looking for. “...Sunset! Maud! Hey, there you are! Where’s your green friend?”
“Hi.” Wallflower was already among them, sending the two unicorns hopping into a startle, Tempest being the only one not frightened.
“I see you have acquired a stealth expert.” The broken unicorn narrowed her eyes, inspecting the gardener. “Even I didn’t see her coming.”
“Y-yep, stealth expert, that’s who I am.” Wallflower grinned awkwardly. “You’re, um, really tall.”
“And you’re really short.” She tilted her head. “Your point?”
“I’ll just, be, uh, over there.” With a blush, the gardener walked behind Sunset.
“Hey, you three. Nice to meet you, Tempest Shadow, right?” Sunset offered a hoof.
“And you are Sunset Shimmer.” She affirmed, shaking that hoof. “Your reputation precedes you.”
“...Uuuunfortunately, heh. As does yours.” She grinned, offering them the correct path forward. “We got the key, Starlight– It wasn’t that hard, thankfully. Shall we?”
“Stop.” Maud was suddenly among them, as she inspected Sunset and Tempest quickly with a neutral gaze.
Silence.
“...Yeah?” Sunset tilted her head.
The Earth Pony spoke as deadpan as she always did. “It’s nice to meet the both of you. You both seem very capable for this particular mission. And I’m looking forward to working with both of you. I hope this job takes a while.”
Tempest grimaced in confusion. “Why would you want this job to take longer?”
Sunset let out hearty laughter, shaking her head, covering her face with a hoof. “Oh my god. This happened in the human world too– Tempest, she’s flirting with us.”
“...She is?” The broken unicorn raised an eyebrow.
Trixie sputtered out a snicker. “SHE IS?!”
Maud stood perfectly still and blinked. “...Is it working?”
“Sorry, Maud, I’m taken. And I’m not going down there with you.” Sunset grinned, swatting her with a tail playfully. “Good shot, though.”
“I am also taken. Incredibly taken, and don’t plan to not be taken anytime soon. Also I do not understand your courting methods.” Tempest shrugged, unflinching.
“Damnit.” Maud let out an imperceptible sigh. “...Maybe in some other universe.”
“B-but Maud, wait–” Starlight was utterly confused. “W-what about Mudbriar?!”
“You are kidding yourself if you think there is any reality in which he could satiate all my needs, Starlight.” The Earth pony did an incredible short shrug. “We have an understanding.”
“Okay, this has been fun, I definitely want to talk about this more, but can we move already?!” Trixie had to contain her laughter as she moved. “You there, hot stuff– I know who the big grumpy one is with, but who are you with? From a world of hairless apes, no less!”
Sunset had to prelude any words she said with a sigh and a roll of her eyes, as she led the group forward through the grassy undergrowth. “...In the human world, I’m dating the Twilight Sparkle there.”
Briefly, Trixie had to process what she said, the enormity of the nonsense. “...But the Twilight in this world knows you. She referred us to you.”
“Yep.”
“...She had like, a magic journal to contact you? You’re just penpals?”
“Yep.”
“And she was like. Super blushy when talking about you.”
“...Yep?”
The realisation came to Trixie in the form of divine intervention, as she gasped. “...Oh my god, bless Celestia, bless the skies themselves, bless ME, Twilight Sparkle got cucked by a hairless ape version of herself!!!!!!!”
“Okay does anybody else want to talk? Anyone at all?” Sunset huffed. “We’re almost to hell, by the way, do any of you want to talk about that?!”
“I am confused.” Tempest shook her head. “So there are two Twilight Sparkles, and you courted both of them?”
“I didn’t court anything–” She grunted, then shook her head. “Okay, I’ll make this easy. I’m dating a girl named Twilight Sparkle, she happens to share the name with a wonderful pony you know. And we are very happy together, and that’s not about to change anytime soon! That’s all!”
“Lucky alicorn.” Maud huffed under her breath.
“There is a very interesting take away from all this, everypony.” Trixie smiled wisely. “And it is this: Princess Twilight has no bitches.”
The reaction to this statement was several groans with different origins. “Okay, okay, we’re here. Stand back.”
The other ponies witnessed as the human turned unicorn waved her horn with her eyes closed, as if feeling a pattern, a wavelength…
And with an exhale, a seemingly gap in reality formed. Through an unsuspecting passage in the treeline, laid a mountain, one that was impressively tall– One they could not see as they approached.
“...Okay, you can all come in, but don’t make any noise, okay? He’ll hear you.” Sunset warned before stepping inside. “And try not to smell very hard.”
“Smell very hard?” Starlight tilted her head. “As in emit scents or sniff the surroundings–”
“--Mission failed.” Tempest grinned. “The blue one and the green one are pungent.”
“Thank you!” Trixie smiled proudly.
“I showered last wednesday…!” Wallflower shyly looked down with embarrassment.
Finally, the team stepped inside without much reservations.
There was no forest anymore– Just a few trees here and there, and ruins. Columns and foundations littered the area.
And above all, distinctively, there were scratch marks and broken debris of the environment in all directions.
“...Stay here and be quiet.” Sunset warned as she walked forward with determination.
She paused by a clearing, while all her friends watched hesitantly and whistled loudly. “...Here boy! I’m over here!”
The ground trembled, Wallflower toppled over, Trixie had to hold onto Starlight all the while Maud and Tempest were not fazed.
An enormous three headed hound galloped towards Sunset, and she stood her ground, even smiling as she spread her front hooves wide. “...Hey boy, it’s been a minute!! Remember me?!”
Cerberus, a seemingly incredibly powerful hound of hell, nearly pounced on her, but stopped in his tracks to sniff her furiously with his three heads, with a tail wagging with just as much ferocity.
She allowed it to happen, even snickered as she rubbed his foreheads and cheeks. “...Sorry it’s been a while, boy. Got caught up in some stuff in another world, tried to steal a crown… It was a whole thing. It’s good seeing you too!”
The team watched in disbelief as the hound rolled over for her and she rubbed his belly with glee.
Starlight’s eyes were completely widened. “...Yeah no wonder Celestia suggested her specifically for this…!”
“Okay boy. I brought some friends– Some friends, okay? They’re all friends. So play nice, okay?” Sunset spoke sternly, but affectionately towards the hell hound. “One at a time, come over here, alright?”
The group stood still. “...Not it!” Trixie declared.
“U-um. Also not it?” Starlight offered.
Maud said nothing, Wallflower hid perfectly in a bush, completely unseen.
“When you are all done deciding who goes first, I’ll be waiting by the gate.” Tempest rolled her eyes, walking down to meet Sunset.
Cerberus lunged at her, even growled, and she did absolutely nothing, staring him down.
“Get ready for a–” Sunset tried warning her, but it was too late– Tempest was sniffed furiously.
Her composure was finally broken as the wet noses of three different heads caused her to get tickled just enough to smile, almost laughing.
“Go on, call him a good boy and pet him!” Sunset commanded with a grin.
“...Do I have to?” She grimaced.
“You won’t lose cool points for it.” She shrugged.
“...If I must.” She placed a single hoof on one of the foreheads of the beast, and rubbed. “...Good boy.”
She got triple licked by the hellhound, and Sunset snickered. “...That means you’re cleared to pass. Go on then.”
“...Eugh I’ve been on trenches cleaner than this.” the broken unicorn complained, shaking off some of the slobber.
“O-okay! I’m up next, everypony!” Starlight descended upon the clearing, with Sunset speaking to the hellhound the entire time to be calm “H-hello Cerberus!!” She nervously waved. “I’ve read about you–”
The sniffing was upon her, and she giggled, immediately succumbing and petting him. “Heheheheh Fluttershy was right, you’re just a big lovey dovey puppy!”
“He is capable of standing toe to toe with titans.” Sunset spoke somberly. “But yes, he is a good boy.”
“He is! You are! Such a good boy!! Thanks for being such a good boy!!” Starlight affirmed without hesitation.
“Okay, who’s up next?” Sunset looked upon the hill, egging them on.
Trixie, smiling nervously, did a gentlemanly gesture at Maud, even removing her hat. “Uhh… Ladies first!”
“Pussy.” Maud stated simply as she walked forward.
Again, the hellhound lunged forward, and Maud stood firm. “Be a good boy and don’t eat me, please. I’ve got things to do next week, and I don’t want to fit getting eaten into my schedu–”
She was silenced by furious sniffing, and even growling.
“Show affection, Maud!” Sunset offered.
The Earth Pony smiled quietly, and patted the hellhound. “You’re really sweet for not eating me.”
It worked. Cerberus licked her a few times, and let her pass.
“I’ve been slimier.” She muttered, leaving.
“You’re up, Trixie!” Sunset grinned, raising an eyebrow.
From afar, fearfully, the magician complained. “Where’s the green one! She should go first!!”
“Cerberus.” Sunset patted him on the side. “Fetch.”
All Trixie could do was scream as the giant hellhound was upon her in a second, and held her up by the tail with his central head, and sniffed her with his right and left heads, as he proudly trotted back to Sunset. “Good boy!” She thanked him with pride. “Now drop it.”
Trixie was delivered into the grass with a wet thud and a yelp.
“Not so hard, was it?” Sunset grinned, helping her up.
“You’re lucky you’re hot.” She muttered in annoyance, joining the others.
“Blush, you’re up!” Sunset called out into the bushes, and there was no response. “...Wallflower?”
Silence.
“Stay, boy.” Sunset ordered, as she walked up the hill. “I’ll fetch, this time.”
She approached a few bushes, and looked for the most comfortable one and spoke to it. “...Wallflower, you in there?”
“...Shoot, yeah, that bush is more comfortable…!” She murmured in embarrassment from another bush.
With a sigh and a kind smile, Sunset walked closer to her. “I promise you the big dog is not going to eat you.”
“...I’m not even tasty. But he could do it in a single bite, he wouldn't be able to tell I’m all elbows and gristle before he swallowed me without even chewing…!”
“--I won’t let that happen.” She assured with confidence. “C’mon, Blush.”
Quietly, incredibly quietly, she followed Sunset down. The human turned unicorn walked her through everything, even standing between her and Cerberus as the dog got used to her.
The process was quiet, gentle, and it took the human turned Earth Pony more effort to get used to it than the Hellhound himself.
“...Okay! That’s everybody!” Sunset declared with a smile, as they stood by the gate.
“One question.” Trixie raised a hoof. “How come you are so chummy with the demon dog?”
“He’s a hellhound.” Sunset corrected. “And I’ve known him since I was nine. Celestia introduced me to him pretty early in my training!”
Trixie tilted her head. “...Celestia?”
“She was my mentor.” Sunset shrugged. “...And she’s my mom.”
“CELESTIA IS A MILF!?!?!?!?!?”
“Adopted.” Sunset scowled at her.
“A spade is a spade, a milf is a milf!!” Trixie declared. “My goodness, this is unprecedented!”
“What is a ‘milf’?” Tempest grimaced in confusion.
“The best thing ever.” Wallflower smiled dumbly.
“Hear hear.” Maud agreed.
“Starlight, here’s the key, let’s do this.” Sunset ignored the discussion, handing the unicorn the key to Tartarus.
“Yes!” She agreed, approaching the lock.
“I mean. Just saying!” Trixie proudly nodded. “Milf or not, we can all agree Celestia has foal-bearing hips.”
“Trix, can you not be blasphemous for a second? I’m trying to break into hell here!!” Starlight gritted her teeth.
“I am SO glad she’s going into Tartarus.” Sunset frowned.
They approached the Tartarian gate. Enormous engraved adamantine doors, as ominous as they were imposing, dwarving all of them.
Starlight approached the cone-shaped lock, hovering the key with her.
“No– Not that lock.” Sunset pointed down, removing a few vines and leaves out of the pathway. “Not as safe.”
On the ground, there was a secondary lock, one that could be easily mistaken for simple misplaced rock on the ruins tiles. Sunset twisted it and removed it, revealing a cone-like shape of a keyhole.
“The door lock has been known for being finicky from time to time. But you can safely open and close the gates by rotating the key from here…” Sunset placed the key down, and spun it. "...Only from the outside, of course. No offense, but I don't want anything in there to get their... Hands on this. We can't take that chance."
The ground trembled. The mountain shuddered, gravel rolled down its sides.
The enormous gates slowly opened, revealing a dark path within, and a strange, stale wind.
“...Right!” Starlight felt a shiver. “Remember what we’re doing this for, everypony! That foal needs our help!”
Sunset nodded. “Me and Wallflower will stay by the gate– I need to keep Cerberus in check, and cover the gate, but I will close it for a while.” Her tone got much more stern. “Listen, this is very serious. We won’t be here all night– I have dinner with Celestia, and yeah, I do plan on coming back– But this door can’t be open forever. Cerberus and the door are two defenses that have to be working in tandem to be impregnable.”
“Who’s getting pregnant?” Trixie looked around.
“Get the fuck out of here.” Sunset pointed at the darkness.
“R-right! Okay! Get Cozy, in and out, as soon as we can.” Starlight nodded as confidently as they could. “We’ve got a few layers we need to get through, and we will have to go back too, so– We better get going.”
“This will be a long night.” Tempest scowled at the darkness, making her way forward. “Let us not waste our time.”
“Let’s.” Maud declared.
“Onward, loyal minions! To rescue a poor child, we must brave the depths!!” Trixie announced with feigned courage. “Oh, I could make a show about this…!”
“I’m glad I don’t have to go in there.” Wallflower snickered quietly, petting Cerberus. “Can you imagine! I wouldn’t last a minute!”
“Starlight.” Sunset beckoned her quietly. “I cannot emphasize enough how you need to balance speed and carefulness here. Any second more you spend in there could be one where something else goes wrong– Don’t let anyone dive on any rivers, no matter how appealing, be aware that you might be attacked from behind, and if you hear a heartbeat, no matter how quiet, do not go towards it.”
“Right. Right. Right.” She nodded, processing everything, shooting careful glances behind her into the dark.
“And hey, chin up. You’ve got a solid team, and Trixie’s there too. You got this!” Sunset grinned confidently, giving her a little nudge.
With a short chuckle, she nodded. “...Thanks, Sunset. It was good to see you again.”
“Likewise. Go get em’, Starlight.”
“Bye!” Wallflower waved quietly.
“Alright everypony…” Starlight led the way, lighting her horn. “Let’s do this!”
They all walked together with as much determination as they could muster.
Sunset closed the gate behind them, only temporarily, but it didn't make the darkness and the sudden quiet any more unbearable.
Wallflower smiled awkwardly. “...They won’t last the night.”
“Don’t jinx it, Blush.”
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Your multiverse is showing...
Anyway I like the eye on Cozy, keeping up with her P.O.V. since she will be separated from the mane group for at least half of their trip. Tirek's rundown on what separates them from freedom makes me wonder how he made it out the first time, though I imagine he had a great deal of time to prepare, (at least a thousand years), Cozy doesn't exactly have the luxury of an extended lifespan to do the same.
"Sunset, I hear that the younger generations refer to me as a "milf" do you happen to know what that means?"
"Oh... um... well you see... I'm kinda on the other side of the mirror, so it's not like I would know the slang-"
"She knows what it means"
-Le baconhorse glare
"Splendid! I assume it's an acronym?"
"Thanks, Wallfower. Right, it means... 'My!, I... love... uh...fun..."
Everytime i see this story update, i feel a weird urge to read it.
It's weird because i think Cozy did genuinely deserve to get sent to Tartarus, but i do feel curiosity about what happens in it
I won't ask for spoilers for this story.
Instead I'll ask:
Did you genuinely think Cozy didn't deserve to go to Tartarus, or did you just use that as an excuse to write a wacky story?
(I don't know if that's the right way to word it, but it was the best way i could think of)
Thank you for writing Trixie like this, I'd start pulling quotes but I dont want to put a third of the fic in the comments.
this one is def my fav tho
Yeah I can't figure out why Twilight would happily send you to hell Trixie
Years of working under the storm king can do that to you.
Thank goodness Ceberus is a goodboi
That's a hell of a hop (pun intended)
12076678
...I think the writers thought cozy deserved to go to tartarus, so they decided to write a story around it.
I don't think any kid should be sent to prison, much less, even less, literal hell. But hey I'm crazy like that. They purposefully wrote her with simple motives and no backstory whatsoever so theres no way most watchers could question why a child would be toe to toe with some of the worst millenar beings of evil in Equestria, so everyone can unanimously agree that a child deserves to be sent to hell or turned to stone.
And again
A child
Sent to straightup hell
I don't agree with that in like, a simple ideological way. And idc how much the show forces it to seem justified, rly. She was a pegasus, too. Literally no threat.
12076671
"...Man, I love, um, fishing."
"Wonderful! A few centuries ago I did take up fishing as a hobby! I should try it again-- I would love to take you."
"I don't think the boat could handle the weight of her ass--"
Sunset stands up, grabs Wallflower by the nape of the neck like a cat, and takes her back to the damn mirror portal.
12076983
I see.
Personally, i don't think her being a child makes her exempt from anything because of her actions, but that's a debate that's been running in the fandom pretty much since School Raze came out
12076995
I def don't think she's a perfectly innocent baby, I just think she should be given the most basic treatment that children get given when they make mistakes in the real world, but I'm crazy like that.
12077000
The way i see it:
Being put in Tartarus was effectively just meant to be a big timeout for her to think about what she'd done.
And then getting turned to stone was just a slightly more extreme timeout (Sure Discord had his line about them being "together forever", but the show did establish that petrification is temporary.)
So she was still being treated like a child, just in ways that fit the actions she'd taken
12077002
I don't have the energy to explain that a jail cell or juvenile hall is different than imprisioning someone in hell, and I don't care to. I'm glad you're enjoying the fic!
I had a lot of fun with Trixie hahahahaha
Wonderful to see a proper Tartarus. I do like to think the draining magic was affecting the ambience, but still, this looks a proper place for those who enter to abandon all hope.
The mental image of human Maud hitting on her sister's friends is genuinely hilarious. Pinkie probably tried to act as winggirl for her too.
Heh. Of course Sunset knows her mom's dog.
Yeah, they aren't all as obviously dangerous as the Phlegethon.
And so the infiltration begins. It's question of when something goes wrong, not if. Looking forward to seeing the specifics. (If nothing else, I imagine Tirek will raise the alarm when they break Cozy out of her cell.)
this PEAKS,,,,,,, cant wait for it to be finished,,,,,,
Seeing all these awesome ponies and Trixie get together for a heist caper into hell is a great time and I look forward to seeing what's next.
And omg you write such a good Trixie, the magnificent dumbass.
This is, and I truly sincerely mean this, the best line from ANY fanfiction I have ever read
Idk, I feel like so many fics tagged "comedy/random" just fall into the trap of characters just forever standing around in a room and talking.
Especially if you're don't vibe with the comedy, that's just a fic of a whole lotta nothing happening
i.postimg.cc/CxpH0FRX/tumblr-nkxodu6w-MK1qb9lvyo1-1280.jpg
Man this fic is shotgun blast after shotgun blast of quotes huh
“Oh my god, bless Celestia, bless the skies themselves, bless ME, [Twilight Sparkle got cucked by a hairless ape version of herself”
“Princess twilight gets no bitches”
“PRINCES CELESTIAL IS A MILF”
“What’s a milf”
“Who’s getting pregnant”
“Get the fuck out of here”
I love it here man
God I've been thinking about it since the human world scene but damn if your writing doesn't scratch the same itch as Hunter the Parenting for me (this specifically I just hear in the exact same cadance of this)
(Also an Out of context clip comp because it'll minimize spoilers while maintaining the bits)