The Great Tartarus Heist!

by DapperLilArts

Taking a child to court, then to hell

“This court calls forth the accuser, Chancelor Neighsay.” The Judge slammed his gavel down, its sound echoing dully on the courtroom, and a hush spread throughout it, as the pony in question made his way to the stand. “Let’s revisit your statement so we may issue our judgement– As per the jury’s agreement, of course. This trial has gone on long enough.”

“Excellent, your honor.” With a slow nod, he cleared his throat, addressing all in the room, speaking clearly, and hiding any and all malice that was hidden behind his words. “Ladies and gentlecolts, I do not ask much more of you today, except for clear justice, and simple ease. These are trying times, they are. The enemies Equestria has are many, and rarely do we see their faces.”

He turned, looking at the accused with disdain. “Today, we see the face of one of our enemies. I implore you not to underestimate her.”

Cozy Glow, who sat next to Twilight Sparkle, did not contain her anger as well as he did. “H-hey!! I’m just a kid! Y-you suck! I’m not the–”

“Order!! Order!” The Judge commanded. “Continue, Neighsay.”

“We have achieved a great victory today. We saved Equestria from falling into a magic-devoid ruin. And we did so in union! The children of our dear Princess’s school that fought to stop this particular fiend could easily attest to that.”

“Objection!” Twilight raised a hoof. “If you’re so interested in what the children have to say, why don’t we get their testimony of the events?!”

“Sit down, Princess Twilight.” The judge shaked his head. “This court has already agreed that the children in question cannot give a liable testimony. Let us stick to the facts, please.”

“Load of baloney.” Cozy Glow snarled, shaking her tiny head.

“Continue, Neighsay.”

“With pleasure.” He grinned incredibly lightly, nodding. “Artifacts were stolen. Equestrian treasures. Our legacies, endangered… All due to a child’s nefarious actions, who conspired with one of our greatest enemies, who even now, stews on his defeat on the depths of Tartarus.” He kept turning slowly, ensuring the entire room had attention on him. “At these times, more than ever, we need to be vigilant, and careful. Careful on who we believe, Careful on who we put our trust on.” His gaze landed on Twilight Sparkle, who glared back at him.

A hush ran through the courtroom, as the onlookers felt unease and fear.

“And it is my humble request that, until our investigations on the matters that have occured today come to an unequivocal, certain close, that the perpetrator is locked right next to her accomplice, where she would do no harm.”

“OBJECTION!” Twilight stood again, in disbelief. “You’re talking about locking a child up in TARTARUS?! This is inconceivable, it’s simply untoward–”

“Miss Sparkle.” The judge raised an annoyed eyebrow.

“Your honor, she’s only a child! A pegasus, even! She has no magic, and she can’t hurt anypony! We have significantly less dangerous and decisive containment facilities here in Equestria–”

“--We have no clue what she is capable of!” Neighsay fear mongered, shaking his head, pointing at the child that shuddered in her seat. “She was capable of all this devastation with what you presume to be no magic! Stealing only a few artifacts resulted in catastrophe for Equestria! Imagine what she could do if she has any worst powers we are unaware of below those venomous fangs!”

“I-I’m a kid!” Cozy Glow bellowed, and then put on the wettest, poutiest expression. “Pwease, mister judge… I’m just a widdle baby–”

“Don’t fall for it, it’s one of her mind tricks!!” Neighsay warned sternly.

“Order, order!” the judge slammed his gavel upon his table once more.

“Your honor, the Chancellor is accusing my client of having somehow contacted Lord Tirek, despite him being in Tartarus! There’s no way a child could have been the one to connect with him– it’d have to be somepony among the Canterlot nobility, with access to Tartarian travel spells! If not somepony with higher access–”

“Yes, yes, there are plenty of matters still worth investigating. There is no doubt within that.” The Chancellor rolled his eyes. “It is quite clear that corruption runs higher still in the school of Friendship, and that deeply nefarious things could be happening under that hood; After all, the artifacts that were taken were in your care, Miss Sparkle. Which is why I would like the entire institution to be suspended for the foreseeable future as well.”

“W-what?! You can’t be serious!” The Princess was exasperated.

“Can you say for certain, it was not one of your own that gave the child those artifacts?” The chancellor raised a defiant eyebrow. “Can you say for certain that you do not have enemies among your friends?”

“I trust all my friends and my students implicitly!” Twilight yelled out angrily. “Ask any one of them, they love our school and what we’ve done together–”

“--Order! Cease your bickering, both of you.” The judge commanded. “In light of all we’ve seen here, I am ready to deliberate on my decision.” He turned to the rest of the court, waving a hoof. “Will the jury please step forward? I would like to know what they have decided as well.”

A group of eight, shy, sweating unicorns walked near the stand, all giving out fearful glances to the Chancellor.

“...The Jury has unanimously agreed that the child is guilty. She should be p-punished to the full e-extent of the law.”

Nodding slowly, with a sly grin, the Chancellor addressed the judge. “I am sure that won’t be necessary. If my conditions are met, I am more than satisfied with the court ruling in my favor.”

“Your honor!” Twilight Sparkle raised her wings, and stood from her desk. “You cannot possibly be considering banishing a child to Tartarus of all places! E-even temporarily, this is unprecedented!”

“Bleeding heart.” Neighsay whispered, rolling his eyes.

The judge sighed, knocking his gavel on his desk. “And all those present, pay attention: This court finds Cozy Glow guilty of all charges. She is to be relocated to Tartarus effective immediately, and the School of Friendship will be suspended indefinitely as further investigations of the matters occur; Then and only then we may negotiate bail. My decision is final.”

“U-unbelievable!” Twilight complained with an exasperated gasp, and quickly turned to the foal in question. “C-Cozy, I’m so, so sorry–”

“D-do something, Princess! Tell them I didn’t do it!” The child began looking frantically around her for any means of escape. “T-tell them I’m innocent, t-they can’t do this!”

“I’m sorry, I’ve done all I can…!” She shook her head with a mournful sigh.

Guards began approaching Cozy, who looked down with pursed lips, stewing in her anger, and then raised her chin in defiance. “Y-you deserve everything that’s coming to you, Princess. Y-you’re… Terrible! And bad!! All of you are!! All of you suck and are bad, and when I break out of hell, I’m coming back and replacing all of your pillow stuffings with ROCKS, you JERKS!”

“Take her away.”

---

“I-I can’t believe this. It’s awful! It’s terrible!” Twilight shuddered with anger and grief. “I-I know Cozy did a bad thing, but there’s no justification– There’s no way, no REASON to lock her up on Tartarus! Other forces must have been at play–”

“Ease, my student.” Celestia spoke calmly, but had a stern expression, as they walked away from the courtroom together. “It is done. We need to think about the now.”

“T-the way that he dismissed the potential testimony of my students, because he KNEW that it would muddy the waters and make Cozy seem less guilty– And the fact that they ignored your testimony–”

The taller alicorn shook her head. “My word is only worth so much– I was not present for what occurred, after all.”

“B-but can’t you just– Make them not do this?! Smite the Chancellor, maybe?!” Twilight pouted. “A child has been locked in hell right under our muzzles, and we just… Have to let it happen?!”

“My student. Here is an impeccably important lesson about alicornhood: Imposing your will onto the masses is a slippery slope that will lead to tyranny– And you are not above the rest. You are a large cog in a wonderful machine, one that, if lucky, should run well, and do good.”

“...It’s not running well.” Twilight sighed, looking down. “A child is locked up in Tartarus. All magic was nearly drained from the world– This was a mess.”

“Indeed. And Chancellor Neighsay seems unsurprisingly calm about all this.” Celestia noted, narrowing her eyes pensively.

“A-and he shut down the friendship school, too?! There’s no way that he didn’t do that on purpose! Investigation my flank! He hates my students, he hates me! I bet he orchestrated the–”

“He bribed the jury, too. Likely forcefully. With blackmail, I would guess…” Celestia noted absentmindedly, her gaze far, as she led her pupil to a nearby secluded balcony. “And what’s more, the judge is a close friend of his. They’ve known each other for years– no doubt influencing his decision.”

“W-wh– What?!” Twilight’s jaw dropped, as she turned around. “We have to call for a mistrial! Accuse him of corruption! We have to–”

“Twilight. There are more important priorities we should focus on.” Celestia muttered calmly, turning her pupil around with magic.

“What could possibly be more important than getting justice for–”

“Rescuing the child from Tartarus.”

“O-oh…” The Princess of Friendship looked down, shuddering. “...How could we convince them to release her…?”

“We’re not.” Celestia smiled, tilting her head. “Like I said– Imposing your will upon the masses is a slippery slope. Acting on your own accord, and relying on friends, however… is not.” She leaned forward, speaking calmly. “Now… It would be untoward of me to recommend you to have an incursion into Tartarus. It would be equally untoward of me to recommend you simply ask some of your most competent, most invested and trustworthy friends to do so for you– While you remain here in Canterlot and attempt to investigate this shoddy trial. Do you understand?”

The Princess’s eyes widened. “...Oh my gosh I should break into Tartaru–”

“Twilight.” Celestia narrowed her eyes in annoyance. “Subtlety.”

“Y-yes! Yes!” The Princess nodded emphatically. “I know just the mare crazy enough to pull this off! She was there for the incident in the school, she was there for the trial–”

“I don’t need to know.” Celestia shook her head, containing her laughter. “Good luck, my student. I have certain ponies I need to question and address over the nature of this trial, as well as several minds to set at ease over magic briefly vanishing from all of Equestria… And you have work to do.”

“Yes! Cozy Glow, hang in there…!” She muttered, readying to take flight.

And just before she could, the taller alicorn halted her. “...If you would allow me to give you a suggestion of who to invite into this venture, my daughter could neutralize Cerberus for any of your friends to pass…”

“Oh! Oh!” Twilight smiled with excitement, manifesting a notepad. “L-lemme start writing these ideas down!”

Author's Note:

And so it begins!

I'd like to have it on the record that I made no research on how trials work. For the sake of comedy Cozy Glow was put on trial and sentences to Tartarus all in the exact same day that the school raze happens lmao.

Anyways, I've had this idea for a while now. And I realized I can use writing this fic as a bit of a break from my long-ass unendingly huge other fics. I might even write long shots in occasion as well! If you noticed a dip in writing quality it's because I am doing this one without caring lmao I just want to have a fun goofy time in a silly adventure.

It's one of those rare occasions where I only vaguely know the ending and am just having fun with the journey. Chapters will come slow because I'm writing for other fics in between!

And for once

I'm writing insanely short chapters

Y'know

Compared to my usual output of 20k word chapters, lmao.

Comments

[Box-Corner]

For the sake of comedy Cozy Glow was put on trial and sentences to Tartarus all in the exact same day that the school raze happens lmao.

Considering Neighsay... yeah that checks out, he WOULD be petty enough to do this, especially when Cozy got him kicked out of the school position he took in SR, on top of that she's a pegasus, and It's pretty blunt in the series finale that Neighsay is specist first, tribalist second, and classist third.

So naturally he WOULD immediately seek repercussions ASAP, his ego rivalling the size of Luna's extended vacation spot wouldn't tolerate anything but immediate "legal" revenge.

[FanOfMostEverything]

This court has already agreed that the children in question cannot give a liable testimony.

"Smolder is in her thirties!"
"Which is underage for a dragon."
"And you're trying an eight-year-old filly as an adult."
"Miss Sparkle, this was already decided offscreen."
"Fiiiine..."

Artifacts were stolen. Equestrian treasures. Our legacies, endangered…

"Objection! Only one of the six stolen artifacts was of pony origin!"
"Miss Sparkle, one more outburst and I will find you in contempt of court."
"My objection, Your Honor?"
"Overruled. The focus of this trial is Cozy Glow, not how the artifacts in question came into prolonged pony possession. You may take that up with Princess Celestia."
"Oh, I will..."

Also, I don't believe either prosecutor or defense attorney passed the bar, but that's neither here nor there. We have an irredeemable monster to save. (And by save, I of course mean transfer to juvenile hall.)

[Ri2]

In all fairness, the school kinda...DOES need a rethink? None of the teachers actually have degrees and are juggling two or three different jobs, they have a massive faculty shortage and almost no substitution system, it's questionable how any of what they're learning will help them get jobs in the current economy, and let's not forget the number of times the teachers have seriously endangered the lives of their students for petty, stupid reasons.

And at least one member of the faculty is a felon with a long rap sheet.

[ThistleZoey]

write longer chapters you really fell off.

Cosy glow was in it tho so 11/2

[The Bewitching Bell]

Even tho I like Cozy Glow as a villain, I am curious to see a version of School Raze where Chancellor Neighsay was the villain. And also how would the legion of doom dynamic be like with Neighsay instead of Cozy Glow. A team up of Chrysalis, Tirek, Neighsay and Grogar would go really, really hard.

[Ponic Image Ltd]

“My student. Here is an impeccably important lesson about alicornhood: Imposing your will onto the masses is a slippery slope that will lead to tyranny– And you are not above the rest.”

Idk, it kinda really seems like a certain somealicorn is a bit sympathetic towards unicorn supremacist views
Why else there seems to be so many of them in positions of power, despite clearly not having the numbers to get a majority support?

[iji]

>Like I said– Imposing your will upon the masses is a slippery slope. Acting on your own accord, and relying on friends, however… is not

???

The second part there is how corruption and supremacist power structures happen in real life all the time though? The old school tie, the boys club, "someone right for this position" etc etc

No wonder Celestial rules over a system that will send a child to hell, she's part of the problem and probably always has been