Amilition
Joined 14th Jan, 2018 ·
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Obligatory “FOR ROCK AND STONE!”
"DID I HEAR A ROCK AND STONE?!?"
"ROCK! AND! STONE!"
FOR KARL! ROCK AND STONE.
"YEAAAAAH, ROCK AND STONE!"
Overall, the story was quite enjoyable. You repeated yourself a little too much on the word "dummy" carrying no malice, it became pretty clear after the first couple of times. I would simplify some of them to include no description at all, or only describing the affection in the phrase.
12056869
You know, I just thinking that. Something to take note of on my next project ✍️
Marvelous cooking
"My life for ROCK AND STONE!"
Still, good story.
12056911
FOR ROCK AND STONE!
Ahem. STONE AND ROCK! Oh wait.
I didn't read the story bu I must say
FOR ROCK AND STONE!
I don't know what's up with this sudden output in Limestone fics but I am all for it
I'll admit, I literally clicked on this in my feed because I thought it would be about DRG. Imagine my surprise to see it's about Limestone instead - even better!
And then a sweet little romance "and such" with Limestone? Better and better!
Limestone, and all of the Pie siblings for that matter, are mad underrated. I like to ask, "Who is your favorite Pie?" and for me, that would be Maud. We love Maud in this house.
Also, in the beginning I was having vivid flashbacks to Anon's Pie Adventure for some reason...
On the grammar side, you did very well, except one point where you forgot an opening quotation mark but not the closing mark, and another point near the end of the scene where you (possibly intentionally?) left it in the *italic* notation, rather than actually italicizing it.
So, I'll say - did you cook? Absolutely. Keep on cooking, king.
can't blame him, Limestone would be my first choice if i got with any of the sisters.
i'm curious how awkward the following morning at breakfast might be here tho. i imagine the house is not soundproof
“ROCK AND STONE TO THE HEART!”
Welcome to episode 1 of " I didn't know this existed and now I seed me the of it"
Obligatory "FOR KARL!"
An absolutely wonderful story, and the slow burn and word count is definitely worth it for the characterization and how this was handled overall, great relationship building, amazing work, and an awesome sex scene to boot.
Wonderfully well done, I do hope to see more.
12056869
Agreed. Honestly those bits must have repeated at least 30 times and it got old fast.
12058536
When I make one too many redundancies but I'm just a chill guy fr
i.ibb.co/c6C5shS/chillguy-g-ID-7.jpg
(I'll probably smooth them out sometime soon. I'm sorry it took you out of the story!)
12058601
No worries man. Didn't want to sound like a dong since I still read all of it, I was just annoyed that day. You'll definitely get better as you go and I wouldn't mind reading whatever else you put out.
My main criticism is them getting physically intimate after struggling with the river and returning to the farm. They should both be way too fucking tired and sore. If farmers know how to do anything, it's working hard and sleeping hard. They would both be so physically exhausted that they wouldn't think and pass out once their heads hit their pillows. Sex, especially passionate sex, is very physically demanding and they literally don't have it in them. The emotions and sex should have at least waited one day for them to get some rest.
12059755
That's a great point! However, I think splitting the story into two chapters would go against my goal of keeping it as a one-shot. I guess that part will just have to rely on a bit of suspension of disbelief.
This is a splendid story - one of my favorite clopfics on the entire site. You did a great job with this overall, and your writing is very elegant.
However, there are a few things I'd like to point out. If you fix these things, I honestly think you'll have a genuine contender for the best clopfic written in a very long time. The presence of rain in this story in particular elevated it massively for me, since a love of rain is one of my lifelong hyperfixations.
I have seen others point this out already, but some things being repeated too many times makes the latter half of this story cumbersome to read at times.
The main things I can think of are the numerous times you described Limestone's snarky remarks as being without venom, and instead with warmth. There are other ways you can describe this, but to be honest I think it's best to just say it once or twice and then let context and mood imply that the rest of the time. By that point in the story, we know implicitly that she's not being genuinely venomous towards 'me'.
You also use the words "warmth" and "soft" too often, and you reference the rain dulling to a light drizzle multiple times, despite this only being possible once. I think the rest of the time, it's best to just describe the sound of the rain and its effect, rather than repeatedly stating that it's dulling.
This theme of repetition is honestly the only real gripe I have with this story. Another repetition you do is having smiles tug at the corners of mouths all the time, and having them tell you "all that you need to know". You also repeat the word "vulnerable" around 12 times throughout the clop, and have lots of shivers going through spines.
I 100% understand why this is - the allure of repetition when writing clop is massive, and it's the main reason why I personally don't think I'd be capable of writing it. In this way, I most definitely admire you for even partially pulling off something I'd be incapable of.
Limestone's repetitive speech is honestly a non-issue for me, since it can be a character trait, so I wouldn't worry about that too much. Unless it's something you personally would want to change, of course.
A couple of extra things to note - towards the end, Limestone places a hoof on 'my' chest while we're both standing, which would be a little awkward considering that ponies are canonically around 3-3.5 feet tall. It'd be more likely that she rests her hoof on 'my' belly. MLP ponies are shaped oddly like humans when on their hind legs, due to their short bodies and anthropomorphic nature. Therefore, MLP ponies barely grow any taller when standing on their hind legs, unlike real equines. I did a bit of a deep dive on it myself once and found that MLP ponies grow around 1/5 of their normal height extra when standing on their hind legs, which is almost nothing. Most mares would be around 4.5 feet tall at the very most on their hind legs, and so would still likely have to reach up awkwardly to place a hoof on 'my' chest while standing.
The other thing I noticed is that at the end of the story you wrote "Lime trying to strangle one of the princess'--oryou--". In this sentence, "princess'" is plural, not possessive, and should therefore be written as "princesses".
I was personally wishing they would wait a little while after the river incident before the clop took place, since it can come off as more of a "you saved me and now I feel impulsively indebted to you in the moment" kind of thing, and they would likely be too tired to even get it on anyway. Perhaps adding a sentence or two to describe a small time jump would quickly patch up this problem. I would make the time jump a few days to a week, so that it's believable that Limestone's hoof is still sore and that stormy season is still in effect. I have seen another reader express this concern, but it's ultimately your decision, so please don't feel pressured into changing this aspect of the story if you truly do want the clop to take place immediately after the incident.
I also would have liked to see the family's reaction to the newfound romance between the couple, but that's not a criticism of the story in any way. It's more like evidence that your story was so good that I wanted even more out of it, haha.
The reason I list all of this is not because I want to bash you or anything like that. Quite the opposite, actually. I absolutely adored this story, and I can't even begin to explain how much writers like you improve my quality of life by feeding my love of harmless, selfish little wish-fulfillment fantasies. Please keep doing what you're doing, and you've definitely earned me as a new reader. Much love.
Aside from repeating, I absolutely loved it! The build up is great, kinda far fetched that bro could get it up after that river debacle, but it's fine. Please do more, those are an absolute joy to read!
12060457
Thank you so much for the thoughtful feedback and kind words—I truly appreciate the time and effort you put into this response! I'm thrilled that you enjoyed the story, and it's incredibly validating to hear how much it resonated with you, especially with the rain element being such a meaningful part for you. Your detailed breakdown is invaluable, and I'll absolutely take your points into consideration as I revise.
Repetition is something I try to be mindful of, but I see now how some descriptions may have overstayed their welcome, particularly with terms like "warmth" and "soft." Your suggestions to let the mood and context carry certain elements instead of reiterating them are excellent, and I'll definitely keep that in mind as I work through edits. The note about the rain dulling repeatedly is also spot-on—thank you for catching that!
The detail about Limestone’s height and physical positioning is something I hadn’t fully considered, so I appreciate you pointing that out. Adjusting that scene to be more anatomically accurate makes total sense.
As for the pacing after the river scene, you bring up a really good point about how a small time jump could add believability. I’ll experiment with that idea and see how it feels in the broader narrative. Also, I love the idea of including the family’s reaction to the relationship—it wasn’t something I originally thought about, but I can see how it could add depth and some fun dynamics to the story.
Your encouragement and understanding mean the world to me. Writing something like this is definitely a balancing act, and your feedback helps me see what’s working and what could be refined. Thank you again for your support. Much love back to you!
12061297
As a writer myself, I can understand the importance of reader feedback. I'm very much glad I was able to help with this. I think this story has a lot of potential, and is very close to reaching it, which is why I dropped a more detailed bit of feedback. If you feel you want/need more specific feedback on certain things, my mailbox is always open. Thanks for taking the time to digest my feedback, rather than simply dismissing it. It shows maturity in your approach to the craft and a strength of character. I believe in you. :)
P.S. Thanks for giving Limestone some love. She deserves more.
"IF YOU DON'T ROCK AND STONE ,YOU AIN'T COMING HOME"!
Интересная история в плане медленного но плавного движения сюжета!
nice!
Not sure if this was on purpose but there seem to be a bit of repetition with some of the descriptions...
Same type of vibes
Was missing a quotation mark
I loved every aspect of this story with the pacing being just right
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQMkkwtwDkzDs7QkjbcF5uajyd1fO26oXK2Ew&s
9/10
It's late on Christmas eve I'll leave my thoughts tomorrow morning, just know I liked it and it's going in the pile.
Ok I'm not gonna break down the "mistakes" like grammar since I usually look past it but I just wanna talk about the story instead so to get the non story related stuff out the way. I did notice some portions where you describe the scene twice, just in different language. I noticed this was only at the start of your story where there wasn't much of a setting except "dirt road" and I think you could've totally handled it better. Filling in the boring road section with descriptives is cool, it keeps me engaged for sure with the lack of environment but I feel like there's a stutter in your story when I'm given the same information with no clear goal/reason. Like when you describe the cold in the attic and how faint the lighting is and how these affect the characters physically. The attic works because it does something with the info but the road doesn't.
Ok now for story, I really liked the story you have I definitely think you cooked, my only criticism would be the river situation is a bit cliche or out of the blue and the foreshadowing of his attraction to limestone wasn't clear for me, except with the part where he checks her out while pushing the wheelbarrow. I totally got the undertones from limestone, she likes him, I got nothing from your human. So when they confessed their love for one another it felt a little one sided. Other than that dude you gave me a great short love story with a cute ending to boot. I'm not crying, your crying!
12070072
Thanks so much for taking the time to share your thoughts! I really appreciate the detailed feedback—it’s, super helpful.
For the non-story stuff, I totally get what you mean about describing the scene twice, especially on the dirt road. That’s a great point about keeping things engaging without feeling repetitive. I’ll definitely revisit that section and try to smooth out the pacing so it feels more purposeful. And you're absolutely right about the attic. it’s clearer there, so I’ll aim for that level of intention throughout.
As for the story itself, I’m so glad you liked it overall! I appreciate your critique of the river scene and the foreshadowing—those are great insights I hadn’t fully considered. I’ll work on making the human’s feelings more evident earlier on so their confession feels more balanced. And hearing that the ending hit you emotionally means I did something right—mission accomplished on that front!
Thanks again for your thoughtful feedback—it means a lot and will help me improve. You're awesome!
I'm not going to lie to you - I've already read this story twice. I most likely will keep returning to it once in a while, as I do for most of my favorites over the years. I'm also looking forward to hopefully one day coming to it and reading the revised version. I know it can be difficult to make time for these things.
Also, a side note - what in the hay is everyone talking about with the "for rock and stone" stuff? I feel like I'm missing something, lol.
Happy new year!
12075001
Happy New Year to you too! Thank you so much for your kind words! The revised version is definitely in the works, but I want to finish up my next project first before circling back to it.
As for "Rock and Stone," it’s actually a phrase from the game Deep Rock Galactic. It’s a game about space dwarves mining in bug infested mines, and “For Rock and Stone!” is their rallying cry. It’s become a bit of a meme. Definitely worth looking up!
Thanks again for sticking with my work. It really keeps me motivated!
12075247
Very excited to see your next project. You've proven yourself a goat already, so it'll no doubt be excellent.
No pressure.
I've heard of Deep Rock, but didn't know that was a meme from it, haha. I hear little else but good things about the game.
That was a great clopfic it's always better when you get a story before the clop
Who would make a Limestone Pie story? Nobody wants to read about that character.
IF YOU ROCK AND STONE, YOU'RE NEVER ALONE
Nice story, brotha. I'm a little mad at you since you made me think a lot about Limestone again, so now I have to write a sequel to my story.