Ruh roh
“Rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble!”
"Oh no, the Hamburglar's loose!" Spike cried in a panic, hiding behind the sofa.
Twilight rolled her eyes. "No he's not." She opened the door, only to blink, staring at the group of ponies that stood at her doorstep, brandishing pitchforks and torches. Several of them had rope twisted into nooses and Lyra was actually dragging a metal cage behind her. It would have been rather intimidating if not for the fact that they were all in their Nightmare Night costumes… and said costumes were adorable.
The Mayor, in her attempt to make Nightmare Night more family friend (because if there was a holiday that worked well for families, it was a celebration of the evil half of a moon goddess who had tried to destroy the world), had decided to have a costume contest and the cutest outfit would win 40 bits. And because everypony in Ponyville was bad at math (40 bits being hardly worth anything... Princess Cadence spent that much a week on lube), they had all jumped at the chance to win and were now all dressed as woodland creatures, princesses, fairies and other sugary sweet things (save for Fluttershy, who was dressed as a Wonderbolt for some reason).
“Uh… hi?” Twilight said, adjusting her Starswirl beard (‘Starswirl is cute!’ she’d argued to Spike).
“Uh oh… is this about those rubies I took?” Spike asked, pulling on his Clover the Clever hood (not realizing that Clover was in fact a girl).
“What rubies?” Lyra called out, a pair of butterfly wings on her back.
“Nothing… Spike and I totally didn’t steal a bunch of rubies when we were drunk!” Twilight said quickly, giving a weak chuckle. “What can I do for you and your… angry mob?”
“We found out there is a witch nearby and we want to burn her! You want to come?” Carrot Top asked (she was dressed as a teddy bear in rain slicker).
"Burn the witch!" Dinky said with a giggle (and yes, she was cute as well in her little executioner's hood and 'fake' ax).
“Uh…” Twilight rubbed the back of her head. “Witches aren’t real.”
“Of course they are!” The Doctor, who was wearing a strange outfit that he kept assuring people was based on the cutest creature on the planet Omicron Persei 8, stated. “Are you saying magic isn’t real?”
“Well, of course not,” Twilight said quickly. “But if witches were real then you could say I am a witch.”
“We know you are a witch, Twilight!” Applejack called out, her apple costume bobbing as she nodded her head. “We’re going after a bad witch!”
“I’m not a witch!” Twilight cried out.
“You kinda are, Twilight.” Spike pointed out. “I mean, you cast spells, live in a tree, you use to fly on a broom-“
“How else am I suppose to play Quidditch?” Twilight demanded.
“And you have a minion!” Mrs. Cake called out (she was dressed as a bunny rabbit with Pound as her carrot).
“Exactly!” Spike said smugly.
“Spike, she is speaking about you,” Twilight whispered.
The baby dragon looked at her in shock. “No… I think she is talking about Owlicious!”
“And you have an animal familiar in that owl of yours!” Bon Bon shouted (wearing a ballerina costume).
“… shut up,” Spike grumbled, crossing his arms and letting out a huff.
“So listen… you want to help us go burn the witch?” a random pony called out (he was wearing a random costume, which was random).
“I’m good,” Twilight said, shutting the door and heading back towards the mirror to make sure her costume looked good.
“Twilight!” Spike cried out. “They are going to burn a pony!”
“No they won’t,” Twilight said happily. “Trust me, they will get bored or distracted by something shiny and-“
“HELP! HELP!”
Spike tapped his foot against the ground and Twilight smiled slightly. “I’m… sure that it isn’t what it sounds like.”
“THEY’RE BURNING ME ALIVE!”
“Metapohor,” Twilight said quickly.
“IT ISN’T A METAPHOR, IF ANYPONY THINKS IT IS! I AM BEING BURNED ALIVE!”
“Well, I’m sure she deserved it,” Twilight said, humming loudly in order to drown out the sound of the witch being burned.
“Twilight!” Spike snapped.
“Do you want them to think we are in league with her?”
“… good point,” Spike muttered.
The God Squad
Episode 9: Ruh roh
“Show me the way to go home!” Celestia and Zecora sang. “I’m tired and I want to go to bed!”
“What the heck are you doing?” Shining asked, approaching the two while dragging Tydal by the tail (the sea god screaming for blood... which was kinda normal for him).
“Hunting for spirits,” Celestia said happily. “We found some!”
“Dear lord she’s smashed,” Tydal grumbled, wiggling his tail from Shining’s magical grip. “Well, we had a good run.”
“What are you complaining about?” Shining asked. “The Princess has been drunk before.”
“She’s been drunk, yes. Smashed is something completely different,” Tydal warned. “The last time I saw her smashed she used the sun to draw faces in the sky.”
The captain of the guard licked his lips nervously. “Well… that was thousands of years ago. I’m sure she is much more mature and can handle her-“
“You know what I like?” Celestia said, swaying slightly. “Pink!” Shining and Tydal barely had a moment to question the comment before gallons of pink dye poured down on them. A blast of magical wind blew over them and Celestia giggled as she drunkenly spun about, her pink mane and coat shining brightly (and you thought Discord was the crazy one in the family?).
“Do you ever get tired of being the universe’s whipping colt?” a fuchsia Tydal asked the cherry-and-cream captain.
“Every friggin’ day of my life,” Shining stated, head hung.
“I’m just one color!” Zecora screamed in horror.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
~MC~MC~MC~
“Cadence, come over here!” Luna called out.
“What, did you find something?”
Luna nodded in utter glee. “Yes, yes I have.” She pointed down through a cracked window. “That courtyard will be the best place for us to set up my trap to catch the ghost.”
“… how do you catch a ghost? Aren’t they made of ectoplasm?”
Luna wrapped an arm around Cadence. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it, your Auntie Luna has it all planned out! Now then,” the lunar goddess pointed to a dark corner of the room. “Go stand there and be the bait for the blood thirsty ghost that wants to kill us all, ok pumpkin?”
“Ok!” Cadence said happily, giving the moon princess a salute. Cadence skipped over to the corner and happily began to hum to herself, horn glowing as she lifted out her supplies from her saddlebag and doing a supply check. "If there's something strange in your neighbor... guess who it is... Ghost Nappa!"
"Such a sweet girl... I hope she doesn't die," Luna said to herself before leaving the room.
Cadence tapped her chin as she went through her bag. “Make-up… protein bar… ball gag…fake glasses…”
“MOOOOORAWWWWWW!”
“No, that’s not in there,” Cadence said to herself. She was about ready to put everything away when something big and heavy struck her, sending her falling to the ground, supplies scattering all over the floor and dust settling in her eyes, leaving her blinking back tears. “My glasses! My non-needed fake glasses! I can see without but I still want my glasses!”
Cadence began to paw around, trying to grab the glasses and all her supplies. Her horn glowed and her makeup and ball gag floated over to her. She sent out the tendrils of magic and latched onto something big, dragging it towards her.
“MOOORAWWWWW!”
“You aren’t my glasses,” Cadence said. She reached out, hooves running over the Headless Horse’s flank. “Shining, is that you?”
“MOOORAWWWW!”
“Yes, I know Tydal can be mean but you need to try and be nice to him.”
“MOOORAWWWWW!” The Headless Horse moaned, his hooves going around her throat.
“Oh, somepony is frisky!” Cadence, still trying to blink the dust out of her eyes, slowly stood up, using her magic to lower the Headless Horse’s hooves from her throat to her flanks. “Listen… do you want to try something… new?”
“MOOORAWWWW!”
“I’ll take that as a yes… and remember, safe words are for foals and cowards.”
~MC~MC~MC~
“…ok girls, get the crate in place.”
“Please stop calling us that!” Shining complained as he worked to get the wooden box hung above the big red X Luna had painted on the ground.
“But you are just so cute!” Luna squealed, using her magic to pinch his cheek.
Tydal rolled his eyes, his horns glowing as he called upon the waters from the Everfree River. The whitewater was blasting his coat like a firehose, helping to wash away much of the dye. Still, the sea god was a light shade of pink, like someone had stirred raspberries into yogurt. “I look like Coral and Misty.”
“OOooooo!” Celestia exclaimed, teetering slightly as she waved her hooves about. “Let’s invite them to help! Then we can paint our hooves and talk about boys! I have a crush on Applejack's brother-”
Tydal’s horns flashed and Celestia felt herself growing sleepy. “Let’s not and say we did.” The sun goddess mumbled and drifted to sleep next to a whimpering Zecora, who was having a panic attack because she wasn’t two colors anymore.
“Whose idea was it to get her smashed?” Luna asked (the last time she had seen her sister like this they had spent 4 weeks explaining to their panicked subjects why every bush in Equestria had magically been reshaped to look like the white alicorn).
“Don’t look at us, we just caught the tail end of her insanity,” Tydal complained, sticking his face in the geyser he had created and shaking his head back and forth. “Now, what is the plan?”
“Alright, so Cadence is going to lure the Headless Horse down here. At which point Zecora and I, posing as barbers,” Luna held up two barber outfits she’d grabbed from the castle’s theater department (which luckily had been enchanted to preserve the garments… because if there is one thing that is important, it is costume changes), “and we will offer to give him a free tail trimming. We will sit him in the barber chair here-“
“I was wondering why that was there,” Shining said, inspecting the chair Luna had installed in the middle of the courtyard.
“-and jump out of the way while you and Tydal lower the crate and catch him!”
“That sounds needlessly complicated,” Shining stated.
Luna grinned. “Good! I was hoping it was too simple. Now then, places every-“
“HELP!”
The group (save for a snoring Celestia) turned in time to see the Headless Horse scrambling out of the castle and into the courtyard, being pursued by a skipping Cadence. The phantom threw himself at Luna’s hooves, babbling for mercy.
“Oh, hi Shining Armor!” Cadence said happily. “I caught the Headless Horse!”
“You knew I wasn’t your husband?” The ghost squealed.
“Of course I knew… I’m a nympho, not stupid. Sex is my greatest weapon and I use it well.” She took a step forward. “Would you like a demonstration?”
“No! Please no!” the Headless Horse cried out. He reached up and pulled on a half-hidden zipper, pulling what was now revealed to be not his coat but a costume away, revealing…
“Old Stallion Phillips!” Everypony proclaimed.
“That’s right!” the old tan unicorn grumbled. “I used the myth of the Headless Horse to scare ponies away from the castle so I could look around.”
“But why?” Shining asked.
“Gold bits! 40 of them, somewhere in this castle! I couldn't afford a cute costume for Nightmare Night so I had to find another way to earn them.”
"Wait, so the cold opening really happened? My sister let a pony be burned to death?" Shining questioned.
“… 40 bits? Are you kidding me?” Tydal asked.
“What… what do you mean?”
Zecora laughed (though she was still upset over being pink). “It is quite clear spooky ghost that you are a rube, for Princess Cadence spends that once a week on lube!”
Cadence bobbed her head happily. “Yup!”
“Well… uh…” Old Stallion Phillips frowned. “Well, I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling ponies and your zebra!”
“Hey, what am I, chopped seaweed?” Tydal complained. "I am a capricorn, which is better than a pony because I have a fish tail!"
“Well, we solved the mystery of the Headless Horse, which I knew we would, of course of course," Zecora stated.
Luna, however, wasn’t satisfied. “No… there is more to this than that.” She grabbed Old Stallion Phillips’ mane and began to tug. “I bet this is another mask! Come on, get off… get off!”
“AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” Old Stallion Phillips’ screamed as Luna yanked out a chunk of his mane. “You crazy mare! I’ll sue you for assault!”
“…move hooves!” Luna cried out, using her magic to lift up her sleeping sister and dash out of the castle, her family on her heels.
“Why do all our adventures end like this?” Cadence asked.
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I love drunk Celestia and I love how much Tydal and Luna fear drunk Celestia. I have this vision in my head of Tydal's daughters getting a teenage Celestia drunk and nearly destroying the world because of it.
Originally this arc was not planned but when I realized last week that timing would let me do a halloween arc I knew I had to do it. Coming up next will be the Western arc where the squad will go to APPPPLLEELOOOSA! We also touch back with Prince Blueblood and find out what Fluttershy has been doing all this time.
YING!!!
f not for the fact that they were all in their Nightmare Moon costumes i think you meant nightmare night, otherwise its amazing.
I love this story so much!!! It makes me laugh (like the part where Cadence grabbed the Headless Horse and said, "You aren't my glasses."). It brings me back...
Wait exactly who were they burning??
CHEESE IT!!!
1538498
A witch. Apparently one that lives close to Twilight... so if in Season 3 you see a burned down stump....
1538498
A witch. Apparently one that lives close to Twilight... so if in Season 3 you see a burned down stump....
I wonder who was the witch...
TFS Dragonball Z Abridged reference!!! WIN!
Ghost Nappa approves.
poor random pony that got burned to death
1538733 *Alondro ties you up and makes you watch as the pony screams in agony, its hair burning off, the flesh first blistering, then blackening, cracking and peeling, as the screams crescendo to animalistic wails before turning to gurgling cries as fluid from the scorched lungs bubbles and the pony at last finds mercy in death*
(And that's how easy and cheap grimdark is, people! Wrote this in 1 minute!)
>>>“Rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble!”
"Oh no, the Hamburglar's loose!" Spike cried in a panic, hiding behind the sofa.>>>
You combined "South Park" and Mc Donalds with a single reference... You must have NOTHING in your head but pop-culture references which you can randomly pull out at any time!
*GASP!!* YOU'RE CLIFF CLAVEN!!!
>>>The Mayor, in her attempt to make Nightmare Night more family friend (because if there was a holiday that worked well for families, it was a celebration of the evil half of a moon goddess who had tried to destroy the world)>>>
Well, let's be honest here... Halloween is a kid-friendly holiday based around the notion that spirits rise from the dead on that night. Not very different thematically!
I bet they put that witch on a scale with a duck in order to see if it was a real witch or not.
1538765 so very true.....so very true
Because, Cadence dear, your family are a bunch of maniacs whose enormous power masks total social retardation and a tendency to mania.
Yes, Shining, Twilight decided that she didn't need that drama in her life. However, the "good citizens" of Ponyville are so incompetent that I doubt that they would be able to kill a real witch, who would know teleport, transfiguration and other spells that would make attempting to burn him/her at the stake an exercise in futility. If that person wasn't a witch, well, let's not go there.
Again, another good opening. I can really see how the Scooby-Doo dynamics work out with the main characters. Seeing a drunk Celestia is hilarious and Zecora`s panic was also good. Interested in what happens when they go to their next stop.
1538978 Yeah I just now found out that Live Action Prime was voiced by Petter Cullen who voiced him in the original g1 cartoon, I didn't know he also voiced Prime in Prime, as for the games I haven't played them yet.
1538627 He's here!
"Ghost Nappa!"
Testing testing, is this thing on?
*ahem*
YOU ARE NOW THINKING ABOUT WHAT ZARBON DID WHILE YOU WERE UNCONCIOUS.
Have fun with that.
1538865 It's why I hate graphic grimdark. It ends up being the same every time. Lots of gore and death, and a plot that is full of holes. I personally have yet to read an exception.
Maybe "Fallout Equestria"? I don't know. It's so massive and I'm not interested in "Fallout" at all, so I probably just wouldn't enjoy the subject matter no matter how well it was done.
1541628 yeah i know what you mean...I've read cheerilee's garden so i know.
Silent ponyville 2 isn't too bad...
1541646 Of course, there are also the long, drawn-out emo grimdark stories. Mostly filled with angst of some sort, ponies in severe need of a shrink and a large bottle of Prozac.
Seriously, if the majority of people were like the ponies in some of these stories, 90% of the population would have committed suicide by now.
Although... think of the resources that would leave for me... (I have a plan. AN EVIL PLAN!!!)
1541833 truly an evil plan is in motion
1541852 *releases a potent serotonin receptor antagonist into the water EVERYWHERE!! Then, once people are good and depressed, he makes all audio equipment play the Van Halen song "Jump" simultaneously... with obvious consequences...* MUWAH HA HA HA HA!!
1541209 The DBZ:Abridged series is the greatest work of genius the human race has ever created.
Penicillin? The Internet? Space travel?
BAH!! Nothing can compare with the Muffin Button!
1541975 truly an evil plan. Next someone will send a few people into space on a satellite and force them to watch horrorible movies.
1542060 Or, endless reruns of "Jersey Shore" and "Bridezilla".
1542080 have you ever heard of mystery science theater 3000.
it's about a scientist that sends a guy in space and forces him to watch horrible movies to drive him insane. then use said film to take over the world. the guy builds several wise cracking robots and together they watch the movies and make fun of them to keep their sanity.
and a pony version with several grimdark stories made fun in the same way
1542191 highlights of those grimdark fics include: Cupcakes (the first one) Sweet Apple Massacre, RAINBOW FACTORY!
and Cheerilee's Garden. 
1542191 Oh yes, I've heard of it. I still have the "Invasion of the Neptune Men" (They blew up the Hitler building! Has anybody seen my record?) and "Jack Frost" (So, yeah, I'm a bear. That mushroom guy, he got me.) episodes on old VHS tapes. But it just proves bad movies can be fun!
NOTHING can make "Jersey Shore" fun. Nothing.
1542287 "Invasion of the Neptune Men" is my favorite i wish it was on dvd
//dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Sweetie_Belle.png
1542282 those are the ones i read from it the rainbow factory one was my favorite
“Hell if I know. We hand this carriage off to ponies in suits, and we get a bagful of coins to keep quiet about the whole thing. It’s how it’s always been, for a thousand years.”
Sweetie Belle: "Did I mention I'm immortal?"
that was my favorite part //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Sweetie_happy.png //dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Sweetie_happy.png
1542313 The return of Krankor.
"I do not understand. Last time you did not seem to like me very much at all."
"That was before this terrible movie we're watching! We've really come to appreciate what we had with you guys!"
1542516 such a great ep everything about it was so funny
Maybe it's just me, but if 40 bits is the amount that Cadance spends on lube, then I'd be willing to do a lot for that money...
I think I pissed myself.
You know what my favorite part was? This: “Oh, hi Shining Armor!” Cadence said happily. “I caught the Headless Horse!”
“You knew I wasn’t your husband?” The ghost squealed.
“Of course I knew… I’m a nympho, not stupid. Sex is my greatest weapon and I use it well.” She took a step forward. “Would you like a demonstration?”
Though it's a Cadence part, my reason for liking it is not the one that may be obvious, but rather the fact that there's some implicit social commentary in that bit (the idea that Cadence is playing at the "dumb blonde" stereotype to get more dick and pussy, because we all know that, out of all the stereotypes, they get the most of all. Stereotypically, of course. If that makes sense
)
Also, of all the times for the cold opening to be referenced in the main chapter
.
Eh, not my favorite but did make me laugh
Perfect Jaws refence though
Drunk Celesetia is best Celestia!
oh if leela was a pony..
... I'm going to pretend they were right and she was, in fact, planing to eat their foals.
That works.
Poor guy.
*sigh* play the song:
Oh dear.
Oh she's good!
Celestia should get drunk more often.
7266237 I direct you to the fanfic "A Drop Of Moonshine"
I'm pretty sure Cadance had no idea that wasn't Shining and is just trying to save face.