This is the diary of Lyra Heartstrings, a mare who is in love with her friend, Bon Bon. Problem is, not only is Bon Bon ignorant of her friend's love, but she's only into stallions and would reject Lyra, even if they've been friends since fillyhood. In order for Lyra to keep her sanity, she frequents writing about her love in her personal diary she never shows any pony. What happens, though, when Bon Bon marries a stallion who abuses her, and Lyra cannot do anything about it for fear of her friend hating her for ruining her marriage?
A/N I'm not one for F/F shipping (No, I am NOT a homophobe, I just think it's too, er, weird and unrealistic) and definitely not one for Lyrabon, but I just had this stuck in my head and wanted to give it a shot.
This sounds so much like another LyraBon fic I read a few months back.
Right... I'll give this a try.
Edit: It is nice, but lacks Lyra's love for Bon Bon... even though one could argue that one doesn't write himself in a diary. And this is why I personally dislike "letter-based" stories. But I'll refrain from voting until other chapters arrive.
and I'll kill him
The "and" is unecessary and just makes it seem weird.
Happy Nightmare Night! Or, at least, that's what I would say if Bon Bon hadn't declined my party invite to go make-out with that hillbilly piece of manure at his friend's party. I bet she's getting drunk with that loser and getting to second base with him. I just hope she doesn't get pregnant with his dumbass seed. Last thing she needs is another mouth to feed
This is just... How to put it? This section makes it sound like Lyra has negative feelings about Bon Bon. Sounds like she thinks that Bon is... okay no more nice language. It makes it sound like Lyra thinks Bon is a whore or some stupid girl that she almost hates...
And I guess I can't stay made at Bon Bon.
Mad, not made I think :)
Overall quite the nice story. A nice break from the usual ones and one that shows some promise.
I'll warn you though; Sometimes it comes off as if Lyra dislikes Bon Bon, which we know that she does not. Also; try not to make the entries repettetive. I didn't notice any repititions this time, but it never hurts to be prepared
Kapuchu - Out!
Only one major issue I see - you say the wedding is scheduled for February 20th, then have an entry dated February 12th with Lyra talking about how the ceremony went. Other than that, it's not looking bad so far.
Generic shipfic is generic, and terrible.
is this over?
1446102 I dunno, I'm probably going to quit this since it's not really liked.
1446178 NO! bad writer *squirts with spray bottle* always keep writing
1446178 Dear author. I once felt myself in your shoes. But let me share you a good piece of advice.
You shouldn't write for popularity. You shouldn't write for acknowledgment. You shouldn't write for recognition.
You should write for youself. For you are the one being benefited: to see your imagination coming to life.
Do not fall into the preconceived notion that fanfiction = serious business. Many retards already claim themselves to be demi-gods just because their stories are good. And that is the first step into the short-lived road of douchebaggery and assholery.
True, it can be disheartening to see your work not being appreciated. But then, how could you improve if you don't commit any mistakes?
Write for yourself, not for the readers.
Just try. I'm willing to read it if you try.
1447114 Wow, thanks man! I'll keep writing this then. Just not sometime soon though, cause I have other fanfics to work on also. Yknow, ones that are actually pretty good.