Chapter 2
“SURPRISE!”
Pinkie fired the party cannon with a tug. In a bang and a wheeze, streamers and confetti settled over the library’s main hall and liberally coated both Twilight and Rainbow. Their faces shared twin reactions of confusion and surprise. In tandem they both opened their mouths to speak and were both immediately cut off by the party hats strapped onto their heads by a pink, bouncing blur.
Twilight and Rainbow were seated at the former’s desk, a forgotten book laying in front of them. They watched the rest of their friends file into the library behind the bouncing pink mare. Turning to one another, they looked pleadingly, attempting to find an answer to this situation. Finding no apparent answers, they turned back to the gathered group.
“Uhh…What’s going on?” Twilight studied the scene before her. Her friends all beamed at her, each carrying snacks or party favors as they approached the desk. Pinkie Pie disappeared in a blur, quickly hanging up a banner over the door that wasn’t quite finished unfurling before she was directly in front of the two again.
Pinkie swept the two into a bone crushing hug as she screamed, “happy one month anniversary, Twilight and Rainbow!”
Released from the pink pony’s suffocating hold, their looks of confusion deepened. “How’d you know we were dating, Pinkie?” Rainbow ran a hoof through her mane absent-mindedly.
“Oh that’s easy!” Pinkie flitted through the room, setting trays of snacks down, hanging up banners, and taking carefully aimed shots of the party cannon as she chattered. Rarity, Fluttershy and Applejack sat on their haunches on the other side of Twilight’s desk, knowing it would be impossible to interrupt the flow of the rant. “A month ago, my nose twitched, then my hoof itched, then my tummy rumbled, and I sneezed, and that meant that somepony I knew was going on a date! It took me a little while to find out who, because the tummy rumble and sneeze were awfully close together, and if it happened the other way around it meant somepony was getting a colonoscopy.” Rainbow and Twilight both blinked. Applejack thought that if she didn’t know any better, the two were mirroring each other on purpose. “So I did some snooping and found out it was you two! And that meant I had to throw you a SURPRISE PARTY!”
The library had been completely transformed in a seeming matter of seconds. Banners stating “Rainbow Dash + Twilight Sparkle” hung suspended from light fixtures and bookcases. A large mural was tacked up over a window, depicting the two mares snuggling with a large red heart hanging over them, the likeness haphazard and somewhat questionable. Nonetheless it was endearing. At the end of Pinkie’s tirade the three others took their cue.
“Ah, shucks. You two are so darn cute together, couldn’ta happened to a better set ah ponies,” Applejack beamed, shaking both of their hooves vigorously. While they each had a hoof occupied, Rarity leaned over the desk and hugged them both, managing to entangle Applejack’s forehooves in the embrace.
“Oh girls, this is simply splendid! You must share all the juicy details of how you got together!”
Fluttershy smiled sweetly, hiding behind her mane. “I’m uhm... so happy for both of you... if you don’t mind me saying, that is...” She lowered her head further, obscuring all of her features behind waves of pink.
Neither Rainbow nor Twilight were quite sure how to react. One minute they had been enjoying reading together alone while Spike was off on a sleepover in the Cutie Mark Crusader’s treehouse and suddenly they were the guests of honor for a party celebrating an anniversary they hadn’t even noticed. Her brain fast as ever, Twilight managed to regain a shred of composure first.
“Uhh…Thanks you guys. I’m glad everypony is happy for us.” She tried to put on a grin, but the awkwardness of the situation was a bit too stifling for it to appear as anything other than strained.
“Yeah,” Rainbow confirmed. She didn’t bother trying to smile, still all too confused as to how Pinkie managed to figure it out, leaving her quizzical look in place.
“Ah shucks, we done made the two uncomfortable,” Applejack stated, not looking sorry about it at all. “Maybe if you two ponies had told us the news beforehoof, ya’ll wouldn’ta been surprised.”
The two shared a quick glance before looking away, both running a hoof through their manes guiltily. Twilight cleared her throat. “We, uh, weren’t keeping it a secret. We just started seeing each other.”
Rainbow, having been thoroughly thrown off her game by the transpired events struggled to find and reassert her brash confidence. “Yeah,” she started, “it’s not like we’re getting married or anything.” As the words left her sky blue lips, she knew it was quite possibly the exact wrong thing to say. She and Twilight both slouched down and turned red. Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy all had the grace to not say anything, but Pinkie Pie was soon rolling on the ground howling.
“You. Two. Are. So. CUTE.” She wheezed between gales of laughter, forehooves clutching her sides. The laughter proved contagious, and soon all six ponies were giggling uncontrollably.
The atmosphere considerably brightened, Rainbow grinned slyly at Twilight, standing up and flaring her wings. “Alright, let’s get this party started!”
The fireplace hissed and spat, throwing a soft glare on the otherwise un-illuminated room. Six ponies were bundled up in sleeping bags around the fire, all tired from partying but not quite ready for sleep. Twilight and Rainbow were huddled up next to each other in a double-sized bag, while the other four were more evenly spread out in individual ones. Every face had a contented smile.
After a long while of enjoying the warmth and color of the fire, Applejack’s smile faltered a little. She broke the silence that had settled over the room. “So, why didn’t ya’ll tell us you were an item?” Hearing the question, Fluttershy and Rarity turned towards the two expectantly, while Pinkie seemed to be trying to make shadow puppets against the wall with her sleeping bag. There was a pause as the two got their bearings.
“Well…” Rainbow’s face scrunched in contemplation. She looked up, as if expecting a prompt to be written out on the ceiling. “It wasn’t ‘cause we thought you wouldn’t approve or anything.” She looked back at her friends, having found her train of thought. “I mean, I’ve been out to you guys for years. I don’t think either me or Twilight thought anypony was prejudiced.”
“Twilight or I,” Twilight corrected, whispering quietly so it would only reach Rainbow’s ear. Rainbow grinned and managed with great effort to keep herself from rolling her eyes.
“Really, it’s just that we haven’t been seeing each other for all that long. I mean, we just started dating. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad everypony approves, it’s just still so new. Help me out here, Twi’.” She turned to her lavender partner, a small look of pleading on her face.
“I think that’s a pretty apt summation, Rainbow,” Twilight stated matter-of-factly. She addressed the others. “I told Rainbow I had feelings for her, and after thinking about it Rainbow said she had feelings for me. Since then we’ve gone on a few dates and spent time together. It just didn’t seem like a big thing that needed sharing. At least, not yet.”
Applejack and Rarity seemed perfectly happy with the answer, Rarity’s mind going into a flight of fancy as she daydreamed about the romantic moment when the two had confessed their feelings, which she was certain took place on a snow-capped mountain top, or perhaps during a rainstorm. Pinkie, who knew more than she was letting on about the inner workings of ponies hearts, already knew why and continued amusing herself with the bag. Fluttershy on the otherhoof looked at rainbow with her brow knotted in confusion.
“Um..” the buttery yellow Pegasus interjected, “that’s a rather different attitude than you’ve had before, Rainbow.” She flinched a little. “I mean, if you don’t mind me saying so.”
“What do you mean, Fluttershy?” Twilight leaned forward a little, a slightly puzzled expression evident in her eyes. To Rainbow’s credit, she looked puzzled as well rather than guilty.
“Um, what I mean to say is that..” She looked around the room, but didn’t find any methods of escape that would be less embarrassing than this conversation, so she pressed on, “In flight school Rainbow was always rather…boastful about her love life.” Fluttershy’s gaze dropped.
Twilight glanced at Rainbow with an eyebrow cocked and a wry grin. “Boastful, you say? Did she put notches in her bed post or something?” Rainbow flushed and chuckled nervously.
Fluttershy looked terrified. “Oh, no! I meant, she was—eep—” Fluttershy’s nerve seemed to break and she lowered her head to the floor. “I’m sorry, Rainbow! Forget I said anything,” she pleaded.
Rainbow smiled at Fluttershy, “don’t worry, ‘Shy, I’m fine! Truth is I don’t really remember being boastful about anything, so it would be nice to know what you mean.”
Regaining her composure some, although still looking rather terrified, Fluttershy continued. “It’s just, I remember every time you got a date with somepony you’d always brag about it.”
Rainbow put a hoof to her chin, frowning in recollection. “…I guess I did.”
“Well, what changed, darling?” Rarity asked.
Rainbow’s frown deepened. “I guess it’s because Twilight’s more important to me.” Twilight smiled and wrapped a hoof around Rainbow. The cyan Pegasus leaned into Twilight. Fluttershy, Applejack and Rarity looked between each other, finding a lack of understanding.
“I don’ get it.” Applejack stated flatly.
Before Rainbow could say anything, Pinkie rolled over in her bag to join the conversation and interrupted, “It’s simple, silly! Dashie was only dating ponies she wasn’t really interested in because she didn’t wanna lose any friends if things didn’t work out!”
Applejack seemed more confused. “Dat true, Rainbow?”
Rainbow’s jaw was slack. “Pinkie, how did--?”
“MARSHMALLOWS!” Pinkie cried out over Rainbow’s question. “We’re all warm and toasty by the fire already, we should be toasting MARSHMALLOWS!” Before anyone could blink, Pinkie bounced out of the room to scrounge up a bag of marshmallows and six sticks, although no one had brought any, Twilight was sure there weren’t any in the library beforehoof, and they were absolutely certain that no one heard the door open. When she returned, the conversation had shifted.
“Go on, sugarcube. Rainbow told us why she didn’t, but how come you didn’t? Heck, Rainbow came out to you years ago, why’d you keep it a secret from us?” Pinkie half listened in as she set to work prepping the marshmallows, already knowing Twilight’s answer as well.
A blush crept up on Twilight’s face as Applejack was speaking and she turned to Rainbow for help. Rainbow, who was quite done being on the spot simply looked back expectantly. Twilight cleared her throat and looked back at the gathered mares. “Well, to be honest I hadn’t really thought about my own sexuality very much. Before I came out to Ponyville I was such a recluse. I knew I was physically attracted to stallions, but I hadn’t really thought about mares, so as far as I knew I was straight until I started fantasizing about Rainb—” Her jaw snapped shut as she realized what she’d just said. Rainbow barked laughter and fell over on her back, the shared sleeping bag undulating like a caterpillar as she frantically waved her hooves. The blooming color on Twilight’s face was so gradual a casual observer might have mistaken it for asphyxiation.
Mostly regaining control of herself Rainbow sat up and leered mischievously at Twilight, their noses almost touching, “Fantasized about me? You are so gonna haveta spill that later.” Twilight flushed darker and seemed to have a small coughing fit.
“Anyway,” she said after a moment, a look on her face that clearly threatened horrible violence on the first pony to make mention of that slip again, “after we started dating Rainbow encouraged me to be a bit more introspective concerning my sexuality.”
Applejack snickered. “Certainly she didn’t use that same phrasin,’ did she Twi’?”
Rainbow puffed out her chest. “Hey, I know what introspective means, it means ‘Twilighty.’” Applejack stared at Rainbow, somewhat mystified, but could not actually find anything incorrect about her comment.
“So as I was saying,” Twilight continued a little too vehemently. She was mollified that the Freudian Slip had been abandoned, but was growing impatient being ignored. “I read a few books on the subject and figured out I was a four on the Kinsey scale of pony sexuality.” She closed her eyes and gave a quick nod as she finished her statement, convinced that she had cleared up everything on the matter. When she opened her eyes again, she found three sets of identical, confused expressions glancing back at her. She also noticed a growing mountain of marshmallows waiting to be toasted as Pinkie worked. “Pinkie, aren’t you going a little overboard?”
Pinkie Pie grinned triumphantly. “I’m gonna stick three dozen together and make a SUPER marshmallow!”
Rarity arched a stylish eyebrow. “Pardon me darling, but what exactly is the Kinney scale, and what on Equestria does a four mean?”
Twilight turned her attention back to Applejack, Fluttershy, and Rarity. Rainbow Dash looked rather bored, having asked the same question weeks ago, and been less than enthralled by the answer. Twilight had the air about her as if she were answering an oral exam. “The Kinsey scale is a tool for measuring a pony’s sexuality. It goes from zero to six, where zero is completely straight, and six is completely gay. Most ponies are somewhere between ones and fives. So being a four means I’d identify as either bisexual, with a slight preference for mares, or homosexual with a significant attraction to stallions. I believe the former is true for me.” Clearly there was something about this that the three found unfathomable, but they seemed satisfied with the answer. Pinkie Pie stuffed a stick or three containing a marshmallow on the end into each of their hooves.
“Marshmallows now!” She shouted.
The six gathered closer to the fire, toasting their marshmallows. All conversation lulled to a stop, the group simply enjoying each other’s company. Soon, they all settled down to drift off to sleep. Everypony was content, except Rainbow Dash. She couldn’t put a hoof on it exactly, but she knew something was bothering her.
Twilight was settled on a blanket, books, quills, and parchment in front of her, while Rainbow flew overhead practicing maneuvers. It had swiftly fallen into tradition for her to meet up with Rainbow after her weather duties to watch her practice while Twilight studied. Both mares referred to this activity as shared homework time, although neither one really thought of their tasks as homework. Twilight was only half watching as poured over a text on magical theory, but she could tell Rainbow’s heart wasn’t really in her moves.
After half an hour of half attempted corkscrews and barrel rolls, and several dives far too slow to be considered challenging, Rainbow alighted gently next to Twilight and sighed in frustration.
Twilight levitated a bookmark into her tome and snapped it shut. “What’s bothering you Rainbow?”
Rainbow sighed again, looking cross. “Beats me. Something about last night’s buggin’ me. I can’t figure out what, though.” She sat on her haunches in a huff, blowing her bangs out her eyes with a strong snort. Twilight stood up and put a hoof on her marefriend’s shoulder.
“They did kind of put us on the spot. Were you not ready for our relationship to go so public?”
“No, that’s not it,” Rainbow answered without hesitation. “I knew they’d be happy for us and it’s not like I wanted to keep it a secret or something. Heck, that party was a blast.” A bit of Rainbow’s frustration evaporated under the reflected memories of the sleep over, but was soon replaced by confusion. Her voice had a hint of defeat. “I haven’t a clue what it is.”
Twilight’s brows knit together in concern. She ran her hoof through rainbow’s colorful mane. Rainbow leaned into the administration, closing her eyes and releasing some of her tension with a sigh. Twilight smiled and repositioned herself beyond Rainbow, gently digging both forehooves into the Pegasus’ shoulders and working them in circles. Rainbow sighed again and slumped forward from the massage. “If it wasn’t them surprising us, was it something someone said? Fluttershy did sort of put you on the spot asking about bragging when you were a filly.”
“Maybe,” Rainbow started slowly. She took her time considering, partially distracted by the knots in her neck releasing. “But Pinkie was right about why.” She chuckled low. “Pinkie Pie. How on Equestria does she know these things?”
“Just Pinkie being Pinkie,” Twilight answered matter-of-factly. “But just because you know why, doesn’t necessarily mean it isn’t bothering you. Are you worried about how you’ve changed and what it could mean for our relationship?”
Rainbow sat up some. Twilight’s hooves moved further up her neck, temporarily banishing her thoughts to some deep recess. Her eyes fluttered closed and she breathed a contented moan. Twilight giggled a little. Regaining her senses bit by bit Rainbow eventually answered. “I don’t think I’m all that worried about you and me—” Rainbow paused, gathering her thoughts, “—at least not from being more serious about it than I used to be. I think that’s a good thing, really. Y’know, once upon a time this’d be right around the point where I’d start losing interest in a mare and we’d start thinking about going our separate ways. I don’t feel like that at all, now. I just wanna keep going forward with you.”
Twilight smiled and laid a soft kiss on the top of Rainbow’s head. “I’d like to take that journey with you..”
“I think I’m more worried about what else my past was hiding from me, and how it might mess with us. Ugh, I wish I was more introspective.” Twilight grinned and tousled Rainbow’s mane, taking a seat next to her and wrapping a hoof around her middle. Rainbow returned the gesture and pulled Twilight close. She gave Twilight a wide grin that slowly faded and she turned her head towards the sky. She spoke slowly to Twilight, but Twilight got the sense she was also addressing herself. “…are we moving too fast? Too slow? I don’t know how to gauge this.”
“I don’t know, either,” Twilight answered, a rueful smile pulling at her lips. “I don’t know how to set a pace here, or what that pace should even be. I do know that this last month has been…”
“Awesome?” Rainbow supplied with a smirk.
“Yeah,” Twilight agreed, returning Rainbow’s smile. “It’s been awesome. And if you need time to figure out what’s going on in that pretty head of yours, I’d love to be there to help you through it.”
Rainbow leaned her head onto Twilight’s shoulder, a large portion of her stress melting away. “Thanks, Twi’. You’re totally the best a mare could ask for.” She turned her head and caught Twilight’s muzzle in a kiss. Twilight leaned into Rainbow and returned the affection, the kiss growing deeper as their lips both parted. Hooves wrapped around each other’s necks they both laid back on the blanket, lost in their partner for a while. After a while they parted, their faces flushed and panting slightly. They had both shared and stolen many kisses over the last month, but this one edged the closest into make-out territory. After a while, Rainbow said, “maybe we’ve been going to slow.”
Twilight giggled and playfully hit Rainbow in the shoulder with a hoof. “Come on, let’s head back to the library.” The two stood and trotted slowly back towards the large tree, side by side. Twilight was smiling softly, but Rainbow seemed lost in thought.
After a short distance, she spoke. “Thanks for putting up with me.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Twilight gave the Pegasus a warm smile.
“I think there’s something wrong with me, Twilight.” The rainbow maned pegasus paused, gathering her thoughts before continuing. “You make me really happy, and I feel like that should be enough, but I don’t know half of what I’m thinking or feeling most the time, it sorta makes me feel like I’m making you wait on me...”
Twilight stopped and gently pulled the cyan mare around to look her in the eye, hooves on both sides of her partner’s face. “That’s not true, Rainbow! You’re one of the most wonderful, sweet, and loyal ponies in all of Equestria, and I’ve never felt like I was waiting for you...” Her face was stern and her eyes held only the barest of scolding qualities. She dropped her forehooves and stood up more straightly to further address her marefriend. “When I said I’d be there to help you through it I meant it. I’ll help you. We can work on whatever’s bothering you together.”
Rainbow looked down sheepishly, straining with concentrated effort to keep her threatening tears from falling. “Thank you, Twilight. You really are the best marefriend somepony could ask for.” She stood on her hindhooves and pulled Twilight into a hug. Twilight returned it gently, running a consoling hoof through the Pegasus’ wind-swept mane. After a while they returned to walking back to the library, their steps imperceptibly closer together than when they first started back. As they approached the tree, they shouted a greeting to Spike, freshly returned from his sleepover.
The evening progressed comfortably. The two shared a delicious dinner prepared by Spike and stayed up late reading. When Rainbow stifled a yawn and started to head out, Twilight asked if she wanted to stay the night. When the two were settling down, Twilight timidly made Rainbow the offer to sleep next to her. Rainbow held the lavender mare close to her chest, smelling her intoxicating hair as they both started to drift off. The warmth and closeness of spooning her best friend felt undeniably right, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something off and that something was her. Twilight’s words played back through her head and a sense of warmth and comfort drifted over her. Rainbow felt transcendent, as if everything in her life had been leading up to this point. She drowsily thought that perhaps Twilight was right and she did think too much.
Author’s Note: So I’ve decided to go ahead with this. Not sure where exactly it will end up, but for right now we’re just gonna explore the baggage that these two ponies bring to the table. I’ve already said this in a comment, but I’d like to say it again here: Thanks for the very kind words; this is truly the nicest fandom I've ever encountered and it's rather nice to be a part of it. My life's been kinda terrible for a while now and it was so good to find something that could make me smile again. And if I can make others smile with silly little fanfics about ponies, I know I can keep my own smile going.
Author: He was very helpful! An exchange:
Bats: did I really repeat that phrasing twice in a row?
Doc: yes you did.
Bats: Man, I thought I was just smoking cigarettes at the time. O_o.
There, better? PS we should leave this in for the readers.
Stats
Page generated in 0.021 seconds
Total duration
986 users online
48,049 hits today, 1,416,608 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2025
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2025 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Bam! Chapter 2! Big shout out again to my editor Doctor Strangelove.
Im loving the fact that you're continuing this. You're really setting something interesting up here, and I can't wait to see how it plays out (and by the sound of it, neither can you! :P). In all seriousness though, I really love how polished your writing is, it's a standard above most of the usual affair on this place (not anything against these other Authors, I mean, they have to learn some time), though it begs the question: have you written before? For other fandoms, or just creative writing in general?
Sorry to hear about the state of your living, I find ponies (if not the wonderful parts of the fandom, then the show itself), is a great way to unwind and just have a happier outlook in general. You just dont find this with Anime's and other TV Shows, I find.
Also I wouldn't worry about the thumbs down's that aren't quantifiable (that is, people who thumb something down and don't tell you why), it's usually those close-minded people who thumb it down for dumb reasons like "Rainbow Dash is in this story", or "I don't like shipping", just stuff like that. It's just opinions, everyone is entitled to them, but really, unless they tell you why (and it's a valid reason), then it's not your problem.
1445549
I believe you've just pointed out one of the reasons why I like this so much. It's exactly the opposite of this in this story, and it makes me appreciate it even more. Don't get me wrong, there have been a tonne of great stories where the characters fall in love at the "Disney Rate" (2-3 days), but I feel that the "love bomb" so to speak has to be dropped at the right time, or it could work against the story.
1454475
I'm glad you're enjoying it. To answer your question about writing experience, I do have a little. I attended a specialty art high school that had art-based majors in addition to regular academics, so I spent all of my high school career writing creatively. Once upon a time in middle school I was briefly involved in Dragon Ball Z and Mobile Suit Gundam Wing fanfiction, but I'd rather not resurface those memories. I've had a scant handful of poems and short stories published, but not anywhere that could be located (THANK GOD). Since high school I've written very sporadically and have had much more focus on drawing and painting.
I also held a job for six years where email correspondence was the primary method of communication with customers, so I had a daily reason to stay on top of writing mechanics.
Convoluted enough answer for you?
Good chapter. A few grammar mistakes, but nothing that made me cringe. One major thing:
Seems you didn't finish the sentence. One good thing about editors: you can blame them for EVERYTHING. But seriously though, Doc's work is good, and I'm totally not just saying that because I have to work with him on certain projects.
1454876
Ahem, yes, I AM going to blame this on Doc. Hee.
FIXED.
1454920
Good, let the
hatelove and tolerance consume you. You're spoiling us with these daily updates. So the day you don't deliver, the masses shall rise up in apocalyptic proportions.1454949
Hey now, it's not my fault it took 26 hours for the story to be approved and posted for the first chapter, I've been writing these EVERY OTHER day. I have until Friday before lynching threats can commence.
Thank you for continuing the story, such a quick update as well.
Also; you're a great fanfic writer, don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
Enjoying this so far, for sure. One mistake that does bother me, even though I'm just being pedantic:
This is actually incorrect. Always think of it in terms of how the sentence would be without the second party-- "I don't think I'm all that worried about me/myself" is correct, while "I don't think I'm all that worried about I" is not. Nit-picking, I know, but Twi should know those sorts of things :P
Other than that no errors stood out to me, and this continues to be refreshingly different from the shipping status quo of instant happily-ever-after.
What could be bothering RD? Could it be Twilight's comment that she (Twi) is probably bi and not gay? Looking forward to more chapters!
tiny typo (double period, or ellipsis?): "I’ve never felt like I was waiting for you..”
1455714
I don't think so. I mean, either way she's toward the homosexual end of the scale. It obviously has something to do with that, though, as that's the comment that seemed to bug Rainbow.
1455362
Drat.
GRAMMAR GRUDGINGLY FIXED.
1455714
Ah, the truncated ellipsis. We meet again.
FIXED.
1455714 and 1455833
I will neither confirm nor deny Rainbow's feelings on Twilight's exact sexuality. I will suggest that perhaps Twilight isn't quite as comfortable as she seems to be. After all, reading a book and assigning herself a number isn't quite the same thing as understanding and accepting it. You didn't think Rainbow was the only one who was gonna be a basket case, did you?
1456120
<3
I like how this it going. They're affectionate but not overly so and it feels more real.
Why I'm not currently writing chapter 3:
i111.photobucket.com/albums/n155/batsofchaos/2012-10-17155342.jpg
Why you should be...
zipmeme.com/uploads/generated/g1340240747387224054.jpg
That moment when you realize you make more comments on a fanfic site than on your own facebook.
1458526
Happens to us all
Just a couple quick corrections/tidbits of advice (if you don't mind that is
):
"The library had been completely transformed in a seeming matter of seconds."
"In a seeming matter of seconds" is a bit awkward, something like "in what seemed like a matter of seconds" would work better.
“maybe we’ve been going to slow.”
To should be too.
Great story by the way. I can't wait to read more.
1458567 quite
I'm for some reason reminded of Changelings when Dash feels something is off...
3486628 hmm… wouldn't that be something?
1454251 did you actually take the test? I got an X. I'm not homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual. I've been right about myself the entire time!
6077017 Wtf? I'm a 3? I'm not gay, at least I think not
Sure you don't mean 'Kinsey'?
Also, you forgot to capitalize this.
I spy a capitalization error.
6077017
Well, I got a 5, I guess. It said "exclusively homosexual"