"Spike, I have one last favor to ask you. Please take a letter:"
Spike was trying to wipe his eyes, his beloved Twilight Sparkle standing before him, transformed. His hands shaking, but he slowly dictated her words.
Chapters (2)
dawnofthefadingfoal
Joined 21st Sep, 2012 ·
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Not a terrible concept, but some editing issues (randomly capitalized words, mostly). Not a bad start at all, imo. I'm not sure where you have to go with this, though. It's marked incomplete, but this is where other stories like this that I've read would end, normally. Oh well, I'm sure you've got more of a plan than I ever do when I write :)
feels there is just so many
I'm in the mood for a sad fic.
I laughed so damn hard. Well done author, i needed a good comedy.
Needs proofreading. Also, you gave away pretty much the whole story with the description.
It went WAY too fast.
dam good sir, This would be a great one shot story. You just need to get a editor/pre-reader. I will be watching you and favoriting this.
Semper Fidelis
So wait. There are five trials she needs to pass to become an alicorn... but the last task is to kill yourself... so how does that work?
I would like to hear more about how she accomplishes these trials, but then maybe that's not the point of this story. It did seem like you jumped right to the climax, but again, I don't know where you want to go with this. So, here's hoping this story goes well for you.
1443578 I came when I saw the fire.
Interesting. Though you gave most of the story away with the description, I would've stopped after her asking Spike to take a letter. Also, as others have previously mentioned. Your pacing is much too quick. slow it down a bit.
1443660
"What do you hope to accomplish, sister? Dragging her body out here." said Princess Luna.
"Stop mocking me Luna," snapped Princess Celestia, "you aren't helping!"
when i read this I pictured celestia and luna half carrying half dragging twilights limp body in a tarp with luna complaining as they struggled. My sides didn't survive.
Okay well I fixed the Description thanks for the feedback!
John 15:13
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
1447827
I like that :) Thats what Twilight did
1448196 It is a favorite of a lot of servicemen, firefighters, and others who place themselves in harms way for the sake of ther fellow man.
hmm... five steps to become an Alicorn, but the last one is "sacrifice"?
also i only counted four steps, including "sacrifice", they were; moonstone, sunstone, transformation, sacrifice...
but that may only be me missing one or something.
ohh, well dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png
........................we're ending on that?..................
very bad ending
I do sacrifice my life for you...
I do as well
I as well, repeat as necessary...
That's it? So wracked with grief they all kill themselves? Yawn
Thats all I could come up with to finish the book off for now I'm starting a new ending.
I don't know whether to thank you for giving us such a beautiful story, or to curse you for making me hurt so much right now.
An alternate ending you say? Do tell.
Nopony ever said life was fair nor is it ever easy. The greatest decisions are often the hardest to make.
You should have checked your grammer and spelling. Some parts didn't even make sense until I re-read it again. Some parts were just plain horrible.
And the ending.... ugh... terrible... simply ad utterly terrible.
BUT.... yes, there is a 'but' there...
The story itself was very good. You have some good points that I did enjoy. I suggest, get someone to proof read your work first, spelling, grammer and content. Keep on writing.
Five out of five moustaches for the new ending.
If the new ending ends with twilight living, I WILL find you (and play scrabble with you). :D (but seriously don't bring her back, it's always sadder that way.
It say incomplete so I'm hoping for a bit more than that. It's not bad I just want more
I like that feel you have here and am hoping that you do more with it, flesh it out as it were. Or maybe add more to the story like a chance that all of her friends comping together has the same powers a blood (maybe that is corny? depends how you do it). Anyhow I'll be cool with it either way, your story your rules.