On the day of the Summer Sun Ceremony, the Divine Radiance sent forth to the town of Ponyville her beloved and Faithful Disciple, who with the Blessed Hatchling of Light were to proclaim the word of the Sun and prepare the way for the coming of the Divine Radiance and the miracle of the Rising of the Sun the next morn.
But dark forces lay in wait for the Faithful, and many were the trials she was to endure before her task would be complete.
Editors: Bad Horse, Tek, and Various Divine Beings Who Shall Remain Nameless
Cover Art - Pope Celestia by Kippzu, I think.
Chapters (5)
And Lo, the Author didst look out upon the land and heard the weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth from half of the land, and proclamations of unlikely heavenly bliss and paradise from the other, and suspects that all of us are about Done With It. With that, the Author hath brought forth words from a land where an infallible and Divine Radiance does rule over her adoring public, bringing joy and peace to all who regard her Blessed Words. Rejoice, for you have been given a mere glimpse of her wisdom, with no votes or politics to interfere with your worship of her Divine Wisdom.
There will be a collection at the end of the sermon, and all we request in return is three bills, which in deep regard for ecumenism we request that no two of them be of the same denomination. Or you can donate to Estee’s future trip to the land of cute squirrels and koi fish (which is probably a better use for your money, although not tax deductible)
Four shall be the chapters posted, not three, nor five. And six is right out. Only once during the Blessed Day shall the chapters be posted, when Sun is risen from its rest (or a few minutes after, if I'm running late for work) There shall not be a fifth chapter, for five is a number of heresy and only woe shall come of a chapter numbered hence. Honest.
Author Notes: (A study guide is available for a small donation)
This story springs from a discussion I had with Bad Horse ten years ago. Yes, I know that means I’m slow, but without age, communion wine would be merely grape juice. Over time, both Tek and Bad Horse have added little bits of wisdom, and the parchment has grown dark with age, but I think you will find this a pleasant little irrelevant… I mean irreverent take on our favorite world of talking horses and reshapable cosmos.
Enjoy!
I'm interested. I also had a few laughs.
Kind of weird that you want European notation for the decimal point, but sure.
Looking forward to seeing where you take this particular spin on Equestria. Especially how many gems the Blessed Hatchling will be able to coax out of the adoring layponies.
Hahaha I love this format. Good that spikes finally getting paid a good diet. Here's to recruiting all the worshippers I mean friends.
Wow, your 100th story! Congratulations, Georg!
Truly, the Lord smiles upon us, for He has blessed us with good humor.
Oh boy, here we go again...
Source of the image, btw. Seems like a direct upload of the author to the 'booru.
https://derpibooru.org/images/2218269
Joke's on you; I'm European, and over here, commas denote decimals, not thousands. That collection box is getting small coins
I DONT WANT TO FIGHT THE DIVINE RADIENCE AGAIN
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Georg, as always you have my undivided attention.
This is pretty funny and I'm curious to see how the rest will be.
Sorry, don't do checkbooks here and I don't have any cash on me at the moment. Do you take plastic?
I feel a certain round parallel with Spike here. Gotta cut down on the gemstones for breakfast.
What?
Right. Sure.
Still haven't seen Rarity or Rainbow Dash yet. Also I love the time skips as I'm pretty sure everyone has seen the first episode of the show and honestly, I really didn't want to see Twilight going through Ponyville speaking and meeting each and everyone of the element bearer's for like the millionth time so I'm glad it's different.
No offense.
This chapter suggests that they are literally following a script that was written for them. It also looks like there is a narrator and that Applejack didn't read much of it since her dialogue isn't any different from what you expect of her.
12044470 Replaying of the first two episodes with differences is always tricky. I had to do that in Monster in the Twilight with Trixie (ouch), and Equestria : 1940 with a human. You can't hit the same dialogue or its boring, and you can't make major changes or the... Oh, wait. You can.
12044477 That would be the Holy Script, Which Was Given Unto Us By Her Grace, The Faust. Now give me ten Hail Celestias and a donation into the poorbox.
Nice touch with the early-seasons 4th-wall humor.
Looks like Celestia is basically the Pope in this story, especially given the cover artwork LOL.
Cousin Pink Lady is a perfectly respectable member of her profession.
Seems like Spike's been peeking at the script. That or Dash missed her cue.
Now you have me curious.
I do appreciate mixing up the order in which Twilight meets everypony. It keeps things fresh, and there's a beautiful irony in a story with this premise shuffling the stations of the canon a bit. I also appreciate how Ponyville isn't nearly as grandiose as the capital. Quite the adjustment for Twilight on multiple levels.
Now, about that missed cue...
Because nopony expects the Maneish Inquisition.
Poor Divine Radiance. No wonder we don’t see much of her in pony.
... Seriously? And all she said was "blockhead". I fear what would happen if someone said an actual curse word.
Would have loved to see it. Sadly the story is rated E and not T or M.
12045165
Yeah, but I was expecting not to expect something, so it doesn't count.
But is not the idiom "to give chapter and verse," o Honored Historian?
Just asking her is dismissed as far too
straightforwardsacrilegious.Given Pinkie's upbringing, I suppose it shouldn't be surprising that she's less than friendly towards enemies of the faith. Still, hopefully she won't take the heresy of walking out on your own welcome party too hard.
And Lo, the Narrator didst come forth and declare the Book of Radiance complete at Four, and no more. Really. Honest. Look, would I sneak another chapter in after declaring it to be complete? Go to your homes and rejoice at the completeness of the Holy Radiance and her words.
I wonder why exactly Twilight wanted to go back to Canterlot or why the others had ot catch her.
Ah,
expurgationcuration of the holy writ. Such is divine prerogative.Rock farms have something similar to the three seashells, just with limestone.
Very nice touch with Celestia's red text.
Delightful silliness. Looking forward to any apocrypha that might be unearthed. Any chance of the Froggy Bottom Bog Scrolls?
... Wait what?
Where are they? Are they at the castle of the 2 sisters?
Oh yeah.
Wait what?
I feel like I'm missing a lot of stuff.
12045863
What I'm wondering.
12045863 12046027 To be in the Blessed Presence of the Divine Radiance, of course. And the castle cafeteria. Maid service. The Archives. The problem is her old rooms in the castle have been repurposed to house the Radiance of the Moon and Stars (Praise the Radiances), and her parents turned her bedroom into an observatory and sewing room, like all parents do to keep their boomerang children from moving back in.
12046015 Nay, any apocrypha would be filled with errors and run counter the wisdom of the Divine Radiances. Only heretics of the worst order will read them. I mean if they exist. Which they don't. Much like the Star Wars Holiday Special. Which doesn't exist. Anywhere.
12046032
That seems mean but I guess understandable.
Here we go again.
12046032 NYAH HA HA HA! I possess a copy of the heretical Christmas Special! With its DARK POWERS I shall destroy the Star Wars franchise FOREVER!!
Disney, "Ehhhh, we kinda already did that."
What? No... NOOOOO!!! ALL MY PLOTTING AND SCHEMING WAS FOR NAUGHT!!! A POX ON THEE AND THY SPAWN!!
A variation of the beginning of the Friendship is Magic TV series with a theocratic spin? Honestly, I am loving this already. Also, I love the nod to Twilight's obsession with books when she says being removed from the 'dusty old books', as Spike puts it, is 'torture'. That and the different interpretation of Celestia's banishment of Luna to the moon.
We are given to understand vile heretics have posted a fifth chapter, which casts the Divine Radiance in a poor light. These miscreants will be found and appropriately dealt with... in song.
12045164 Maybe Fluttershy is conspiring with CHERNGELERNGS!!
We shall require the MARISH INQUISITION after all!
...
... Little does she know.
Great story.
I was wondering how Cadence factored into this setting. Fascinating little exercise in tone and setting. Thank you for it.
And then came the book of Marevelations with the chaotic beast, the DECEIVER, Discord!
Holy Radiance or not, Celestia’s gonna celest.
now if only the emperor of mankind could have had this attitude
In this setting I imagine Pinkie as a church revivalist who proves her devotion to the Blessed Radiance by sticking her hoof into a bag of poisonous snakes ( or maybe just one baby alligator) without being harmed.
That's just silly
This was way too short. And I mean that in the best way. Make this a series!
12048283 Yeah, me too. It takes a particularly whimsical frame of mind to write like this, and I don't get there often. (as you can tell because I mentioned this was in the pipeline for ten years. I mean it could have graduated from seminary and gotten its own congregation by now.)
Tummy rubs are a good thing.
The people rejoice! Man, wish I had that image on hand, but I'm too tired to look it up right now. There's this old Magic the Gathering videogame where you run around dueling monsters and stuff. There's a wizard for every deck color and they can capture villages, so of course you can duel a powerful monster to free them.
And if you beat the monster... well, the image that follows is certainly a sight that can be seen. I think of it whenever I see or hear the word rejoice.
And lo, she would regret those words. The Divine Radiance of the Stars and Moon, in a moment of pure clarity, had had great precognition and told her sister of a most unfortunate future. Many nights didst the Divine Radiance of the Sun spend in deep despair as she came to realize the truth of her sister's words. The future she foresaw was slowly becoming a reality, and she began to dread the oncoming ascension of her Faithful Initiate.
You can under cook your alicorn as many times as you want.
But you can only overcook her once.
This both so dumb and original... I LOVE IT!
