The Seattle of Tomorrow was birthed from hope. In its prime it held a billion souls, where the light of reason ensured that none suffered want. Now all that is left are ruins, tenuously held together by lunatic science and false memory, picked over by scavengers and madmen.
Why was Fluttershy brought here? Who can she trust to help her? How can she possibly find her way home?
Crossover with Genius: the Transgression. Takes place between seasons 2 and 3. No knowledge of Genius should be necessary.
Chapters (11)
This looks interesting... Can't say I'm familiar with what it's crossed over with though.
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It's okay, Fluttershy isn't familiar with it either. =D
Also: thanks to everyone who's read this (and favorited and commented on it) so far! Your approval fills me with joy. =D
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Genius: the transgression is a fan-made expansion for the horror role-playing game World of Darkness. Genius is about mad science, and WoD is placed in an alternate earth where the darker side of the supernatural is real.
Also this is a very interesting idea. I have played genius and want to see how you have fluttershy react to the universe of a horror game
Edit: fluttershy has havoc-inducing hooves?
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On the hooves: That depends. What causes Havoc?
((I'm actually trying to give out information in a controlled fashion instead of infodumping the Genius rules all at once, which is why you got a question instead of an answer.
))
Oh, and thanks for the fav!
So the genius behind the attack is pretty advanced, whoever it is is a professor of skafoi, or has one under his control, and also has significant automata and katastrophi as well
)
(The technical rules jargon is there on purpose so that people unfamiliar with the rules aren't overwhelmed by the info dump
Hello there, Amneiger. B_P from WRITE here, responding to your request for a review. To start off, let me note that I’ve never played Genius, but I am a big WoD fan, so I’ve got some high hopes here. Anyway, let’s get to it.
Thoughts on Chapter 1:
Please, please do something about the beginning of your story. “It was a beautiful day in Ponyville” is now such a clichéd hook that even using it ironically is clichéd. Even after that, you start off your narration in a very dry manner, all but giving me a laundry list of what’s happening now and why. Honestly, I would go as far as to say that your opening scene could be cut entirely, and the next scene would serve as a far more effective hook (even if your going through the reasons that other ponies weren’t there was also notably dry).
Also, in that scene where Fluttershy’s talking to Twilight, you gave no real description of where they were. I had actually assumed they were all at the library, so when you said that they’d reached a forest clearing (without ever saying they’d gone to the Everfree yet) it hit me wrong. On that note, I don’t recall actually being given the sense that this was the Everfree. It all just seemed like a normal forest, in retrospect.
The story definitely picks up after that, though, when the action starts to happen. Something I’ll note is that your technical skills impress me quite a bit; I think that, in all of this chapter, the only real issue I found was here:
The phrase is either “worse comes to worst” (American) or “worst comes to worst” (British).
Something needs to be done about this portion, though:
I’ll note that I like this description very much—so appropriately dark. The issue, though, is that you’re pretty much describing that sliced-open-and-ground-up pig smell as though it’s Fluttershy who came up with it. Same issue earlier, here:
These are the sorts of loaded descriptions that a character would use, you see? They go a long way to implying that it’s Fluttershy who thinks that that robot feels like tenderized meat, or that that smell is reminiscent of a mutilated pig. That just doesn’t work.
Thoughts on Chapter 2:
Even as she’s looking back through that portal to the Everfree, I still get the sense that it’s just a regular forest. I mean, sunlight?
I’m noticing that sometimes you seem to get a little too caught up in the details. When the robots pick up Fluttershy’s cage, for example—why bother spending a paragraph telling me the exact formation that they got in as they did it? And the moment she arrives someplace new, you seem to describe everything, whether or not it needs it or the situation calls for it. You are doing a good job of conveying the atmosphere, but sometimes it really gets excessive. I’m also starting to notice you falling back into that laundry list style of narration again (“They did this, they did that, the did the other thing”), and it gets a bit tiresome.
This chapter was also not so technically perfect as the first. You may want to give it another proofread.
My thoughts on chapters 3 and 4 are in the same vein—could do with a bit of a proofread, but on the whole they’re technically excellent and wonderfully descriptive (though a bit too heavily at times). I don’t believe I noticed your style shifting into basic “bullet points on what’s happening” as often, though I may have just been tuning it out by then. It’s worth taking another look through these chapters and seeing if you fall into any boring patterns.
As for more general thoughts about your story, I very much liked your characterization. Despite the lack of concrete character interaction, you still managed to give me the sense that this is definitely Fluttershy. When she was out of character, it was only because you meant for her to be, and you adequately went into or hinted at why she was. Her companion has a wonderful little personality himself, and it isn’t often you see an OC taken in the same direction. It really fits, though.
The plot has pretty much been point-to-point action thus far, so I can’t say much about it other than that I hope you get to the meat of it soon. As is (as I know you’re aware), nothing has been explained, and I’m starting to wonder why any of this had to happen in the first place.
All in all, I liked this story, so much so that I’m going to follow it and see where it heads. Very good work, author.
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-- Burraku_Pansa, WRITE's Trainer Admin and Resident Namesmith
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Thanks so much for the review! I'm so glad to get something this detailed and useful.
As for individual points:
Oh...dear. You're right. Now that you've pointed that out, all of what you said is right.
If I believed in editing chapters after posting them I would do something about that, excepting editing chapters feels vaguely like a disservice to people who had already read it. "Hey everybody who's already read this, I made some super-secret changes to what I've posted already, so now it's the folks who came in later who are up to date! What's that? You don't like being left behind just because you were among the first to give this story a chance? Sucks to be you, then!" 
)
(If I did change it, though, making it the Whitetail Woods would probably be best. Or I could just drop a tank in the middle of Ponyville, because everyone loves action!
A lot of the things you've pointed out, like the bullet points and excessive detail, are all more obvious to me now that you've told me about them. A pre-reader, or a lot of time, would probably help.
I'm glad that my characterization of Fluttershy worked. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to portray her properly, so I worked hard on that aspect.
Thanks!
I have high hopes for the little guy. I don't suppose you could clarify what you said about direction, though? I'm not sure what kind of OCs you're comparing the ball to.
Again, thanks for the review! I really hope the next chapters will live up to the expectations I've set so far.
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I understand your reluctance to edit something that's already up. I will note, though, that I'm sure this story's very beginning was a contributing factor to it not gaining much notice. Going back and changing it now wouldn't do much at this stage, but it still might let you better hook a few more people next time the story updates, and the changes wouldn't have to be even remotely major.
With the OC comment, I was sort of comparing him to all OCs. Yours is anything but average; there's not even any way he could feasibly be a self-insert and/or Mary Sue. And the fact that he's more animal (in a sense) than person makes him the perfect companion for Fluttershy.
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Hmm...that is a good point. All right, chapters one and two updated: beginning scene removed, all references to Everfree Forest changed to Whitetail Wood, and minor tweaks to style.
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I might not normally say anything, but since it's one of your opening paragraphs...
And also, the two clauses you're connecting with a semicolon aren't really related enough for one.
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...That's what I get for doing this while tired.
Thanks for catching that.
Spoiler alert for all people not familiar with genius:
1. Little ball is either being controlled by a genius with vested interest in Fluttershy, or is orphaned and has mutated increased intelligence because automata 2 is only zombie-level intelligence, and animal intelligence is at rank 3.
2. My curiosity about why Fluttershy could induce Havoc in the robots, because if she could ground out the mania bound in the automata wonders, the would destruct. Now the only question left is why she acts as a lighting rod for mania, my theory is that either her innate pony magic is interacting with the mania, like how different types of supernatural energies interact in WoD, or it is simply an anamoly that will end her being a Genius, whether she was one originally or not.
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Muahahahahahaha SCIENCE
(Seriously though, I'll see about addressing these eventually.)
...How is Fluttershy causing Havoc? I thought only pure humans without any supernatural template could do that.
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Friggin' magic.
...I am so bad at answering reader questions.
I'm playing a bit fast and loose with the Havoc rules here.
(Thanks for the favorite, by the way!
)
Please, continue. I really want to know whether Rainbow Dash is being faked or mind controlled.
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Yes, feedback!
Thanks for commenting. I love encouragement. Or at least knowing how I'm doing. 
I'm just wondering, is Maxwell a Genius?
On another note: IT'S ALIVE!!!!!
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That is correct.
And YES, IT'S ALIVE!
Y'know... I've been helpin' you out for a bit now, and I can't believe I still haven't actually faved it... wow... I really AM forgetful...
Darn. And here I had a theory about Equestria being the Hollow Earth of mythology, getting Mania every time someone cracked open a Monster Manual...
In any case, I'm very pleased to see a Genius: the Transgression crossover. I wasn't sure what the search bar would give me, but I'm thrilled with the result. Still, this story seems criminally underrated. It has mad science, adorable clockwork companions, and Fluttershy vs. a multiply insane AI. What's not to like?
(Still, aren't there only supposed to be sixteen electric assassins? I guess Megiddo got that last dot in Assembly Line...)
I eagerly look forward to more.
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A Monster Manual-based bardo would probably be something like The Long Stairs.
I do wish this story was more popular
Maybe it's the obscurity of the crossover.
(If I'm reading this bit about bardos correctly, certain restrictions on making wonders are lifted if they're being produced inside a compatible bardo. You don't need to bind Mania to them or need a mad scientist to make them; you can just manufacture them as if they were mundane technology. My thinking was that Megiddo would bind Mania for assassins that would be sent outside the bardo, and manufacture anything that wasn't intended to leave it.)
Thanks for the favorite, and the wonderful comment.
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Hmm. Ah! Pages 285-286 of the v.1.1 rulebook:
Seems legit.
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I'm working on it, I am!
I'm actually trying to write out the rest of the story right now so that I'll have a better idea of what I'm doing.
Didn't really make sense why they had a robotic Maxwell clone kill him. Wouldn't they send in a bunch of assassins to server room #11, then use his clone for its intended purpose elsewhere to infiltrate his friends? Oh well at least we know what was going on with Rainbow Dash. Also, illuminated schmilluminated!
I just wanted to say schmilluminated.
It updated! Huzzah!
Also, Fluttershy demonstrates just how dangerous she really is. The entire bardo is a construct of Mania. The more she interacts with it, the more Havoc she wreaks. That's how the City of Tomorrow fell in the first place. Shutting down a generator massively accelerated the entropy of broken dreams and falsified claims. This will probably make a decent dent in Megiddo's resources. I have to wonder how long it will take for the supercomputer to take the GLaDOS approach and determine that it's easier to just get rid of her than try to kill her... assuming it ever does. The whole insanity thing might complicate matters there.
Eagerly looking forward to more, whenever it may come.
I have no idea what Genius is but this looks pretty interesting.
Will read later today, or tomorrow.
Damn. How is this story not rated higher? Maybe the reference to Genius is scaring people off from reading it in the first place?
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Thanks for giving it a chance.
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Could be. *shrug* Maybe people are thinking that they would need to know about Genius after all.
Rogue wonders and Illuminated and Lemurians, Oh My!
But in all seriousness, was Dash v2 orphaned by Megiddo or just beginning the process? Also I have a very bad feeling about them bunking with unmada, servants of a dead race of alien masters or not.
There is no way this is going to end well. The Lemurians will be very happy to get some Megiddo tech, yes. That's because they're probably going to disassemble it. Well, some of them might. Depends on how they believe the world works. And now I'm wondering if Fluttershy's going to draw any parallels between an unmada field and Pinkie Pie...
As for Dash v2, isn't that typical? They say it's an upgrade when all they did was apply some cosmetic tweaks and take out the best features. Bunch of hacks, I tell you.
In any case, always happy to see this update. Looking forward to more.
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Dash v2 was abandoned and is an orphan now. Megiddo has no interest in failed projects.
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Dashie isn't good at this egghead science stuff.