Love Deluxe

by InkStone

The Stranger

The last thing someone expects to see after swallowing a bottle of pills and a bar's worth of alcohol is... well, anything. I mean, you expect to see nothing. Zilch. Nada. You should be dead, on to the next life, drifting through the void, whatever happens when you pass, not waking up to the sight of ceiling tiles with little clouds and cartoony birds painted on them.

I groaned and shut my eyes against the stinging bright lights of the room. 'I can't even fucking kill myself right...'

Taking deep, shaky breaths through my nose, I tried to calm my racing thoughts before I gave myself a headache. Too late; there was already a pulsing ache in my head like someone was steadily hammering a nail into my skull. The massive influx of chemicals and vodka had my brain sluggish, but that didn't stop it from berating me like a strict parent. Poisonous barbs flickered around my head like an aggressive horde of gnats.

Can't do anything right
All you had to do was swallow the pills...
Idiot
Failure
Loser

'Stop it!' My ears flicked as a harsh beep rang from the left of me, getting faster and faster in tandem with my breathing. It was all becoming too much, the feeling of my failure weighing upon me like a lead weight and creating a vicious mixture with the roiling sea of emotion that had been bubbling within me for years, burning through whatever fragile peace I had upon waking up like acid through flesh. It didn't help that whatever blanket I was wrapped in was extremely uncomfortable, making my entire body itch like a colony of ants was crawling across my skin. It felt like I was covered in hair!

A strange set of footfalls echoed nearby, moving closer to me. They were odd, sounding almost like high heels clicking against linoleum, but a bit more... full. Lacking the mental energy to figure out this conundrum and the social battery to interact with anyone, I went with the age-old trick of pretending to be asleep, keeping my eyes closed.

I stayed silent as I heard those strange footsteps move closer to me. The nurse - I assumed they were a nurse, because I was most certainly in a hospital - muttered to themselves as they checked over me and the medical equipment. There was a scratching sound, probably a pen on paper, and more quiet muttering about heart rates and IV drips and other medical jargon that I was doing my best to appear like I wasn't listening to. The nurse suddenly started chuckling.

"I know you're awake, silly filly."

Silly filly? What kind of -

I opened my eyes and got ready to ask the nurse how much ketamine she had to be on to come up with that strange term of endearment. That was something someone could only come up with deep within the abyss of a legendary k-hole.

"What the fuck!" I launched myself into the air and tumbled from the bed as I tried my hardest to put distance between myself and the absolute monstrosity in front of me. My escape was short-sighted, to say the least; see, when you're wrapped in one of those hospital blankets and hooked up to a bunch of machines, it's sort of hard to make a quick exit. Which is to say that I landed on the floor with an uncomfortably loud smacking sound and the pain of having an IV ripped from my body.

"Oh my Celestia!" The creature rushed to help me, but despite the pain shooting through my head I hissed at them like some kind of cat. It shuffled back, flinching fearfully as I shot it an intense glare.

How could I even describe the terror I felt in that moment? The creature had the vague look of a horse, though its features were softer and almost... human. Its coat was a pure, almost unnatural white, no dirt or grime as one would expect from an animal, and its mane was a light blue that had to be dyed because no animal could have fur that color naturally, right? But the most shocking features were the long, spiral horn planted in the middle of its forehead - because, what the hell, unicorns were a fucking myth - and the MASSIVE fucking eyes that dominated its face. I kid you not when I say that those bright blue eyes made up 70% of its head.

Scratch that. Now that I was properly oriented on the floor, I realized that the most shocking things about this creature was that it was considerably taller than me.

"What the fuck are you!" I screeched. Hardly any thought was given to the sound of my voice, which was far higher than it should have been; in my panic, I chalked it up to some sort of medical complication. I was far more focused on the abomination in front of me, who was gazing down at me with worry - likely a trap to lure me into a false sense of safety. Try as I might to create more distance between us, my limbs weren't cooperating, feeling stiff and heavy like lead. My left leg wasn't responding at all.

The creature seemed confused by my question, putting a tentative hoof to its chest. It spoke in a tone like it was communicating with a small, particularly dumb child. "What am I? I'm a unicorn."

Okay, that was kind of an obvious answer. Still, I wasn't quite ready to concede to clear empirical evidence. "What the fuck are you talking about! Unicorns aren't real!"

"You have quite the mouth for a little filly," the creature said in a tone not dissimilar to that of a parent admonishing their child. That tone annoyed me even more; who did this creature think it was talking to me like that? It crouched down, some vain attempt to appear more non-threatening, I guess. "I know this must be very scary for you, but I'm here to help."

"Stay away from me!" I lashed out as it crept closer to me. "And why do you keep calling me a 'filly'? Isn't that like a young horse or something?"

The creature blinked a few times. "A young pony, yes. And I'm calling you that because that's what you are."

"What?" I brought my hands to my face... and was shocked when I saw that the responding appendages were two gray hooves. I waved them around wildly, confirming that they were, in fact, my hands... well, not anymore, I guess. Flexing my fingers caused the ends to curl a bit, though there was very little range of motion. Still, it proved that they were mine.

This.

Made.

No.

Sense.

Smack!

I found myself once again reunited with my old friend, oblivion. It was far more comforting than having to puzzle through whatever the fuck was going on; the bruise could be dealt with later. If there was a later.

Comments

[Cold Philosophy]

Hmmm.

Promising start! Let's see where this goes.

Wonder if she'll have to get a pair of sunglasses...

[Cold Philosophy]

*pokes story with a stick*
This thing still alive?