Spike decends Tartorus to save Rarity from Discord
"At the midpoint on the journey of youth, I found myself in a dark forest, for the clear path was lost."
Spike is on his way from the CMC clubhouse to a picnic with rarity... But the mare of his dreams is stolen away by a shade and dragged to the depths of Tartorus...
Now spike must journey down, guided by a wise poet, and armed only with a symbol of his love and the sharp of his wit... But beware... For the demons of spikes past lurk down in the depths... Along with the king of chaos himself.
Based on Dante's inferno
Chapters (2)
"Tartarus"
Needs copy editing. Typos, misspellings and poor grammar abound. I could not read the story.
1449789
I'm going to pretend I didn't see that.
As for the story;
Aside from the numerous spelling and grammar mistakes, that you're already aware of, I kinda like this.
However it feels almost kinda rushed. Like it's missing some appropriate detail or something.
Also, Zecora's name is spelled with an 'o', not a 'u'.
Either 'Tartarus', if were talking Greek mythology prison of Kronus etc, or 'Tartaurus', if you were going for a pun.
Tartorus is a horrifying, geometry-themed hell.
The first time I have ever seen spam on this site, and it happens twice?! By two different people?! On the same Fic?!
Ok, so Spelling grammars, death to spammers, story much too rushed...
Any other issues?
Seriously all If there's something about my writing that bugs you, please let me know or it will just keep sucking. Rip into this shit, kid gloves off. That's the whole reason I even bother with this stuff, is to get better.
So yeah...
how can it be better?
"Easy is the descent into Hell . . . " but, in this case, it's like one foot on a banana peel and the other on a puddle of olive oil. The narrative just flew past, and despite its pace the spelling and grammar errors stood out like speed bumps.
And using Zecora as Virgil? Not a good fit for those of us who have read the Inferno, but you work with what the canon offers, I guess. Dante had the advantage of you there.
Historian/philosopher William Durant wrote that "half the terrors of the medieval mind" were in Dante's work, and the work is sprinkled with the author's petty political hatreds. I might look forward to seeing how things go from here.
I prefer Dante's version xD but anyway it's not bad
1450755
Intresting, could you expand on that first bit in regard to the story pace, should I slow down for detail? As to the spelling, I know, I'm sorry, I'm working on it.
As to the second point I agree, I'm just trying to make bits fit together in a semi recognizable way... I had originally planned to go with a shade of star swirl the bearded, so as to make character more fitting... Oh well next time.
As to the third, do you think spike should be more cynical of socio political structure within his own world... I had planned on bringing up issues in regard to his race, his greed, his origins... Do you have any recomendations on how to improve on that?
I am a fan of the game Dante's Inferno. And I am liking this fic so far.
So yeah i looked over this and discovered two important facts.
One
I have definetly improved over these past weeks.
Two
This story is beyond salvage. I am sorry to have ever put any of you through it. Perhaps i'll re write it some day if i get bored. But for now, just consider it cancelled.
Have a good one you all.