- Member Since 15th Sep, 2024
- offline last seen 5 hours ago
bloodpressure11
Self-Proclaimed Military aficionado
bloodpressure11
Joined 15th Sep, 2024 ·
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FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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So far I'm liking this.
Let's see what you do with this story!
Kinda funny how I just uploaded a story similar to this lol.
10 / 10
Sorry folks, accidentally released the 2nd chapter when it was uncomplete, its finished now.
You should reduce the exposition about weapons and things that happened, it makes the story become boring and lose interest. The dialogue feels somewhat artificial.
I like the concept, I hope they improve and develop it correctly.
Well damn, an EaW get transported to the main world?
Now this is an unique story
I’m curious about the “ideology” in the Canon world (only Monarchy exist in this world)
look like this world is still follow EaW map
Twilight is still an unicorn, interesting!
Nice
12021638
Thanks for the feedback.
The entire exposition was a bad idea in hindsight, I should've broken it and revealed it over the course of the story.
I was trying to flesh out New Mareland's worldbuilding. Region building? Lore or something along the lines of that.
I actually struggle with dialogues, so I know why you felt that it was a bit artificial. Any tips on that would be great.
12021702
The decision that led to that is due to the base FIM world. The official map released by the show only has Equestria, the western shore of griffonia and the dragon lands in it which is less fleshed out compared to the EAW world. I initially wanted to use the fan-made map on reddit for the world base, in the end I just used the EAW world but 'lore accurate' to FIM (Its just monarchies, monarchs of different flavors everywhere). As for my other reason, that is crucial to the shenanigans that happens in the story later.
According to the show timeline and EAW's calender, the attack on canterlot by the changelings happened in 1002 ALB, so season 3 should be 1003 ALB or 1004 ALB. It's curently 1002 ALB so Twilight should become an alicorn in the coming years.
First story of this kind i see here, I’m very interested, keep up the great work!
12021724
Interesting
The only griffon kingdom we know is Griffonstone, and that place is a hellhole
Let hope the new Marelanders can “recover the Borea idol”
It's been so long sence I've wanted to read a eaw story like this now I finely can I loved the first 2 chapters I can't wait to see what happens next but please take your time I can't wait to see what's next also i feel like Celestia knows about the anomaly but is ignoring it or she had something to do with it well have to wait and see I'm loving this here's a follow stay awsome
I'm loving this story already. I would really like to see President Jet Set meeting his MLP counterpart and see their reactions.
Novel!
Interesting start so far. I would caution on going into too much detail on weapon systems and vehicles. Spending pages talking about the different arms and ammo the tower soldiers had, only to not use them in the chapter is counterproductive. You did it better with the carrier battle group in chapter 1 where you stated the ship classes and aircraft models.
I have little doubt your characters will be showcasing these weapons soon, so I caution you against sounding like a gun show looking for customers by explaining each detail of every weapon.
That aside, I am looking forward to how the story unfolds, and what will become of the country.
12023461
Yeah, not particularly proud of the 2nd chapter I'll be honest. I'll reduce that for the next chapters.
Or maybe I'll rewrite that part to be short.
Edit: Did it.
I just noticed, in the final section, the opening blurb says the yer is 1012 ALB instead of 1002 ALB. Beyond that, I'm excited about this story! I can't claim engagement in it yet, but it seems very promising!
12025685
Woops, sorry!
POV: You're me trying to write the 3rd chapter, its 85% complete but you're slowly feeling the writer block sneaking on you
12027374
I can't wait for the next chapter but if you need a brake it's oki to take one well all wait patiently for your return I will idk about other tho but I'll wait as long as it takes this story has so much potential but mental health is important keep up the amazing work
I found a mistake SOMWHERE in this text
"I don't criticised your work, keep going with the story, the story is great"
"Sorry for my bad grammar english is my second language"
12032450
Oh wait I see it, typo lol
EDIT: Fixed!
I rewrote some part of this chapter, you might want to reread it - 11/11/2024
12038460
It the rewrite for chapter 2 or 1 and hope your doing well and staying safe I can't wait for chapter 3 and remember to take it slow well be here for you be safe out there
12038464
Chapter 3's actually finished, its just that I am not really sure on how to end it, I might release it sometime this week if real life is not too much of a bother
12038485
Wait so with this be a 3 chapter only story or will there be more chapter sometime in the future and it's alright take your time dude it'll be alright