Five days ago, according to the letter Sandbar just got from Princess Twilight, Silverstream burst into Canterlot Tower, threw herself through some magic mirror she shouldn't even have known existed, and didn't come back.
Four days ago, Gallus went in looking for her. He hasn't returned either.
Even more worrisome? The letter asks if Sandbar could please report to the palace...
This story is an entry in the Verbal Exchange contest.
I'm thinking:
This'll be in three sections, and so far, this first one looks like it'll be the longest. Here's hoping I can get everything done by Dec. 1st!
Mike
nice work
Ocellus as a swarm of bees is unique and wild!
Yona simply being a big chunky Yak lady is perfect for her.
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No. Yona is Yak. Earth-yak instead of pony-yak, I think.
Yona asking the important questions here.
Nearly passed by this fic, admittedly, but after seeing it start to get attention quickly, I came back and gave it a shot anyway and now my interest has been piqued. I've seen a couple "Young 6 in EqG world" fics a couple of times, but this one promises to run a little differently. And props for the creativity on Ocellus's form--that's definitely a new one compared to what I've seen past fics guess.
Ocellus coming out as a swarm of insects is my second favorite thing someone had her become. First still goes to her just not changing at all, down to keeping her powers.
Yona, as yak, may cause problems later (though basing at Fluttershy's place may provide enough camouflage) ...
As for Ocellus, isn't this taking the 'hive mind' a bit too far (hope she doesn't have to be told to keep her bees together) ...
As for Silverstream, being part pony, may have a humanoid form (or an avian one) while Gallus may be between avian and feline, at least on the surface as there's the dragon-to-dog thing to consider ...
[Hnmmm, if Sci-Twi's Spike visits, will he be Spike-size or larger adult-sized due to an aging ratio??]
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Thanks, folks!
I don't get out much on Fimfiction, so I don't recall ever seeing a "Young Six in Pedestria" story. I've been thinking about doing one ever since Yona's "yak always yak" line popped into my head, but other stories kept bumping this one further back in the production line. So this contest came along at just the right time. As for Sci-Twi's Spike, I did a story exploring my thoughts on his condition a couple years ago—
- MLP: FiM
- Equestria Girls
- Slice of Life
Fifteen years is ancient for a dog. For a dragon, though...—if anyone might be interested in that...
Mike
Definitely intrigued by this. Now I'm curious as to what Silverstream and Gallus turned into.
interesting. You have my attention
y'know, after a bit of thought i think i know what Gallus and Silverstream will be
the only two to be changed in any major way were Smolder and Ocellus
as in, the two whose species just flat don't exist in the human world
and obviously sandyboy's a human
so that means that, should i be correct in my theory, that Silverstream will be a Harpy(half-human, half-avian) and Gallus will be either a hawk/eagle or a big cat of some description
or he could be a gryphon still, due to gryphons being composed of two extant species in the human world
Wait is she like a fly or a bee I'm not really sure
Edit once again I'm pretty dumb I realized she's a bee which that's a pretty interesting choice for her
Wait a minute is she a yak or something else I'm not really sure
Edit okay I'm pretty dumb she's still a yak
Okay this is actually pretty interesting start of a story so it looks like Twilight is asking sandbar for the special Mission apparently both silverstream and Gallus went to the Mirror to the human world so now Sandbar had to go get them but luckily he wasn't alone yona smolder and Ocellus came along and hopefully this will make the mission a little bit easier but unfortunately Sunset and the other counterpart of humans of Twilight and her friends are not there so they had to deal with them self so once she explained everything now they enter to the human world and yeah it is a pretty Rocky start for them since all of them have changed their appearances so now they need to figure out what to do next I wonder what's going to happen guess we'll find out next time
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Thanks, folks!
I'm trying to follow the rules that the cartoons set up about the Equestria Girls' world having myths and legends about magic but not having magic of its own. Like our world, I guess...
Mike
nice work
SHE'S A SWARM OF BEES?????????????????????????????????????
A SWARM OF BEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OCELLUS IS A SWARM OF BEES! I LOVE THIS STORY
SHE'S A SWARM OF BEES
<— SHE LITERALLY LOOKS LIKE THIS
I'M SO UNBELIEVABLY AMUSED
Ah, so now we know what Gallus and Silverstream became. Now comes the hard part: Figuring out how to bring them back without attracting attention.
I LOVE YOUR SANDBAR VOICE, he's so spacey and whimsical and sweet, can't wait to find out what Gallus and Silverstream have been up to
Yeah I still don't know how that works either but it's still pretty interesting and very unique way
The answer is yeah there's probably other different versions of the existence of Equestria especially you sandbar but he's probably somewhere else
Sandbar realized, was a human standing on a street corner with a dog and a giant, bee-covered yak.
Yeah that's not weird at all but then again I'm sure the other kids especially the ones who goes the same school as Sunset seen weirder things
Whelp, they've found their wayward catbirb and horsebirb...now just to figure out how to get them all back home. Preferably without causing a big interdimensional incident.
...well that was boring
you coulda done something cool, but you blew it
i'll stick around, but you better make things interesting or i'm out
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Thanks, folks:
One more chapter to go, and four more days to get it written!
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Fortunately:
Fimficiton contains thousands and thousands of other stories, and a little diligent digging will no doubt find one more appealing to you.
Mike
That was an adventure to say the least! Glad the kids got home safely!
I imagine Ocellus may be banned from the Human World now for safety reasons, though.
That was a very wholesome ending!
PLEASE let there be a bonus chapter! I want to know what happens after they go back through the portal!
12052399 Or maybe have her transform into something else before going through the mirror? Or would the mirror still detect what she really is?
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Late_Night's review was very unhelpful, but maybe I can better explain what was meant by it. This story set up a mystery of why Silverstream ran away. It also added more complications to solving this mystery by not giving Yona a form that could blend in, and giving Ocellus a hive minded consciousness within a swarm of insects. Unfortunately, none of these were explored properly. No one saw or even noticed the huge smelly yak lumbering through the city, and when Ocellus' hive mind started to grow, it was already time to leave. Silverstream's problem was also allegedly solved too quickly. The issue with this story was that none of the obstacles were obstacles, thus no character development. Yona should have been tranquilized and taken to a zoo and needed rescue, Ocellus' hive mind should have spread further or been fragmented forcing the others to seek out the bees and restore her mind, and the friends should have had a longer conversation with Silverstream and helped her understand that responsibilities are important but can surely be delegated or worked out go benefit everyone including her. But no, instead there's a bug apocalypse so we have to just run home without a proper resolution. Basically, the ending was rushed and forced and nothing was resolved.
Dang it, Discord! Next time keep your mouth shut!
Oh, that'll be fun to get back later...but let's get through the portal first!
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That's all assuming the transformation of passing through the mirror doesn't also nullify and reverse any of Ocellus's own transformations in transit.
I figure Twilight and others could probably work out the answers either way, given time, but it'd take a fair bit of study and analysis first, so, until then, no more changelings through the mirror for now.
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I dunno if I'd go as far as to say nothing was resolved, because they still addressed what was, really, the core problem that all brought them there--Silverstream acted without thinking, overreacting to a problem that. in reality, never needed to be such a big problem in the first place, if she had just done the smart thing and gone to her friends to talk it out first. She just needed to, well, talk it out with her friends and realize that. And that this would be the case was kinda obvious from the start given the nature and circumstances of how Sil entered the portal in the first place, so it's not like readers couldn't have foreseen that being the case.
I agree the story is overall a bit rushed...but I also don't think it's actually all by that much, as the story doesn't really need all that much more it so to address that same core point. Anything else that might've happened would've just been to add additional drama for the sake of drama, and additional complications for the sake of complications, all of which wouldn't necessarily have been unwelcome, certainly (if done well of course), but I can't call them mandatory either, because they ultimately aren't important to resolving that core point. After all, this story wasn't so much about the Young Six getting into misadventure hijinks while trying to navigate an unfamiliar world in unfamiliar bodies, it's about them going to such lengths as crossing literal dimensions just so to be there for one of their friends.
Sometimes the adventure doesn't need to be so complex and epic to get its needed point across, and on that front, the story does well enough. And if that's not enough for readers then we're back to what AugieDog had said--there's plenty of other fanfics out there that might do it for you instead then.
Personally, the thing I'd only recommend changing is to drop the insect swarm thing at the end there, so to let the gang talk Silverstream into coming back at a bit more natural pace, since I figure that wouldn't really require all that many more words to do. The insect swarm idea was cool and all, but it ultimately it's just an unneeded distraction from the more important thing that was happening.
Of course Yona's solution is to smash social conventions.
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Thanks, folks:
I haven't any plans to revisit this scenario, but my plans change with alarming frequency and speed.
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I probably could've turned this into a 40K-word novel, or even just taken it out to 20K words. But the contest deadline was Dec.1st, and the length limit was 15K words. So this story's done, and I move on to the next.
Mike
Oof. There's a rhyme that only works in text.
But that's the one quibble I have over what is otherwise a magnificent exploration of both world and characters. Ocellus accidentally going full Skitter was a delightful if somewhat horrifying surprise. I can't help but imagine her accidentally bringing some of the additional mass with her back through the portal and coming out at Pharynx or even Thorax's proportions. Thank you for a magnificent bit of chaos, and best of luck in the judging. (To be honest, I kind of feel bad for constraining this idea with the word limit...)
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"Forte" is actually supposed to be pronounced like "fort" when used to mean a strength, though nobody gets it right, so the wrong pronunciation has become accepted. Originally, it was only pronounced "for-tay" when used in a musical context to mean "loud."
I always did wonder what other species would turn into via the EQG mirror.
Was hoping that the Dragon Dog thing was just a one-off joke, the sociopolitical implications are otherwise concerning. But that's on EQG, not on you.
Not exactly fond of bees irl, so if I saw Ocellus I might freeze panic.
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The more you know