• Published 7th Oct 2024
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Unwilling Reincarnation - SleepyBear

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Wolves, Rocks, Rolls and a Scooter?

Five... long hours, and I still keep stumbling through this damn forest, cursing every single step of the way. No matter how much I try not to, and boy, did I try... I unavoidably trip over my own hooves, a very small rock, or crash into a tree, sometimes all three combined. Horses make this look easy. Jokes aside, how does this make any sense? I mean, I can punch wooden wolves back to the hellish realm from where they came from, but walking in a straight line? Apparently, that's where this God draws the line when it comes to powers.

"Stupid hooves," I mutter, gritting my teeth as I pull myself back up for what feels like the hundredth time. If I keep at it, I’m going to need a horse dentist.

Taking a deep breath, I push myself off the ground, only to hear the now familiar growl of the wooden creature that apparently has the survival instincts of a dodo. Then again, maybe it's a wooden bear now—variety would certainly be a nice change of pace. I glance to my left. And nope, it’s just another one of those walking campfires.

The wolf lunges at me, and I barely have to think before swinging a hoof. CRACK! The thing explodes into twigs, leaves, and splinters, scattering all over the ground.

"That's the tenth one today," I mutter, shaking some bark off my hoof.

I keep walking—or trotting, or stumbling, whatever you call it. I imagine that if someone saw me, they'd probably think I was drunk or something.

Another rustling from the bushes.

"I have no words."

Sure enough, another wooden wolf leaps out. And once again, all it takes is a single punch, and boom—let there be firewood.

"CTRL C and CTRL V with this guy, it seems," I shout into the air.

As I continue stumbling, I wonder why these things keep attacking me. Lack of survival instincts aside, it almost seems like they're attracted to me or something. Maybe they think I'm an easy target because I can barely walk?

Snap. "Oh my, I wonder what’s making that sound..." Another wolf. Of course. I don’t even look this time. I just spin around and lash out with a hind hoof, falling face-first to the ground. The crack of wood breaking echoes through the trees as another one bites the dust.

"Twelve down," I say, not bothering to watch as the twigs fall. "I really hope these things aren't a protected species in this world. Though one could argue that, by this point, this is natural selection."

Snap.

"Are you guys waiting one after the other behind the bushes? Is there a line to attack me or something?" I groan, throwing my hoof up and obliterating the next wolf in one hit. The fragments rain down like confetti, and I brush a few leaves off my head.

As if to answer my question about the line, the situation continues for a while, with one wolf after another coming at me, and every time, I swat them down like flies. Sixteen... seventeen... eighteen.

By the time I hit number twenty, I’m so done with this that I’m practically on autopilot. One swing, and another goes flying. Rinse and repeat. As I kick away a stray branch, punching the last one—for now—a loud DING! echoes in my ears, and a glowing notification pops up in front of my face.

Congratulations! Valiant adventurer! Due to your heroic deeds, you have unlocked the Gachapon system! So get ready to pull for exciting rewards like abilities, weapons, and more!

I stare at the screen, one of my eyes twitching. ‘Of course there’s a loot box system...’ On that note, heroic deeds my furry ass. This feels like one of those participation trophies kids get for breathing. Which is exactly how all the cheats of Isekai protagonists feel at the end of the day.

Rolling my eyes, I try to facepalm out of pure instinct, but, surprise surprise, hooves aren’t built for that. So instead of slapping my face, I lose my balance, wobble, and—as usual—fall straight into the dirt again.

"Damn it," I grumble, spitting out a mouthful of leaves and dirt. "I’m two falls away from being in a committed relationship with the soil of this forest."

After pushing myself up again, laughing at my joke, I glare at the glowing screen. Not only do I find the idea of someone rolling for their abilities downright stupid, but I’ve never liked the concept of loot boxes and the like.

As I continue to stare, the screen just hangs there, taunting me with its bright colors and cheerful icons, and that big, flashy button that says PULL NOW!

"I said I wasn’t going to use your stupid system, and that extends to this. I’m not pulling anything," I say, waving a hoof at it like it’s some kind of fly. I mean, maybe if I wave hard enough, it’ll go away. "I don’t need more powers—I’m already too strong for this crap, and I can’t even walk right."

Alas, no matter how hard I swat, the notification just floats there, unblinking.

"Oh well, it was worth a try," I grumble, swatting at it again, just in case it needs an extra swat. But, like the twenty swats before, the screen doesn’t budge. Which means this stupid thing is going to hang around until I give in. "Fine, whatever. Just go away already."

Having no other option, I reluctantly tap the PULL NOW! button with a hoof, and the screen flashes before a giant wheel appears, spinning with all kinds of random icons. There are weapons, weird-looking symbols, and other things I couldn’t care less about.

It finally slows down and lands on an image of... a rock. Just a regular, plain old rock.

Congratulations! You have won the skill...Rock-Throwing!

Rock-Throwing - Tier F Skill!

Description: It allows the user to throw rocks very well.

I stare at the notification for a second, blinking. "Hmm, you know, even though I hate everything that has happened so far, I have to admit, I am intrigued as to how that would work... I mean, I have hooves, how can I... throw a stone? Do… I put it in my mouth and then spit it out? Do I kick it?"

I look around, half expecting a wooden wolf to jump out just to give me a reason to try it. "Where’s one of those suicidal wooden creatures when you need one?"

No sooner do I finish that sentence than another wooden wolf bursts from the bushes, growling and charging straight at me.

"Good, thanks for the prompt response, now give me a second, I need a rock."

Humming, I look around, spotting a small-sized rock by my hoof. Ammunition found. Now... How do I pick it up? With no real idea how to throw... Well, anything without fingers, I tentatively tap the stone with my hoof, trying to figure out what to do, and much to my surprise, it... sticks to my hoof. Maybe it’s part of the skill—the ability to grab rocks to throw them. "Okay, now I just throw it, I guess?" I take aim at the oncoming wolf and toss the rock without much effort.

The little thing sails through the air faster than I thought possible, like a bullet out of a rifle, smashing into the wooden wolf’s head with a loud CRACK! exploding the suicidal creature it into splinters, even more violently than when I punched them. Leaving nothing but a pile of debris and a crater where the rock hit.

I stand there, mouth slightly open, staring at the destruction. “And that was tier F? God is like a monkey writing this, and not a particularly bright one at that.”


After what feels like hours of stumbling through this cursed forest, half of which I covered with my face, I finally see the exit ahead. ‘Finally, I’m out of here!’ Wasting no time, I break into a trot, feeling a weird mix of relief and victory—until, of course, my hooves trip over each other, and I go flying forward, rolling across the ground like a ball, face-planting into the dirt just as I reach the edge of the trees.

Oh hindsight, I should’ve seen it coming.

I stay there for a moment, face down in the dirt, grumbling to myself. "Hurray..." However, just as I’m about to drag myself up again, I hear something.

Giggle.

My ear twitches at the sound. Slowly, I lift my head and spot the source: a little orange filly with tiny wings and purple hair standing a few feet away. She’s snickering, clearly trying to hold back more laughter as she watches me.

“Uh... you okay there, mister?” she asks, her voice barely holding a snicker.

I push myself up onto my hooves. “Yeah, I’m just peachy,” I mutter, brushing the dirt off my face. “Don’t worry about me, I just briefly succumbed to gravity, it happens every now and then, that's all.”

She snickers again, and to be honest, I can't blame her, I would've laugh to, if it weren't me the one falling. "I mean, it was pretty funny. You, uh... tripped there at the finish line, huh?"

I can’t help but roll my eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, kid." I straighten up, trying to regain what little dignity I have left. "Who are you, anyway?"

The filly grins wide, puffing out her chest. "I’m Scootaloo!" she announces proudly, and the tone she uses makes it sound like I’m supposed to know who she is. On that note, who in their right mind names their kid Scootaloo? Her name sounds like an electric scooter brand.

I blink at her. “Right. And I’m Jax.”

She tilts her head, still grinning. “Jax? That’s a weird name. You new around here?”

“You could say that,” I mutter, glancing back at the forest before glaring at the sky, hoping someone kicks the God that sent me here in his holy nuts.

Scootaloo trots up to me, her curiosity clearly piqued. “So, what were you doing in the Everfree Forest? You, like, fighting monsters or something?”

“The what forest?” I ask, raising an eyebrow. Wait, do horses have eyebrows?

“The Everfree!” she repeats. “You know, full of all kinds of creepy stuff. Most ponies don’t go in there.”

Most ponies, huh? I really hope that doesn’t mean this world is just a big cup of horses but in different shapes. “I guess you could say I was ‘fighting monsters,’ if that’s what you call those things,” I mutter.

Scootaloo’s eyes widen with excitement. “Whoa! Really?! You fought the monsters in the Everfree?” She looks me up and down like I’m some kind of hero. “That’s awesome! Did you beat them all by yourself?”

I shrug, trying not to sound too annoyed. “Yes, it was very hard… had a lot of character development back there, the lessons I learned will forever be with me.”

She giggles again, trotting around me. "That’s soooo awesome, you totally look like you’ve been through something! Like a rugged warrior! A one stallion army!" Then, without warning, she gasps dramatically, eyes locked on my side. “Oh. My. Gosh!”

I flinch, surprised by her sudden outburst. That almost gave me a tiny heart attack. “What? What’s your problem? Jesus, kid…”

She darts around me, pointing a hoof at my butt. “That is the most badass cutie mark I’ve ever seen! And that says a lot, because I have seen Rainbow’s Cutie Mark!”

I stare at her, confused. “The most what?”

Scootaloo just gapes at me, wide-eyed. “Your cutie mark! It’s, like, super epic!”

Feeling like I’ve just stepped into another layer of weird. I turn my head and glance down at my flank, where, sure enough, there’s some kind of glowing mark on my butt. 'How did I not notice that before? Is my attention to detail that low?'

The extra tiny horse keeps staring at my butt, showing an expression of pure awe. “That’s... that’s so cool” she practically squeals. “This is the first time I have ever seen a glowing cutie mark! I want one just like that!”

I’m starting to feel I should be a responsible adult and tell tiny over here that she shouldn’t be staring at my radioactive tramp stamp.

I sigh, rubbing a hoof over my face, carefully this time, so I don’t trip. “Thanks.”

Scootaloo just keeps staring at my cutie mark in awe. “Man, I hope I get something that awesome when I grow up! So, what’s our plan now?”

Our plan? Does the concept of stranger danger doesn't exist in this world? Oh, right, I almost forgot I was in a isekai for a moment. Of course the first person I meet just happens to trust me blindly, with nothing but thirty seconds of interaction.

Becoming a human again, and going against the will of the fucker who sent me here. “Not sure yet…”

She grins, clearly not put off by my attitude. “Well, you could... Come into town! Oh. My. God. You could meet Rainbow! And we could eat something, while you share your AWESOME stories of battle and glory.”

Food… the other one thing I can’t reject. “Well, if you insist.”

“Yeah!” Scootaloo bounces on her hooves. “Come on! I’ll show you the way. Rainbow’s napping spot it’s not too far from here!”

Author's Note:

Another chapter, another isekai cliche met. What will our protagonist face next chapter?

Please vote for your favorite cliche in this link CLICHE POLL