Five... long hours, and I still keep stumbling through this damn forest, cursing every single step of the way. No matter how much I try not to, and boy, did I try... I unavoidably trip over my own hooves, a very small rock, or crash into a tree, sometimes all three combined. Horses make this look easy. Jokes aside, how does this make any sense? I mean, I can punch wooden wolves back to the hellish realm from where they came from, but walking in a straight line? Apparently, that's where this God draws the line when it comes to powers.
"Stupid hooves," I mutter, gritting my teeth as I pull myself back up for what feels like the hundredth time. If I keep at it, I’m going to need a horse dentist.
Taking a deep breath, I push myself off the ground, only to hear the now familiar growl of the wooden creature that apparently has the survival instincts of a dodo. Then again, maybe it's a wooden bear now—variety would certainly be a nice change of pace. I glance to my left. And nope, it’s just another one of those walking campfires.
The wolf lunges at me, and I barely have to think before swinging a hoof. CRACK! The thing explodes into twigs, leaves, and splinters, scattering all over the ground.
"That's the tenth one today," I mutter, shaking some bark off my hoof.
I keep walking—or trotting, or stumbling, whatever you call it. I imagine that if someone saw me, they'd probably think I was drunk or something.
Another rustling from the bushes.
"I have no words."
Sure enough, another wooden wolf leaps out. And once again, all it takes is a single punch, and boom—let there be firewood.
"CTRL C and CTRL V with this guy, it seems," I shout into the air.
As I continue stumbling, I wonder why these things keep attacking me. Lack of survival instincts aside, it almost seems like they're attracted to me or something. Maybe they think I'm an easy target because I can barely walk?
Snap. "Oh my, I wonder what’s making that sound..." Another wolf. Of course. I don’t even look this time. I just spin around and lash out with a hind hoof, falling face-first to the ground. The crack of wood breaking echoes through the trees as another one bites the dust.
"Twelve down," I say, not bothering to watch as the twigs fall. "I really hope these things aren't a protected species in this world. Though one could argue that, by this point, this is natural selection."
Snap.
"Are you guys waiting one after the other behind the bushes? Is there a line to attack me or something?" I groan, throwing my hoof up and obliterating the next wolf in one hit. The fragments rain down like confetti, and I brush a few leaves off my head.
As if to answer my question about the line, the situation continues for a while, with one wolf after another coming at me, and every time, I swat them down like flies. Sixteen... seventeen... eighteen.
By the time I hit number twenty, I’m so done with this that I’m practically on autopilot. One swing, and another goes flying. Rinse and repeat. As I kick away a stray branch, punching the last one—for now—a loud DING! echoes in my ears, and a glowing notification pops up in front of my face.
Congratulations! Valiant adventurer! Due to your heroic deeds, you have unlocked the Gachapon system! So get ready to pull for exciting rewards like abilities, weapons, and more!
I stare at the screen, one of my eyes twitching. ‘Of course there’s a loot box system...’ On that note, heroic deeds my furry ass. This feels like one of those participation trophies kids get for breathing. Which is exactly how all the cheats of Isekai protagonists feel at the end of the day.
Rolling my eyes, I try to facepalm out of pure instinct, but, surprise surprise, hooves aren’t built for that. So instead of slapping my face, I lose my balance, wobble, and—as usual—fall straight into the dirt again.
"Damn it," I grumble, spitting out a mouthful of leaves and dirt. "I’m two falls away from being in a committed relationship with the soil of this forest."
After pushing myself up again, laughing at my joke, I glare at the glowing screen. Not only do I find the idea of someone rolling for their abilities downright stupid, but I’ve never liked the concept of loot boxes and the like.
As I continue to stare, the screen just hangs there, taunting me with its bright colors and cheerful icons, and that big, flashy button that says PULL NOW!
"I said I wasn’t going to use your stupid system, and that extends to this. I’m not pulling anything," I say, waving a hoof at it like it’s some kind of fly. I mean, maybe if I wave hard enough, it’ll go away. "I don’t need more powers—I’m already too strong for this crap, and I can’t even walk right."
Alas, no matter how hard I swat, the notification just floats there, unblinking.
"Oh well, it was worth a try," I grumble, swatting at it again, just in case it needs an extra swat. But, like the twenty swats before, the screen doesn’t budge. Which means this stupid thing is going to hang around until I give in. "Fine, whatever. Just go away already."
Having no other option, I reluctantly tap the PULL NOW! button with a hoof, and the screen flashes before a giant wheel appears, spinning with all kinds of random icons. There are weapons, weird-looking symbols, and other things I couldn’t care less about.
It finally slows down and lands on an image of... a rock. Just a regular, plain old rock.
Congratulations! You have won the skill...Rock-Throwing!
Rock-Throwing - Tier F Skill!
Description: It allows the user to throw rocks very well.
I stare at the notification for a second, blinking. "Hmm, you know, even though I hate everything that has happened so far, I have to admit, I am intrigued as to how that would work... I mean, I have hooves, how can I... throw a stone? Do… I put it in my mouth and then spit it out? Do I kick it?"
I look around, half expecting a wooden wolf to jump out just to give me a reason to try it. "Where’s one of those suicidal wooden creatures when you need one?"
No sooner do I finish that sentence than another wooden wolf bursts from the bushes, growling and charging straight at me.
"Good, thanks for the prompt response, now give me a second, I need a rock."
Humming, I look around, spotting a small-sized rock by my hoof. Ammunition found. Now... How do I pick it up? With no real idea how to throw... Well, anything without fingers, I tentatively tap the stone with my hoof, trying to figure out what to do, and much to my surprise, it... sticks to my hoof. Maybe it’s part of the skill—the ability to grab rocks to throw them. "Okay, now I just throw it, I guess?" I take aim at the oncoming wolf and toss the rock without much effort.
The little thing sails through the air faster than I thought possible, like a bullet out of a rifle, smashing into the wooden wolf’s head with a loud CRACK! exploding the suicidal creature it into splinters, even more violently than when I punched them. Leaving nothing but a pile of debris and a crater where the rock hit.
I stand there, mouth slightly open, staring at the destruction. “And that was tier F? God is like a monkey writing this, and not a particularly bright one at that.”
After what feels like hours of stumbling through this cursed forest, half of which I covered with my face, I finally see the exit ahead. ‘Finally, I’m out of here!’ Wasting no time, I break into a trot, feeling a weird mix of relief and victory—until, of course, my hooves trip over each other, and I go flying forward, rolling across the ground like a ball, face-planting into the dirt just as I reach the edge of the trees.
Oh hindsight, I should’ve seen it coming.
I stay there for a moment, face down in the dirt, grumbling to myself. "Hurray..." However, just as I’m about to drag myself up again, I hear something.
Giggle.
My ear twitches at the sound. Slowly, I lift my head and spot the source: a little orange filly with tiny wings and purple hair standing a few feet away. She’s snickering, clearly trying to hold back more laughter as she watches me.
“Uh... you okay there, mister?” she asks, her voice barely holding a snicker.
I push myself up onto my hooves. “Yeah, I’m just peachy,” I mutter, brushing the dirt off my face. “Don’t worry about me, I just briefly succumbed to gravity, it happens every now and then, that's all.”
She snickers again, and to be honest, I can't blame her, I would've laugh to, if it weren't me the one falling. "I mean, it was pretty funny. You, uh... tripped there at the finish line, huh?"
I can’t help but roll my eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, kid." I straighten up, trying to regain what little dignity I have left. "Who are you, anyway?"
The filly grins wide, puffing out her chest. "I’m Scootaloo!" she announces proudly, and the tone she uses makes it sound like I’m supposed to know who she is. On that note, who in their right mind names their kid Scootaloo? Her name sounds like an electric scooter brand.
I blink at her. “Right. And I’m Jax.”
She tilts her head, still grinning. “Jax? That’s a weird name. You new around here?”
“You could say that,” I mutter, glancing back at the forest before glaring at the sky, hoping someone kicks the God that sent me here in his holy nuts.
Scootaloo trots up to me, her curiosity clearly piqued. “So, what were you doing in the Everfree Forest? You, like, fighting monsters or something?”
“The what forest?” I ask, raising an eyebrow. Wait, do horses have eyebrows?
“The Everfree!” she repeats. “You know, full of all kinds of creepy stuff. Most ponies don’t go in there.”
Most ponies, huh? I really hope that doesn’t mean this world is just a big cup of horses but in different shapes. “I guess you could say I was ‘fighting monsters,’ if that’s what you call those things,” I mutter.
Scootaloo’s eyes widen with excitement. “Whoa! Really?! You fought the monsters in the Everfree?” She looks me up and down like I’m some kind of hero. “That’s awesome! Did you beat them all by yourself?”
I shrug, trying not to sound too annoyed. “Yes, it was very hard… had a lot of character development back there, the lessons I learned will forever be with me.”
She giggles again, trotting around me. "That’s soooo awesome, you totally look like you’ve been through something! Like a rugged warrior! A one stallion army!" Then, without warning, she gasps dramatically, eyes locked on my side. “Oh. My. Gosh!”
I flinch, surprised by her sudden outburst. That almost gave me a tiny heart attack. “What? What’s your problem? Jesus, kid…”
She darts around me, pointing a hoof at my butt. “That is the most badass cutie mark I’ve ever seen! And that says a lot, because I have seen Rainbow’s Cutie Mark!”
I stare at her, confused. “The most what?”
Scootaloo just gapes at me, wide-eyed. “Your cutie mark! It’s, like, super epic!”
Feeling like I’ve just stepped into another layer of weird. I turn my head and glance down at my flank, where, sure enough, there’s some kind of glowing mark on my butt. 'How did I not notice that before? Is my attention to detail that low?'
The extra tiny horse keeps staring at my butt, showing an expression of pure awe. “That’s... that’s so cool” she practically squeals. “This is the first time I have ever seen a glowing cutie mark! I want one just like that!”
I’m starting to feel I should be a responsible adult and tell tiny over here that she shouldn’t be staring at my radioactive tramp stamp.
I sigh, rubbing a hoof over my face, carefully this time, so I don’t trip. “Thanks.”
Scootaloo just keeps staring at my cutie mark in awe. “Man, I hope I get something that awesome when I grow up! So, what’s our plan now?”
Our plan? Does the concept of stranger danger doesn't exist in this world? Oh, right, I almost forgot I was in a isekai for a moment. Of course the first person I meet just happens to trust me blindly, with nothing but thirty seconds of interaction.
Becoming a human again, and going against the will of the fucker who sent me here. “Not sure yet…”
She grins, clearly not put off by my attitude. “Well, you could... Come into town! Oh. My. God. You could meet Rainbow! And we could eat something, while you share your AWESOME stories of battle and glory.”
Food… the other one thing I can’t reject. “Well, if you insist.”
“Yeah!” Scootaloo bounces on her hooves. “Come on! I’ll show you the way. Rainbow’s napping spot it’s not too far from here!”
Remember to check the poll of cliches. CLICHE POLL
12013562
Dude, what you're recommending to me doesn't apply to the MLP universe either (?).
I don't care about original stories and other fandoms.
If Jax ends up in Applejacks storm cellar, will it be becasue Pinkie is holding his suprise welcome party there, and he will end up on Vinyls deck as Basement Jax?
And as for me and cheats on these games?
Im so bad at playing games, I have to use the Walkthrough. For Pokemon. The thing that can be sucessuflly completed by random chance.
Two things spring to mind. Maud likes to throw rocks as well. Mauds sister is Pinkie. Mauds possible boyfreind is Mud Briar.
Thats the first.
The second is utterly evil.
His second unlocked Ability should be Gatchapon? that should cover the excessive recursive power up loop of Isekais?
Honestly im liking this so far. And I hope we see him use Rock Throw often. Though if he hits a flying target would it technically be Smack Down? Or is everything just gonna explode?
I have to say; I did NOT expect that!!
The only thing i ask is romance.
voting was hands down the most painful thing ive ever done.
it hurt just to read those options and know you might just go through with it
12013708
whats the "edgy revange" vote? is mc going to get a rival that wants to make an "edgy revange" or is it the mc doing it?
12013880
Is that the plot will try to force our protagonist to try and be edgy and look for revenge about something. But him, hating the trope will fight against it, so something comical would ensue.
12013874
If you think it was painful imagine the pain our protagonist will feel having to face one of those options.
An Isekai that hates Isekai. This could get interesting, or boring. Really either is possible with this premise.
And you hit him with a bus! Where was Truck-kun? That’s the easiest cliche out there!
At some point down the line I want romance, but he’s way too cynical for that now. Maybe once he chills out a bit.
12013884
I like to imagine the crafting system being from Deadrising, where all you need is a workbench and duct tape and maybe some string.
12013904
hahaha
12013904
You sir, got this completely right.
Ok I'm just imagining a line of timber wolves now.. also 100% create anything XD
Oh boi that Poll ... Really want to see your spin n take of how he's going to react to those cliches.
Also lowkey I hope we get shitty harem cliche soon just to find out Jax is either Ace or Gay, for real, there ain't that many Isekai like that without being fetish, SUPER niche or lesbian protagonist cause Yuri fan service.
Love this, just spot on to how terrible isekai acts.
This is great.
12013137
Honestly, that's much better than anything I can offer. I'll take it.
12014106
Hahahaha
maybe the true isekai is the friends we made along the way...
This is the best isekai slander i've ever seen. In a clever funny mlp fanfic nonetheless. I'll be watching it with great interest.
Also Reincarnated as a sword isn't THAT bad. It's like Jobless reincarnation, it's an actual good, modern isekai. They're as good as some of the older isekai. Even if imo nothing will beat Youjo Senki.
12014023
Maybe it’s just me, but I’m imagining it being only one timber wolf that keeps pulling itself together the moment the protagonist has stepped out of sight and promptly going after him again. With Jax being just that bit too dense (or just not in the right headspace at the moment) to figure it out.
I love this. I am having a laugh at his pain
I have some stupid ideas. As the system is probably bugged to hell and back, so...
What if depending on how loud he yells "YEET" the stronger the skill gets?
Or maybe something he threw travels some distance away and defeats some random mook/thief/etc for which of course he gets a reward.
Hmm, or throws objects so hard they hit the future enemy a couple of chapters away.
As I saw too many Chuck Norris jokes today, sometimes things throw themselves out of respect. Even reality feels slightly embarrassed when Jax tosses something and tries to make it cooler than it actually is.
Maybe sometimes thrown items fly back boomerang styles?
Eh, using the skill as vicious mockery or something. After all, you can throw insults or bad ideas at someone. Getting hit in the snoot with rubber chicken while being called for example a "floppy waffle" deals additional emotional damage :v
"They lept. I raised my hoof. They exploded to death. Story over."
i cant see the image of the cutiemark
Disregard my previous comment, this hits a sore spot right here
Also im calling it now- thats not his real cutie mark, thats something put there by knockoff gandalf the cringe and it is basically a remote control curse that lets the dude mess with the poor MC on a meta level
12025764
Holy shit that's funny, pun indented!