Well, fuck me...
I grip the steering wheel, fingers stiff from exhaustion. Just a few more minutes and I’ll be in bed. ‘Finally.’ The sound of the turn signal clicking echoes in the quiet car, counting down the seconds until I can park this hunk of junk and crash into my mattress. ‘You can do this Jax, just keep it together a little longer, and you're home free.’
I really needed to stop working so many shifts one after the other, thirty two hours without sleeping. But… how can I say no? They keep offering me the one thing I can't reject, more money.
The light in front of me flips from green to yellow, and I slow to a stop as it turns red. Another minute wasted at a light. I sigh, rolling my neck. "Of course, I hit every red light tonight." I was one red light away from sleeping on a bench.
Then, out of nowhere, as I mused if it was worth it to get to my home, headlights. Bright, blinding, and coming way too fast. There's no time to react. No time to do anything except think, ‘Oh, great,’ before the world slams into me with the sound of shattering glass and twisted metal.
And then... nothing.
I open my eyes, finding myself to be… confused. There was no pain. No sound. No exhaustion. Nothing. Just... white. Endless, empty white, all around me.
‘This kind of reminds of that one episode of Gumball,’
I sit up, or at least I think I do. There’s no floor, no walls. Just me, floating in the middle of a void. My head’s clear. Too clear, considering I should be halfway through a windshield or buried under a bus by now.
"Okay," I mutter. "I’m gonna take a wild guess and say… I’m dead, and this empty sheet of paper is the afterlife."
"Correct," a voice says.
I flinch, jerking my head toward the source. There's an old man standing in front of me. Long beard, white robe, the whole classic wise-man package. He looks like he stepped right out of a children’s storybook.
“Right. Of course, there’s an old man,” I say, not bothering to hide my irritation. Because I was starting to understand where this… entire situation was going, the bus, the old man… the bus, the old man, the cliches.
He blinks, taken aback, before smiling like he's heard this all before. "Jaxon—I mean, Jax, correct? I’m afraid to tell you that you died in a rather unfortunate accident. A bus, to be specific."
Accident my ass. Now that I think about it, the bus came out of nowhere at my side, when there were no streets other than the one in front.
"No kidding," I deadpan, letting out a sigh. “What gave it away? The fact I’m in this blank void talking to a guy who looks like Gandalf’s understudy?”
His smile twitches, but he presses on. “I am here to offer you a new chance—a new life, if you will. You see, when people die, they—”
“Yeah, no thanks,” I interrupt, crossing my arms. “Just send me to the afterlife. I don’t need a redo.”
He stares at me, as if waiting for me to process what he’s saying. “You don’t understand. This is an opportunity for you to live again. A second chance—”
“And I’m telling you, I’m good,” I say, shrugging. “I’ve seen enough anime to know where this is going. You throw me into some ridiculous world that feels like a template by now with how overused it is, I get a bunch of overpowered abilities, and suddenly every girl within a fifty-mile radius can’t keep her hands off me, right? No thanks.”
The old man’s eye twitches, the corner of his mouth pulling into a thin line. “I don’t think you grasp the—”
“No, no, I grasp it just fine,” I cut him off again. “You’re setting me up for some isekai nonsense. Probably a poorly structured one too. Let me guess, I’ll be the chosen one, born with some divine power, blah blah blah, and there’ll be a harem following me around within, what, a week?”
His face hardens. “You unculture mammal! This is not some... nonsense, as you put it. Isekais are the highest form of art, and you should be grateful for the opportunity—”
“Yeah, no.” I bark a laugh. “You’re offering me the plot of every low-budget, uninspired anime out there, I can name ten anime from Crunchyroll with that plot from the top of my head. What’s next? A stat window hovering over my head? Or maybe I’ll have a sword twice my size and zero personality to go with it?”
The old man’s patience finally snaps. His calm, wise expression twists into something more akin to pure frustration. “Enough! You insufferable mortal! Whether you want this or not is irrelevant. I’ve decided, because you insulted the greatest form of entertainment that you will be reincarnated, and yes—” he spits the words out now— “you will be overpowered, a lady’s man, and everything else you so foolishly mock from my precious isekais!”
I just stared at him, there was no way this guy was god with capital G. “So, to punish me for disliking one of the laziest forms of media there is right now, you’re giving me all the clichés? That’s the big plan?”
His face flushes with anger now. “Indeed! If you find this so ridiculous, perhaps experiencing it firsthand will change your tune.”
“Doubt it,” I mutter, rolling my eyes. “I mean, how can anyone enjoy something if they have literal cheats for everything?”
“Enough!” His voice booms through the endless white, shaking the very void itself. “You will go, whether you like it or not!”
The ground—or lack of ground—seems to drop out beneath me. I fall, the white stretching into blinding light, and before I can even think to protest, everything fades.
‘Ugh…’ My head feels like it’s been put through a blender. I groan, blinking against the blinding sunlight filtering through the trees above me. Trees? Where the hell am I?
I sit up—or at least, I try to. Something's off. My body feels… wrong.
I groggily glance around. Dense trees, thick underbrush, and a weird, unnatural stillness. I’m in a forest, alright. ‘The off-brand Gandalf really went through with it,’ I think, the memory of the bus crash and that annoying old man snapping back into focus.
As I struggle to get to my feet, something clicks—no, not something, everything clicks. My entire body feels completely wrong. I pause, look down, and—
“What the—"
Where my hands used to be are... hooves. Hooves. Solid, hard, black hooves. I blink, my brain refusing to process the fact that I’m staring at horse legs. Or… pony legs? I suppose it doesn’t matter, I hate either option.
I mean, I like Horses, but I don’t want to be a horse.
I try to stand up properly, but the balance is all off. After about half a second of wobbling, I fall flat on my face with a solid thud. The ground feels nice at this point. Maybe I’ll just lay here and pretend none of this is happening.
Nope. I can already feel the God up there smirking, probably polishing his halo and basking in the glory of his masterpiece isekai. “Oh, you think you’re funny, don’t you?” I mutter into the dirt. "Really creative. I bet you’re proud.”
I force myself back up, wobbling awkwardly. I glance back to check the rest of me, and sure enough, a freaking tail swishes behind me. "I am afraid to ask how the wiping situation would work."
I take a good look at my new body—a burly brown pony with a scruffy, lighter mane, I’m short, too short to be the badass option of the two. It’s official. I’m a pony, the girliest animal there is. I guess I pissed Gandalf the Bastard to the point—he wanted to insult me with his so-called art.
I stomp a hoof into the ground, which feels oddly satisfying for some reason, trying to stand up. "Is either that, or this is one of those dumb isekais where the ONLY twist to the formula is that instead of a humanoid creature, I’m something like a spider. Or a... talking sword. If that’s the case, I suppose he must’ve thought ponies were the next big thing."
I glance around at the forest, which looks annoyingly normal. No giant mushrooms, no floating islands in the sky—just your standard, creepy-looking woods. Sure, there’s an unsettling vibe around, but to be fair, I’m far too busy having a personal crisis to care about that right now.
“So, what am I supposed to do?” I ask aloud, half-expecting an answer from the trees. “Wait for some magical talking creature to show up and hand me a quest? Maybe a fairy or some woodland creatures that will burst into song?”
No response. Just silence and the occasional rustle of leaves.
Now that I think about it, other than being a tiny horse, I didn’t feel anything else. I didn’t feel overwhelming power, or the likes.
“Huh, well color me impressed, maybe off-brand Galdalf didn’t go for the cliche route,” I mutter to myself, forcing one hoof in front of the other. “I mean, if he had, I would’ve probably have a window hovering over my—"
Ping!
A glowing, floating rectangle materializes right in front of my face, full of stats and icons. I squint at the obnoxiously bright, glowing screen. “This is what I get for having faith…”
Name: Jax
Race: Earth Pony
Special Abilities:
- Enhanced Strength
- Natural Affinity with Nature
- ???
- No Sense of Humor
- Terrible Taste in Art Related Matters. (This ability can be erased if the user says: I was wrong, Isekais are the best form of art there is, there was and there will be. Thank you for this wonderful chance, oh powerful God!)
I stare at the screen, my eyes twitching. "Over my tiny rotting corpse, you petty bastard!"
The stat window blinks out of existence after a few moments, but I’m left standing there, staring at where it used to be. "Well, I guess that means I have a system," I grumble. "Now, I wonder if I can avoid using it altogether, just to spite him?"
Forcing myself to calm down, I shake my head. Alright. Fine. This is stupid, but there’s nothing I can do about it. What’s the worst that could happen, right? I mean, I’m already a tiny horse, I can only go up from here.
I take one step forward—and immediately trip over my own hooves again, landing face-first into a pile of leaves. Fantastic.
Getting back on my feet—or hooves—is way harder than it should be. But after a few tries, I manage to at least walk in a straight line without falling on my face again. Progress.
Now, what the hell am I supposed to do? I look around at the dense forest, waiting for something—anything—to give me a hint as to what comes next. A path, maybe? Nope. Just trees. I could wander in any direction and it’d all look the same.
“Well, maybe if I’m lucky a tiny wolf will eat me,” I mutter, ears flattening against my head.
Taking a moment to consider my options, I eventually pick a random direction and start walking, or... trotting, I guess. Trotting through a creepy forest.
I keep trotting for a few minutes—or trying to, anyway—through the thick forest. My legs still feel like they belong to someone else, and every few steps, I either trip over my own hooves or get caught in a tangle of underbrush. It’s like walking for the first time all over again, except I’m supposed to be a grown-ass adult... who’s a pony. ‘I need a drink.’
“I know I pissed you off, but seriously,” I mutter, pushing a branch out of my face, “You couldn’t have reincarnated me as something with opposable thumbs?”
My legs give out again, and I stumble, barely catching myself before face-planting into the dirt. “I have the feeling this is gonna be my life for the next few days.”
Just as I start getting back up, a loud snap echoes from the forest behind me. My ears swivel instinctively, which is weird and new, but the more important thing is that I’m not alone anymore.
“Is this where the monsters show up? Not sure I can show how overpowered I probably am, when I can’t even walk, you suck at writing this script old man,” I grumble, turning to see what fresh hell off-brand Gandalf has cooked up for me.
Out of the shadows, something moves. Something big. Glowing green eyes flicker between the trees, and the sound of heavy footsteps grows louder. Until eventually, a shape emerges—a massive wolf, its body made entirely of wood. Branches, leaves, and twisted vines make up its frame, creaking and groaning with every step.
I stare at it for a second, blinking. “I’ll be honest, I didn’t expect this.”
It’s like some kind of creature from a kid’s horror movie, but with a DIY vibe. Looks strong though, if this is the first boss, I’m already checking out. I can barely stand, let alone fight off whatever the hell that is.
On that note, why would a wooden wolf want to attack me? To eat me? Well, that’s funny, there’s a vegan joke in there, but I’m above such low hanging fruits. Sometimes.
The wolf growls low, crouching as if it’s about to pounce. I raise an eyebrow. “If only I had a box of matches.” Oh, right, I don’t have opposable thumbs now, or fingers for that matter, I guess I was fucked either way.
As I muse over my situation, the creature leaps.
I don’t have time to move, not that I could even if I wanted to. My legs are still in the toddler zone. The wolf lunges toward me, jaws wide open, and as I watch my life flash before my eyes, which worryingly was only memories of my time with upbeat music, pure instinct kicks in. And without thinking, I throw one of my front hooves forward.
CRACK!
The impact is... way stronger than I expected. Like, comically so. My hoof connects with the wolf’s face, and it explodes into a million pieces of kindling, shattered branches, and leaves flying in every direction. The thing doesn’t even get the chance to yelp—it just ceases to exist in a puff of wood chips.
I blink, staring at the pile of debris that used to be a terrifying wolf. "Did... did I just...?”
I glance at my hoof, half-expecting it to be glowing or something. It looks normal. Dirt-covered, with some mud, but normal.
“What the hell was that?”
I look back at the spot where the wolf was standing. There’s nothing left but a bunch of broken sticks. No blood, no guts, just... wood.
Slowly, it dawns on me. I didn’t just hit the thing—I obliterated it. What in the One Hoof Pony was that?
A laugh bubbles up in my throat, and before I know it, I’m laughing. Hard. Like, nearly falling over from how ridiculous this is. “So I’m a tiny horse... who’s also a walking nuclear warhead. I guess that checks out.”
I take a deep breath, trying to calm down, but I can’t shake the absurdity of what just happened. I wasn’t even trying, and I turned a supposedly dangerous monster into a pile of mulch. This is exactly the kind of overpowered nonsense I was trying to avoid.
“Great job, man,” I shouted to the sky. “You really went all out with the ‘overpowered’ thing, huh? What’s next, am I gonna sneeze and blow up half the forest?”
I give the pile of wood a kick, sending twigs and branches scattering. "Well, at least I don’t have to worry about dying anytime soon. Not sure how to feel about that, yet."
Ok, I suppose I should focus on finding a town or something. If this world is like all other Isekais, which I’m sure it is, it means there is magic, and magic means, there is a way to become human again, or at the very least, something close to that.
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I can promise a chapter every 2-3 weeks, if you all like it. If not, I can promise half a nugget.
great first chapter
Yoooo <3
yess
I am very much in the market for stories like this, my friend. Keep it up.
Even though that he will still be Isekai'd, I don't think that he will be a pony if he wasn't such a smart-ass.
Wow, is it really something good?
I haven't seen decent stories with a Gamer's System for a long time.
It's really interesting... but there are several questions about the further plot:
1. Is there an experience /level system in this fanfiction? Can our main character upgrade his branch of skills or, perhaps, evolution?
2. Jason - Mary Sue?
3. If this story is about a ladies man, shouldn't his appearance match the interests of Equestria? Or will the hero attract ponies only due to his irresistible aura of sarcasm?
4. I hope to find out soon what time period Jason got into. I would have laughed out loud if he had just carried Tirek out with one punch while all the ponies were preparing for Armageddon.
5. In lame isekai, the plot is based on a growing "hero" team. Will there be something like this here?
5.1. Is Jason going to somehow resist the granted cliches?
6. Are we going to see other consequences from the arrival of the Hero with the System in Equestria? For example, new monsters or "quest" events/events?
That's it for me, good luck.
I will just believe that the author has serious intentions and a ready-made plot for this story.
12013137
...is it... a dino nuggie?
If not, we'll take those chapters, please.
We have to sustain ourselves somehow, and so far this story is good food.
Interesting start, I think I will follow
Oh dear. There he was, backside on the ground, getting attacked.
Defenceless am I?
Sat am I?
Best is Dragon, next is hippogriff, then Earth Pony.
Pinkie
As for ALL The Cheats? Being Perfectly Normal is great, if you want to play the game without being constantly brutalised by the coders abuse kick.
After all, aint you supposed to playy the games to do something different than real life?
So this is basically making fun of every cringey Isekai cliche that exist and it revolves around one cynical bastard who’s not having it… where has this been all my life, can’t wait to see what’s next.
Good.
Moar.
Nao.
12013406
12013240
It's not MLP (although there are references, and a visit isn't out of the question), but check out Project: Gamer Ver 2. (There is no Ver 1.) It's over on Sufficient Velocity, and it's quite excellent.
The main character is somewhat similar, insofar as he's a cynical bastard and enjoys messing with his divine patron just to spite her. Also, he goes out of his way to mess up the tropes he gets pushed into his face whenever possible.
It's glorious.
well could be worse he could have reincarnated into a otome game
12013406
YUP
Status not complete, how old is his body?
Ah! A ligneous lupine! Dendroidal dog! Fibrous fido! Coniferous cur! Mossy mongrel- i could Probably go on.
I remember there being a fanfic on here that was called one thrust pony and it was funny.
nice concept, wonder how far you can take it
Good and interresting start so far, and i will check out the other chapter later. Though, for now i think you might reconsider your choice in collers for the stats screen. For some time actually thought the race was kept empty, since the brown is hard to see.
I love this! Also the god is wrong. I love Isekai's but they aren't the highest form of art. That goes to video games and Detective Conan Anime.
Interesting reader, wonder where this will go
So Im A Spider= Awesome and Funny when she freaks out.
anime about the overpowered magic sword that flies yet needs a ex-slave catgirl to wield him/it= NO
Poor thing doesn't realize he's average strength for an earth pony.
If I'm not mistaken, shouldn't the wolves be able to recover, since they are essentially golems, created from the wild magic of the forest or by a dryad?
12017059
Bare bones? Same premise:
Isekai ripoff of SAO but they don't get to go back to ‘real life’
Both even have a barely explained system that boils down to: NuMbErs GoOd
Imo tho the spider one she always feels like she’s fighting an uphill battle- reach the peak of a mountain and find out its a hill, repeatedly. Very DBZ in a way
The sword one is, yeah, p much- can be good for sure but its very ‘if its what you like’ y’know?
12013726
And the obligatory HP/MP/Stamina? The EXP to level whatever? Class/subclass or jobs or whatever? To truly hate something you gotta understand it first- can’t hurt someone with surface cuts, gotta go in deep, reach for a nerve
I like this start. Good luck, Jax.
12017716
As of the end of this chapter, that remains to be seen. Timberwolves aren't a good measuring stick against Earth Pony strength. ...Or maybe they are? The only Earth Pony we really see fight them is Applejack, and even she only fights them with tools and tricks. There's no way Applejack has average Earth Pony strength. She's not her brother by any metric, but she's not average either.
that introduction was hilarious xD
t3.ftcdn.net/jpg/06/46/13/82/240_F_646138279_bVFuuGecj7CIFMuxuOCVbiDSWRU5XnPk.jpg
This is gold!
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSSUwzYOvBMhlyRGk8ClO4pvpustLpOHtmLew&s
Nice references!
This mf petty
HOW WAS THIS NOT ALREADY A ANIME (with out mlp)!
12013137
I do not like it. THEREFORE I will take your half a nugget and raise you a Dallop of Sweet Baby Ray’ BBQ Sauce.
No truck-kun?
12017716
Technically, that's what he wanted. To not be overpowered. He's likely stronger than average because the Gandolf bastard likes messing with him.
Wow