• Published 26th Sep 2024
  • 496 Views, 17 Comments

(Natural/Synthetic) (Intelligence/Stupidity) [Delete as Applicable] - The Iguana Man



In a town gone mad... or, at least, gone dumb, Pinkie and Twilight alone must find and eliminate the source of the affliction and end it. They'll both have to show their genius to solve this... which means, as far as Pinkie can see, they're screwed!

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Beware of False Knowledge

Pinkie stared at the screen showing the town outside, never letting her eyes or, more challengingly, her attention drift for a second, lest she miss somepony's reaction and mess up the whole plan.

Admittedly, the 'whole' plan might have been overselling it as, while Pinkie believed it would work, it wasn't exactly complicated. Really, there were only two parts to it and, as her eyes flicked over to Twilight's contribution, she felt even more secure in its reliability.

Standing in the grass, with a bold red border – scientifically proven to be the most attention-grabbing colour, Twilight had assured her – was a large sign that read, in bold letters: “NOT FAILING TO REFRAIN FROM NOT DECLINING TO NOT ENGAGE IN THE LACK OF ACTION OF NOT KEEPING OFF THE GRASS IS IN NO WAY ABSOLUTELY NOT FORBIDDEN!”

Pinkie had agreed that this was a sentence that no one who didn't have access to their full mental ability would be able to figure out – it had certainly taken Pinkie a while to parse it. So anyone who was able to decipher it enough to either understand it or realize it wasn't something they needed to worry about was presumably not affected by the field. As such, they would, most likely, either be Chrysalis herself or be able to lead them to her.

Of course, this was all predicated on Chrysalis seeing the sign in the first place and, after Twilight had sent Spike out to place the sign, she had asked Pinkie about what kind of bait she had that she was so sure Chrysalis couldn't resist. She hadn't said anything, but her tone suggested she wasn't sure such a thing could exist and was both skeptical of Pinkie finding it and desperate to know what it was.

As such, Pinkie had pointed to the area on the screen next to where the sign was to go. Sitting there, on a park bench, were Lyra and Bon Bon, staring into each other's eyes, the love between them almost turning the air pink.

At this, Twilight had nodded and congratulated her on the observation. Pinkie herself was unsure she deserved it – once she'd remembered that changelings feed on love, it had seemed an obvious thing and she was sure that Twilight would have thought of it soon if she hadn't – but she couldn't deny how uplifted she'd felt at Twilight's praise. Even if she really didn't think it was anything that smart, it was nice to imagine it was, even for a moment, and the sentiment coming from someone as brilliant and amazing as Twilight made her heart feel like it was swelling up until it was ready to gently burst out of her chest, float up and pull her into the sky where...

Pinkie shook her head slightly but sharply, not moving it far enough to stop watching the screen, but enough to focus her attention back on it. This was important! She couldn't afford to be her normal, goofy self. She was all Twilight had right now and she needed to remain on task. After all, not only were they dealing with Chrysalis, one of the meanest of meanie pants who'd ever been mean in their pants... or maybe to their pants, even if few such villains actually wore pants... plus, she supposed, Chrysalis probably never wore pants since any clothes she wore would be products of her disguise, so would be part of her and not really...

No! Bad Pinkie! Bad! Pinkie frowned as she redoubled her effort. This was worse than the mirror pool incident – as agonizing as watching paint dry had been, at least that'd been all she had to do. She didn't have to both watch it and analyze it. Whereas here, she not only had to watch the screen, but watch what everyone was doing carefully, looking for any signs that someone had had a different reaction or was doing something suspicious or... anything, really.

Still, as sweat poured down her face, Pinkie kept her gaze fixed and her thoughts clamped down. After all, this was far more important than that had been. Back then, it had only been her own future – her ability to ever be with her friends again and also her survival – at stake. But this time? This time, not only were they dealing with Chrysalis but, even more importantly... Twilight believed in Pinkie. She had faith in her and, even if Pinkie had no idea why, she couldn't afford to let her down. She had to remain focused. This plan had to work.

Which was why it was so painful to slowly realize that it didn't.

Oh, the base idea seemed to be effective – anypony who passed by and saw the sign had been drawn in and tried to figure out what it was actually saying. The problem was that none of them had shown the slightest sign of being able to do so. Every single one of them had been completely stymied. And while a fair number had eventually given up, their expressions had made it clear that it was only because they had decided it was too hard for them, and they were usually still muttering the problem to themselves as they walked away. And the fact that they'd walked away made it unlikely they were an imposter anyway.

And the few that stayed... well, there was little doubt that they were all firmly under the effects of Chrysalis's field. From Golden Harvest trying to count the number of negatives on her hooves, only to consistently forget how many hooves she had and which she'd used; to Blossomforth literally twisting herself into knots as she looked at the sign, desperately trying to find some angle or position where it made sense; to Lemon Hearts, who had resorted to arranging and rearranging stones in a desperate attempt to diagram the sentence, though if Pinkie had to judge, she was having enough trouble with basic grammar that the attempt was doomed to failure.

All of them were acting stupid, so none of them could be Chrysalis.

Eventually, after what could have been five minutes or half an hour – Pinkie had never had a good sense of time and had refrained from looking at a clock before starting her observation, so she'd never be tempted to look at it again to compare – she heard the words she'd been dreading.

“Pinkie? I don't think this is working.”

Pinkie let out a quiet whine, trying to stretch out the moments before she had to reply. Even if it was obviously coming, she knew it wouldn't feel real until she spoke up. However, as nothing continued to change, she had to let out a sigh. Her body slumped as she finally, reluctantly tore her gaze from the screen.

“Yeah... it... she's not coming.” She swallowed hard, trying to force down her despondence at having let Twilight down. “I don't get it – she should have come by now! Was the bait... was even their love not strong enough to...”

She was interrupted by a flash from the screen. Whirling around, an unbidden hope flared briefly in her heart until she saw what had just appeared.

Standing in the middle of the fading light of a massive teleportation spell was a bright pink alicorn, her mane frazzled and her eye twitching. She looked around in agitation, rapidly scanning the area until, after a few seconds, her eyes fell on the pair on the bench, not even noticing the sign. After a moment, the Princess relaxed, letting out a relieved sigh, even as she rolled her eyes at what she'd sensed turning out to be a known phenomenon. After a moment, she vanished again in a flare of blue magic.

After a moment, Pinkie spoke up, her tone flat and without hope. “So, that probably wasn't...”

“Nope, definitely the real Cadance,” Twilight replied, not taking her eyes off the screen. “Her magic was the right colour, Chrysalis would have come immediately while Cadance would have only just gotten away from her royal duties enough to investigate, and the eye twitch when she sensed that concentration of romance? Unmistakable. Unfortunately, it means that... well, Chrysalis almost certainly wasn't coming before, but she'll have sensed that, I'm sure, so she definitely won't get near there now.”

Pinkie nodded, noticing how all of the remaining ponies had been scared away by the sudden magical event. Well, except Lemon Hearts, who hadn't taken her eyes off the sign during the entire thing. The poor mare must have been particularly susceptible to this stupidity-inducing effect.

Pinkie shook her head. “Okay, the love was strong enough, so... why didn't she come?”

Twilight hummed, tapping a hoof against her chin for a moment before she shrugged. “I hate to say it, but... despite our best efforts, I think we underestimated her. If Chrysalis sensed the love but didn't come, that means not only was she strong-willed enough to resist the urge to investigate, but that she realized that it was an attempt to draw her out and actively chose not to follow it. Which also means she knows we're onto her.” She sighed as she looked at the screen, where Lemon Hearts had just started banging her head against the ground, still making sure to look at the sign between impacts. “Clearly, she's far more intelligent than we gave her credit for.”

Pinkie nodded before calling out, “Spike? Could you take the sign down and tell Lyra and Bon Bon they can go home now? Oh, also, get some painkillers for Lemon Hearts.”

“On it!” She heard from outside, followed by the rapid scrabble of claws on crystal. After a moment, she looked dejectedly up at Twilight.

“So what do we do now?”

Twilight scowled in thought. “Well, if she knows we know she's here, she's going to be cautious about anything we try. Plus, anyone who goes out there, including us, will be mentally dulled enough that anything we try that might reveal her, she can easily thwart. Unless...”

There was a pause before Pinkie tilted her head, unable to stop a smile coming onto her face at the prospect of Twilight having an idea. “Unless...?”

“Unless we use that. If we set something up and she prevents it from happening, then if we figure out who was responsible for preventing it, we'll have found her. But... I don't think I have anything that she'd need to stop.”

Pinkie blinked for a second, confused. “So? Why should we let that stop us?”