XII. Philomena in Chaosland
Twelve:
Philomena in Chaosland
Lightning cuts a jagged gash across the night sky, bleeding pale brightness onto the earth pony army, lighting up the thousands of faces set in grim resolve. Every one of them expects death. They are strong, stronger than any other race of pony, but what is that strength against the fury of the sky? The pegasi have brought the storm, and no matter how hard they fight today, the earth pony tribe is doomed.
In his war tent in the earth pony camp, the wizard sags over his map, wondering how it came to this.
If only Smart Cookie and Pansy were still alive, he thinks, then smiles bitterly in the dim light of his lantern. No, better that they should not have lived to see all they believed in forgotten and their tribes killing each other. How strange that such vibrant young lives would end before his own. It wasn’t fair, but then, what was these days?
The tent opens and somepony comes in out of the rain. A messenger, probably. Starswirl doesn’t even turn around. “Have they started yet?” he asks.
“No,” says a voice that Starswirl knows. His eyes widen and he whips around so fast he nearly tangles himself in his own beard. “And they aren’t going to, not if I have anything to say about it.”
The messenger’s hood falls back and the face of Starswirl’s old apprentice beams at him, cold water dripping from his mane.
“Clover!” Starswirl gasps. “I thought you were…”
They had not seen one another in years, not since Clover took off on his foal’s errand to find the lost Elements of Harmony. Starswirl stared at the unicorn with awe. There was something different in the way he carried himself, a softness—almost a weariness—that had not been there before.
“Not yet,” Clover grinned.
Starswirl shook his head. “I cannot believe this…”
“Looks like I’ve come just in time. I never thought it would come to war in our time… not after the windigos. I thought ponykind had learned, but here the tribes are, acting like foals.”
“Not all of the tribes,” Starswirl says. “The unicorns are not at war with anypony.”
“War.” Clover’s gaze turns to steel. “How can they even think it? Does the Enemy have such power over their hearts already?”
“Enemy?” Starswirl feels the temperature in the tent drop as soon as the word leaves Clover’s lips. The shadows cast by the lantern’s flickering light seem to stretch and grow darker.
“Never mind. I have to do something here or…” Clover frowns and starts to pace, dripping water everywhere. “Oh, Teacher, you can’t imagine the things I’ve found out.”
“Did you find them?” Starswirl whispers. He can’t believe he’s even considering it, but could it be that his old student’s quest had actually led him to…
“No,” Clover says, smiling sadly. “I’m afraid I couldn’t. Not on my own. That was one of the things I learned. The Elements can only be found by friends. A single pony could search forever and never find them, because only the power of friendship will reveal them. But it wouldn’t matter anyway. That is not my destiny, I’m afraid.”
Starswirl stares at his former pupil. Friendship? They stood on the brink of war and Clover still held to his childish views? “What did you find, in the years you’ve been gone?” Starswirl asks. He tries to keep the sting out of his voice, but isn’t quite able to, not completely.
“I found that I was right. The Elements of Harmony are real. And one day they will find their proper wielders. But more than that… do you remember what I told you the last time we saw each other? About magic?”
“You said it shouldn’t work the way it does. You said it ought to work by… friendship.”
“Yes.”
“Do you realize what is going on out there as we speak, Clover? Do you know what is about to happen?”
“I do. It is the reason I came back.”
“It is going to take something more tangible than friendship to stop this.”
“I know. It will take the power of Harmony.”
“Can Harmony stop lightning? Can it turn armies to flight? You’re still dealing with abstracts. Friendship is a beautiful thing, but it doesn’t have the power you think it does.”
Clover looks into the wizard’s eyes so deeply that it feels as if he’s looking inside him. “It did once. And one day it will again… if I can stop this. If I can keep the Enemy’s power at bay just a little longer.”
“What Enemy?”
“The Arch-Enemy of Friendship. Oh, I haven’t time to explain everything. I know it sounds like something only colts and fillies could believe. That’s how she wants us to think.”
“I…”
There is a flash of light from outside, and the crash of nearby thunder. The hills shake with the force of it. And there is a cry…
Clover’s eyes widen. “It’s too late. I’ve got to go now.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Here. Take this.” Clover’s horn lights up and something floats out from under his cloak. Starswirl cannot tell what it is; it’s wrapped up tight. Clover drops it onto the ground at Starswirl’s hooves and races out into the storm.
Starswirl follows, shouting his student’s name. Is he mad? If the fighting has started then it’s over. Is he going to try and fight, to drag the unicorn tribe into the conflict as well?
The sky lights up with white flashes and Starswirl sees hundreds of black dots against it. Pegasi. A flying army. They bring the storm down on the earth ponies, which stand defensive, but Starswirl sees their wooden catapults being loaded. The two armies have not quite met yet. There is still a strip of empty land and sky between them. Only one or two earth ponies have fallen to the weather. But Starswirl sees the lightning arcing between pegasi, tossed from one to another almost playfully, and then hurled down toward the earth ponies.
A flash of emerald deflects the bolt of electricity as Clover reaches the front line. What is he thinking?! Starswirl will intervene… somehow he will bring his student back to safety before anything can happen…
“Stop this!” Clover shouts. His voice, magnified by magic, echoes over the armies as loud as the thunder.
“Who goes there?” somepony shouts.
“A friend!” Clover says.
“A unicorn? Whose side are you on?” one of the pegasi demands.
“Everypony’s.”
“Get out of the way,” an earth pony says. “We have no quarrel with the unicorn tribe.”
“Listen, all of you. Remember the Hearth’s Warming Compact. We should be friends!”
That is how Starswirl will always remember him, the last of the three heroes that saved the land from eternal Winter, surrounded by ponies who grew up hearing his legend but did not know it when he stood before them, soaked with rain and mud, wild-eyed, going on and on about friendship, talking fast and passionately, begging everypony to be friends again.
Then a few impatient warriors from both sides attack, and Clover tries to use his magic to shield both sides. In a fury, both the earth ponies and the pegasi retaliate. Spears of lightning lance down toward the earth ponies, which stand defiant. Great stones are hurled skyward.
Between two armies, the unicorn calls on his magic and rises into the air. His eyes are glowing white and he is saying something, but his words are lost in the storm. And for a moment he is doing it, to Starswirl’s amazement, his magic is protecting everypony. Then the moment passes and he is struck down—by pegasus ice or earth pony stone, nopony can tell afterward—and the white light goes out of his eyes, and he falls. There is a tiny sound, like a tree branch breaking, and Clover lands in the mud in a heap.
Starswirl races to him, crying his name. And he doesn’t even realize it, but the armies hear him and stop their fighting to watch the spectacle: a famous unicorn wizard running through the rain to the side of the magician they just beat. And did the wizard really just scream Clover? A murmur goes through the ranks of the armies as they watch.
“Clover!” Starswirl’s anguished voice breaks as he leans over his student.
“Is it over?” Clover croaks.
“I don’t know.”
“Oh… I’m dying.”
I know. “No you’re not. Don’t say that.”
“Heh.” The laugh comes out with blood. “Honesty is actually one of the Elements; did you know that?”
I don’t care. “That’s… wonderful, Clover.”
“Oh, but I wish I could have seen her…”
“What’s that?”
“Harmony’s champion. The princess of…”
After that, nothing.
Starswirl gets to his hooves and casts a red glare at those around him. The pegasi and earth ponies stare at him. For a moment, only the tiniest instant, he considers unleashing his magic against them—who cares if the unicorn tribe is dragged into war?—summoning his demons and letting them loose, calling on the power of shadow and seeing if the hatred he now felt wasn’t pure enough even to draw the windigos to the land once more.
“Look at what you’ve done!” he hisses at them. Warriors on both sides flinch. “Are you satisfied? He was a hero… Clover the Clever, the last hero of Equestria… and you killed him!”
Astonished shame falls on the gathered warriors. Not a single earth pony or pegasus life is lost that day. In the years to come, it will become known as the Battle That Never Happened. Clover’s sacrifice will become a story for warriors to tell their children, then later it will be used as propaganda for the unicorn tribe when they try to dominate the other tribes. And eventually, centuries later, it would be all but forgotten.
Starswirl is still cradling Clover’s body when dawn breaks, cold sunlight spreading out over the empty battlefield. Finally Starswirl lets go. “My most faithful student,” he whispers, “Goodbye.”
Feeling nothing except for a hollow ache that expands within him, leaving him emptier with every passing moment, Starswirl returns to his tent and picks up the package that Clover left him. He opens it with careless reverence. Inside there is a book and a folded letter. The book is called The Book of Harmony, and the day will come when Starswirl defies every word that is written in it.
The letter is from Clover.
“Dear Starswirl, I am writing this because I have a feeling I won’t be alive much longer. Pansy and Cookie are already gone. I am sorry I wasn’t there for Pansy at the end. Maybe I could have stopped this pegasus war from brewing in the first place, but I hope you trust me that what I have been searching for is worth my absence.
I’m returning now to set things right, so much as I can. But if I’m right and I don’t survive, then you are the only one I can count on. I’m sorry for that too. It isn’t very fair. I should be the one who has to fight against the Enemy, while you should get to retire and shake your head at my silly attempts to bring Harmony back to Equestria.
Please take care of my burial. I thought of a wonderful epitaph for my gravestone. I would be grateful if you would do me the honor.”
Starswirl reads the single line his student wrote to sum up his life, and his eyes fill with fresh tears.
“Now to the important things. The book is a treasure. I stole it from the Enemy. Please pass on the things it says about friendship and magic to others. Had I lived, this is what I would have devoted the rest of my life to doing. I beg you to do what I can’t. I know you can do this. You are the one who set me on the path of Harmony, what seems like ages ago.
I have been thinking a lot about the future lately. I suppose this is because I won’t be there to see it.
Last night I had a dream. I was walking in a garden and there were all these statues. I recognized some of them. Pansy and Cookie were there. I got this feeling, like I was seeing all the heroes of Equestria. Not just the ones from our time, but the ones who are yet to be born. I remember a mare with a pointy hat like yours, only there weren’t any bells. And there was a pegasus with some kind of helmet on her head, not like the ones from our time. I felt so peaceful there, I didn’t want to leave.
There is so much I wanted to say to you. You were the one who first showed me the power that comes from friendship. Without you, I never could have made friends and wielded the magic that saved Equestria from the windigos, or found the courage to search for the Elements of Harmony. And though I could not find them, I have come to realize that they are not as lost as we have believed. Friendship’s power has always been there, for those who would dare to reach out and take hold of it. If only somepony can make them see this, it would be a better world. What I do now, I do for the sake of Harmony. Thank you, my teacher. I am now, and will always be,
Your faithful student,
Clover.
When he has finished, Starswirl stares at Clover’s letter, unable to believe it. “And they called you clever,” he says, tasting the bitterness of his words. Where was the power of friendship when it mattered most? Clover is dead, and all his talk about peace and friendship and Harmony could not save him. Real magic would have been able to protect him. It wouldn’t have cost him his life.
The wizard sits for a while. The emptiness grows in him like a lengthening shadow.
* * *
What are you going to do? Philomena asked.
“About what?”
The old wizard sat at the top of a tower of giant cards, looking down at the transformed landscape. The little phoenix was perched on the rim of his hat, and she looked down as well. She wondered if they saw the same thing.
Chaos was rampant. The city of Canterlot was unrecognizable. Gone were the white spires and sprawling ivory buildings. Now it resembled nothing so much as the jumbled inside of a child’s carelessly packed toybox. Everything was out of place, and nopony cared. Some weren’t even capable of caring any more. Madness was everywhere. Philomena wondered if there was a family that didn’t have at least one member who had been affected with Discord’s insanity. Some thought they were animals and acted like it. Others had been reduced to drooling puppets. And some thought even they were lucky, for others had been transformed by Discord’s magic into twisted creatures. Chaos was rampant and misery reigned.
And it was all Philomena’s fault.
She never could have imagined that it was possible to feel worse than she did after losing her mother, but even grief was easier to bear than this. She hadn’t even had time to enjoy the pure satisfaction of seeing Celestia dethroned, Discord had turned on everypony else so quickly. Philomena tried not to watch, tried not to hear the cries of children even younger than she was as their world came unwound all around them.
And the thing was, she’d known what would happen if the draconequus was freed. She couldn’t pretend she didn’t know. I just didn’t think it would be this bad, she tried to tell herself. But no, she had known. I just didn’t care.
But she cared now. Too late she cared. Too late she asked herself what her mother would have thought of her daughter being the one to turn the Lord of Chaos loose on all those innocents. And only now she realized that there was something even worse than losing someone you loved: losing yourself, so that the person they gave their love to no longer exists. That is what I’ve done.
Now Philomena had someone she hated even more than Celestia.
About Discord, Philomena said. Her voice in Starswirl’s head was toneless. This isn’t what you wanted either, is it?
She couldn’t see his expression under his hat, but there was something amused in his voice. “Even if that were so, what makes you think I can do anything about him at all? He is even more powerful than Celestia was, and I didn’t dare to face her, either.”
But… didn’t you have a plan?
“As a matter of fact, I do. But defeating Discord is not a part of it. Not yet, anyway. Eventually the chaos will have to be reined in, but for now he can have his fun.”
But…
“Are you starting to have regrets?”
Philomena flushed with heat. I…
Starswirl sighed. “Get down from there so I can look at you properly.”
The phoenix flew off his hat and turned to face him, hovering in the air on her fiery wings. Their eyes locked and he gave her an empty smile.
“I have lived for more than a century, little bird. And one day, to you, that will be nothing. That’s a long time to hate yourself.”
I don’t…
“I’m afraid this is where we part ways, Philomena. I hope you can find happiness in the world you helped to create. And if not, don’t worry. Chaos will not last forever. A new world is on the horizon; these are only the pains signaling its birth.”
Wait, what do you mean by—?
Then there was a flash of violet light, and the old wizard was gone.
And Philomena was all alone.
* * *
When Chancellor Sweemeats heard the news that a monster had conquered Canterlot, she immediately named the day a holiday and called for a feast to celebrate it. A few of her advisors tried to talk to her about strengthening their tribe’s military defenses or sending spies to investigate in order to find out how the earth ponies might protect themselves, but she paid them no mind.
The word spread throughout the villages, and the earth ponies followed their leader’s command and threw parties celebrating the fall of their enemies. The revelry and high spirits lasted for days, though a few earth ponies wondered why they were supposed to be happy, since the tribes had a truce and they had heard only good things about the unicorns tribe’s new princess, who was said to be as much an earth pony as a unicorn, as incredible as that sounded. But the popular notion was that the unicorns were an evil tribe—almost as bad as the pegasi—and disaster for them was good fortune for the earth ponies.
They were still celebrating when the villages on their border were overrun by forest animals that had gone insane, heralding the arrival of Discord to their land.
* * *
“…and they say he turned the chancellor into a pile of candy and ate her alive in front of her subjects!” a quivering pegasus told the Sky Commander.
“Is this true?” Commander Typhoon asked the messenger. The Commander was an old pegasus, with a snowy mane and a heart like chipped ice.
In fact it wasn’t true. Discord was never that horrible, even at his worst, but the rumor created fear, and the fear led to more chaos, and that pleased the draconequus.
“All the reports coming out of the earth pony kingdom say…”
The pegasi readied themselves for war, retreating high into the clouds and ignoring the pleas of those who dwelt on the land below. But they could not escape Discord, who turned their floating cities into great clouds of cake that rained donut sprinkles on a thirsty ground.
As the last pegasus city fell to chaos, dark laughter echoed in the heavens.
* * *
All of Equestria fell to the mad power of the draconequus, and it seemed nopony would ever know happiness again. The ponies were his playthings and every day he dreamed up some new game for them. And with each passing day a little color seemed to leak out of the miserable ponies.
When she realized what her hatred had wrought, Philomena wept tears of fire.
And finally, begging her mother’s memory to forgive her, she went to the twisted city of Canterlot to confront the creature she had loosed on the world. If the once-white city had resembled a box of jumbled children’s toys when she left, now it was a box of broken toys. The sides of chocolate buildings melted onto chessboard avenues. Ponies that were unfortunate enough to have been magically shrunken raced out of the way of giant animals stomping down the street.
Further in, the craziness gave way to something even worse. Listless gray ponies went about in a daze. Here even the candy buildings and board game streets were the same colorless gray. And there at the center of the ashen heart of the city stood a great black throne. Discord slouched upon it.
He smiled as he saw the phoenix approach.
“Welcome, Philomena!” he said. “Tell me, do you like what I’ve done with the place?”
Discord. There was resolve in her fiery eyes. He must have seen it, because his smile faded.
“I hope you’re not here to try something heroic. That would be boring…”
She had one chance. The legend said that the phoenix court imprisoned him in the well of life because they could not kill him. She had no doubt that he would shrug off her flames, but she could still use her phoenix fire to travel, the way she did with Starswirl. If she could just get close enough, she could wrap her phoenix fire around them both and send him back…
Like an arrow loosed from its quiver, Philomena flew true. She closed her eyes and reached out with her flame…
…and with a flash and a snap of clawed fingers, bounced off the draconequus and tumbled onto the ground.
Discord sighed. “I am disappointed. Didn’t you ask yourself why the other phoenixes have not come for me since I’ve been released from my prison? Because I am no longer a mere alicorn. An entire army of firebirds could attack me, and they would end up right where you are.”
Philomena tried to say something psychically, but her powers weren’t working. Something was wrong. She felt… colder somehow. Horror fell on her as she looked down and noticed that the lower half of her body had become something reptilian.
What am I? she thought. And even though Discord couldn’t hear her, he must have understood her confusion because he answered her. And she would have given anything to unhear what he said.
“A most lovely cockatrice. I may have outdone myself this time.”
She glared at him, but he did not so much as flinch.
“Poor Philomena. Maybe one day I’ll get bored and change you back… or at least, change you into something more fun. But I’ve never had a pet cockatrice before, and I’ve just had the most wonderful idea. You see, ever since I started taking over there have been some ponies who… and I know this will surprise you… don’t appreciate my rule. Every now and then some poor soul feels the need to come begging, Please, Lord Discord, change my daddy back into a pony! Or, We can’t grow crops without rain! I think the next few times that happens, I’ll have them take a look in those pretty eyes of yours…”
A golden cage materialized around her and Philomena stared out of its bars without hope. Tears welled up in her eyes and her colors started to fade. It was over. Discord ruled all of Equestria now, and eventually he would spread his chaos to the world beyond. There was no one who could stop him. A colorless forever stretched before her, and in her misery Philomena found a single drop of bitter cheer: since she was no longer a phoenix, one day she could at least die. But there was little relief for her in that. There was no one waiting for her in the afterlife.
The lonely cockatrice shivered in her cage and her tears fell. I’m sorry, Mother.
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? Favorites section when up by 1? Lets see...
YES YES YES YES YES!!! READS EAGERLy
... I actually feel sorry for Philomena now...
But wait a moment... she does become Celestia's pet... sooooo
YES YES YES YES YESSSSS
Can't wait to see you pull that off!
Oh and I see you got featured again :D
This story continues to impress. Very well told, and touches on so many ideas that are...amazing. Keep up the remarkable work.
Well Philomena you reap what you sow....
Okay, I'm done being mad at you. And You're lucky Celestia is so forgiving.
Ugh, the last two chapters have been quite an emotional roller coaster. Celestia and Luna can't find those elements quickly enough.
Aww I feel bad for Philomeenah now that she isn't being such a priss, hope she doesen't throw a tantrum when Celestia frees her for some reason along the lines of "Bluh you're not my mother!" of some other teenage waangst.
3003353
Careful what you wish
You may regret it
Careful what you wish
You just might get it...
Ouch. Taking an immortal demigod and turning her into a base monster, then enslaving her to cause more havoc and torment? That is nasty. I cannot help but wonder if Cockomena will have something to do with Discord's initial petrification. Poetic justice/revenge perhaps?
So very intreguing! I in fact am anxious waiting of another one of these chapters!
3003014 Thank you! That moment is coming...
3003136 Thanks.
It means so much when people take the time to comment and tell me they like this stuff...
3003353 She really is, isn't she?
3003361 I think you are going to like the next chapter...
3003365 We'll see...
3003519 Thanks for noticing that! I love poetic justice.
(And someone has to be a real jerk to deserve a thousand years as a statue, so...)
3003850 Thank you! Hope you like where the story goes from here.
Thanks for reading, everyone! Next up: At long last, the Elements of Harmony!
3003875
Arguably, I've adored every chapter so far. I never hated Philomena, and this chapter just made me hate Discord with an intensity that makes him a really good antagonist.
The story isn't the best example of writing on the site, but that really doesn't matter to me. Every chapter has been able to inspire connections in me to the material, and that's something most people can't just learn.
After Half of Forever, or My Celestia, you'd think that I'd build up some kind of resistance to it, but nope. It keeps happening.
Now there just needs to be a scene where Celestia is all:
DISCORD I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!
... I'm kidding, don't do that. Just keep doing what you've been doing.
3003875 encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR7a_lRMmmyGCp3grrszOmjG7yQcsMV4--m-r0qvKLyER9qoZj-aw
I'm a horrible person for saying this but...
I love it when someone gets their just deserts, and Philomena's was perfect.
I especially loved when Discord asked her about why the other phoenixes hadn't done anything because that was exactly what I was thinking myself at the time.
3005360 Whew! Glad that got headed off, then! (It's always worse when someone ends up asking in the comments, "Why didn't _______?"
)
3005501 Yep. He's definitely had a plan since chapter one, when Celestia told him she knew what he intended and was ready to lay down her life to fight him over it. And we're going to find out what it is very soon...
Thanks for reading!
Oh Philomena... of course, she had it coming, but she just never gets a break, does she? I love how you explained the origins behind the cockatrice (and all the mythical creatures, really). Does this mean a changeling origin is in store? *crosses fingers*
The really great thing about this story is that we already know what the outcome of all of this will be because of the show (i.e. Discord being defeated, Philomena as Celestia's pet, etc.), but it's still fascinating to see how it all came to be and the creative ways in which you string together all these stray bits of lore from the show into one coherent timeline. It's really amazing!
Oh my god it`s so dark
Can`t wait for another chapter to know what happens next.
Woah, this story's grown a lot since I last looked at it
I kind of expected Celestia to remain Discorded for longer. The whole summoning thing seemed a little cheesy though, what if one of them had their fingers (hooves) crossed when they said the words? Heck, why not just grab some random two ponies?
I see you're taking my advice about emphasizing the fact that Celestia and Luna are fillies here, which is nice to see.
The plot threads are growing very quickly, very fast though. We've gone from 1 villain (Starswirl) to 4, and they're just coming right after the other. I certainly hope Celestia and Luna don't have to sort all of them out at once!
Just a few points that bugged me about an otherwise pretty good chapter.
That makes it sound like the soldier's of the army intentionally attacked Clover, but it reads like it was something that just happened.
Also you have this, "Only one or two earth ponies have fallen to the weather" but then later you have this, "Not a single earth pony or pegasus life is lost that day." I figure that the earth ponies didn't die but were just inured... but when I read the 1st quote my 1st thought was that they had been killed, which made the second quote a little jarring.
Other than those two bits I found this a wonderful chapter! Please keep up the great work! I'm really looking forward to seeing what happens next!
3005974 Thank you! That is one of the big challenges too, that everyone already knows how things turn out. But there are mysteries that the show has left us with...
3006357 Thanks!
3006664 Ah, you're probably right about that.
The way I tried to write that scene was that even though Luna knew that Celestia was under Discord's influence, she couldn't handle hearing those words from her sister, who is her only true friend... but ultimately she wouldn't give in to the Nightmare. (I was aiming at showing that Luna has a ways to go before she is brought to a place where she really will succumb to the darkness and become Nightmare Moon.)
Hopefully multiple villains doesn't dilute the story too much. I kind of meant Starswirl and Cauchemar to be like the Saruman and Sauron of the story (though that is not a perfect comparison, but you know: fallen wizard and powerful dark being...).
3007841 Thank you!
Agh; you're right about those. I probably could have worded it better, but yes, there were ponies who were wounded as the battle began, but weren't killed. And both armies did intentionally attack Clover, but they didn't know who it was at the time; they just panicked and both thought he was on the other tribe's side. (I'm always thankful for having these kinds of things pointed out to me; I try to plan these out, but something always seems to slip through...)
Thanks for reading, everyone!
3008367
Well, it's more a gravity-of-the-situation kind of deal. Summoning a quasidemonic embodiment of darkness as old as the universe should take a bit more than just three words. Suppose the priestess had just gotten two any old friends and forced one of them to say the words, maybe under mind control? If they really wanted to summon Cauchemar, they could have done it at any time, really, and I don't think it's adequately explained why they haven't already. Oh sure, maybe it's because Cauchemar wants an alicorn for its host, but that doesn't seem worth waiting centuries and centuries for one to happen to come along, especially when it's got so little influence in the world. Trying to understand the actions of that entire faction from their perspective just doesn't make much sense, given what we know about them--you've done a much better job portraying Starswirl and Discord. Up the difficulty of the ceremony, perhaps it can require one of the ponies to wish the other one dead, or to actively try to kill them. The more difficult the ceremony is, the more believable it is.
As it is now, the entire scene feels rather thrown in to me. I assume that for now, Cauchemar is dealt with, and your comment about showing that Luna will not yet succumb confirms my suspicion. Yet right now, it's too short a scene to be a full plot line in its own right, yet not long enough to warrant the degree to which it interrupts the Starswirl/Discord story. Extending the Cauchemar plot line is the obvious solution, but then you run into the problem of having too many foes to deal with, which, although certainly not impossible to deal with, will take some masterful writing to slog through. I would again caution against having too many villain plot lines running alongside each other simultaneously. Starswirl and Cauchemar are probably fine, but you've already got Cauchemar and Starswirl and Discord (who is the most immediate, and powerful, threat), and there's also Sombra hanging around in the background. There's only so many people trying to destroy Equestria a story can take at once!
Obviously, I don't know your plans, and only have what I see before me, so maybe you've already dealt with all this in your head already and just haven't gotten around to explaining it, and I'm just redundant. In that case, I apologize for bringing it up.
3008533 No, don't apologize; I love to know what's working and what isn't, or if there's anything I'm not saying in my writing that needs to be more explicit.
As for why the monsters didn't grab another pair of ponies to summon Cauchemar, that is going to be shown a bit more later. (In fact, the next chapter might hint a bit at it.) It wasn't just that the Nightmare wanted an alicorn for a host, though I suppose that's a bonus.
Cauchemar has been successfully resisted by Luna this time. We all know where that's going. The Discord arc is going to be ending soon. After the Sombra arc, which I don't plan on being too long, there will be fewer villains and the story will be more about how Luna falls and what effect that has on Celestia. (It will also help to narrow my sprawl of point of view characters. Since I've got this completely omniscient POV going on, sometimes I get away from Celestia too much, which hurts her character growth.) Things should get a bit more streamlined soon.
Thanks for letting me know your reaction to the story; it means a lot.
3008890
Really, the Discord arc is ending so soon?
I dunno, that feels like something that ought to be drawn out a bit more... Having lots of villain arcs going on simultaneously is bad and all, but each of these villains still deserves their own set of attention.
As for Cauchemar, that's good to hear, although I would still urge you to increase the severity of statement needed. "I don't love you" is a neutral statement, after all, and doesn't necessarily imply lack of friendship. Something like "I hate you" would be a lot more powerful. Perhaps it's a thematic issue.
Incidentally... I don't suppose you would be interesting in having another pre-reader?
3008976 The Discord arc should last at least two more chapters and one dealing with the aftermath, if I'm not mistaken. (The chapters where Celestia and Luna face off against the servants of Cauchemar in the Everfree was originally a single chapter, but I ended up splitting it into two. I just didn't want the journey to find the Elements of Harmony to be a straight line. And I needed to introduce Wind Chime...) I'm always having trouble with the pacing. *Sigh*
I would love another pre-reader!
My editor, _Medicshy, is awesome. He's really great about telling me when certain things aren't working. (Everyone needs a pre-reader who is a different kind of writer/reader than they are.) But having another pair of eyes on this would be great! (I warn you, though, sometimes I ignore some good advice and I don't always make drastic changes in revision... but I always take it to heart. Also, I haven't learned how to use google docs yet. I've been e-mailing my chapters to my pre-reader. But I probably needed to learn that eventually, anyway...)
Thank you.
3009674
Hmm, well I guess it's kind of hard to comment without knowing more about your plan. Given Discord's treatment in the show though, I had always assumed he had been ruling Equestria for a while... If you want to discuss future plotlines, feel free to PM me and maybe I can help with them before you've got everything all finalized and published.
Google Docs is super-easy, it's basically like a simple version of MS Word anyways. You just have to remember to set it to share before you send it out.
As for ignoring advice, that's more than fine, I do the same to my own prereaders sometimes too (sometimes it's just a matter of taste), but that doesn't stop me from always wanting more (unfortunately DaemonofDecay seems to be too busy these days, so I'm one prereader short now 
).
I have read many stories since i came here, Three of them are simply the best, and yes, yours is one of them. Eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
3039290 Thank you!
(And thanks for the favorite.) The next chapter is nearly finished. I hope to have it sent to my pre-reader in the next day or two.
Wow, that was..... depressing. Poor Philomena.