After a job gone wrong, this is the story of a young criminal who goes by the code name "The Enforcer". Raised by the streets and crime being his only option. Will he be able to turn a new leaf or is he doomed to repeat his past mistakes and turn back to his life of crime? What is in store for him and what opportunities, friendships and enemies will he encounter in this new world? Time will only tell...
Inspired by https://www.fimfiction.net/story/550165/last-stop-on-the-mail-route and all the stories that I've read over the past 10 years on this site!
Thank you to everyone who helped me with artwork and for encouraging me!
Credit: SilentGardenMY (scenes- prologue-chapter 1) https://tinyurl.com/SilentGardenMY ,@bellacartoon Insta/Etsy https://tinyurl.com/bellacartoon (Cover art), LibbyLooPortraits (New profile picture in and future scene work for story) Etsy: https://tinyurl.com/LibbyLooPortraits.
aight so things i wanna ask
does he have magic immunity
is he gonna make bullets or is it going to magic itself out
and well he fade a adult dragon
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Good Morning Hermes! Thank you for your comment! I am currently writing the next chapters and I need to figure out the direction I’m going to go with these sorts of plot points! I appricate you bringing it up and I will defiantly bring them up in the story as the new chapters come! Hope you have a great Friday and happy holidays! Be sure to like follow if you can please it would be greatly appreciated!
Best,
Berri
Historias legal cara
I'm not going to lie I'm more a fan of HIE where the MC knows where he Is but It seems interesting 🤔.
Some things that bother me Is how your wording Is In some places, though you don't have to listen to me If what you wrote sounds better but as a new writer myself I just want to share some things I've noticed that could or could not help.
For instance.
Now If I was writing this like I would write a chapter I would probably cut off that last sentence from the paragraph and mix It with the other two sentences to make something like this.
Something like that so that way (In my opinion) It feels more put together instead of being all over the place.
Also love the artwork wish I was that talented.
Though sorry since like I said this Isnt really my type of story to read but I hope It ends up being successful.
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Thank you so so much for stopping on by! I appricate your views and I hope your story is a success too! I am gonna start reading about the human turned dragon :3
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I hope you manage to enjoy It
Thank you
So far I like the art the most. The story has a great start but like another commentator said, you can allow some dialogue to mix with your descriptive writing. I like it and I'd certainly like to see where it goes
Again a good chapter. Some grammar and vocab errors but those can be overlooked. The main thing is that you used "Derpy" too much. You can use pronouns like 'her' or 'she' to avoid repetition. Overall a good chapter. I'm quite curious as to where this goes
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Good Morning Mr.Casual! Thank you so much for giving my story a read I truly appreciate it! I have made the appropriate changes for this chapter that was suggested! Thanks you!! I look forward to show you more chapters!
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buenas tardes, gracias por seguir! Estoy usando el traductor de Google y quería preguntar a qué te refieres. gracias por disfrutar mi historia :3
Ok I'll just do it in a bunch of comments since my phone likes to just kick me out of websites every once in a while when I type so sorry for the mass amount of comments your about to recieve where i go over stuff.
1: when you have someone speaking like this always add the other part after the sentence.
2:This sentence could be slightly improved in my opinion like this:
"Fucking Goddammit! I knew this was a fucking settup man!" One of the dumb fucks said sounding afraid.
Again this instead could be:
"Yeah! What he said man," The other lack of brain cells said sounding just mostly afraid, "We should just get out of here and save our own skin, Fuck the money man!" He said starting to panic causing me to sigh.
"You can go ahead If you want to, but I know I was sent here to do a job and get paid," I said pausing as I turned to face them, "Now If you pussies want to leave them that's fine, all that means as more money for me when the jobs done," I said Is I stare at them waiting for their answer.