The Apology
"Catalyst?" a male voice said from behind Dark Wing as she was reviewing her calculus notes in a remote corner of the school library. While the school's investigation had played out, she had spent the past two weeks attending only her own classes, and scrupulously sticking to a single disguise—an uninjured version of herself. But it hadn't quelled the whispers, or the occasional direct questions.
"Brittle Horn is gone," Dark said automatically.
"She's not, actually. She left campus, but she's still in town. And she said I needed to talk to you."
Dark Wing turned and looked. The man—dark buzz cut, thin goatee, smelling of nervousness and hope—was wearing a jacket over his tank top.
She craned her head around. Her floor of the library was otherwise entirely deserted, and she wasn't picking up any scents except for his nervous energy. "Brittle Horn is a liar and an asshole," she growled, "but on the specific point that we need to talk, she was correct." Dark gathered her notes, hurriedly stuffing them in her pack, then turned to the man and stuck out a hoof. "I don't believe we've met. I'm Dark Wing."
"Tony," Tank-Top said, shaking her hoof with a firm grip rather than doing the knuckle-tap of those more familiar with Equestrians. "But, you, uh." His face crinkled up. "She said you’re Catalyst. And that means we've already talked. A lot."
"I am not Catalyst. And that’s why we need to talk." Dark Wing sat up straight, focusing on Tank-Top. "Also—and I must stress, this is purely a secondary concern—ever since they arrested Harvey Chutney for assaulting Brittle Horn, there has been an ongoing, active investigation into Catalyst’s business. So, even if I were her, I certainly wouldn't admit it, not even to friends." Dark Wing stared into his eyes, her expression neutral.
"I get it. I think. Sorry." Tank-Top dragged a chair over from a nearby table to her study desk, and then curiosity shaded into his scent. "And, uh… friends?"
"Like you, I hope."
"Thanks. But what I meant is, you said"—he hesitated at her glare, then sighed—"Catalyst said that your kind doesn't do friendship. She was pretty clear on that."
"Then I'm sorry Catalyst gave you such a poor impression of our race." Dark Wing smiled. "Friendship isn't a dirty word. Freedom Hive certainly seems to think so, but, well, they've made a big point of paying for my college degree to expose me to new ideas, and I want to make certain they're getting their money's worth." Her smile grew fangs.
An undertone of worry entered Tank-Top's scent, though he smiled and his tone turned jocular. "It sounds kinda ominous when you say it like that."
"Don't worry, just venting about family drama." Dark Wing waved a hoof, her expression re-lightening to match his. "I mentioned that Brittle Horn is the worst kind of liar, right? As you might have noticed, unredeemed changelings are jerks. When they do you a favor, the only thing in their mind is what they will get out of it. Having recently been on the receiving end of that…" She trailed off, then shook her head and looked back at Tank-Top with an unreadable expression. "Anyhow, I needed to talk to you because Catalyst was no exception."
"Oh." Tank-Top stared at her for several seconds. Then his face fell, and uncertainty took over his scent.
"Is that why you tried so hard to find me?" he asked. "You did something nice to make me owe you, and now that everything's gone to shit it's time to pay up?"
Dark's eyes widened. "What? No! The opposite, damn it. I am trying to apologize."
His odor intensified into a sharp spike of relief, but the uncertainty lingered. "Why? I don't get it. You aren't the one who went homicidal. That’s not on you."
"Nevertheless, Catalyst wronged you."
Tank-Top sighed. "Listen, if you aren’t actually Catalyst, I don't want you apologizing for her. Let me talk to her again."
Dark pressed a hoof to her forehead. "Ugh. If you have to think of me as Catalyst to make this work, then do that. Because no one else is her, either. But if you overlap us like that, it’s not going to end well."
"So I’m talking to the right person." Tank-Top’s scent of suspicion grew an acrid whiff of disappointment, and Dark’s heart sank. "But… a few minutes ago I would have said you sacrificed to set us up despite the whole I-don't-do-friends thing. There's nothing to apologize for there. So that means—" His scent intensified. "You knew it would go wrong."
"No!" Dark Wing's voice rose in agitation. "Shit, no. Please, let me explain before I blow this up too."
Tank-Top leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. He nodded for her to continue, but it smelled like the explosion had already occurred.
"Have you ever done the right thing, but for shitty reasons?" Dark said. "Unredeemed changelings don't have a model for goodness, only a rainbow-colored living doormat who believes friendship means never saying no. We've got a fantastic model for evil, though. So when we stumble in the direction of good it's by facing the example of Chrysalis and backing away. All we know about good is what it isn’t."
Tank-Top said nothing. Dark Wing felt her panic rise.
"Point is," Dark continued, "when Catalyst smelled two people who needed to be together, and when she said to meet her in the Bicentennial—"
"You."
"Sorry, what?"
Tank-Top shifted in his seat. "When you invited me to the Bicentennial. If you’re actually trying to apologize for what you did, can you quit your bullshit on that?"
"I keep telling you, I'm not…" Dark trailed off, then exhaled heavily. "Look, can you just let that go for a moment? This really isn't easy."
"I can tell. You keep evading what you're actually apologizing for."
"You keep interrupting me."
Tank-Top massaged his temples for a moment. "Fine. Go ahead."
Dark took a breath to steady herself. "Okay. So part of me immediately—" She stopped midsentence, muzzle curling in distaste. "Sorry, misspoke. Part of Catalyst immediately figured out what—"
"Oh, come on."
"Let me talk. Before you two ever talked she knew what she could have charged you for her help. I'm not apologizing for that, because that's who unredeemed changelings are, it's a reflex like breathing. But more importantly, because Catalyst never followed through on that. She told herself she was better than that."
The library fell into silence for a moment. "…And?" Tank-Top said.
Dark Wing took a breath. "And, well. Helping you was proof she was better than that. So she got very, very invested in you two working out, and she ignored the red flags."
"Invested?" Tank-Top said, scent shifting to disbelief. "You shut me up when I tried to introduce myself! You blocked my number!"
"Because Catalyst was trying to fix everything and then vanish without taking credit. Because that's what good people do. That only works when you do a good thing, though. She kind of screwed that part up."
Tank-Top, smelling of disappointment, gestured with an open palm. "Okay, see, you say you're apologizing, but then you keep insisting something awful happened to me which was entirely the fault of your evil twin, and that is really not helping your case."
"But I'm not Catalyst. How many times do I have to say it?" Dark's voice tightened again. "I’ve cut her entirely out of being. Do you understand what it means for someone to exist for that long and then, suddenly, never again? She’s dead. Murdered. I’m so serious about fixing things that I have blood on my hooves."
"If you’re willing to go to that extreme then just say it! You’re sorry for what you did to me!"
"You are entirely too hung up on some extremely specific and incorrect words."
Tank-Top's frown deepened. "Real talk? You're sitting here talking about metaphorical murder while Harv almost actually killed me. This conversation has gone very fucking weird. I thought this was just going to be a chance to commiserate about him going off the deep end.” He shook his head. “You were clear he was deep in the closet, and I never thought about blaming you for anything. But you’re trying so hard to evade this that I'm beginning to wonder."
"I am literally apologizing!" Dark Wing lifted her hinds from the chair, standing atop it. "I've gone out of my way to track you down and demonstrate to you that Catalyst was bad and I’m backing as far away from that as I can! What part of that is unclear?"
Tank-Top, too, stood up. "The part where you take any responsibility for anything you did."
Dark's muzzle curled up to reveal fangs. "I thought we were going to commiserate about Harvey, too. But you are misunderstanding me so willfully that now I'm beginning to wonder how you fucked up to turn him homicidal."
"Oh, fantastic apology there," Tank-Top said, his scent beginning to smolder.
Dark's wings flared. "Don't throw it back in my face then get all high-hooved—"
She stopped herself midsentence. Then she closed her eyes and glanced away. When her head swiveled back, her eyes were calm.
"No," she said. "I am better than this." She retucked her wings and sat back down, pulling her classwork back out of her backpack.
"Are you?" Tank-Top said. "You thought that last time too."
Dark Wing pulled out a pen and turned to her notes. "I'm glad you're unharmed. Good day. I won't contact you again."
"There. Right there. You're literally doing the Catalyst thing again."
"You haven’t heard a thing I’ve said." The pen began to tremble in her horngrip. "I assure you I'm not."
"You absolutely are. Once again you just wanted me here as proof you're a good person." Tank-Top put his hands on the desk and leaned in. "I get it now. You think the act of apologizing makes you good, so just like when you didn’t charge me anything to set me up with a psychopath, you do the thing which you think earns you goodness points. Then, having scored them, you refuse to engage with what's actually going on, and block any possibility of follow-up so nobody can challenge you on it. You’re going to get punched in the face again someday, and you will deserve it, and you will once again learn jack shit."
Dark Wing stared up impassively into Tank-Top's eyes, setting the trembling pen down and extinguishing her hornglow. He stared back, eyes challenging her for a response.
"I'm sorry you expected better from an unredeemed changeling," she finally said.
"I didn't," Tank-Top said. "But I expected better from you."
Without another word, she lowered her muzzle to her schoolwork.
After some time, footsteps receded. And when she looked back up a full minute later, Tank-Top was gone.
Dark Wing glanced around, sniffing the air, making certain she was alone. Then a smile slowly spread across her muzzle.
"He actually did," she murmured to the empty room. "I guess Brittle wasn’t lying after all."
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First comment reserved for author's notes!
Though I don't know whether I have anything productive to say about it right now, as I post it. My head is too full of this story. It's been living rent-free in my head for four months, and the process of evicting it was rough enough that I'm not sure it went where I wanted it to, or where it needed to go. So, take it for what it is, and let me know what you think.
Holy guacamole, this is quite the story to unpack.
Came here for a story about the utility of buggy powers on Earth, stayed for the wheels within wheels and all the deceptions going in every direction.
It's so good!
A hard look at academic dishonesty policies, a whole society unmoored from any kind of ethical grounding, nonhuman perspectives on responsibility and morality...
Yeah, this is a fascinating one. There are a lot of layers of deception here, some of them Dark Wing lying to herself. And I don't think all of them were peeled back by the end. Thank you for a most engrossing read.
Added to
Admiral Biscuit's Fleet (group)
Signal Boosters (file)
12078514
Is it really a changeling story without crazy wheels-within-wheels layers of deception?
12078538
The last chapter's glimpse inside the changeling brain -- the truth behind Dark Wing's reputation, and the accompanying dive into nonhuman morality -- didn't exist until recently; I think that's what finally helped me pull the tail end of the story together. It was a bit of a shift from the direct focus on Brittle Horn and the immediate fallout of Harvey's attack, but it was the new angle on the whole Catalyst situation that it felt like it needed.
Thank you both for the kind words!
12078912
I appreciate the assist with the group additions!
Maybe I'm tired (I'm definitely tired), but this lost me.
12078995
I've had four different people ask me about that now, so it looks like I've wrapped back around to the story's original problem, where the ending twist gets lost in outer space. How ironic.
The specific thing which I intended was:
(BIG SPOILERS)
She is responding to Tank-Top's parting shot, where he says "I expected better of you", and she realizes that that wasn't just a barb, Tank-Top actually did think more highly of her, until the failed apology set things on fire.
Unfortunately, I think that got lost a bit because I padded the ending just enough to make the link between those two lines non-obvious. I'm going to sleep on it, reread the ending in the morning, and I might well ninja-edit a fix in to make that clearer.
On the other hoof, since the ending did turn out vaguer than I intended, some of the discussion that's been shared with me about the meaning of that line has been fascinating. Other people have read out that line to take the story in awesome directions I wasn't aiming for, and I'm grateful that at least I failed into a state which supports cool alternate readings.
(Death of the author and all that, btw; if you interpreted the line in a different way that's in line with the rest of the text, I am emphatically not calling you wrong.)
This was masterfully written all-around.
And as a European, I'm glad to have studied in a country where the lack of student debt makes for a slightly less cut-throat environment than American campus.
But here's one detail which leapt out to me that hasn't been commented on yet;
The unreformed Changelings describe Thorax's hive as a "socialist dystopia". However, and given how thorough the storytelling is here, I would be surprised if the irony wasn't intentional, Thorax's hive is the one where Changelings get to be many different colours, whereas the unreformed Changelings all remain the same uniform black from their drone days.
Thorax's hive may still be a collective, yet it's a kinder form of collectivism than was practiced under Chrysalis, one which allows room for individual expression. By contrast, the unreformed Changelings' brand of individualism simply swaps out one stifling system for another; let loose from living under a queen's yoke, each of them now seeks to be the spider at the centre of their own little web, only making deals and exchanges with one another out of convenience. Living by deceit as they do, it's doubtful if there even is much of a "true" person beneath the mask, except by the most shallow of definitions.
Although, the ending, while fittingly ambiguous, leaves the door open for a spark of hope.
Fantastic story, again, and I do feel this one could only have been told against the backdrop of a human society.
12078995
My reading of that last line was Brittle was telling the truth about Tank Top being in love. If so then that would mean Dark didn't know because they'd already made the swap by the time Tank Top first confronted Catalyst. That's why Dark couldn't explain why they tried to make the relationship happen, because it really wasn't Dark at that point. The one who wanted the clients happy was Brittle because the "Good One" amongst the unredeemed Changelings was never Dark, or maybe they were both doing their best and there are different types of good.
Lead here by Admiral Biscuit's news post, thoroughly confused at the end
which I suppose is a good thing for a story about a group of unapologetic changelings who despite breaking away from Queen Chrysalis's "suck the world dry damn the consequences" still see nothing wrong with deceiving everyone around them, even themselves apparently.
As to their disdain to Thorax's technicolor hippie bug commune, I agree that perhaps that change was a bit too much too quickly, at least in reference to the show, but their current model in this story isn't exactly sustainable in the long term as it currently appears. Saying, "I swear I'm a good changeling" whilst simultaneously metaphorically crossing one's fingers behind one's back...soon it'll be a sort of wolf boy situation which in essence takes them back to square zero.
Delighted to see how this story has matured since the first draft I read at the retreat. You both polished what was already there and added some delightful changeling philosophy at the end. Very nice!
There's a whole bunch of perspectives and motivations here, and it's been really interesting trying to follow them all.
The idea of unredeemed trying-to-not-be-Chrysalis changelings is a real headspinner, too.
I am so happy to see this fic shine. The draft version had a lot of promising parts, and in this writer's humble opinion you built that draft into a finished product that knocked my socks off. As I pointed out in a previous comment, there are some truly excellent one-liners here, and the way you write arguments has this like logical brutality that fits these delightfully scummy changeling assholes to a T. The best parts of this fic are those moments when I can't decide if our protagonists are good guys or bad guys--the grey area is a heated pool, and it feels nice to swim around in it. The second to last chapter, The Argument, is this fic's high point for me. Brittle's character shines in this moment. Blowing up their own camp to further their agenda and using Dark as the flash point is so accelerationist and scummy I love it ahahahaha--
The last chapter is something I'm still attempting to wrap my head around, with the novel's final line being the question mark keystone. When Dark says, "I guess Brittle wasn’t lying after all," what I'm getting from that is that Tank Top really did love Harvey? But we already knew that, because Tank Top hit on him a bunch. So I'm a little confused what I'm supposed to be getting from that. Am I to get that Dark was so embroiled in their own plotting and scheming that they are genuinely surprised when a person displays a genuine emotion?
Overall, congratulations on an outstanding fic. I am grateful I got the chance to watch this fic develop in real time.
If I had read "Lower Class":
In the Writeoff, the following are the comments I would've given it. Of course, for me, the Writeoff has always been a "first draft contest" where I gather comments, rewrite the story in question, then, if it's a Pony story, post the final version to Fimfiction. Your blog post has made it pretty clear that you're done whittling at this story, so I don't know how helpful these comments will be. But here goes.
First, though, I wanna say how great it is to be reading stuff from you again. I'll add that we're still doing Writeoffs if you ever want to stop by: Winston and I have the only two entries in the Pony Writeoff currently in the judging stage, in fact...
Still, having read "Lower Class" twice now, I'm still not sure I understand the basic, chronological series of events it covers. I thought I had it figured out after the second-to-last chapter, but then in the last chapter, we hear for the first time that Harvey "almost killed" Tank-Top at some point before he attacks Dark. I would've found it helpful to get that info earlier: maybe Dark could tell it to Brittle in the second-to-last chapter as something she learned while Brittle was in talking to the dean and the detective?
Another thing that makes me doubt my understanding of the chronology is Dark's "pronoun trouble" in the last chapter, the way she says that it was Brittle who met with Tank-Top, then says that it was her, then says that it was Brittle again. If she made a slip of the tongue, then it just makes her sound stupid when she tries to insist that she didn't just say what we all heard her say. And if she did it on purpose, then I can't figure out what her plan is. She must have some plan, some reason she wanted to meet Tank-Top, but I can't for the life of me figure out what that reason is. If it's to make sure that he's okay after everything that happened even if talking to him risks blowing up the cover story Brittle put into place, then that's her being a good person right there, isn't it?
Also, if I do understand the chronology, it's got a big hole in it. Because as near as I can tell, Brittle only comes into things after Harvey attacks Dark: is that right? But with the cops still right there at the scene, how does Dark manage to contact Brittle, get him to travel from wherever he is to meet her in the bathroom, and then have enough time alone with him to fill him in on everything that's happened with Catalyst and Harvey and Tank-Top and all?
I'll admit that all the philosophical talk in the last two chapters goes pretty much over my head, but Dark's whole thing is separation from the hive, right? And there's no indication in the story that she's been in contact with Brittle during the two months she's been working for Harvey. So how does Dark manage to give Brittle enough information so that he can put together the lie that makes up most of the story we actually read? The cops would have to be willing to let an assault victim sit alone in a public bathroom for what would have to be a fairly lengthy amount of time, it seems to me, and I can't imagine any cops who would do that.
Maybe in the chapter where Brittle and Dark talk, you could make it clear that they already have a relationship, that she's already told him about Catalyst or that he otherwise already knows what she's been up to? That would make the amount of info she needs to give him in the bathroom much more manageable.
A smaller thing that still bothered me: why does Dark wear thick makeup in her scene with Brittle if she can appear as her uninjured self the way the last chapter tells us she does?
But it's great fun reading a story with not just one but two unreliable narrators. I just wish I'd been able to piece together a clearer picture of what actually happened by the time I got to the end...
Mike
12080101
Agreeing. This has been hugely improved all over, now everyone has solid motives and a point, and it all ties together in a great package - I especially loved the final line.
And since you didn't GET it I get to be smug and explain it mwahahaha What it means is that Brittle Wing was right - humans ARE starting to expect better of Dark Wing. She is the Good One in their eyes - and so Tank Top is completely right that /she has failed to grow here/, and is genuinely disappointed because he thought she was the Good One (instead of faking it, as she clearly is)
Basically, it means the Sociopath method of trying to be human is starting to pay dividends!
12080298 maaaaaaan okay i guess whatevs (this ties things together in a way I did not initially understand and deepens my appreciation of the story)
That's the part about this hive that I find so ironic, almost tradegically so--they're trying to not stoop to the Chrysalis way, while also not giving up what is, in effect, still the Chrysalis way in essence. They're trying to have their cake and eat it too by trying to be the middle-ground between the Chrysalis and Thorax ideologies to the point they're ALL living in denial of the harsh reality they don't want to admit that it's not working and the two ideologies are too incompatible. They can only ever be one or the other, not both.
They're what I would call the world's worst sort of rebellious, the ones who foolishly go to their graves claiming they can make their own way besides the ones the world already provides, vainly searching for it only to never find it because it never actually existed.
Now I'm all for finding compromises myself, mind you, and think that just defaulting to the "my way or the highway" method of binary absolutes is equally foolish...but I'm also enough of a realist to know that you can't just invent a new option out of nowhere just because you don't want to swallow your pride and accept the ones life has already provided to you.
Brittle is right--Freedom Hive is sick. But they're all too stubbornly persisting with it anyway, Brittle and Dark Wing included, to just face facts and dare to actually do what is really needed to fix it. And so the charade continues.
That said, despite it all, Brittle is also right in that Dark Wing is the hive's best bet for finding the way out of the hole they've dug for themselves...even if Dark Wing herself doesn't understand why herself (and indeed might actually the one who's MOST in denial about the having the cake and eating it too way isn't actually working).
You know, his name is Thorax, do the guy the favor of actually using it.
That said, Thorax isn't actually as much of a doormat as claimed. Actually, quite the opposite, for if he had been, he never would've dared to step up and start the ball rolling for the reformation, and then you'd all still be rotting under Chrysalis's reign or worse.
Yeah, I've noticed this is a reoccurring problem. Keeps trying to keep everybody at arm's length then proceeds to get confused and frustrated on why everybody seems to take issue with that.
Well...sort of. You can tell here that there's a lot more to it than she presently understands--that's part of why it instead exploded in her face--but I'll grant there was a good intent behind it still.
Well yes...except it's really more herself that's getting hung up on "specific and incorrect words." All the guy wants is an honest apology and she's too hung up on technicalities to deliver it.
Part of it is simply culture clash--she's looking at it from a typically changeling point of view while he is not--but part of it really is her trying to keep things at arm's length, including the blame, all for the sake of protecting solely herself.
But then she openly forewarned this would be the case at the start of the conversation, so...she's at least aware of it, even though she could do so much more to fix it.
Yeah, that. That sums it up nicely.
It goes back to what I've been saying--trying to have the cake and eat it too. And it's not working.
Maybe someday she and the rest of her hive will realize why.
12079025
In an effort to clarify the final line, I've deleted two paragraphs from the end, in hopes it strengthens the link from Dark's final quip to the line it's responding to.
12080298 12080776
I'm curious if you think that helps, or if there's anything else which might signpost people toward the intention of the final line in a non-obtrusive way. There's something to be said for subtlety, but I also want people to be able to appreciate it, and it was whiffing a bit too frequently for my tastes.
12079194
Thanks for reading and responding! And I'm glad you brought that up, because the contrast between Thorax's reformed hive and Freedom Hive was extremely deliberate, and the framing of it equally so.
It's entirely possible that Thorax's hive does have problems -- but if so, we only ever hear about them from the perspective of the unredeemed changelings. We are told, repeatedly, that Thorax is awful, or ineffectual, or a "socialist dystopia" -- by characters who spend the entire story being unreliable narrators, lying to each other and to themselves. So yes, for as much noise as the story makes in telling the reader Thorax's problems, it shows the problems with Freedom Hive rather directly.
I tried to make the subtext fairly obvious, but for non-American readers, it's worth noting some of the explicitly American narrative elements. "Freedom Hive" was deliberate naming; the idea of "freedom" as an axiomatic good to be axiomatically prioritized over competing societal benefits is a very American framing. The use of "socialist" as a thought-terminating curse word, too, is an extremely American affectation. I hadn't considered student debt as particularly American -- medical debt is the real standout there -- but, alas, it looks like we're getting there too.
Which is all to say, I agree with your analysis, and I'm glad that the elements of the story which were written to support it came through as intended.
12079202
That's certainly a fascinating alternate reading! I did try to include evidence that it was Dark who made the romantic setup and then got attacked -- the ice pack, several lines of their dialogue, the fact that Brittle told Tony to go talk to Dark -- but the evidence is all indirect and there's still ways to get from there to where you landed. It's definitely in line with my framing of the story, which positions Dark as a lot less good than she presents herself, and Brittle as ambiguously good despite fucking Dark over with their deal. Cool to see where people have taken this.
12079226
It was cool to see Biscuit point people at this! And yes, agreed with the idea that the hive is facing down some fundamental problems that are very, very hard to solve while they cling to their current ideals.
12079691
Thank you!
12079802
Unredeemed non-Chrysalis changelings is something that is, if not specifically supported by the series, at least heavily supported. In "Triple Threat" Thorax mentions that there are a bunch of changelings still sticking to the old love-stealing ways. (Though in the Pharynx episode, it's implied he managed to bring some or all of them into the fold.) Having just finished publishing a novel about the Equestria Girls version of Thorax, that deconstruction's been on my mind a lot lately, and I enjoyed being able to flex that in a different direction.
12080101
Thank you for the kind words, and glad that I managed to elevate the story!
I put a lot of effort into making everyone feel reasonable from their own POV, so I'm especially chuffed to hear this!
12080183
Good to see you again!
And thank you for the critique. As you note, I don't intend to edit this significantly, but I can at least try to answer some of the questions, and I do definitely appreciate the time you took to thoughtfully let me know what worked and didn't.
I'm not certain there's any way to have Dark and/or Brittle learn about Tank-Top's fate earlier because their search for him entirely drives the last chapter, which I need to drive all the themes home. In a way, though, I feel like what happened to him isn't actually all that relevant to the story, aside from that? I'd have established it with more care if it drove any plot points.
Re Dark's pronoun slip:
A lot of the last chapter is caught up in Dark's specific insistence that she isn't Catalyst, and the specific reason she makes that argument: she hints around the edges that she used to be Catalyst, and finally gives up in disgust and admits to Tank-Top that it was her, but tells him that thinking of the two of them as the same person won't end well. This is the fundamental misunderstanding that gets him frustrated at her. By changeling logic, she has declared Catalyst persona non grata, and is abandoning the identity the same way the hive abandoned Chrysalis: recognizing her as evil and trying to not do things her way. Her extremely pointed denials that she was Catalyst are a significant statement: she's drawing a line that she will no longer cross. But by normal human logic, Tony gets frustrated because she's trying to have her cake and eat it too: she's apologizing on behalf of someone else, and conveniently getting to still think of herself as a good person who never made the mistakes she acknowledges. It comes across as extremely passive-aggressive of her.
If it's to make sure that he's okay after everything that happened even if talking to him risks blowing up the cover story Brittle put into place, then that's her being a good person right there, isn't it?
She is certainly making the attempt! Why, though, is a pretty central question.
To be honest, I kind of handwaved that one. Every SF story gets one implausibility they don't have to justify and that was the one I punted on.
Your suggested edit would be a good thing to do if I do ever take another pass on it.
Oh, dang, good eye. I don't have a satisfying answer for that one. Let's just say that on the day of the interrogation she was extremely rattled and that was a detail she didn't think of at the time. Or perhaps that it was easier covering it up with external assistance than it would have been to fix it herself.
Glad you had fun regardless!
12080298
I award you 500 Honorary Changeling Points for being so accurately on a changeling-brain wavelength, more than any of the humans reading this thread.
12080950
You've been leaving some detailed, well-thought-out comments, which I very much appreciate, but I spent so much time nodding along with them that I'm not sure I have much to add!
There's a lot of people in this story arguing very vehemently for their position despite their blind spots, and you've called 'em all out, and it's really validating to see that I've managed to write flawed arguments whose shortcomings get under readers' skin in exactly the way I intended them to fall short. So, thank you for getting so deeply into it! It's really good to see that after all the blood and sweat I put into this, that there were a lot of ways in which I did end up correctly calling my shot.
Well, 12081253, I am a socialist myself. (The Albert Camus avatar is a tip-off.) Even if I am aware both of the crimes committed under the fig-leaf of that ideology throughout the twentieth century, or the fact that self-identifying as one is becoming politically dangerous these days, especially in America.
Ironic, really, that America is the nation which can be positively Orwellian in throwing around terms such as "freedom" or "democracy" while stripping them of meaning.
And, thanks for the watch.
I may linger on returning the favour right away, but this story suggests an output to me well worth keeping an eye on; I'll see what else of yours I can check out in the coming year.
12081285
It's doubly good for me to hear all of that, because I admit, for the first couple of comments, before I had fully realized all the directions the story was going, I was somewhat worried I was going off on tangents that were only loosely related to the intended themes. So it's good to hear I was on the mark regardless.
12081392
If it's worth anything, horizon has been consistently one of the best (to me, THE best) writer on this site for over a decade. Output may be sporadic but it's always worth your time :)
12081273
Direct changeling emotional transfer! Very efficient but puts a strain on you.
I liked this a lot. I am conscious that I read the revised version with two end paragraphs removed (I am concluding this from reading your comments), but as a result the final line only took me a moment to figure out. I thought it all worked great.
The one twist I slightly struggled with understanding was that the hive had been funding Dark Wing all along. I understand that, as per Brittle's deal, she now had to be open about that, but I didn't quite get that bit, or how it fit with the principles she was so keen on espousing.
The only aspect I found slightly off was a university caring so much about others taking notes for classmates who couldn't be there. I went to a university that made a huge deal about physical attendance rate (which sucked, but I guess consistently getting out of bed in the morning is a habit musicians really do need kicking into), but the dean here seemed to come down very heavily on that for academic subjects, even with the pop quiz thing - pop quizzes which are, I'd assume, not formally graded, and so kind of mostly irrelevant. Or was their own philosophy supposed to be just as misguided and focused on the wrong thing as that of the changelings?
Anyway, great story, thanks for writing! Sorry to hear it caused you such headache, but, if it helps, I never once got that impression when reading it. Do you have any other stories of unreformed changelings? I considered Even Changelings Get the Blues, but I can only handle Thorax in small quantities
12094225
It's fantastic to hear that those final edits clarified the last chapter! Thanks for saying so.
What I was specifically going for there was that they actually hadn't. Why would she have needed to be Catalyst if her degree was getting paid for? The reason she reacted so strongly to the favor is that Brittle was saying: we will start funding you, so that the lie I told to the dean and detective becomes true and backs up your cover. Presumably they had their hive accountants cook the books to show a record of backdated payments, if the outside investigation ever got so far as checking the cover story out.
Re other stories of unreformed changelings: it looks like you've already found it, but to get it on the record, Hearth Swarming Eve is a thriller about Rarity matching wits with Chrysalis amid a changeling holiday invasion. (If you enjoy that, Double Jeopardy is about Chrysalis specifically and similar in tone and theme.) Also,
You Remind Me Of You is a Lyra/Bon-Bon romance complicated by the (semi-consensual) addition of a changeling. And Hard Reset 2, which I will return to at some point this year, is about
how to lose the time warmultiple loopers struggling with each other (and their sanity) amid intersecting time loops during a changeling invasion of Canterlot.Also.
This was a fun little read, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
12105531
Thank you!
Hi! I just finished reading your story, and wow! As I have started writing myself, I can see that you have a real talent. Your writing is so rich in detail and emotion—I really enjoyed it!
How long have you been writing? It must have taken years to develop such a strong storytelling style.
Secondly as an professional artist I also think your story would make an amazing comic! Would you be interested in discussing that idea? I'm a paid artist with friendly rates, and I love bringing stories to life through visuals. I'd be excited to take your story to the next level!
Feel free to reach out to me via Discord (my username is avablaise _98 ) or by email (avablaise9@gmail.com). Hope to hear from you soon!