Monochromatic
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well now, this is good.
i hope for a sequel!
Oh, this is painfully lovely.
I really wanted to like this fic, but unfortunately it missed the mark for me. There was a lot to enjoy here but unfortunately there was an inescapable issue in the form of a lack of my OC. Normally I only read fics that have my OC in it, but I took a chance on this fic because the cover art looked cool (although the lack of my OC in it made it less than perfect). Unfortunately given that there was zero mention of my OC anywhere I this fic, I'm going to have to give it a down vote. Please don't take this personally. This is an opportunity for you to improve.
I'm sorry, but I can't in good conscience upvote any story in which Celestia murders her sister, especially onscreen. It would have been much more realistic if she couldn't end up going through with it because she loves her sister so much. What were you thinking?
Also, the story makes no sense. Where did the deer go? And why was there a second scene with Luna in it after she got killed? Was that a flashback?
11995094
OOOH MY GOD, FAMOUS HORSE WRITER HORIZON????? IM SUCH A FAN
Okay so this was really cool but it's missing a lot of horse facts that could really pump up the story's believability. I used to work with horses before I got blacklisted from the zospital (zoo hospital) when I did something I'm legally not allowed to talk about.
First of all, horses only carry knives when they're feeling comfortable with their surroundings. Luna having a knife when she's facing the death of a loved one is an amateur mistake that I see a lot of authors make, so try not to beat yourself up too much about it.
Secondly, horses have an incredibly short memory, so it's more likely that Celestia and Luna wouldn't even remember each other for more than a week after they were born. This is why when we were doing surgeries on them in the zospital we would have to put up pictures of them on the ceilings and walls so they knew who they were when they woke up.
I would suggest looking up my YouTube channel to learn more about horses, but that got blacklisted, too. I'll let you know when it's back up.
11995082
Thank you, I’m glad you liked it! ❤️ I’m very proud of it
11995044
Thank you! I don’t know about sequel but we will see ahaha
Luna as the magical heavy-hitter, and Celestia as the comparatively disempowered Knife Guy, is a pretty interesting role reversal. We usually think that Celestia, the Larger Horse, is and ought to be the most powerful of the two.
this here's what we in the business call "dramatic irony."
It is a really good thing Celly didn't have a knife during the Nightmare Moon fiasco.
Oh. I may have spoken too soon.
That was a very tightly done exchange between the Big Ladies at the end. Despite knowing how this plays out from show canon, I started to wonder if you were gonna go the other way, surprise everyone. I like how things resolved in the end, though.
I need art of Celly and her Big Spear.
11995104 Hello, while I've never encountered a horse in real life, I have read a lot of fascinating discourse on the subject through X Dot Com, and I feel pretty confident in stating that you're misinformed. Horses like Luna and Celestia actually begin to carry small paring knives as early as three weeks old, and have sometimes been observed exiting the womb with the tiniest of Swiss Army Knives clutched in their mandibles.
Please stay in your lane from now on. Thank you.
11995094
Look what else could she have done. Loony Luna needed to die. The reason there is a SECOND scene is the deer became the new Luna, and Celestia in her griefnsanity THINKS that it was Luna and eventually kills it because it took her sandwich!!!!
11995104
Thank you but I worked in a Wildlife Hospital (Wospital) and you are only thinking of animals in captivity, 11995132 is right that newly born foals already are level 4 knife wielders. It's just horses only get knives when another horse dies, but typically their fathers engage in fatal gang wars before week three which is where the children get their first knives
11995139 I am sick and tired and hopping and jumping mad at people employing these mythologized myths and false half-truths about horse gang war; all it does is spread misinformation, disinformation, and hissinformation (information which makes me hiss). Horse-related knife crime is actually confined to the isles of Great Britain, and indeed, the last documented horse gang war was observed by Lester Thistlebritton in Chapsburg-Upon-Hamside in 1972. Accusations that infant horses grow up without fathers due to the high knife-gang mortality rate in such locales are exaggerated and heavily badbrainful. Horses are known to employ their knives for simple deeds such as peeling fruits, euthanizing dying animals, carving graven idols, and that thing that the android does in Aliens 2.
I really think you need to edjucate yourself on this, Mourning Sun.
This was fantastic! I loved Celestia trying to save her sister in any circumstance. She let Luna try to save the deer because that's who Luna was, but even if it would have lived Celestia refused to allow Luna to put herself at risk by wasting magic. Even during such an incredibly stressful time she was still patient with Luna and made sure she understood and still valued the life and the sacrifice of the deer by making the goodbye meaningful, but not letting her watch to try and save even a scrap of innocence.
Beautiful callbacks after the time skip. Celestia calling out being a coward as the worst possible explanation for the deers injuries and now banishing instead of finishing Luna. It feels like an admittance that she was always the weaker of the two, afraid to lose her sister at any point in her life and even with Luna's role as the protector and younger I can't help but feel like she would have finished Celestia were the roles reversed. She would have understood the kindness that Celestia preached but couldn't fulfill. Celestia on the other hand needing to do it fast, in one fell swoop? Because she couldn't do it otherwise.
The fight scene and gore depicted was wonderfully impactful and never felt excessive. NMM taunting was great, her verbal barbs when that was all she had left to hurt Celestia.
11995149
I do not know where you get off on questioning my lived Wospital experience and expertise, but I suppose this is just what you crazy people do online these days.
I will have you know I have personally observed at least three father-related horse gang wars with my own eyes. The town of Brighten Numpshire will never be the same after one broke out during the Sunday picnic. All those...whinnies...
I fear you have simply been taken in by the British press deploying lies. You see, they do not want to admit that they have exported gang wars all over the world, as it is shameful and spoils the vibe of their afternoon tea, so they spend great bales of money writing total nonsense.
Furthermore, while horses do all of those things you mentioned, by the time they are adults most mares have switched to tail katanas so they can engage in ritual hunts of wild Giraffaphants on the Plains of Lang. If not for those brave warriors...well. Actually, you don't have the clearance for me to continue, ye noncy ponce!
How did you get onions in there? <.<
That's a take on Luna's banishment I don't think I've seen before!
Disregarding the comments that look like they came from The Onion (the publication)
I've had to deal with several pet losses in my life, and more that will come in the future without a doubt, so while I might not wail and bash my head over the loss, it does sting. I can understand how an especially young Luna would have trouble with the idea of death being the better option.
As to Celestia, I've adopted the fan lore that says that Celestia in her youth could very well fit in with the "popular girl" clique in any highschool drama, she was blind to Luna's doubts and worries until the bottle popped as it were. Luna and Celestia were the sword and shield of Equestria, the warrior and the teacher,
11995897 excuse me we are having a very constructive dialogue about depictions of horse warfare and knife business. monochromakey can only stand to learn and grow from this earnest feedback.
11996239
I mean the Onion is a fairly well recognized publication so...maybe Equestria has its own version?
11996294
Yes it is called The Onions
I do love a good dark reprise. Brilliant work (though given the credit to Carabas, I half-expected the deer to be a hyper-advanced abusive precursor in the first few lines.
)
In any case, thank you for this.
audiobook version coming soon!
Nope, nope, nope!
oh this is simply an amazing short read if i didn't fav it i wouldn't right about it