Monochromatic
Joined 11th Jul, 2013 ·
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Welp. 🧀
i.pinimg.com/originals/af/03/2b/af032b567f0a4843e58ff87956e5f820.gif It's nice to see some Pinkie horror that doesn't play into the expected Cupcakes tropes (besides the cannibalism). You definitely made the concept of this story as believable as possible given the prompts and subject matter. Rarity always supports her friends.
I got there halfway through, but finished to see how you'd work it.
Amazing work with the unreliable narration, mixing up the timeline. "Pinkie, stabbed..." Maximum drama, yes Rarity's talking.
11988439
incredibly embarrassed to say that wasn't supposed to be an unreliable narrator moment LOL the comma was supposed to go before Pinkieignore all this, I had a very weird ??? brain moment????, the comma was supposed to go there, I'm not sure what just happened to me LOL anyway yes!
I'm glad you liked it c:
11988432
thank you!! i'm very happy you liked it c:
also tbh I hadn't even been thinking of cupcakes lmao I hate the horror genre so I wasn't savvy to any mlp horror genres... I just didn't know what else to do with cheese and horror LOL
11988452
Only other thing I can think of his man eating living cheese lmao. You definitely write it well for someone who hates it though.
Description:
EACH cheese?
I really enjoyed this. Rarity's narration is great, and it feels so perfectly in character that she had the reaction that she did. I also liked the slow build up to the end, even though it only clicked for me by the time it was too late and made obvious.
11988474
Thank you! Fixed it
You may fascinate a mare by giving her a piece of cheese (but watch out!)
I guessed where it was going from the description alone, but that didn't hurt the journey in the slightest.
I've always felt like less is more when it comes to horror, and this is a prime example of doing it well. Spot on characterization, a singular vision, and just enough detail to make your skin crawl while your mind fills in the blank.
I hope you do more.
Okay... I feel.. hm.
As someone who normally loves these kinds of topics, the best word would be lukewarm, about this one. If someone likes it, cool, that's your opinion just like I have mine. Nothing wrong with that, creative discussion and all.
For me it's just.. jarring, how we go from domestic abuse to cannibalism in a span of a second. Now, don't get me wrong, it's one thing to flip whole character on its head. Motivations, mannerisms and all, while providing reasons for the change. Best shit ever in my opinion.
Here was just.. naw, he different now, beats wife because no job, deal.... and then they ate him. Just like that. No convincing themselves or anything. Killing him is believable, that's a thing people sadly do in the real world when they have a literal second to think. Eating someone afterwards? That would mean severe mental issues, that.. just weren't there, none of them were established. They just went and did it.
I really feel like this is a nice concept, but suffers from being too short. If it was just twice as long, more setup, it would be better. At least for me.
I guess I'm just really surprised you of all people wrote this. There wasn't a single thing of yours I didn't enjoy in the past.
I don't know, I'm not a writer so might be wrong and everything I wrote just now is nonsense and bullscheiße of the highest order, but that's how I feel.
11988626
I want to preface this by saying that all your opinions are valid, and this has nothing to do with your thoughts on the story.
>>> I guess I'm just really surprised you of all people wrote this. There wasn't a single thing of yours I didn't enjoy in the past.
But man, this kind of sentiment is the reason I left Fimfiction. Again, it’s not the opinion, but the fact that I felt I was held to a very high standard (for reasons I don’t know?) and I couldn’t do wrong, and it feels shitty to branch out, share it for free, and be told this.
Everything else in your comment I have no issue with except for that because observations like that are the reason I stopped posting ficlets and silly ideas here, because all I feel is I cannot leave my lane or not be perfect.
It’s perfectly fair to not have found this great or even good, and you have every right to say it, but there was literally zero need for that incredibly out of pocket and discouraging thought.
Girl Dinner!
I love how confident you are with Raritys voice. Even in 30 minutes and in a genre you're unpracticed in you still nailed Rarity. Generous, considerate and passionate.
I wonder what kind of cheese they prefer? Pinkie strikes me as a fondue gal but Rarity would have a full charcuterie board and perfectly paired wine.
11988626
Fair critique, recommend that in the future you should leave out the personally judgemental comments towards the author though. Creepy pseudo-parental "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed" vibe going on with that..
This was a really fun read and an exceptionally clever way to make the prompts work. The rhythm and repetition of the piece is a perfect tension-builder, and I think you pushed the horror just right :) Also Pinkie was so well-characterized!! She doesn't get nearly enough sincere attempts horror around here, so that was a joy to read. Thank you for sharing this little challenge! You did great!
Not thrilled with the villification if a character I enjoy, but I have to appreciate the commitment to the bit. We all must make sacrifices for the sake of the punchline, party ponies especially. Thank you for a most toothsome speedwriting exercise.
I enjoyed, thanks for writing this!
Don't abuse your family. If you do then you get what you deserve. I mean, I wouldn't make a sandwich out of them later, but um, the rest of it sounds about right.
Definitely not your usual, but nicely done. Please write whatever you want and don't let people discourage you: I always think "Hey, something by Monochromatic. This should be good."
if it took a year to eat all the Cheese, does Pinkie have a deep freezer? Or was pickling involved? (Yeah, I tend to overthink things...)
Just noticed this, but I get the feeling there was supposed to be something after that 'but you'. but you look awful maybe?
EDIT: No wait that can't be it, because Rarity already said she looks awful.
I'm sorry, but I literally laughed out loud at the first mention of Pinkie's husband and realized where it was going. There was a time years ago where I might've been shocked, but now this just comes across as a silly creepypasta.