A very successful reign of peace indeed, Twilight did herself good. Three thousand years of Equestria and every other nation in peace. Then, she left. Abdicated. Made Equestria a republic. It all fell, and, Twilight wasn't there to help. Not at all. No word to the immortal Spike The Dragon. No word to Discord. No word to Celestia or Luna. No word to Princess Cadence. No word to Flurry Heart. Just gone.
Equestria fell. Twilight was seen as the holder of all nations, the embodiment of what made them all come together, anyway. So, arguments came. All ponies, horrid behaviour between them all. Crimes committed. Discord just knew he had to do something. So, the unity crystals were created. As long as the ponies lived in harmony and kindness, their magic would stay. Yet, this didn't work. It made it worse. The ponies argued still. And magic disappeared, and three elected leaders of each pony type took their crystal and left, spreading across Equestria, in their own large segments of it. Other creatures shortly returned to their home lands, not wanting to be in the middle of these arguments. Spike, Luna, Celestia, and Discord left to the Crystal Empire a few weeks after the area around Ponyville and Canterlot was abandoned, only leaving Fluttershy's animals' descendants to fend for themselves.
It's two hundred years after the collapse of harmony. Spike still lives in the Crystal Empire, often helping protect it from any harm. Luckily, the crystal ponies remained in peace, and the crystal heart remained strong, even after the death of their Prince Consort, Shining Armor, over three thousand years ago.
Spike, now over three thousand, two hundred years old, is still relatively the same bubbly and snarky dragon we see in the show. It's been over two hundred years since he last heard Twilight's voice. Last seen her face. Her purple eyes. Her long, waving mane and tail. It's been so long since he'd even heard her name. Nopony mentions her anymore. Not even Flurry Heart. He doesn't even know why. Is it too painful? Do they think of her as a traitor? Is she even alive?
He spirals, every single night, alone. Not able to ever have that lavender mare to get him some hot cocoa, to help him sleep, to ease his woes and worries. Not a helping hoof from her. He was her number one assistant! Her first friend! Her son. And she left... she left him. All those years ago. No birthdays spent with him, nor anypony else. No word. Is she okay? Spike doesn't even know anymore. He only gets out of bed, for his cousin and aunt. They're letting him stay there, he better be respectful.
Discord's been okay. Yeah, sure, he's gotten rid of ponies' magic, which caused an even bigger split in ponykind, but, he's been a good help to Spike's mind. One of the only pieces of his past is an annoying prick.
Will Spike ever see Twilight again?
Since when is Spike immortal?
11989801
Dragons live very long lives, some even into the ten thousand year mark. How long has it been between Twilight and Sunny is debatable, but surely enough for Spike to still be alive. No, dragons aren't supposed to be immortal, but Spike, having been so close to Twilight's alicorn magic, it would probably affect his life span. A fair point that I sort of think regarding Shining Armor, who should also live a very long life, being close to Cadance's alicorn magic...
11989998
hi! Spike was affected by Twilight's magic when she hatched him, and, as long as she's alive, he will be, too (neither know this!)
11989801
as long as Twilight is alive, he'll be alive!
11990161
I'll certainly give you that point.
Spike has neem closest to Twilight, so it should be clear that he would be most affected by her alicorn magic, once she ascended. It has been fairly established that the magic of alicorns do affect those closest to them, in a positive light.
I may not be a fan of Gen 5, but I will at least give this story a read and follow, if only for Spike's tale.
11990191
this story shares some aspects with g5, however, it doesn't exactly follow g5's lore, and is much more connected to g4! we won't be seeing any g5 original characters here!
Gotta mention...
Where are both Celestia's and Luna regalia and peytrals?
Even without them, Luna is just so darn cute in that picture...
11992122
this story is based 3,200 years after The Last Problem! they haven't been royalty since Twilight's final coronation.
11992439
Ah, I see. You are keeping them in line with your story's timeline, not as the should appear as usual. I'm used to seeing them appear as princesses, not merely in their abdicated forms.
Interesting premise so far! Compelling setting, nice to see Spike seeing Twilight as a mom! Looking forward to seeing how you continue with this.
You asked for writing advice, so maybe I can help yah, hmm
First of, writing in the present tense can kind of remove a lot of the emotion from your writing, make it feel a bit more stiff. Though it is definitely a personal choice, because it can make it seem like you're giving out stage directions, which is a style choice for sure!
One thing I noticed, sometimes the dialogue already established smth naturally, but you then reinforce it through narration even when there's no need for it, really. Example:
This is already very concise! This line establishes they know each other, that they've known each other for a while, and for enough time that she can be annoyed at some of his habits, enough to have called him out on slamming doors many times.
But then you went forward on narration and repeated it anyways:
It wasn't rly necessary, a lot of times you can circumvent having to narrate character's internal thoughts if you write the dialogue well enough, it's difficult to pull it off but its wonderful! (it also helps it the readers actually pay attention, lmao.)
But yeah, interesting story, I wonder where it's going! I'll miss u Twilight
11998364
thanks for the tips!! and dont worry, twilight will be okay
excellent