You find yourself trotting along, life far behind you, memories fading into nothing but a nightmare that you once lived.... when you find a new friend, can you accept him? (this is my first fanfic, and so feed back is appreciated!!) *note; not all tags may apply right away
(Warning, this story is not the best. Far from it.)
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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hope you all like it!
Feedback is appreciated? Alright well I guess I'll leave some! Sorry if I sound mean, only being honest.
For a first fanfic (in second person no-less, quite the challenge!) this was pretty well done. However, that's not to say there weren't some derps scattered here and there.
First off, if we're the character, I don't think we would know what the nurse is thinking.
Second, this does need a grammar check. I'd be more than happy to do a glance over if you'd like. That'll solve pretty much everything else.
Other than that, this is good. Earns a 3.5 from me :D
97493
thanks for the feedback!
about not knowing what the nurse was thinking, I meant for the story to have multiple perspectives, i quess not one of my brightest ideas
and for the spelling/grammer mistakes, well lets say english is my thing.... so I'll try to sort those out, unless i get a proof reader, but what ever
thanks for reading!
97533
You could use indicators to show a change in point of view, like a !%!%!%!% as if a change in scenes were happening.
I reccommend everything CosmicAfro did, but overall a good, random beginning.
And dang it, he stole my offer to be editor. Ah, well, I'm still offering. So, you need an editor still?
when i typed in english is my thing, i meant english is NOT my thing, for all who are wondering
HoHo, it worked! Thank you kindly.
I'll send a P.M. about editing.
ok thank you Mobius!
good start
Author's note: thanks to my editor, Mobius of the Moon, i have been able to clean up the majority of my grammatical errors. thanks Mobius!
109251
You're quite welcome.
Alright, it's up! Good job so far, smith!