• Member Since 14th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Feb 17th, 2016



You find yourself trotting along, life far behind you, memories fading into nothing but a nightmare that you once lived.... when you find a new friend, can you accept him? (this is my first fanfic, and so feed back is appreciated!!) *note; not all tags may apply right away

(Warning, this story is not the best. Far from it.)

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 12 )

hope you all like it!

Feedback is appreciated? Alright well I guess I'll leave some! Sorry if I sound mean, only being honest.

For a first fanfic (in second person no-less, quite the challenge!) this was pretty well done. However, that's not to say there weren't some derps scattered here and there.

First off, if we're the character, I don't think we would know what the nurse is thinking.

Second, this does need a grammar check. I'd be more than happy to do a glance over if you'd like. That'll solve pretty much everything else.

Other than that, this is good. Earns a 3.5 from me :D


thanks for the feedback!

about not knowing what the nurse was thinking, I meant for the story to have multiple perspectives, i quess not one of my brightest ideas :facehoof:

and for the spelling/grammer mistakes, well lets say english is my thing.... so I'll try to sort those out, unless i get a proof reader, but what ever

thanks for reading!

You could use indicators to show a change in point of view, like a !%!%!%!% as if a change in scenes were happening.
I reccommend everything CosmicAfro did, but overall a good, random beginning.
And dang it, he stole my offer to be editor. Ah, well, I'm still offering. So, you need an editor still?

when i typed in english is my thing, i meant english is NOT my thing, for all who are wondering

HoHo, it worked! Thank you kindly.

good start:pinkiehappy:

Author's note: thanks to my editor, Mobius of the Moon, i have been able to clean up the majority of my grammatical errors. thanks Mobius!

Alright, it's up! Good job so far, smith!

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