Twilight Sparkle is the personal student of Princess Celestia, the bearer of the Element of Magic, and arguably the most powerful unicorn alive. But just like everypony else, she can still fall ill, sometimes very ill.
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AntiquatedAnnomaly
Joined 30th Jun, 2012 ·
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Quite good, but I'd like to know exactly what was wrong with Twilight. Other than that, it was very funny and well written for a first attempt. Well done, have a thumb!
This was cute!
Great job!
Well, I'd really like to know what's supposed to be wrong with Twilight and/or some actual confirmation that she will get better, but aside from that it's a good cute story, good job.
She doesn't have cancer, right?
Ok first did twilight just die cause that's what I got second I'm pretty sure Celestia would have told the doctors to let pinkie in and third that was heart warming and painful at the same time... Good Job
1428569>>1428633 I don't have a good answer for what exactly is wrong with Twi
. This has changed quite a bit from my original idea for the fic. But getting better was a mind over matter thing, so rest assured that she is fine now.
1428655 That was the original idea, but no.
1428662 Twi will be fine, all she needed was a cheering section dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png . And it wasn't that the doctors wouldn't let Pinkie in, it is that her getting in would have equaled a very loud party and they didn't want that.
After the inevitability of Pinkie's assault on the hospital, I'm thinking it wasn't entirely for Twilight's benefit that she was given an entire floor to herself...
An amusing little diversion to read on my break, with an appropriately warm ending! Nicely done.
Great story. I hate being left in the dark on if she got better or not though.
1428688 I know where your profile pic is from
1428705
While I don't plan on continuing this story, rest assured that she does get better within the next few days. All she needed was a pie/cake dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png .
1428736
Lol!! Good to know.
I seriously like how you did Pinkie! Pinkie Pie saves the day woo!
Seems like everypony else is enjoying this as much as I did!
Congrats on your very first and impressive step as an author here!
1429006 I had a blast writing all the stuff with Pinkiedl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png . I actually worked out most of the basic plot at work and I kept spontaneously laughing as I was working dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png . All in all, mission accomplished
.
1429495 I can't tell you how happy I am that this has been so well received. I wouldn't have gotten here without you guys, thanks you both so much dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Colgate_beam.png .
did anyone else draw that picture in their head? Pinkie kabobs.....
wait, no.....cotton candy..mmmmmm 
"If the princess is concerned for me… maybe I should be concerned too."
Story actually starts here. Fan-finction in general is brutal in that you'd be lucky to keep people that long ~4 paragraphs even for oneshots.
Numbering the internal Twilights is okay, but I think you'd do better to either give them nicknames like you do with the orderlies later ("optimistic Twilight", and "IQ>!44 Twilight") or just have the straight back-and-forth with linebreaks as this is common enough that folks will get it without beating them over the head.
You mention once that Twilight's in Canterlot and nod again to it when you say Celly's close. When friends visit every week, maybe note that this is an investment for them given that I'd probably take a day of travel round-trip out of their schedules to come see her.
>"That was all Twilight was eating."
How is she getting away with eating nothing with the hospital staff there watching? Any competent nurse would notice this in an instant, even if she /could/ use magic to hide or burn up the food somehow. Maybe just "the only thing she'd eat willingly" or somesuch.
Spike as 2nd fire-hazard is a good touch.
"Weariness clung to Twilight’s features like a second shadow." was beautiful.
"Princess’s prize pupil... the entire third floor to herself... when... mentioned that 'it was a little loud sometimes.'" Liked that quite a lot.
Daily Dash-visits I liked.
Characterization for Pinkie in dialog was very (maybe extremely) good . Her appearance was over-the-top, but then again she's Pinkie Pie. This is actually a hard balance to strike. Canon can do whatever it wants with her and folks will swallow it but you can't push the edges quite as much without justification in fanworks without being annoying an seeming wanky; the reason for this is that canon also gives Pinkiepie redeemable characteristics and has her contribute to the Mane Six in meaningful ways beyond just being random. Since such events don't stick in fanon, alot of fans leave this by the wayside, which just leaves you with typical-annoying-cartoon-character (e.g. Tigger).
"Dragon skewer" should've been explained immediately and seemed like a bombed joke until you hit it later.
I think you could've explained a lot more of what you did in the text with Pinkie in your dialog (esp. because your dialog for Pinkie is quite excellent throughout.) Establish she'd broken into the hospital, set up a party cannon or two, and evaded being straightjacketed etc. This could be equally amusing because Twilight would get to question Pinkie about select details and Pinkie might reveal exaggerations or do more "Of course I did that" or etc. This would be less abusive in not wrecking the 4th wall as much with PDP. A small amount of non-caricatured action for her would've also been nice, like just a hug between her and Twilight or somesuch before she left.
The letter at the end was fine, though leaves us wondering if Celly arranged for Twi to get the flu or whtaver this was until she heard that.
Overall not bad. The part where Twi goes to help the orderlies but then hits the floor is a little awkward, and this would be avoided if you did more with dialog.
1513027
Very true, I happen to love reading, and don't mind slower moving stories, but I should probably make allowances for other types of readers when I can.
That part was added in later, almost last second, at the suggestion of a pre reader, I was already feeling to pressure to publish, and ended up not putting as much attention into that paragraph as it deserved
. Also my inner psychology student applauds you for not going over 150 for IQ score dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Octavia2.png . Since 150 is the max for legitimate IQ tests, and nobody seems to know that.
Thank you
.
I wanted it to be exclusively from Twi's perspective and was having Twi be groggy was an excuse to have her not talk very much, because to be honest, I struggle with dialog
. Sometimes it just flows out when I am writing and thinking, but other times it doesn't and I'm afraid that if I 'force it' It will be noticeably lower quality. I plan on working on this problem before posting anything else, and I have plans for another story I am going to start just as soon as this semester is over 
.
Ya, I could have spent more time on this overall, but I'm still looking for the balance between tinkering a project to death, and calling 'good enough.'
1513758
144 is what I got the last time I tested.
I assume Twlight is smarter than I am thus the IQ greaterThan 144.
I have literally done this.
1513791
Hate to burst you bubble, but unless you paid a couple hundred dollars, and took the it in person with a trained psycholgist, the test you took holds no scientific valuedl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Luna_apple.png . Not that scientific value is the only kind that matters, just be careful about going around saying that you have an IQ of 144 when 130+ is considered genius level, and when only 10% of the population have an IQ above 120. Online IQ tests are all pretty much worthless unless you are just using it to compare scores with friends.
To be honest if you really have an IQ of 144 you would realistically, never in your life meet a person who is as smart or is smarter than you are. That is how rare an IQ that high is....
1513851
Yeah. It was the best test I could find but it wasn't pay-for, because paying for something like that would be... dorky unless for a special reason.
Also this would've been some time ago, and given it's an intelligence quotient, this means that it's harder to get a high score as your age gets higher (atleast this was how a friend explained it to me a while back though maybe he was wrong) unless you keep learning things etc.
I've scored in the 99th percentile on language-based tests before, however, so eh. I'm not sure how linguistically-biased more reliable IQ-assays are. I'm reasonable at math but only if the timing isn't very tight. 'Don't know pay-for tests have time as part of score.
1514097 Your friend was partly right, age does affect IQ, but after about 13 your real IQ stops increasing. It isn't based in knowledge it's based on how your thought processes work.
Well scoring in the 99th percentile speaks for itself. In normal talk that means you scored higher than 99% of the other people who took that test. So the more well known that particular test is the more impressive that score is. And yes pay-for tests have a time limit, also the test giver is trained to be... well mean during the test. How you handle stress is also part of the test. All that makes the test pretty unpleasant.
So... much... adorable...!