"No such thing as a conspiracy of one."
- Remmy Cormo, Pack Street
In the little swamp country of Hepzibah, far from Mainland Equestria, a down-on-her-luck middle aged Kirin named Water Sound is approached by a strange creature in black. What he tells her changes her life forever, and brings her into a world of secrets and lies.
'Secret Treatments' was a placeholder title, and at the time I thought it was really shitty, but at this point I can't think of anything better. For the curious, it's a pun on the BOC album 'Secret Treaties'.
Written for the 2024 Non-Pony Writing Contest. Good luck to all entrants.
So... Are there any other places in your stories that are named after Marvel Comics characters?
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ah ah ah. I named Hepzibah after the Pogo character, as the comic takes place in a swamp. In Universe, the Marvel Comics character was named after the Pogo character as well, because the human who discovered her drew comparisons between her alien species and the cartoon skunk's.
Flash Facts!
I like the subtle theme of harmless futility in the opening. Ponies sleep instead of inventing superior weaponry, and the Cragadile sleeps instead of punishing the hunter’s inferior weapon. Even on the fringes, Equestria is a peaceful, pastoral place.
Always bugged me that Kirin spellcasting was never strongly defined in canon. Stands to reason they can, since shapeshifting into fire demons requires some sort of magical affinity. Then again, if their antlers are anything like deer or moose, best not rely on an appendage that falls off every spring and has to slowly grow back in.
Also, your ability to set scenes remains razor sharp. We began with a nature documentary style narration as a Farasian native(?) stalks monstrous prey, then snap to a roadside diner waitress without missing a beat. The dishes, then the cleaning, then the rushing outside is the literary version of a camera pulling back. Joyous stuff.
It’s becoming a humorous signature of yours to have background dragons that exist solely for you to point out that they probably eat their fellow sapient Equestrians. Adds to the rough-and-tumble settings you favor, and amuses longtime readers like me who notice the trend. I can imagine your nose pressed to the glass door of a Hasbro writing team meeting, your scowl a wordless demand that they address this implication already. They never do though, hence your fics continuing to spotlight it.
You know, just earlier today I was trying to explain to another friend the way character traits and plot support one another. This scene has a typical setup of a mystery man at a bar offering adventure, then subverts it with the blue collar worker assuming control of the convo and action. But then, just as the gag is wearing thin, the mystery man reasserts himself by touching the correct nerve. This sort of technical finesse only works if you’re good at pacing, conversational ebb and flow, and (of course) establishment of character traits.
As I oft say, steal from the best. And as you oft (implicitly) say, contrast the whimsy with sardonicism. Equestria supplies the saccharine high fantasy shoutouts. Str8aura supplies the wry narrative counterweight.
"Whoa no... there goes Tokyo!!"
With some stories, it's easy to tell what plot point was the one all other subsequent plot points were built around. Groundhog Day was the time loop, Beverly Hillbillies was the titular windfall, and your story is most certainly this. A secret society even sillier than S.M.I.L.E.
My brother recently graduated from medical school. He works on eyes rather than teeth, but it’s still endearing to hear The Stranger talk with his same passion for a niche medical field..
You think you’re clever, don’t you? Well, I’ll have you know that cleverness is the devil!
Once again, the tiniest characterization can put in the heaviest lifting. In addition to keeping the tone comfortably light, we get a nice reinforcement of Water Sound’s sense of responsibility that has informed every decision she’s made so far. Right before she goes Nirik and we see glimpse the understandable stress her strong morals foster. As stated above, you’re good at adding spice to the saccharine.
Yes! My evangelism has spread to other authors!
And our tale ends on a satisfactory final reveal that I shan’t spoil. It's fun to play around with chimeric creatures, isn’t it? One of my stories featured an Owlgriff OC simply because I thought the idea was original (it wasn’t). You however, know to tie creative decisions to the plot.
Crackerjack work, as usual. Be sure to let me know which pop culture references I missed in this one.
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Damn it! Damn it! Why am I my own Cassandra? Is it so wrong to derive pleasure from the thought of dragons eating people??
Actually, the twist of this story came before the dentistry idea, derived from my shock at learning a type of bird I had always assumed to be real was actually just another one of Pliny's complete and utter fuckups. The rest spiralled from there, and I started shoving things together to make them fit. Despite the references to Nile crocodiles, the setting is intended to be pseudo-Louisiana more than Pseudo-North Africa. This is a subtle nod to the fact that I don't know the difference between crocs and gators.
I actually was just thinking about putting together a small blog post detailing references from my stories as a side project. Glad to see there's interest from the only person I ever need approval from.
Nice BOC reference :)
Quite witty & enjoyable! I'm glad to have stumbled upon your works