Lost, alone and scared. The three words that sum up Scootaloo's life now that everything has changed. With no cutie mark, no crusaders to back her up, and all of these murders going on around Equestria, how is the older mare going to cope with being the only 'sane' one left in Equestria?
It's so unfair. It's unbearable. And the loss of life keeps growing and growing until there may be no more to tell the tale.
One by One truly is the lonliest number.
Link for artist of picture: http://ponysquare.com/file/pic/photo/2012/05/e65d44baca7b84a925e10daacd3f48a6_500.jpg
Chapters (31)
Awesome bit of blog turned into incomplete story?
Well of course I'd love to read more.
Good.
I'm watching where this will go.
FIRST!
FIRST!
1510630 I love that you actually comment on the chapters
. Yeah, he does seem a jerk.
1535384 Oh? Do tell.
Up and on the tally shall go,
as young scootaloo plots her goals.
And death shall come as darkness falls,
Leaving those who remain in fear and awe......
and checking it twice.
They're gonna know,
If you've been naughty or nice.
A pony killer is coming........to town."
This is getting along awesomely... Why does no-one read this? Or at least, no-one comments...
I think I might have a hunch on who the murderer is(Because I don't think it's Scootaloo), but I won't say anything.
Oh. My suspicions have shifted.
Of all the ponies, why Cadence? I mean, it was sad enough to see Rarity, Big Mac and Cheerilee die, but... Cadence? :
I can't decide if I enjoy this story or not... It's very well done and keeps me in suspense, but I also find it rather depressing as some characters which I really like just die.
Please, don't kill Rainbow Dash... :(
she did it.
So confused
One?! One
yeah walk away...not fly?
2571408 Thanks. I can sort of understand it looking rubbish but glad you like it.
Incompetence is a grave sin.
How many a death shall it take for you to understand?
I shall read on.
So it appears you are wandering the paved path to hell through a tunnel of insanity.
I fear for you.
I shall read on.
Your role is unknown. Whether it is for the good or bad for the culprit.
But you are still silently walking down into the dark.
I shall read on.
You have gone too far.
Retribution shall eventually find you.
I will read on.
This is the apex of the sins that will fall down like rain scattering against the pavement.
Who will be the victor, I wonder?
Awaiting further releases.
2575815 Well, thanks for all the comments and the follow. Two more chapters left to go on this story. Hopefully the next chapter should be the longest one yet. Hope you enjoy.
Seriously though, loved the comments
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2575827
You are welcome.
I tend to become like this when I read this kind of fiction.
Glad to see you enjoy my drama!
Good luck.
Interesting.
All of this occurred in but one location, yet much adventure was had.
Excellent work, dear Author, and if you wish, I await further releases.
2604730 There will be more. Oh yes there will. Glad you enjoyed the ending.
It was very entertaining!
2604755
You are welcome.
Good luck on.
2604993 Thanks.
*blinks* And we are supposed to believe this happens in the canon Equestria... why exactly? *notes a lack of 'Alt Universe' when this is clearly an extreme divergence.
Guns are not anywhere present in Equestria. This level of violence is nowhere in Equestria. This is not the same universe.
This 'resistance' seems... scatterbrained and implausible...
The entire story feels very jerky and disconnected, with most of the characters obviously receiving a severe blow from the Idiot Hammer while the villain suffers from a severe case of Xanatos Invulnerability (hyper-complex plan in which everything goes perfectly up until the point where he is supposed to be found out according to the plot). Case in point: His lucky shot in the next-to-last chapter, hitting a character directly in the heart.
It all feels very contrite, and overly melodramatic with the pointless poetry.
>>>"Please," she begged, "I didn't mean to. Please. No-No-N--" And with one shot she fell to the floor, silenced forever. The adult grimaced as a large pool of blood washed over their hooves. If only murder wasn't such a messy business, it would be far easier to go about one's duties. .....
A whistling could be heard coming down the path nearby. The killer panicked. They had to get out of here-- and quick. Thinking fast they pulled off their mask and coat and threw them behind a crate. They'd come and get them later. There was no time for them now.>>>
Unless that weapon has a silencer, which is not mentioned anywhere, the 'whistler' would have heard the gunshot. Guns are loud. And given the fact that there was a serial killer on the loose, the sound of a gunshot would be quite alarming.
There is also the little issue of the character Longshot...
You lie to your audience. He is more than just an unreliable narrator. He is a blatant contrived lie, meant to deliberately deceive the reader, as we are given a clear view into his thoughts. That can only work when the unreliable narrator has multiple personalities. Indeed, there are at least 4 unreliable narrators in this story.
That's rather bad form, you know.
Well, i liked it. ^^
2605982 Thanks. Glad some people enjoyed it
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Well played dear autor, you have my attention (and watch).
During the closing arc of the plot I believed that you were setting up a flat and dissappointing ending, but you zigged when i suspected a zag and ended up with quite a solid story. Bonus points for not pulling the whole last day on the force and the officer dies trope; it was there, shining brightly and hanging low, yet you played it as diversion rather than going for the bland obvious. Bravo good author, bravo.
If you do plan on doing some kind of follow up I would love to see more world building and fleshing out of what precisely the resistance is, though I would not fault you if you chose not to as the mystery does serve as an effective hook.
My opinions only of course, your milage and intent may vary.
2606240 I'll certainly consider doing something with the resistance. I'm glad you enjoyed the ending, and glad that it wasn't disappointing for you. It's nice to have some positive comments as well as negatives-- means I don't have to go cry in a corner because of poor writing abilities (which I have done before I will admit... My mind is my number one critic unfortunately). And thanks a lot for the follow, it really is appreciated. I'm having a hiatus from writing whilst my exams are on but hopefully after that there'll be some more tales coming this way
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Holy guacamole and rainbows on keyboards this is more than just AMAZING
NUUUUUUU CADENCE
Loved the story, nice unexpected ending thar.
I thought it was Scootaloo, but there kept being little scenes that made me believe that she killed nopony. Then, I could have sworn that you practically gave it away, Scootaloo obviously. That is of course until you give us something else making it seem like it was various members of the Rebellion. I never had a full guess. The ending surprised me, but it makes perfect sense when I look back. You really made me believe that it was Scootaloo, and then the Rebellion, but never did I believe that it was an officer! Great twist. Cool story with nice writing, but I found a few grammatical errors. I`m deciding whether or not I`m going to favorite. I`m definitely liking.
paradise on my left, hell on my right, and the angel of death behind
I still dont think its scoots
silver was scoots ally and not a loose end from what im seeing. i still dont think it is scoots
Ok who was killed and by who?! That was confusing. I got Big Mac, Doscord, Cadance, Twist, Rarity, and cheerilee, but the others I'm at a loss. It was a good story by the way, I was sure that it was Scoots!
Hi there. I have to say I really liked this story. It was very well written and I can only hope I can ever write something so deep andamazing. Tue story greatly messed with my head though XP. Good luck in your future endeavors and sorry for the crappy comment. I'm on my phone and dealing with auto-fuckup
4475381 Thanks for that. And don't worry about negative feelings towards your own work, I get that about everything I write as well. Just have to keep trucking on and grin your way through it.
I don't want to be rude, this is my opinion, disregard it if you want to.
First impressions are everything. an' you done f**ked up.
The description is cool, and so is the coverart, but you made it sound like the story was a post-appoptaliptic, epic future where Scoots is the only survivor.
this was clearly not the story you made. The impression I have so far is Scootaloo is acting like a winey bitch because her friends have moved on with their lives, and her parents are busy. And she's somehow taking it all out in a letter to Sweetie for some reason.
Take this with a grain of salt, however, because you may not be taking the story in such a direction. I will not know, I dare go no further.
5116153 It's okay. There's nothing wrong with honesty. I appreciate the comment none the less
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Wow. Scootaloo is really in love with her teenage angst.